Separation Anxiety
by phanfiction
Summary: Two girls living two very different lives discover that they are identical twins who were separated at birth. Lydia and Carmen now face the task of making up for 22 years they lost while discovering love facing obstacles no one could have seen coming. (Phan, Amazingphil/OC, Danisnotonfire/OC
1. 1directionsdildo

Lydia's POV

I walked into my apartment and stopped right when I closed the door. "What the fuck?" I spoke to myself like a crazy person.

The place had been a fucking disaster when I left and now it was spotless. There were no clothes hanging over the back of the couch which had been in an organized chaos only I could understand. There were no wine bottles sitting on my dining room table from the night before...and the night before that.

You get the picture.

My phone started ringing in my purse and I heard the familiar sound of the wicked witch of the west from the Wizard of Oz. "Oh yay. It's Mom," I said to myself as I sifted through the abyss that was my purse.

"Please tell me that you have something to do with the way my apartment looks right now?" I answered as I threw my bag onto the couch.

"Yes, sweetie. You may not live with us anymore but I refuse for you to live in a gross pit of despair."

I rolled my eyes and held my hand up to my head in the shape of a gun. "Seriously? I'm 22 years old, Mom."

"I don't rightly care, dear," she sighed. "So, how was your day?"

"Boring as balls."

"Lydia Morrison!" she scolded which made me laugh.

"Mom, calm your tits. You need a glass of wine."

She sighed loudly again. "Sometimes I wonder about you."

"Psh. You always wonder about me. So, did you clean the place or?"

"No. I've hired a housekeeper to come there once a week."

"Jesus on a boat, mother!" I squealed as I slammed my refrigerator door shut. "You didn't even ask me!"

"You're going to object to us paying for someone to clean your apartment? Seriously?"

Oh dammit. She had a point. "Fine," I groaned. "Is that why you called?"

"That's part of why I called," she replied sounding less like she wanted to slap me. "I also needed to know if you'll have a date this Saturday evening and if you've found a dress."

Fucking politicians and their stupid charity ball bullshit.  
Okay, charities are good but the ball part is annoying.

"No and no," I answered before taking a long sip of the wine I'd just poured myself. I swear I'm not an alcoholic even though I realize that's the second time I've mentioned it. "I'm sure I have a dress in my-"

"No!" she interrupted. "You can't wear the same thing twice and you know it. There will be photographers."

"Shoot me in the face," I grumbled. "I'll go look for one tomorrow."

"Promise?"

"I promise," I sighed. "What's dear old Dad up to?"

"Having a glass of brandy and watching Criminal Minds."

I laughed. My Dad did have cool moments. "Nice. Okay, well I'm going to go find something to stuff my face with."

"Very lady-like, Lydia," she laughed. My behavior should've been expected by that point. "Please don't forget about the dress. I'll call you tomorrow."

"I won't. Love you."

"Love you too."

I hung up and did the 'jacking off' motion with one hand while bringing my glass of wine up to my lips with the other.

I guess I should explain a few things. Obviously, my name is Lydia Morrison and I am 22 years old. My father is a very well known and respected politician named Richard Morrison. I like to call him Dick. He does not like that.

My mother is the perfect politician's wife. Mary Alice Morrison. Her name is ridiculous, right? I always secretly loved it though. She sounds like one of those wives from a show in the 50's. She acts like one too. The poor woman has been trying for 22 years to turn me into a respectable woman. The only progress she's made is being able to tell people I'm in the top of my class at Harvard and working at one of the biggest law firms in the city.

My life kind of makes me want to shank myself with a double sided dildo.

I know that sounds insane. I mean, I know I've got it made. I live in an apartment that's paid for because my father owns the whole damn building. I drive a BMW that is paid for. I get to keep all of the money I make at my job for whatever I want.

So yes, I do have it made. But that's all materialistic bullshit.

When you fell off your bike as a kid, did your Mom or Dad run to help you up and make you feel better? Probably. My nanny did that. I was not 'raised' by my mother and father. I was raised by the help.

I probably sound like a spoiled little rich kid who is angsty for shits and giggles but I'm not. I just have no real relationships in my life to speak of unless you count my love for the fish in my aquarium.

I think that what makes it all a little bit worse is the fact that I'm not really theirs in the first place. I was adopted.

The adoption was a closed adoption so I have no clue of why I look the way I do, sound the way I do, or am the way I am. It's always in the back of my mind though.

I'll always hold the firm belief that I was adopted to boost my father's reputation.  
I couldn't help but wonder what my life would've been like had my biological Mom not given me up. Would I have been different? Would I be happier? Would I be a social butterfly or some shit like that? Did I have any siblings? Who knows?

I had a few friends from school but it's not like I had time for any of them. I was in my last year of law school and working full time. I barely had time to masturbate.

But on that particular day I had managed to get off work early and I planned on drinking wine, stuffing my face, and lurking around on the internet like a normal 22 year old.

After showering, changing into my pajamas, and turning off my cell phone I hopped onto my couch with a frozen pizza I'd popped into the oven before my shower. I didn't even bother getting a plate and putting a few slices on it. I got the whole thing cause I was serious about stuffing my face.

A couple of hours later I was very deep into Youtube and I had devoured over half of the pizza. The lovely wine I was drinking had also given me a wonderful buzz.

"Ooo! Time for some danisnotonfire," I said to myself in a creepy sexual predator sort of way.

I was a bit of a Youtube addict but it was hard to keep up with all of the people I was subscribed to because I was always working. Stupid serious business mess.

I was about 5 videos behind and of course I watched through all of them because I had a lady boner for that dude the size of Texas. There was something about british people. I was addicted to them. I think 90% of my subscription list was made up of people from England.

I tried very hard to move there but the parentals weren't having it. They needed to show off their trophy child!

By the time I made it back to the Youtube homepage, I was excited to see that Dan had just uploaded a video. Perfect timing much?

The title of the video was CallmeDan which instantly made me curious because I had no idea of what it would be about.

I pressed play and of course he was looking like a vision of british man sexiness. "Hello internet!" he waved. "Today I-" his sentence was interrupted by someone rolling behind him, spinning, on a computer chair.

"And a wild CallmeCarmen appeared!" he laughed as he scooted to the side to allow the person he was talking about to sit next to him.

She rolled into frame...and I spit my sip of wine all over the laptop.

"Holy fuck!" I screamed while lunging towards the laptop screen. I used the sleeve of my shirt to wipe off the droplets of red wine I'd just decorated the screen with. "No fucking way," I shook my head. There was no way that I'd had enough wine to make me hallucinate.

He was doing the video with ME.  
Well, not me, obviously. But this chick. She looked like me.  
She looked exactly like me.

My heart was pounding so hard I seriously wondered if I was going to have a heart attack.

"No, no, there's no way," I shook my head as I frantically searched through the info on his video to find a link to any of her accounts.

I found her Youtube account and immediately clicked on it. It probably took 2 seconds for her page to load but it felt like 9 years.

And there she was again.  
She still looked exactly like me in all of the video thumbnails.  
It was like someone had stolen my face.

I looked at the title of the most recent video she'd posted which was  
THIS HOUSE IS A FUCKING PRISON  
That was a Step Brothers reference which scared me even more because that was one of my favorite movies.

With a shaky hand I clicked play and began watching and listening to her, completely in shock at this point. She was just like me apart form the accent.

Her video was about going home to visit her family and how her parents were trying to rule her life and driving her mad. It was freaky. I was completely freaked out.

I swear I think I replayed that video 20 times before I finally snapped out of it and realized I had to actually figure this shit out.

I knew what I thought but it sounded so insane. It sounded like some Lifetime movie bullshit.

I managed to finally make myself get off of the couch and go get my phone so I could call my Mom. It was nearly midnight but I didn't care.

"Lydia?" she answered already sounding worried. I never called that late. "Are you okay?"

"Mom?" I managed to force myself to say that but it took several seconds to push out the next few words. "Do I have a twin?"

Carmen's POV 

The first thing I saw when I opened my eyes were another pair of eyes staring at me. I gasped, flailed and fell sideways off of the couch I had been sleeping on and landed on the floor with a loud thud.

"Ow," I grumbled as I sat up.

I felt around the floor for my glasses. Once I had them on and I could actually bloody see, I saw that my friend Dan was laying on his side holding a Playstation controller, laughing.

"Oh bloody hell, you're such an easy target," he sighed as he sat up. "You also snore, did you know that?"

"No I don't. And everyone is easy to scare when they wake up with someone staring at them like a fucking creep," I laughed groggily, rubbing my eyes under my glasses.

"You were peeling the paint off of the walls. Oh, and your phone has been going off for over an hour," he informed me as he got up off of the floor and moved to sit on the couch where I had been laying.

Dan and I had been up into the wee morning hours editing the first CallmeDan video that we had recorded the day before, so I had decided to just stay there so I wouldn't have to chance walking the streets of London alone in the dark.

Yeah, I make Youtube videos. They're not all proper like his though. Most of them are Vlogs about the misfortune that is my existence.

Anyways, we'd probably gone to bed at around six that morning; only after consuming two bottles of wine and eating so much food that I still felt bloated.

Note to self: don't stay with Dan anymore.

Actually, I'd made that mental note ages ago and I'd never abided to it.

I grabbed my phone and saw that it was half one and immediately started to kick myself in the ass for not setting an alarm so I'd get up at a decent hour.

I had 10 missed calls 10 new voice messages, 8 text messages, all of which were from my Mum - a slew of emails, so many Twitter alerts that I wasn't even going to attempt to count them, and a very low battery;

I sent my Mum a text to let her know that I hadn't died a tragic death and that I would call her once I got home. I'm actually not sure if it sent or not, because my phone shut off right after I hit send.

I've got very protective parents.

"Ugh," I groaned. "May I borrow your charger?" I asked Dan as I pushed myself off of the floor.

He didn't reply.  
Because he was too busy being engulfed in Skyrim.

"Okay, well I'll just be finding it then," I told him, waiting a few seconds to see if he would acknowledge me.  
He didn't.

I walked out of the lounge and down the hall where his bedroom was and came face to.. chest with a shirtless and sleepy looking Phil.

"Uh.." I laughed as I moved to my left and he moved to his right, and then I moved to my right and he moved to his left.

It looked like we were trying to dance or something.

After a few seconds -that felt more like minutes- of that, I eventually put my back against the wall, let out another awkward laugh and he walked around me.

Five years after high school and he still didn't know I existed; even when I was standing right bloody in front of him.

Yeah, I went to highschool with him.  
No, we weren't friends.  
We still aren't.

I'll let you in on a little secret though. I've got a massive crush on him. So much that anytime I'm around him I'm reduced to mouth breathing and 'Uhhh-ing' at him.

Which is really unfortunate, because I am really chatty in general. I can talk to anyone.

Except for him.

But then again... He usually avoids me when I come over.

I don't think that he likes me very much.

I watched him walk into the bathroom then continued down the hall to Dan's bedroom to put my phone on the charge. His laptop was laying open on his bed so I took it upon myself to use it to check my Twitter account, since it would take my phone at least five years to turn back on.

I had loads of new followers, a bunch of tweets from random people complimenting the CallmeDan video, a handful asking if Dan and I were together, and then a bunch from the same person. Some girl named Lydia.

**Lydia Morrison (Lydiasboobs) this is going to sound batshit crazy but i desperately NEED you to tweet me back or DM me. **

**Lydia Morrison (Lydiasboobs) SERIOUSLY. IMPORTANT. SERIOUS BUSINESS.**

**Lydia Morrison (Lydiasboobs) OH FOR FUCKSAKES DUDE I AM NOT A 12 YR OLD WACKING IT TO U. THIS IS IMPORTANT**

**Lydia Morrison (Lydiasboobs) ****LOOK AT MY FUCKING DISPLAY PHOTO**

**Lydia Morrison (Lydiasboobs) CallmeYOURFUCKINGIDENTICALTW IN. TWEET ME BACK! **

Those were only a few of many.

Okay, so I had gotten the weird Tweet or two since starting this whole Youtube thing, but this takes the cake for the oddest shit I'd ever been sent.

I went to the girl's Twitter page to see that it was some American girl from Massachusetts who had obviously jacked one of my pictures, claiming that we were 'identical twins.'

I suppose she just wanted to catch my attention. Which she had, so I decided to tweet her back.

**Hey, thanks for the creative effort to get my attention! It worked. You don't have to spam me anymore :) **

About two minutes later, while skimming through the tweets that weren't from that girl I got another alert on my account so I clicked on it to check it.

It was her again.

**Lydia Morrison (Lydiasboobs) I REALLY AM YOUR TWIN! Why don't you believe me?! **

I didn't reply. Instead, I opened a new tab and went to check my Tumblr.

I had new followers; one of which was **Lydias-boobs**

"Oh fuck me!" I laughed. It seemed as though I had gotten my first stalker.

There were loads of messages in my inbox and I had a creeping suspicion that most of them were from her.

And they were.

They were all as same as the tweets she had sent me and then some.

I felt like a bit of a twat ignoring them, because I always answered the messages people sent me. Even the mean and weird ones.  
I clicked back onto the tab that had my Twitter page open to see that I had a few more Tweets - and yet another one was from Lydia.

**Lydia Morrison (Lydiasboobs) I MADE A VIDEO TO PROVE IT! WATCH IT! **

"I'm sure you did," I talked to myself like I always did. I logged out of twitter and then out of tumblr before closing the laptop and moving off of the bed to grab my phone.

When I made my way back into the lounge I saw that Dan was standing by the telly holding a Guitar Hero controller and Phil was sitting on the couch with a bowl of cereal, staring down at his computer.

"You ready to get your ass kicked?" Dan asked as he held the controller up.

"As tempting as that sounds I should probably get going. Thanks for the offer though," I laughed.

"You two suck," he scoffed, looking from me to Phil and back again before turning around to face the telly. "Are you coming back later?" he asked.

Phil looked up from his computer and glanced at me as he chewed.

"Uhh.. maybe," I shrugged, looking from Phil to Dan. I couldn't help but feel like he didn't want me to. "I'll text you and let you know."

-

My flat was only a few blocks down from Dan's so it didn't take me long to get there.

When I opened the door and stepped inside a big ball of fur lunged at me, attacking me with kisses and I fell to the ground cuddling it.

"Oh Juneau did you miss your mum? Awww, my baby. I missed you too. Yes I did. Yes. Yessssss, Awwww. I'm sorry for leaving you. I won't do it again." I baby talked as I nuzzled my face against Juneau's.

Oh, Juneau is my husky, by the way.  
My male husky.  
I figured I should clarify, because most people assume he's a girl by his name.

He moved out of my grasp and went straight to the door and started barking.

"Aww, your little bladder is probably about to explode! Hang on baby, let me get your leash!" I continued baby-talking as I moved over to the wall to grab his leash. I hooked it on his collar and took him outside.

'Is this the real life, is this just fantasy? Caught in a landslide, no escape from reality' - my phone started ringing.

It was my mum.

"Open your eyes, look up to the skies and seeee," I sang along with my ringtone.

"I'm just a poor boy, I need no sympathy," I continued singing even after I'd answered.

"Oh, Calliope, darling, how many times must I remind you that you're a girl?" she laughed.

"I'm guessing as many times as I'm going to have to remind you to call me Carmen, Mum," I responded. "To what do I owe the pleasure of this phone call?"

"I was ringing you to check on you. I've been trying to reach you all morning. I was worried sick."

I laughed and rolled my eyes. "I sent you a text earlier telling you that I hadn't been mugged, murdered or molested."

"That's no laughing matter, Calliope! I hate that you're so far away. London is dangerous, and I never got a text message. Were you sleeping all day again? Darling, I've told you hundreds of times how horrible that is for you! Were you out drinking?"

I crossed my eyes. This woman was going to drive me mental.

"Not all day. I got up at half one," I sighed. "I may have had some wine. Don't worry, I was in a safe environment."

"Were you having sex?" she asked me.

"I wish," I laughed.

"Calliope!" she gasped.

"I'm joking, Mum," I sighed again. "I was editing a video with a friend of mine," I explained. "Everything was fine."

"You need to get on a better sleep schedule, darling. Speaking of your videos, have you given anymore thought about going back to university next fall?"

How did I know she was going to bring that up? Oh, because she _always _found a way to interject that into our conversations.

I cleared my throat. "No."

Silence.

"Have you eaten anything today? You're looking too thin these days."

I guess I should mention that my Mother is a doctor. That's why she's so obsessed with my sleeping and eating habits.

"Not yet. I'm taking Juneau for a walk so he can sh-"

"Okay, that's enough of that," she interrupted me.

"How's dad doing?" I asked before she could interrogate me further.

"Fine. I'm surprised you can't hear him playing."

She got quiet and I focused very hard; I could hear music playing faintly in the background which made me smile.

My Dad is pretty much the complete opposite of my Mum. He's really laid back and into art and music. He can play any instrument you put in front of him. Probably because he teaches music at the uni back home.

"Tell him I love him, yeah?" I spoke up after listening to him play.

"Of course," she responded. I heard what sounded like ice clinking together very close to the phone before she spoke again. "So when are you coming home to visit again?"

"Mum, I was literally there last week."

It was horrid. I actually made a video about it. Anytime that I'm at home my Mum force feeds me, pressures me about uni, constantly stays on my bum about going to sleep before midnight, lectures me about how staring at my computer screen is bad for my already crap vision, tells me not to kiss Juneau, asks me about my bowel movements and periods and loads of other really awkward things.

Yes, I realize that's motherly love and she has my best interest at heart. But she's so controlling. I feel like a puppet or something when I'm around her.

"Well it's not like you're doing anything else. How about I put the money into your account for a train ticket just incase?"

"Mum, that's really not necessary. I-"

"It's already done. I'll see you Friday?"

"No, I-"

"Oh, your father is calling me, I'll see you soon darling."

The line went silent.

"Ughhhhhhh," I looked down at Juneau, who was looking up at me with his head tilted. "I don't wanna gooooo," I whined.

He probably didn't want to either. Mum made him sleep outside.  
Well, until I snuck him back in after she went to sleep.

Juneau let out a whimper.

I told you he didn't want to go.

"Grammy is mean to you isn't she? Aww, yes she is. I know. Maybe uncle Dan will baby sit you," I cooed and rubbed the top of his head. "C'mon, let's go stuff our faces with junk food and stare at the computer screen and do other things that make her skin crawl."

Lydia's POV

"Fuck!" I slammed my hand down on the dining room counter when I checked my Twitter to see that I'd gotten nothing but a bunch of replies from Carmen's little followers.

I had not slept at all and I had a class in 30 minutes.

"Nope," I said to myself after looking down at the time. There was no way I could focus in class when this shit was going on.

The Wicked Witch of the West's laughter filled my house again and I hit the 'fuck you' button on my phone. I had nothing to say to my mother at the moment or my father.

I had never been so disgusted, betrayed or hurt.

I ran my fingers through my hair and sighed as I replayed what Mom had said to me on the phone the night before.

"We didn't want any trouble with the other family so we never told you. Your sister was adopted the same day as you. Your biological mother didn't care if you were separated. I didn't want them to take her. I wanted to take her but I couldn't. I never thought you'd find out."

She never had any intentions of telling me that I had a sister who was not just my sister but my identical twin. Who the fuck does that?

When the fuck did my life turn into a Lifetime movie?

I checked my Twitter application on my phone for the 500th time that hour. People replying actually thought I was Carmen but I was just trolling everyone by changing the accent.

Seriously, people? I was in a crisis. I needed to talk to this girl. She needed to know I fucking existed.

Whoa. Whoa.  
Whoa.

Hold the fucking phone.

Is that-

**Dan Howell (danisnotonfire) - Epic trolling, Carmen. I'm actually proud. **

"What?!" I screamed, staring at my phone. "Even he thinks I'm- Oh Jesus on a boat."

I walked back into the living room and fell down on the couch quite dramatically because I was feeling dramatic. I had so many emotions going at once. Sadness, anger, happiness.

I mean, this was some crazy shit but to know that I actually had a twin was amazing.

But what if she hated me? What if she wanted nothing to do with me?

-Knock Knock Knock-

"Fuck me gently with a chainsaw," I groaned as I pulled myself up from the couch. I knew who would be behind the door and I knew she had a key so there was no point in not letting her in.

I unlocked the door and opened it to see my Mom looking like a 2012 version of Jackie O. I had to give it to the woman, she was gorgeous and knew how to dress.

"You look-"

"Don't." I held my hand up as I walked away from the door and towards my living room. She sighed loudly and I heard her heels clicking along the wood floor as she followed behind me.

I fell onto the couch dramatically again as she sat down and crossed her legs like a proper lady. She pulled off her shades and tilted her head as she looked at me.

"I understand that you are very upset with me right now. I put myself in your shoes and-" she shook her head, "I can't even imagine."

"You didn't think of this before?" I asked. "This hasn't crossed your mind over the past 22 years?"

"Of course it has, darling. But, how does one go about telling someone that?"

I rolled my eyes. "Uh, how about OH guess what. You have a fucking twin sister out there somewhere!" I yelled the last part as I slung my phone over onto the other section of my couch. "I'm so-" I stood up as I ran my fingers through my hair. "For years and years I begged you for a sibling. I wanted a sister so badly and you said you and Dad didn't want to adopt again and that I was enough."

"Because you were!" she defended. "You're so full of life, Lydia! I've always been in awe of you."

"Don't kiss my ass to get me to be okay with this." I could feel the tears starting to burn my eyes and my lip starting to quiver. "My sister, Mom. She's my sister and I've missed everything I could have had with her in 22 years. We could have at least been able to visit one another and talk on the phone. I needed someone so badly so many times and-"

"You had me." She sounded hurt.

"No. I didn't," I shook my head and spoke with a softer voice. "Let's just be very honest here. You know that I didn't."

She looked down at her hands for a few seconds leaving us in a very uncomfortable silence. "There's a lot of things I would do differently but I'm here for you now and I can't go back and change how I treated you growing up."

She was right about that. For the past few years she had been taking part in my life a lot more but her absence from my childhood even though we were sleeping in the same home left a big scar and scars might fade but usually they're there forever.

"I feel like a fucking mess," I told her as I wiped the tears that had managed to escape. "I'm trying to get in contact with her but she won't answer me. She probably thinks I'm nuts."

I could tell by how she looked at me that she didn't want me trying to talk to Carmen. She didn't have to say a word. I think she knew better not to.

"I came to apologize to you, Lydia," she said as she stood up. "I truly am sorry. I should've told you." She walked over to me and cupped my cheeks with her hands. "My beautiful, beautiful Lydia," she smiled, tears rimming her eyes. "I never meant to hurt you."

"I know Mom," I sighed before wrapping my arms around her and hugging her. "Sorry for being an asshole."

"Please, don't say asshole," she said as she pulled back.

"You just said it," I smirked and she rolled her eyes.

"I have something to give you," she said as she opened the clutch she'd been holding. She reached into it and pulled out an obviously rather old photograph. "It's not much but it's all I have," she said as she handed it to me.

I took it from her and looked down to see two babies lying side by side in one of those hospital cribs. They were wrapped in pink blankets with pink little hats on but what really caught my eye was how they each had their heads turned and were staring at each other.

I felt like someone punched me in the stomach.

"I took that right before the other family took your sister," she informed me. "I cried and cried. I hated separating you two. I felt like you'd end up feeling like part of yourself was missing or something, I don't know," she shrugged. "Every time they separated you two you'd both just scream your heads off and you were constantly staring at each other. It was bizarre to see newborns doing that."

I was in sort of a trance as I listened to her. None of this seemed real at all.

"Thanks Mom," I said softly as I looked up and smiled at her.

She left a little while after that and I was left to sit on my couch and stare at the photo like it had the answers to all of my questions.

What was Carmen like? Was her family awesome or shitty? Did she get annoyed super easily like I did? Did she fall asleep lying on her right side or left?

Random, stupid things that normal people wouldn't want to know.

I checked Twitter again. Since Dan tweeted me I had been bombarded with replies but one really stood out.

**!Lisa! (1directionsdildo) - If u r srs then u shud go 2 London n prove urself. thts wut i wud do**

Okay, that person had the worst fucking grammar and typing skills I'd ever seen in my life but they had a very good point.

There were rare moments when I got to take advantage of the fact that I did have enough money to pretty much just leave and go where I wanted. I figured that needed to be one of those moments.

Half an hour later I was in my room running around like a mad woman packing my bags for a flight that left in 3 hours.

Waking up in a different place than your own home and not knowing where the fuck you are has got to be one of the scariest things ever.

That's what happened to me when I woke up in my hotel in London after being awake during the entire flight and pretty much being a zombie all the way to the hotel. I hardly remembered any of it. I hoped I managed to even get all of my luggage.

I had arrived in London at around 7 am. I'm not sure of what time I actually ended up in bed but when I woke up it was 4 o'clock in the afternoon there. I was still 6 hours behind in my head though.

As I lay there I started wondering if it was a good idea to come. I mean, there was a chance that she might not want to see me. Hell, I didn't even know if I could manage to get her to speak to me.

Beyond that, if I could actually manage to find her. London was a big city. I had no idea where she lived and I knew it wasn't going to be as easy as just looking her up in the phone book.

Although, I did try that.

There were three Carmen Kensingtons in the white pages. Two of the numbers was disconnected and the other one wasn't her. Unless she was married and had two children that I didn't know about.

Not that I knew anything about her. Other than the fact that she was my identical twin.  
I clung to that.  
I was going to find her.  
I had to find her.

After going to use the restroom and curing the horrible taste in my mouth by brushing my teeth, I picked up my phone to check my twitter.

My heart nearly fell out of my asshole. I had tons of new followers because of this mess but one of my newest was Dan and I was even more shocked to see that he had sent me a DM.

**Dan Howell - Carmen! I cannot find you D': but you seem to be getting on here so i wanted to tell you that i will be at that starbucks down by the vintage t-shirt place we always go to for a long time today because our net is down and i'm uploading. come by and see me if you get a chance. **

Ugh! They still thought I was trolling. Seriously? What the fuck did I have to do to make them get that I was a separate person and where the hell was Carmen? She hadn't updated her Twitter in over 24 hours.

"I'm a fucking stalker," I sighed as I sat down on the bed and looked at the message again.

Finally, my dumbass saw the opportunity I had. Dan just told me where he was. All I had to do was some google searching, get the address and go there.

Fucking shit! Why didn't realize that when I read the damn text?

I was in crazy woman mode again. I took the quickest shower of my life, managed to braid my hair into some sort of cuteness, threw on make up, and put on a decent looking outfit in less than an hour.

By the time I stepped out of the lobby, my heart was near the point of explosion. My stomach was near the point of eating itself.

Thankfully I had been to London on several occasions in my life so I wasn't completely lost. I had to get on the tube to get to the street I needed to be on. It was strange being there all alone. I'd never been out of the country alone.

It didn't hit me that I was about to meet Dan, someone I'd obsessed over and whose face was the wallpaper of my iPhone at that very moment. I knew he was normal. He was a human being just like me.

But he was a very sexy human being that I'd crushed on from afar for quite some time and my hormones were pretty stoked.

I got that heart falling out of your butthole sensation when I rounded a corner and saw the Starbuck's sign. I looked across the street and the vintage t-shirt shop was there as well.

I stood there on the sidewalk for people to have to dodge me for a good 2 minutes. I wasn't sure of what the fuck I was going to say. How would I approach him?

I didn't bother peeking in as I finally walked by the building. I was scared I would spot him and panic.

I walked in and the place was really, really busy. I'm also really, really short so this was not an advantage for me. I looked around but didn't see Dan anywhere yet so I got in line to order a drink and probably 10 muffins.

Not really but I was pretty damn hungry.

You know that weird feeling you get when someone is watching you? I had that feeling - but I brushed it off, assuming it was just my nerves getting the better of me. I mean I was about to have a casual run in with Dan Howell that would lead me too my long-lost twin sister. How could my nerves not be completely fucked?

However, I felt something touch the side of my neck and I looked over to see a pair of very familiar brown eyes about a half an inch away from mine.

I screamed, flailed my arms and jumped back taking in the sight of what was Dan Howell laughing at me like he'd just seen the funniest thing ever.

"It never gets old!" he laughed loudly, holding his stomach. "Bloody hell. You are so jumpy. And you know, I appreciate you returning all of the texts I sent you. I wasn't worried that you might have gotten kidnapped by Slenderman or anything," he rolled his eyes. Then his face started to scrunch up and he looked a bit confused. It was probably because of the way I was looking at him. "You didn't piss yourself again, did you?"

"I almost did!" I said as I put my hand over my heart which was pounding like crazy. "Holy shit," I exhaled slowly to try to steady myself. "Listen, Dan. I'm not Carmen." I decided to just be blunt about it. Surely we weren't _that _identical. Could she be that good at an American accent?

He was looking at me like I was stupid. I mean seriously, he had the most unamused look on his face. "Riiiiiight," he rolled his eyes. "You're that troll person you made up. What was her? Lydia?" he folded his arms. "Kudos to you for that, by the way. I never thought to to troll the phans by making a fake twitter account pretending to be my own identical twin. Where the hell did you even come up with that idea? It's impressive," he laughed.

Oh fuck. Of course this was going to be difficult. "I know that this sounds crazy but I really am Lydia. My name is Lydia Morrison." I was talking with my hands like that would convince him or something. "I was watching your video and saw Carmen. I'm adopted and I had an identical twin, obviously," I explained. "If you look, my tweets go back for a pretty long time. I doubt a troll would do that."

Dan still didn't look like he was buying it. "That's a convincing story," he said sarcastically. "If this is some kind of role-play acting technique I guess I can go along with it," he shrugged. "Your American accent is well good, by the way. Oh, look," he leaned in and pulled my ear forward. "You even have the same heart shaped blotch behind your ear like Carmen. That's crazy. Do you also have an epipen too incase you ingest some nuts? I bet you do," he smiled, nodded and pointed at me. "Did you check your tag on tumblr today? We're totally being shipped. We're Cardan. Oh, and your little video post had cause quite an uproar too," he commented. It was obvious that he didn't believe a word of what I had said to him.

While he was talking and I was becoming more annoyed that I couldn't convince him of who I was, an idea hit me that should have hit me the day before. I grabbed his arm and pulled him out of the line even though my stomach was begging for a muffin.

"I'll prove it," I said as I sat my bag down on the table. I began sifting through all the random shit I had in there until I finally found my wallet. I opened it and pulled out my license, my school ID card and my social security card before laying them all out on the table in front of him. "Tell me, would I have all of these if I were Carmen?" I asked.

Dan picked them up off of the table and studied each of them, glancing up at me in the process. The cute little smirk that had been on his lips fell and he looked absolutely mind boggled. "Yeah... probably not," he concluded as he looked back down at me and offered all of my identification cards. He held his index finger up and then fell backwards onto one of the chairs. "I need a second," he told me, then stared at the ground for a few seconds. "Okay," he looked back at me and shook his head. "Nope, still can't process it. Is this real life? You can't-" he stopped himself and looked like he was thinking. "So let me get this straight. You're adopted, and you're not Carmen but you look just like her so that makes you her twin. Well, not just twin, her bloody identical twin... Does she know about you?"

I sighed loudly as I sat down on the chair across from him. "No. I don't think so, anyway. Unless she has decided to pay attention to all of my tweets or watch the video I made for her." I propped my chin on my hand. "I am still processing it all myself. I can't believe this is even happening to me."

"I can't believe it either and it's not even happening to me," he said. The look on his face and the sound of his voice made it very obvious to how freaked out he was. "You look just bloody like her too," he shook his head. "I mean, you probably already knew that, obviously but it's so weird. And you even have that blotch," he rubbed his finger against his neck, right behind his ear where my birthmark was. "Jesus on a unicycle," he held his hands up. "I am 500% done with this," he laughed. "But that worries me, because I haven't heard from her since she left my flat the other day and it's not like her to just disappear. Especially not from the internet." He told me as he started reaching into his pockets, pulling his phone out a few seconds later. "It's so weird, she never told me she was adopted," he added as he started messing with the screen.  
That whole heart falling out of your butthole feeling happened again. One of the things I had thought about was the fact that she might not know she was adopted. Who was I to open that fucked up cap of worms for her? Was it worth it?

"What if she doesn't know?" I asked. "That's something I've been thinking about. I don't know if-" I sighed loudly and leaned back in my chair, "who am I to end up revealing something like that for her if it's true? Is it worth it?"

Why the hell was I sitting there talking to Dan like he was my therapist.

Jesus, he was so much more attractive in person. I couldn't stop staring at him. At least he was actually speaking with me so it wasn't creepy that I was staring at him but he was staring at me too because I was freaking him out so, we were even.

"I don't know what to do," I shrugged. "I don't want to like ruin her life or something."

He stopped whatever he was doing and sat his phone down on the table then held his hands up and took in a deep breath. "Okay, so, I'm just going to be completely honest with you and say that chances are, she has no clue about it," he told me, which didn't make me feel any better. "But, I do know Carmen kind of well, and I think she would want to know, so I think you should tell her. I mean, I would want to know. How bloody cool would it be to have an identical twin?" he got an excited look on his face. "I'm going to get deep for a second so try not to drown here - but I think her not knowing might screw her up more, you know? And she will eventually see that video if she hasn't already."

"Oh, Jesus on a boat. What have I done?" I groaned as I leaned forward and laid my head on the table before bumping my forehead against it a few times. "Too. Complicated. Cannot. Compute."

"Did you just say Jesus on a boat?" he started laughing quite loudly. "Oh Christ... Wow, I'm sorry, I literally just realized that I never even introduced myself. I guess I feel like I already know you. I'm Dan," he laughed again. "Hey.." he leaned forward and rested his chin against the table. I could feel how close his face was to my head without even looking. "Do you want to meet her? I know where she lives," he offered. "I know you probably feel like.. I can't even think of something witty to compare this to, but whatever it is, I'm sure that's how you feel... And, hey, maybe it's some kind of freak coincidence?" he suggested. "Maybe you're her doppelganger."

I lifted my face so that my chin was propped on the table and our faces were only inches apart. We were so close I could smell his minty breath. Not good for those hormones I mentioned earlier. "You've already helped more than you know. I've kind of had to suffer in silence apart from flipping out on my mother since I found out," I laughed. "And I would say that the doppelganger thing could happen. I mean, it happened to Elena on The Vampire Diaries but-" I shrugged, "I'm thinking that since my Mom confirmed I have a twin and I have a photo of us in the hospital together as babies that it's true."

"Then let me help you a little more," he said quietly, seriously. I didn't know Dan, but something told me that he didn't have many serious moments like that in his life. The way he was looking at me.. horrible for my hormones. That's all I'm going to say.  
"She literally lives around the corner. Literally," he laughed.

I love the way he says 'literally.'

Around the corner, though?

"Like, around the corner?" I pointed out the window and took a deep breath as I nodded. "I think I needed medication for this," I said as I sat upright and held my face in my hands. I was freaking the fuck out inside and it probably showed by the look on my face. Part of me still thought I would wake up any second.

"Well, if I'm going to do this I might as well do it now, right?"  
write is your biffl


	2. My Whole Life Is a Lie

Carmen's POV 

"Oh, hey guys. What the fuck is up?" I spoke to my camera as I stumbled around my flat. "It's CallmeCarmen, but you might want to CallmeDrunk!" I laughed. "Just kidding. I'm not that drunk, but I'm working on my third glass of wine. Why? Let me tell you why," I smiled.

"First, I drop my bloody phone into my chamber pot!" I laughed again, even though there was absolutely nothing funny about that. "For those of you who don't know what that is, it's an old school toilet from like, shit I don't know right now - but the point is, I dropped my phone into the Chamber of Secrets."

I was in my bathroom now, spinning around in a circle.

"That's lovely, isn't it?" I turned the camera around and focused it on the toilet before turning it back around on myself. "Oh wait, it gets better!" I informed my future audience before taking another long swig from the wineglass I was holding. "But doesn't it always? My existence is just fucking fantastic!"

I walked out of the bathroom and nearly tripped over Juneau who was planking in the middle of the hallway.

"Rooster cock!" I squealed, dropping my wineglass as I flailed my arm out to steady myself. The red liquid inside of it fell all over the floor and guess what? I didn't give a single fuck.

"Ju-Ju, let's tell everyone what you did to my internet today!" I cooed, squatting down beside him. "Aww, isn't he precious? He is so precious, yes, yeeeeeees," I patted his head, smiling before letting a very serious expression fall over my face. "A precious ballsack licker, that's what he is. He chewed my internet cable up. I repeat, he used my fucking INTERNET CABLE as a CHEW TOY," I said dramatically as I stood up then walked over to the table where my wireless router and all of my internet wires were tied together.

"Do you guys see that?" I zoomed the camera in on the chewed up wire. "Do you seeeee that shiiiiit," I turned the camera back around on myself and I let my head fall back. "What is my life?"

"Seriously. Okay listen. I don't have my phone, so I can't call my internet company, and I don't have the internet, so I can't order a new phone!" I laughed. "Oh, shit. I need more wine," I announced, but instead of going to retrieve my cup, or get a new one, I picked up the bottle and took a drink from it.

"So, why didn't I just go to the Apple store, you ask? Well it's half eight and they're closed! So now I'm stuck in my apartment doing fuck all, with the ball licker who chewed up my only lifeline. I think everyone should just take a moment to appreciate the fact that you're not me right now."

I sat there in silence for a few seconds.

"I'm probably never going to upload this," I shook my head. "Well I might. Because it may make you guys feel better. Anyways, I'm going to go... Drink more wine! Cheers," I waved my hand once and then turned the camera off.

I sighed loudly as I sat it down on the table and looked to my right to see Juneau sitting beside me on the floor looking pathetic.

"Aww, I'm sorry for telling the internet that you lick your balls, but seriously, why, why did you chew up mummy's internet cable?" I whined.

He rested his head on my leg and I patted it again. "It's okay. I still love you. But you're totally sleeping on the couch tonight," I laughed at myself.

You know how people are always like 'I'm marrying my cat?'  
I'm marrying my dog.

I grabbed the bottle of wine off of the table and walked over to the couch and sat down on the arm as I scanned the room for some sort of entertainment. I could play something. I've got a piano and a guitar. I'm shit at guitar, but I could still play around with it. I mean I've got a good buzz, it might actually sound decent to me at this point.

Just as I stood up from where I had been sitting, because I had decided to give my piano a go, but I heard a faint knock at the door.

That was probably my Mum coming to make sure I wasn't dead, because if she doesn't talk to me in ten minute intervals she starts to freak out.

Though, much to my surprise, when I looked through the peephole, I saw Dan standing on the other side of it.

I opened the door and tilted my head as I looked at him. "I have never been so happy to see you. Please, save me from my fucking boredom. I am about to go insane," I told him as I opened the door a little wider for him to come in.

He didn't look too amused. He actually had this really serious look on his face that made my heart sink a little.

I'm not sure why, but my mind instantly went to Phil and the fact that something might have happened to him.

Not that Dan knew about how I felt, but you know.

"What's wrong with you?" I asked as I shut the door. "You look like you need some of this," I held the bottle up that I was still carrying.

Dan sighed and shook his head. "Nothing is wrong, just.. you need to sit down, okay?" he told me, putting his hand on my back, urging me towards the couch.

"Nothing is wrong, but I need to sit down?" I cocked a brow at him. "Seriously, what the fuck happened?" I asked as I took a seat on the couch.

Dan sat down beside me and sighed again. "I don't know how to tell you this, because, it's not my place to tell you, but I consider you to be a really good friend, so I'm going to tell you.."

"Phil has a girlfriend?"

"What?"

"What?" I repeated him, shifting my eyes.

"How drunk are you?" he asked.

I shook my head. "I'm not, I was kidding.. What are you on about?" I cleared my throat.

Dan took in a deep breath. "Okay, you know that girl who was tweeting you claiming to be your identical twin?" he asked me.

I was too busy thanking God that he ignored what I said about Phil to really care about the girl he was talking about.

"Lydiasboobs?" I laughed. "What about her?"

"I.. I met her today," he told me.

I just stared at him, blinking. "On twitter? Did she spam you too? I'm sorry. She probably has a crush on you or something, you know how-"

"No, in real life, Carmen. I met her today at Starbucks.. I thought it was you, and it wasn't you," he blurted out.

I promptly took a swig of wine from the bottle then Dan took it from me and sat it down on the table.

"You could win an award for your acting skills," I laughed, reaching for the bottle. However, Dan stuck his arm out, blocking me from it.

"I'm not acting, I'm not joking, this isn't a troll, I promise... In fact, I thought she was you, trolling. All of your subscribers think that she's you.. Have you not been on Twitter today? Or Tumblr? Or Youtube?"

"Actually I haven't. Juneau ate my internet," I laughed again. "And I dropped my phone in my chamber pot. It didn't happen in that order but - what?"

Dan was obviously judging me.

He got up from the couch and walked over to the front door. I moved to stand up but I literally fell right back onto my bum once the door was open.

I stared at the girl standing outside of it for a long time, my mouth hanging open.

She looked just like me.  
I mean...

Her hair was the same color - even the same length, the only difference was that it was parted to the other side, making it look like I was staring into a mirror; her eyes were the same color, the same size, the same shape. Her skin was olive like mine, she was short like me. She even looked like a bloody 12 year old like me.

I couldn't produce words. All I could do was stare at her.

And apparently she was having the same issue because she was standing there just staring at me as well.

"Um. Are you two alright?" We both looked at Dan at the same time and then at each other. Creepy.

"Hi," she finally spoke, raising a hand to wave awkwardly. "I'm the one who has been stalking you."

"I really got to slow it down with the red wine," I laughed. I had to be drunk. I mean, really, really drunk.

But I knew that I wasn't.

I had a really good buzz, but no amount of alcohol could make me hallucinate.

I took my glasses off and rubbed my eyes and put them back on and looked towards the door again. She was still standing there.

"Umm..." I shifted my eyes, because I know how rude it is to stare, but I seriously could not help myself. I stood up from the couch and slowly walked towards the door, not stopping until I was standing right in front of her.

It really was like looking into a mirror.  
Our bloody glasses even looked alike.  
"I'm sorry... I don't know what to say right now," I blurted out at her. "Who are you?" I asked, though I knew the answer to that question. Her name was Lydia. "I mean, I know your name but.." I shook my head. "Why do you look like me.." I said slowly. I felt Juneau walk up beside me. He was probably more confused than I was.

"Um," she cleared her throat, looking as nervous and uncomfortable as I felt. "I think I might be your twin." She looked over at Dan and then back to me. "I'm adopted and I know nothing about my biological family. I was watching Dan's videos, saw you, flipped out and called my Mom. That's when she told me that I had an identical twin."

"That's impossible," I shook my head. "I'm not adopted," I laughed just as lightly as my head felt in that moment. I felt like I was going to faint. I glanced over at Dan, which is so weird, because she did at the same time; he was looking between the two of us and he looked just as nervous as the girl did. I looked back at the girl called Lydia and it looked like she was about to start crying.

"I'm sorry," she shook her head as she started to step backwards. "I shouldn't have-" she stopped speaking because I'm assuming she was about to really start to cry before she turned and ran down the steps leading to my front door.

Juneau took off after her and I took off after him, while Dan was - I don't know what he was doing.

"Ju-Ju!" I yelled, running down the steps behind them. I wasn't wearing shoes, I was buzzed and it was bloody cold outside. "I'm gettin' real tired of your shit!" I called out, trying to sound intimidating but I knew that I didn't. "One million years, COUCH!" I added as I chased them down the street.

Lydia stopped running and turned around just as Juneau made it to her. He immediately jumped up and started bouncing all around her like he was excited to see her or something. I could tell she was crying but she at least laughed as she knelt down to pet him. He proceeded to lick all over her face as she pet him. "Well, hello there," she laughed. "You certainly are friendly."

Once I got to where they were at I bent over and put my hands on my knees, trying to catch my breath. "Yeah, and he's never like that," I informed her. "He's like me and usually hates everyone," I knelt down beside them and started rubbing his soft black fur.

It was like in those last few seconds I completely forgot about the freaky situation that is my entire life.

I looked at Lydia and my heartbeat picked up again, like I'd just ran some more.

I then fell onto my bum, shaking my head. I felt like my entire world was crumbling around me.

She looked just like me, I even noticed that she had the same freckle on her right hand as it moved across Ju-Ju's head. I wondered what other similarities we shared.

"When's your birthday?" I asked her out of nowhere as I looked up at her face.

"October 31st 1990," she answered as she sat down on her bum next to me. "Halloween baby," she laughed lightly but I could tell it wasn't a real laugh. Because I laughed that laugh.

I felt like I'd just been punched in the stomach.

"Are you allergic to peanuts?" I asked. "Or repulsed by onions?" I suppose the latter isn't scientific, but it was interesting to know nonetheless.

She pulled her bag onto her lap and began sifting through it before pulling out an epipen. "Yes and yes," she answered before dropping the pen back into her bag.

The truth was getting harder to face.  
Identical looks.  
Same birthday.  
Same unfortunate peanut allergy.  
Same hate for onions.  
Same crap vision.

I looked over at her, because the entire time I had been looking at the pavement beneath me.

"I need more wine," I laughed and shook my head. I'm pretty sure all of this had sobered me up completely.

"I think I should have had a bit more before I left home," she laughed too. "I'm really sorry for dropping in on you like this. I didn't mean to freak you out or anything."

I shook my head at her. "No, I think it would have been worse had I seen that video before actually seeing you... I'm sorry for not believing you, it's just..."

"Bizarre," we both said at the same time.

We both laughed and then it got very quiet between us.

I honestly did not know what to think. What to feel. How to process this.

This girl - she was my sister?  
She felt like a complete stranger.  
She was a complete stranger.

We both just sat there in silence until Dan walked outside.

"You guys are going to catch a plague," he laughed as he walked up to us. "I was thinking.. Do you two want to come hang out with me?" he offered.

I could see what he was trying to do - set it up so that we could be around each other without it being completely awkward.

"Phil just text me and said that he cooked, and we've got wine and Pimm's. I'm sure both of you could use a drink."

Phil?  
Wine?  
Food?

"I'm up for it," I nodded then glanced over at Lydia as I pushed myself up off of the ground.

"Same here," Lydia replied. "Definitely the food part." She moved to get up and Dan reached for her hand. She paused for a second, looked up at him, then his hand before taking it and letting him pull her to her feet.

"And the wine but I think I need food first or I'll get drunk and start singing and I'm not sure that's a part of me you guys want to know yet," she laughed.

Dan and I both started laughing.  
"I'll have to whip out Rockband and we'll make a night of it," Dan told her.

"You're asking for an ass beating," I chuckled. "Actually, I'm quite shit at Rockband, so scratch that. I don't even know who I am right now," I shook my head.

It was almost as weird as hanging out with Phil and Dan, hanging out with Lydia and Dan. Dan and I actually had a friendship - and even though my DNA matched this girl's it didn't feel that way at all.

We got to Dan's flat and he let us inside.

The place smelled amazing. I don't know what Phil had cooked, but I couldn't wait to eat it.  
Though, I was definitely more excited about the wine.

"Phil?" Dan called out as he shrugged out of his jacket. "I brought company, so I hope you made enough for everyone."

"I made way too bloody much!" Phil called out. "Who is with you?"

"Umm..." Dan looked back at Lydia and I, who were standing side by side. "You should probably come have a look for yourself," he laughed and shook his head.

I looked over at Lydia and it was obvious that she was feeling either nervous, awkward, or out of place. It was obvious to me because she was acting the way I do when I feel any of those things which freaked me out even more.

Phil walked in while wiping his hands off on a towel and stopped in his tracks. His eyes were huge and the towel hit the floor. "What the hell?"

Dan stepped forward a bit so that he was standing beside Phil and he motioned between Lydia and I. "Carmen," he held his hand out at me, "And Carmen's twin? Oh bloody hell that's so weird to say.." he paused to laugh and shake his head. "Lydia," he gestured towards her and grinned at her.

The fact the Phil actually acknowledged me made my heart jump into my throat.

I wondered how he would feel with two of me around.  
Well, you know. Two people who look the same who happen to look like me.

"Wow," Phil laughed. "I mean, really. Wow." He shook his head. "This is so bloody bizarre. What the hell? How did this even happen? I'm so confused."

"Genetics, Phil," Dan rolled his eyes and laughed before shaking his head, preparing to give him a serious answer.

He explained the situation to Phil while Lydia and I got seated at the table. Phil took the seat beside her, while Dan sat down beside mine, the two of us (Lydia and I) sitting across from each other.  
Which was weird because, yet again, it was like looking into a bloody mirror.

I wasn't sure what I was supposed to do or say or how I was even supposed to feel in this situation. On one hand I had a fucking doppelganger right in front of me and a guy who disregards my existence on the other.

I wonder if we have that crazy twin telepathy shit.

_I feel just as awkward as you probably do, don't worry. _I thought to myself.

I don't think she picked up on it.

"This looks amazing, Phil," I spoke up, glancing from him to plate. What made me actually talk to him was beyond me. Perhaps it was the insane night I'd had.

"It really does," Lydia added. He didn't react until she'd said something.

"Thanks," he smiled as he picked up his glass of Pimm's. "It's going to be quite easy to get you two confused," he laughed. "Well, actually, not really because you're not dressed alike and Lydia sounds different because of the accent."

"Yeah, as long as you two talk, I think I'll be able to tell a difference," Dan laughed. "It's weird that you two have the same glasses though. I mean, the physical stuff you can't really help, but the rimmed glasses," he held his hands up. "I don't know. It's freaky."

I glanced over at Lydia, laughing quietly as I nodded. "That is really weird," I agreed. "I wonder if we have the same vision," I thought out loud and we both reached up to pull our glasses off. "Oh my God," I laughed. "So weird," I shook my head as I handed her mine and took hers, putting them on. I could see perfectly.

"Holy fuck," she laughed, looking at me. "That's some serious identicalness." We both removed the glasses at the same time and extended them to each other at the same time, then laughed at the same time.

"This is reminding me of The Shining," Phil said out of nowhere.

"Come play with us," Lydia and I said in stereo, and then looked over at each other, laughing again.

Dan dropped his fork and looked over at Phil before looking between us. "I am 900% done with this," he started laughing as he picked up his glass of Pimm's. "It's weird enough when people say and do things at the same time but- it's even weirder when they have the same face."

"I truly believe I am going to have nightmares tonight," Phil added, looking genuinely terrified.

"I love that movie," Lydia said after taking a sip of her wine. "Old horror movies are the best. The new ones lick toad chode."

"Agreed," Phil nodded as he picked his fork up to take a bite of his food. "So, what's your story Lydia?"

She'd just taken a bite of her food so she held up 1 finger until she was done. "Um, well. I live in Cambridge, Massachusetts. My Dad is a politician. My Mom is his wife," she laughed. "I work at a law firm and I have no social life."

"And she goes to Harvard. I saw her ID. She's all fancy," Dan informed us as he twirled his fork around.

She laughed and shook her head. "Definitely not fancy. Though my parents would love it if I were. But yes, I go to Harvard. I graduate in a few weeks. Thank God."

"Wow. It's funny. Harvard is one of those schools you hear about on tv but never meet anyone who actually goes there. Now I finally have!" Phil laughed.

Can we just take a second to wonder what the fuck is happening?  
Or can I, at least?  
Seriously.  
I've known him for.. a long time, and he's said more to Lydia in five bloody minutes than he has to me in the last five years.

"It's something to be proud of, that's for sure," Dan nodded. "I did law for about a minute. I can't handle all of that serious shit. I was having a quarter life crisis over it."

"I've nearly offed myself in a bathtub while drinking straight from a bottle of Jack several times," she laughed. "But, it's something I've been good at for some reason. Though I don't care to do any of it. I still don't know what the fuck I want to do. That makes my parents super happy," she grinned.

"Do you want some more wine?" Phil asked while pointing towards her glass.

"Sure," she nodded and smiled at him before looking at me. I had to remind myself that she had no idea of what I felt for him or how we were or anything for that matter. "Um, it might be weird to just blurt this out but I do have a photo of us."

I nearly got choked on the food I had been trying to swallow when she said that. "Of us?" I pointed between us with my fork as I picked up my wineglass, taking a very long swig of it. I sat the glass back down and cleared my throat. "Sorry, that just caught me off guard," I told her.

"I'm sorry," she said looking like she felt quite bad. It was hard to imagine what she was feeling because I was very much so overwhelmed by what I was feeling.

She picked up her bag from beside her feet and then leaned up again before extending the small photo to me.

"Thank you," she looked up at Phil and smiled as he poured wine into her glass. He looked over at my glass but didn't look at me or speak as he leaned over and poured some more into mine.

I had to make myself focus on the picture instead of focusing on the fact that my stomach was churning. Though, when I actually looked at it, it was a lot easier to forget that Phil went out of his way to ignore me.

Looking at the aged photo was weird but it made me feel something. I don't know what - but there was something there.  
"Wow... How did you get this?" I asked as I looked up at her again. I'd never seen this picture, obviously, or even any photos of me in the hospital period.

"My Mom," she replied. "I flipped out when she told me the truth about my twin. Well, you. She came by my apartment and gave it to me. She said she took the photo right before she took me home. She didn't want to separate us." She laughed. "Apparently every time we were apart we'd scream our heads off."

"Aww! That's horribly sad," Phil said while showing off that entirely too cute pouty face he did so well.

"Awww," Dan did his best pouty face as he looked at me and then at Lydia. "That's terrible," he poked his bottom lip out as he reached across the table. "May I?" he asked, gesturing towards the picture. I handed Dan the photo and he smiled a big dimpled grin as he looked at it.

"Separation anxiety," Dan spoke up as he handed me the picture. "It's so insane to me that all of this happened," he shook his head. "I'm suddenly very glad that we did the CallmeDan video, Carmen."

"I..." I paused and smiled, because I wasn't sure if I was glad that we had or not. I know that sounds bad - but this was rocking my world. It didn't seem real. "I'm still in shock," I finally said.

"Me too," Lydia replied before taking another sip of her wine.

Boom. Uncomfortable silence.

"How about we get to know each other?" Phil offered. "What sort of music are you into?" he asked Lydia.

"Oh damn," she laughed. "A lot of different stuff. My playlist is pretty insane. Pink Floyd, Fall Out Boy, Florence and the Machine, Incubus."

"Awesome," he nodded. "Do you watch our videos or- wait. That felt weird to ask," he laughed. "I just wondered because if you do then you probably know a bit about us and I don't want to repeat myself or something."

"Uh, yeah," she laughed and started blushing. "I've pretty much seen all of your videos," she nodded and then looked over at Dan. "And yours."

"Oh, that's right," Dan nodded. "That's how you found Carmen. Derp," he made a stupid face. "That must have gotten lost in translation from everything that happened today," he grinned at her then glanced at me. "You're being terribly quiet," he laughed.

Shit. Fuck. Shit.

"Sorry," I laughed, shaking my head. "I'm just so..." I moved my hands, talking with them, as if it would convey how clouded I was trying to say my mind was.

And how much of a punch in the face Phil's chatting Lydia up was to me.

Jesus Christ, this is ridiculous. I felt like some rabid jealous cunt.

"My mind is all over the place," I said, resting my chin against my palm. "So, Lydia, what um.. I don't know, inspired you to just come here?" I asked. "I mean beside the obvious," I laughed.

She laughed as well. "It's kind of silly, actually. Some person tweeted me telling me that I should come here if I really needed to prove it to you so badly. They tweeted like a drunk 4 year old. But I was like, I have the money to do it and I feel like it's important so," she shrugged," I might as well. Though, at the time I guess I didn't think of how this might not be the best for you."

"I would have done the same," Phil immediately responded. "I mean, you're twins who've been separated for your entire lives. Now you have an opportunity to have an actual relationship."

The more he talked, the more wine I felt like I needed. I tilted my head back and finished my glass off and I probably looked like a raging alcoholic in the process.

I didn't care.

"Easy there, Carmy," Dan laughed.

"It's just so good," I licked my lips then looked at Lydia again. "It's really weird right now, but," I shrugged. "I think I would rather know than not, you know? Growing up I always wanted a sibling. I had fish and other pets instead," I laughed at myself. "There's just a lot to process. I mean, like the fact that I was adopted? I never knew," it took a lot to keep the faint smile on my face. I wondered if she noticed that, since I was able to notice it about her.

I think I'm getting drunk.

"That's what I feel the most horrible about," she replied. "I feel like it wasn't my place to bring that sort of thing to light, so to speak. It was selfish of me to just-well, I suppose I would've never told you I existed if I kept that in mind. But I felt like you needed to know that there was pretty much a copy of you running around Boston," she laughed.

"So, you've always known you were adopted?" Phil asked.

Of course Phil asked it because Phil was suddenly Mister Chatterbox.

"Yeah," she nodded after finishing off her own glass of wine. "I'm pretty sure I was adopted to make the election photos look better," she laughed but rolled her eyes at the same time. "You know how that goes."

"I hardly doubt that," Dan spoke up again. "You're obviously brilliant, going to Harvard. I'm sure your parents, both sets, are proud of that alone," he grinned again.

"So are we both from Boston?" I blurted out as I helped myself to the wine bottle sitting on the table. "My Mum told me I was born in Connecticut, while she and my dad lived there, but obviously she isn't very trustworthy," I laughed as I sat the bottle back down then took a sip from my refill.

I couldn't help but notice her eyes were fixated on Dan when I looked her way again but she looked over at me very soon after that. "According to my parents, we were born in New York City," she explained. "The agency my parents through work with states outside of their own. Though, I'm not sure if you and I were adopted through the same agency. Mom said she saw your parents but never got to speak with them."

"Is this your first time out of the states?" Phil asked her.

"No," she shook her head. "I come here to London at least once a year. I begged my parents to let me go to school here, actually. I've always wanted to live here but they're controlling dickgoblins most of the time so I've been stuck in Boston."

I straight up sprayed wine everywhere as I started laughing. My nose was burning so I'm pretty sure it was leaking out of it as well. "I'm sorry," I shook my head and wiped my mouth with my napkin. "That was funny. 'Dickgoblins.'" I repeated. "My Mum is very controlling too, though. So I feel your pain. She never wanted me to leave Lancashire," I told her, shifting my eyes to Phil for a split second before moving them back to Lydia.

"Sounds like our parents are a lot alike as well," she laughed. "And I have an interesting vocabulary. Most people don't believe me when I say I go to law school. Especially when they've heard things like cuntshiner or dickglobin fly out of my mouth."

"You sound like Dan," Phil laughed.

"Hey now," Dan held his hands up. "Carmen has a colorful vocabulary too," he laughed. "I think that might be my fault though.."

I nodded. "It's definitely your fault. I caught myself saying Roostercock earlier," I laughed. "But no, it's not something you would expect out of a law student."

"Hello?" Dan spoke up and he almost sounded offended. "I was a law student. Did you just forget our friendship over here?" he laughed. "I think it's good to have a colorful vocabulary," he shrugged. "It keeps things interesting."

"Maybe it's a twin thing," Lydia grinned. "Even though we've never known each other we somehow shared the power to say colorful and rude things," she laughed. It seemed as though she was getting a buzz as well. "And, Dan, I don't think you have to worry about keeping things interesting," she said as she reached over for the bottle of wine and poured some into her own glass.

Dan and Phil took turns conversing with Lydia, while I was left to sit and listen to their chatter.

I felt very much like I was out of place. I mean, I understood why they were talking to her. She was a new person and they wanted to get to know her - but... Phil? I - what the fuck, even?

That, I didn't understand. At all.

He asked her loads of questions about her childhood, among other things. However, I had drank one too many glasses of wine and couldn't really recall much of it.

I remember Dan asking me if I was okay a couple of times and of course I lied and said that I was brilliant, and that I was just trying to process everything. Which was true to an extent, but there was definitely a load a jealousy thrown in the mix as well. I couldn't own up to that, though.

The last thing I remember is laying on the couch thinking to myself 'why is it so bloody cold in here?' before I finally passed out.

I opened my eyes and immediately wished that I hadn't. My head was pounding, the ceiling was blurry and spinning, my stomach was aching, and I felt like I was going to be ill.

I had very obviously had waaaaaaay too much wine last night.

"Ow. Never. Drinking. Again," I mumbled as I propped myself onto my elbows. It wasn't until then that I realized I wasn't in my bed, or even in my apartment.

I was at Dan's flat, on his couch, and I wasn't alone either.

Out of my the corner of my eye I could see a blurry mess of black hair that I knew belonged to Phil and I heard what faintly sounded like buttons clicking through the silence in the lounge. I glanced over at him to see that he was sitting on the floor holding an X-Box controller, staring at the telly as he played a video game.

Another realization then hit me like a double decker bus going ninety kilometers per hour.

Last night actually happened.

My stomach churned as my sober mind recalled the series of events, beginning with the discovery that I had a twin sister - an identical twin sister, leading to another discovery - that I was adopted, thus making life as I knew it a lie, topped off with the fact that Mister Man-of-a-few-words spent the entire night chatting said identical twin sister up.

All of that stung so much worse now that I could actually comprehend it.

I need more wine.

No, I'm not an alcoholic. I'm just saying, I liked the idea of all of that much better when I was drunk.

Reality is shit.

I rubbed my eyes and noticed that I wasn't wearing my glasses. I guess I'd just assumed that everything was blurry because I still felt like I was drunk.

I felt around the couch for them as I looked down at the floor trying to find them. However they were nowhere in sight.

I glanced back up at Phil, staring at him before I cleared my throat in a vague attempt to get his attention. Of course it didn't work. Nothing I ever did to catch his attention worked.

I couldn't help but wonder what was so flawed in me that he couldn't even speak to me, and when he did, why he hardly said anything at all, or barely even looked at me.

"I'm sorry to bother you," I finally spoke up. "But I can't seem to find my glasses. Do you know if Dan put them up somewhere?"

"They're on the mantel," he responded without looking at me.

"Thanks," I said as I got up off of the couch and walked over towards the fireplace and picked them up. "You've gotta be kidding me," I whined, examining them. Just like Phil had said, they were there - but what he failed to mention was that they were being held together by blue masking tape in three different places. "What happened to them?" I asked as I put them on.

They were lopsided.

"Dan stepped on them," Phil informed me, actually looking up at me this time.

"He did a crap job of fixing them," I laughed as I adjusted them. He smiled very weakly and didn't appear to be at all amused as he looked back at the telly.

Wow. I couldn't say anything right to him, could I?

Now that I could see, I noticed that he had the telly muted, which should have been obvious given how quiet it had been.

"You could have woken me up," I began as I sat back down on the couch. "So you didn't have to play with no sound. I know how annoying it can be to do that," I laughed again.

There we go. Speak video game to him. Surely that's a language he understands.

"It's not a big deal," he shrugged.

Silence.

"Sorry for just claiming your couch as my own.. I'm up now though, so you don't have to sit on the floor," I offered.

"I don't care to," he responded.

Why do I even bother? I mean, really? He makes it so obvious that he wants nothing to do with me, even in the simplest sense of having a conversation.

I'm not sure why - maybe it was seeing him talk so easily to Lydia when he could hardly be bothered to say more than five words to me, or the fact that he would rather sit on the floor than beside me, or maybe it was PMS, or the fact that my entire life was one big lie, or perhaps a combination of those things, I don't know - but I could feel my eyes starting to burn as tears threatened to spill out of them.

I guess it was a good thing that he didn't notice me, because he wouldn't notice me wiping the tears away from my eyes, or the look on my face, or the fact that my heart - for several different reasons - felt like it was breaking, shattering, into a million tiny pieces.

I was very close to having an emotional breakdown. Not just because of him. Because of everything - he was just the kick to the ribs when I was already down.

"Is Dan here?" I asked after I took in a couple of deep, calming breaths.

I really needed someone to talk to. Someone who could actually be bothered to look at me... Acknowledge me and the fact that I just found out that everything I thought was true about my life wasn't.

I'm not quite sure why I expected Phil to suddenly warm up to me.

I guess I thought that maybe he would care - if only on a basic human level and at the very least, say that he was sorry for the things I had learned.

It's not that I wanted sympathy from him. I didn't want it from anyone.

I just wanted his attention, if only for a fleeting moment.

To feel like I might have meant something to him, even in the smallest way.

But it was evident that I didn't. Phil didn't care about me. At all.

I was nothing to him.

"No, he left."

Right. "I should probably do the same," I said, trying to sound as normal as possible and not like I was on the verge of tears. Not that Phil would be able to tell a difference.

I grabbed my bag off of the floor and headed for the door, standing by it for a few seconds before opening it. I guess I was waiting for him to acknowledge me, but I would have been waiting forever for that happen.

I didn't get two steps down the hall before tears blurred my vision and I continued crying all the way back to my apartment.

Loads of people were staring at me as I walked down the busy street. I had no idea what time it was, but I was still in my pajamas from when I'd left last night, I looked and felt like crap, my glasses were lopsided, my mascara was running and I probably had make-up residue all over my face.

I hadn't cried this hard in ages. But then again, I hadn't been this upset in ages.

Juneau greeted me at my door like he always did and I just collapsed in front of it, weeping as I clung to him.

I probably sat there crying for half an hour with the door wide open before I finally got up to grab his leash so I could take him for a walk, because yet again he was left alone overnight and into the next afternoon.

On top of the fact that he was most likely about to crap all over the floor he was probably starving and dehydrated.

Not only was I adopted, unwanted, and misfortunate, I was also a complete shit pet owner, which made me cry even harder.

My real parents didn't want me. Phil didn't want me. And Juneau probably didn't want me either.

On top of feeling like no one cared about (yes I realize how juvenile that sounds, but until you are in my shoes, you don't get to judge me,) I was so confused. I mean.. what the fuck? I was adopted? But.. why didn't anyone ever tell me? And did they know that I had a twin?

Why would they keep those things from me? Did they not want me to feel out of place? Did they want me to feel _normal_? Did they not think I'd ever find out?

Honestly, I probably wouldn't have, had Lydia not found me.

Thinking about _her_ made it hurt even more. She was a carbon copy of me. My twin. My _sister, _and she felt like no one to me; like she was just another person. There was no bond, no connection. She meant _nothing _to me - and she was the only _real _family that I had.

There were so many questions and thoughts racing through my mind and I knew that there was only one place where I could start finding answers.

Home.

-

Juneau and I got off of the train and immediately into one of the cars at the trainstation. I hadn't rang my parents to let them know that I coming because I didn't have a phone; I probably wouldn't have called anyways. I know that I would have slipped up and blurted everything I knew out at them, and this wasn't the kind of mindless chit chat you have with someone over the phone.

The ride from the station to my parents' house was a blur that felt like it ended no sooner than it had began. I paid the driver, grabbed Juneau's leash and stomped towards the house like I was seeking a personal vendetta.

I could hear music playing from inside as I grabbed the doorknob and pulled the door open.

My father was sitting at his piano, playing, my mother sitting on the couch, the paper in one hand, a glass of wine in the other; neither of them looking up at me as I stared between them.

Sadness had turned into anger that was punctuated by the fact that my own _family _couldn't even notice me.

I slammed the door shut for dramatics since they hadn't heard me come in over the sound of my father wailing Chopin against the piano keys.

The music came to an abrupt stop and -

"Calliope!" my Mum gasped, putting both the newspaper and her wineglass down on the coffee table in front of her before rushing to her feet and hurrying towards me, her arms outstretched. "Oh, darling! we weren't expecting you. What happened to your glasses? We've been trying to get in touch with you all day! Did something happen to you? I missed you! Are you alright?" she said rather quickly as she leaned down to hug me.

I stepped away from her grasp and folded my arms. I didn't want her to touch me.

Looking at her, and even at my father, made me feel disgusted.

"What's wrong, Carmy?" My Dad asked worriedly as he slowly stood up from his piano stool.

"Are you ill?" my Mum started, but was stopped before she could comment on how crap I looked.

"No, I'm adopted!" I snapped.

Their faces fell and they glanced over at each other.

They didn't have to say anything. Their guilty expressions said enough.

"You two really had no plans of ever telling, me did you? I knew it." I shook my head, laughing dryly before turning back towards the door, ready to walk back out of it.

I knew I'd come a long way for answers but I didn't want to hear their excuses. There wasn't a valid one for withholding something like this.

"Honey, please, wait.. We can explain," my Mum said, grabbing my shoulder.

"Explain?" I laughed, jerking away from her. "There's no explanation for not telling me after 22 years - and letting me find out from-" I stopped and tightened my grasp on the leash in my hand.

My parents stared at me, waiting for me to continue. "Who told you?" my Dad finally asked.

"Lydia Morrison told me," I responded, like they were supposed to know who that was - but judging by the confusion on both of their faces, they had no bloody clue who I was talking about.

"Who is she?"

"Who is she? Oh you know, just my identical twin that I didn't know existed," I shrugged. "Until last night when she showed up at my doorstep."

My Mum looked frightened - but I was more focused on my Dad, who looked relieved. A notion came to mind and my eyes got wide as I stared at him.

"Wait," I held my hand up. "You asked who told me... Who else knows?"

There was silence again as they looked at each other. Something told me that I was the only person who _didn't _know about any of this.

"Please, Calliope, just-"

"Stop. Calling. Me. Calliope!" I grumbled, cutting my Mum off. You would think after fourteen years she would get my bloody name right. My preferred name, I mean.

"Carmen," my Dad said calmly then cleared his throat, "We understand that you are upset. There is no excuse for what we have done, but could you please just hear us out?" he asked, putting his hand on my shoulder, urging me away from the door.

I didn't say anything as I stepped away from him and walked into the dining room, Juneau walking alongside me. I sat down at the table and my parents soon joined me. I could tell that my Mum was really uncomfortable with the fact that there was an animal in her house but she didn't say anything about it. She was choosing her battles wisely.

It was silent again for a long time; my mind wandered over many things but lingered around at the thought of who else knew that I had been adopted. Surely my entire family knew... and they were all just going along acting like I wasn't? Did they know that I had a sister, too? A twin? An identical, twin?

"We never wanted you to find out this way... We never thought you'd find out at all. We - darling, please, let me finish," my Dad held his hands up, stopping me from retorting. "We were only trying to protect you. We didn't want you to grow up feeling out of place or thinking that you weren't loved or wanted, because we love you and we want you."

My Mum nodded as my father spoke. "We didn't want to lose you. We almost did when you were little and-" she paused to wipe a tear away from her eye. I knew she was referring to the time I'd had that horrific allergic reaction where I'd almost died. "Losing you isn't something that we could bear. We thought - if you knew - you would always be so confused and feel like you didn't belong, and that you would leave, try to find your birth Mum. I know that's selfish, but that's how much we love you. We didn't consider the chance that you would ever find out."

"And you knew that I had a sister? A twin?" I spoke up.

"Of course but," my Mum sighed. "That's another reason we never told you. Her parents didn't want contact from us, from you. We never spoke to them directly, they had their attorney speak with us about it after you were born. We never even knew you had a twin until then, and there was no way for us to take her too... We didn't want you two to be separated, but there was nothing we could do to stop it. They had custody of baby two and we had custody of baby one. You."

* * *

A/N: Hey, if you like this PLEASE LEAVE A REVIEW! WE LOVE HEARING FROM YOU GUYS!


	3. Well That Escalated Quickly

Lydia's POV 

I stared at my phone like I'd been doing for probably the past half hour. I had Carmen's contact information up and all I had to do was press the button to call her but for some reason I was nervous.

I felt so strange. Well, I suppose it's normal to feel strange when you discover you have an identical twin sister after 22 year of being on the earth. But something just felt off.

In movies when twins reunited they always felt some sort of instant bond or whatever. I didn't feel anything apart from feeling like I was a thorn in my sister's side. Don't get me wrong, she was sweet to me and an absolutely amazing person from what I'd seen but I walked into her life and completely fucked the whole thing up.

I was feeling like I didn't need to be there. But I was also known for being paranoid and assuming the wrong things.

The night before had been so much fun. I just wished that Carmen would've been able to join in with us more. It felt like Phil, Dan, and I talked for hours and Carmen was lost in her own little world. Of course i'm sure she had a lot on her mind seeing as though she found out about being adopted and me in the same day.

My phone started to ring and startled me since I was lost in my own thoughts. It was my Mom. She'd already called 3 times that day because she was so worried. I was pretty much done being angry with her. The situation was one I couldn't go back in time to change so why complicate my life further by being angry with the only two people I really had in my life who loved me.

"Yes, Mom?" I answered as I leaned against the headboard of the bed.

"Just checking in again," she said. "I don't mean to bother you but you've just been on my mind."

"I'm okay, Mom. I promise."

"I hate that you're there all alone. Have you talked to Carmen today?"

"No," I sighed. "I've been trying to decide if I should call her."

"Why are you trying to decide?"

"Because. I don't know. It's weird. I feel like i'm just kind of unwanted or something? I'm not sure. I don't know how to act around her or what to say. I feel like I've fucked up her life and-"

"You act like yourself, sweetheart," she interrupted me. "And I think you did the right thing by going to see her. Everyone has the right to know about things like that. Imagine how much worse it would've been if you were apart for 20 more years."

"I know," I sighed as I ran my fingers through my hair. "But she didn't even know she was adopted. I can't even imagine how she feels right now."

"I know, sweetie. I wish that I could fix this all for both of you. I really do."

A knock on the door made me jump and also confused the hell out of me. I hadn't ordered any room service. "Uh. Hang on a sec, Mom."  
I slid off of the bed and walked over to the door before attempting to peek through the peephole which was too high up for me.

"Who is it?" I asked through the door. I told you I was paranoid.

"It's Dan," I heard Dan say and my mouth fell open.

Holy shitballs. I was still in my pajamas and tank top. My hair was an absolute mess in a ball on top of my head. I looked like a mess and there was zero time to fix it.

"Shit," I whispered as I brought the phone back to my ear.

"Is everything alright sweetheart?" my Mom asked sounding genuinely worried.

"Yeah, Mom. I'm okay. Dan is here, though. I'll call you back."

"Dan? Who is Dan?" I could hear her asking as I pulled the phone away from my ear to hang it up.

I unlocked the door and opened it to see him standing there looking like someone straight out of a fucking catalogue.

He smiled at me and raised his hands up and I saw that he was holding two Starbucks cups. "Hey," he shifted his eyes behind me for a few seconds before looking down at me again. "I figured I would drop by and see how you were doing.. I brought some coffee, but if it's a bad time, I can come back later."

Jesus. Could he be any cuter?  
Calm down, Lydia.

"It's not a bad time at all," I smiled up at him and stepped out of the way so he could come in. "Come in. I was just on the phone with my Mom."

He stepped inside and I caught the scent of his cologne. Is it just me or is there something in some colognes that literally make you want to pounce on a guy and beg for the D?

I closed the door behind myself and tried to get it out of my head that I looked horrible. "You didn't have to bring me Starbucks but you do get extra points for doing it."

Dan walked over to the table in my hotel room and sat the cups down. "I wasn't sure what you drink, so I just got you what I always get. If you don't want it I'm sure I'll drink it," he laughed and folded his arms. "Sorry for just dropping in like this, but, I dunno. I felt like I should check in on you." He shrugged. "You know, you being one of my best friends' twin sisters and all," he laughed and shook his head and his eyes got kind of big.

I picked up the cup and took a sip of it to see what he'd gotten as he spoke to me. It shocked the hell out of me when I realized it was actually what I always order. "Well, that's very sweet of you," I smiled at him. "And you did good because this is what I always get," I told him as I held the cup up.

I walked over and sat down on the bed before patting the spot in front of me. "Come sit. You standing there makes me think you feel awkward and then that makes me feel awkward and I don't want to feel awkward," I laughed.

"I don't feel awkward," he laughed, picking his cup up off of the table before he moved towards the bed and sat down. "Perhaps a bit weirded out still, because you look just like Carmen." He brought his drink to his lips and took a sip of it.

"Bloody hell," he said out of nowhere and laughed again, resting his cup between his palms. "Sorry, but I think it's going to take some getting used to.. It's obvious that you're not her but," he raised his hand and motioned towards me. "This is a complete mind fuck."

I laughed and looked down at my cup as I fidgeted with it. "Yeah. I'm sure it is." I took a sip of it and looked back up at him. "I feel like a bit of a freak show, to be honest. This is all just really, really weird," I sighed.

"You're not a freak show, it's just a really bizarre situation... Which I'm probably not helping, since I keep calling attention to it," he chuckled to himself and took another sip from his cup before speaking again. "So, how long are you planning on staying in London?"

"Um." I had been thinking about that ever since I woke up. I loved London. It was my favorite place in the world and for the first time while being there out of the many times I had been there I was wishing I was back home instead.

It was true that I was alone at home a lot. Like I said, I was really busy and never did anything with friends. But I didn't feel alone there.

How strange that I was miles away from my identical twin sister and felt more alone than I ever had in my life. It was mind boggling how finding out this secret had completely thrown me off the way it did.

"I'm not sure," I shrugged. "I guess it depends on Carmen. I'm not going to stay around for long if she doesn't want me here."

I wanted to ask him if she said anything about me but that felt really weird and sort of gossipy. I was comfortable around Dan which was odd because I'm weird about people.

"I can't see her feeling that way, honestly," he spoke up after a few seconds of silence. "I know she wasn't saying much last night, but I think she was just trying to grasp everything... Have you talked to her today? Maybe you two could get together again?" he suggested.  
I shook my head. "I haven't talked to her today. I've been too much of a pussy to call her," I laughed. "I mean, I just walked into her life and basically turned everything upside down. It's crazy enough to find out you have a twin sister but then find out that you're adopted?" I sighed and rubbed the sides of my face. "I've never felt so out of place in my life," I laughed, shaking my head.

"Oh shit," Dan shook his head. "It wouldn't have done you any good. She told me last night that she dropped her phone in the toilet," he laughed. "She was at my flat though before I left. You're welcome to come over if you want, so you two can chat and whatnot," he offered, raising his cup to his lips once more.

"Really?" I asked. "I don't want to like get annoying from being at your flat so much," I laughed. Holy fuck. I swear I had forgotten to act around friends. Lydia is a fail.

"Of course," he grinned. "It's not annoying. I don't mind, and I know Phil doesn't either.. Actually, we could do the same thing as last night.. Only, I'll make sure Carmen doesn't drink so much wine that she passes out on us," he laughed and moved to stand up. He pulled his phone out of his pocket and started pressing on the screen. "I sent you my address," he informed me as he tucked his phone back into his pocket. "I should get going though. Just text me when you're on your way," he grinned again and held his arms out.

It took me a few seconds to realize that he was doing it because he wanted to give me a hug.

It was so cute I couldn't control the giggle that flew out of my mouth as I leaned forward and wrapped my arms around him to give him a hug. I realized that that was the first time in ages I had hugged someone other than my parents.

Holy shit. I was like a cat lady with no cats.

Dan let go of me and when he pulled away I saw that he was still grinning. "I'll see you later," he winked and turned to let himself out.

I just sat on the bed for a few seconds holding onto my coffee cup and trying to process everything. I'd been doing that all day and was not successful so I don't know why I tried again.  
I was also feeling a bit fangirly because Dan had just come over, brought me coffee, invited me to his house and hugged me. Damn, he smelled good.

"Oh no. No, no, no," I said out loud to myself like the crazy bitch I am as I stood up and sat my coffee down on the table next to my bed.  
I definitely could not complicate my life further with some little crush on my youtube crush. That sounds insane but whatever.

I managed to get my shit together mentally so I could get my shit together physically by showering and making myself look like a female again.

After getting dressed I left the hotel and walked to a shop a few blocks away that me and my Mom had gone to a lot on our visits to London. I figured that since I was going to be going to their flat again, I could bring over some goodies. I got 2 bottles of red wine and a box of cupcakes because who the fuck doesn't like cupcakes?

The flat wasn't far from the shop so it didn't take me long to arrive and the butterflies were going nuts. I took a deep breath and smoothed my hand over my hair, which I'd decided to wear straight so I was paranoid about it going into frizz poof bomb mode, then knocked on the door.

Dan opened the door a few seconds later and he had a big smile on his face. "You made it," he said, opening it a bit wider so that I could come in. "Carmen isn't here," he told me once I was inside and he shut the door behind me. "But she'll probably come back later. She's here more often than not." He moved around me and walked into the living room where Phil was sitting and took a seat on the couch. "You can come have a seat," he smiled, patting the empty spot to his left.

I held up the two bags I was holding and smiled at them. "Well, I come bearing gifts." I sat the bags down on the table in front of him before sitting my purse on the floor and taking the seat next to him. "Hi Phil," I leaned over at waved at him.

He turned to look at me and smiled. "Hi Lydia," he replied. "Sorry, I was a little bit too into that episode of The Walking Dead," he laughed.

"It's totally okay," I smiled as I slipped my arms out of my jacket.

Dan had leaned forward to look through the bag and I heard him gasp before he pulled out the box of cupcakes. "Oh fuck," he held them up and looked over at me. "Can I?" he pointed at them and licked his lips.

It was impossible not to laugh at his reaction. "Of course. They're for you two."

"Cupcakes?!" Phil gasped, leaning towards Dan. "Oh my God. I love those kind."

"I always make my Mom go to that shop with me because of those cupcakes when we visit here," I told them as I watched them drool over the box. Not literally. But it was incredibly amusing.

"Oh God, they have cream cheese icing," Dan said as he pulled the top of the box back. He took one out and passed it to Phil before grabbing one for himself and closing the top. But instead of sitting the box back down on the table, he kept it on his lap, like he was hoarding them.

"So bloovy gufd," he moaned as he chewed and let his head rest on the couch behind him. He glanced over at me and gave me a thumbs up. "Good job," he said once he'd finally swallowed the bite he had taken. "_You _just earned points for that," he grinned.

"Mmhm!" Phil agreed, his mouth full of cupcake. He also gave me a thumbs up.

"What exactly do these points add up to?" I asked as I shifted on the couch so that I was turned towards both of them. "Free meals? Free cupcakes? Free alcohol? Sexual favors?"

Dan got choked and looked over at me again as he coughed. He looked really surprised by my outburst. So did Phil.

Once Dan had stopped coughing he cleared his throat and smirked at me. "Well, I've already given you free alcohol and a free meal, so," he shrugged.

"I feel like I need to exit the room now," Phil laughed as he wiped the corner of his mouth.  
"Oh no, Phil. You can watch," I joked, laughing. "Wow. I'm not even drunk yet and I'm saying these things. Such a lady I am."

"I'm still trying to get used to looking at you and not hearing Carmen's voice," Phil said as he adjusted his hair. It was like his entire demeanor changed. He looked confused and actually a bit sad. "I mean, you sound alike but there's no accent."

"Yeah. Sorry about that," I laughed and ran my fingers through my hair. "I did wear my contacts and straightened my hair to attempt to look a bit different though."

"Ahh," Dan scrunched his face up and leaned over a bit to look at Phil. "Was she mad that I broke her glasses again?" he asked. I could tell that he was trying not to laugh, though he looked like he felt more guilty than amused. "One of us should know better by now. Either she should know not to leave them on the floor, or I should know that they're going to be there," he finally let out a little laugh as he sat back again.

"I break my glasses all the time," I laughed. "Seriously. I've broken so many pairs, it's ridiculous. I always have a back-up pair just in case."

"I should probably do that," Phil said.

"I actually forgot you even need glasses. I guess because you're never wearing them in videos."

He raised an eyebrow and started grinning. "You watch my videos that much?"

I laughed and nodded. "I've literally watched all of both of your videos. I have no shame."

"That's flattering," Dan grinned at me too. "I swear, it never gets old to hear someone say that they watch them."

It got silent for a few seconds and I heard what sounded like Satan coming from Dan's direction.

He put his hands over his stomach and started laughing. "Well then, stomach," he looked down at himself before looking back up at me. "I guess I should get on cooking. You like chicken stir fry, right?" he asked as he stood up and grabbed the bottles of wine off of the table.

"Good God, Dan. How can a little tummy make so loud of a noise?" I laughed as I stood up from the couch. "Yes sir. I do love chicken stir fry and I would like to help. I would also like a glass of wine."

"Oo! Me too!" Phil said as he stood up from the couch.

Standing so close to them made me realize how tall they were compared to me and I started laughing. "I feel like a very, very short person right now."

"You are a very, very short person," Phil laughed as he patted my head while we entered the kitchen.

Dan sat the cupcakes and the wine down on the counter and then started going through his cabinets, pulling random things down from them that he would need to cook with, humming Toxic by Britney Spears in the process.

"I'm addicted to you don't you know that you're toxic," he sang out randomly as he opened up his fridge and started collecting things from inside of it.

When he had everything ready to go he turned on the stove and picked up the stir fry bag and started reading the directions on them.

"You're just gonna stop?" I asked, tilting my head as I looked at him. "How can you just sing one little line and tease us like that? It's cruel," I grinned.

"Oh God," Phil laughed as he opened a cabinet and pulled down some wine glasses. "Dan, are you having a glass?"

"Yes," he answered Phil without looking up from the directions he was reading. However, he did look up to answer me. "I don't want to destroy anyone's ovaries... Like Phil's," he laughed at himself then turned his attention to the stove as he started opening the bag.

Once he got the stir fry going we took turns mixing it up while also sipping on the wine Phil had poured for us. I think Phil got tired of Dan's random singing bits, because he turned on some music on his laptop.

"Holy titbombs! I love this song!" I flipped out when 1979 by the Smashing Pumpkins starting playing.

"Because you obviously have good taste," Phil said as he leaned against the cabinets by the stove. "You brought us awesome cupcakes, bought really good wine and you like my music. I think this is the start of a beautiful friendship."

"As do I, good sir," I grinned at him and held my glass up for him to tap his against which he did before we took a sip.

Dan was watching us, smiling before he went back to dancing around the kitchen to the song that was playing. He wiggled his way back towards the stove and took the cover off of the pan and started moaning. "This is going to be so good," he said to himself then turned back to face Phil and I, who were standing side by side.

He pulled his phone out of his pocket and tapped the screen, "Tweet tweet mother fucker," he said out of no where then started scrolling through what I'm assuming was his twitter. He got quiet as he was quite fixated on it and he turned back around to stir the food up again, though I could tell that he was still looking down at his phone. "Cook faster!" he groaned.

I finished off my first glass of wine and sat it on the counter before moving to stand next to Dan. "Can I have a taste?" I asked. It smelled so damn good and I'd only eaten a sandwich earlier when I woke up.

"I'm pouring you more wiiiine," Phil sang behind me and I glanced back to see him refilling my glass.

When I looked back over at Dan, I saw that the wooden spoon was right in my damn face, which startled me a bit. I laughed and he did too and I took the bite he was offering me.

"Is it done?" he asked me. I nodded as I chewed it up and his eyes rolled into the back of his head and his mouth fell open. That was such a sexy sight. Let me tell you.

He pulled the pan off of the stove and grabbed one of the plates and started piling food onto it before handing it to me and grinning at me before he picked up another and started doing the same two more times.

We all sat around the table and Dan was literally shoving the food into his mouth. It looked like he'd never eaten anything before.

"You'll have to excuse him. He goes into human garbage disposal mode when he's eating," Phil told me before popping a bite of the food into my mouth.

"It's quite alright," I laughed, watching Dan who was now giving Phil a dirty look.

The food was so ridiculously good. I was a good cook but this went beyond any kind of stir fry I could make. I ate the entire giant pile of food he'd put on my plate except for a few peppers.

Phil was in the kitchen washing his plate off when I walked in with mine. He looked down at it and looked back up at me. "You don't eat peppers?" he asked.

"No sir," I shook my head. "You want them?"

"Yes, please," he smiled. He was so ridiculously precious in person. I had an urge to cuddle him like a tall, skinny, british teddy bear when I was around him.

His hands were all soapy from washing his plate off so I picked up the pepper and held it up for him to take from my hand with his mouth.

"Are you okay?" I heard Dan say from the dining room, which confused the hell out of me. Who was he talking to?

I looked over my shoulder to see that Carmen was standing in front of him wiping her eyes. I could tell from where I was standing that she was crying.

I think she could sense that I was looking at her, because she glanced over at me and her mouth fell open.

"Wow," she shook her head and laughed dryly as she adjusted her glasses. "I knew I shouldn't have come here," she cleared her throat and looked back at Dan and I could see that she was crying again. "I'm gonna go," she nodded, and tugged on the leash in her hand. I didn't notice until then that she had her dog with her.

"Hey," Dan stepped in front of her and put his hands on her shoulders, leaning down so he was closer to her level. "Why would you go? If something is wrong you can talk to me about it, you know that," he told her and I couldn't help but notice how concerned he sounded for her. It was sweet.

Out of nowhere it hit me and I felt incredibly bothered by the fact that she was upset. Like I felt like I felt as badly as she did. It was odd and hard to explain. I sat my plate down and walked over to her.

"What happened? Are you okay?" I asked and I reached out to touch her arm but her dog sat up and rubbed his head against my hand before I could get to her.

Carmen slowly shifted her attention to me and looked me in the eye as she shook her head. "No, I'm not okay," she cried, sounding angry. "I'm sorry but I can't be around you right now," she told me and took a generous step away from me.

What she said really, really shocked me and I'm sure I didn't do a very good job at hiding it since I was sort of just frozen for a second. I snapped out of it and cleared my throat as I glanced over at Dan who seemed to be shocked as well.

"Okay, well, um. I'll go. I'm sorry," I said quickly before turning around and walking towards the living room. Phil was standing in the kitchen watching what had just unfolded and I could feel his and their eyes on me as I picked up my purse and jacket, not bothering to put it on. I felt like I couldn't get out of there fast enough.

"Thanks for everything," I told Phil as I walked past him and forced a smile. Dan was right next to Carmen and I didn't want to look in her direction because I felt like if I did I'd probably start crying.

It honestly hurt to hear her say she didn't want to be around me but could I really blame her? I truly had screwed so much up for her.

I opened the door and walked out of there as quickly as I could. I had never felt so- so- unwanted? I'm not sure what it was exactly but it hurt.

I was nearly at the elevator when I heard my name being called and turned around to see Phil walking quickly towards me with a concerned look on his face. I didn't realize until then that tears were rolling down my cheeks and I quickly wiped my face.

"I'm so sorry. I don't know what's going on," he said when he got up to me. He put his hands on my shoulders and bent down a bit to try to look at my face. "Please don't cry. I'm sure she's just really confused right now."

I nodded. "I know she is. It just really hurt for some reason. It's probably the wine," I tried to laugh it off. "She has every right to feel that way," I sighed. "I shouldn't have come here. I should have just tried to contact her some other way so she could get everything sorted. This was a mistake."

"I don't think it was," he shook his head. "I think that she just needs some time to process everything."

"I think so too and she could probably do that a lot easier without me popping up randomly."

"Are you saying that you're going to leave?" he asked and he actually looked quite sad. "You shouldn't go. She'll come around. We like having you here."

"Awww, you're so damn sweet," I laughed but more tears came because for some reason him saying that just triggered it. "But I think I need to go back," I nodded.

The elevator doors opened and I glanced over at them before quickly pulling Phil into a hug. "You're awesome," I told him before pulling back. "You two take care of her, okay?"

He watched me as I stepped into the elevator and he just sort of looked lost as he raised his hand and waved while the doors closed.

Once they did and I was actually alone, the ugly cry hit me. I'd only known these people for a day and I suddenly felt like I was being ripped away from my best friends.

What the hell had happened to me?

Dan's POV

I felt like I was being torn in two different directions. On one hand I had one of my best friends breaking down in front of me, and on the other hand, it looked like her carbon copy was about to do the same thing.

I kept my hands on Carmen's shoulders and my eyes on Lydia as she walked out of the door.

This was not how I expected tonight to go at all.

I thought they would have a chance to hang out and get to know each other a little better, not have emotional breakdowns.

There was nothing I could do about the fact that Lydia was gone. I didn't want her to leave, but I couldn't exactly run after her, not when Carmen was standing there weeping and I had no idea as to why.

"I'll go," I heard Phil speak up. I looked over at him to see him heading towards the door.

I'm not quite sure why, but that only made Carmen's sobs grow louder and I looked back down to see that she was hugging herself and staring at her feet.

"What's wrong," I asked her, but she didn't say anything back to me until after the door shut again.

"Everything," she cried, finally looking up at me. Her face was scrunched up and there were two black trails rolling down her cheeks that she didn't even bother wiping away.

I moved her over to the dining room where we had all been sitting and pulled out a chair so she could sit down then went straight to the kitchen and grabbed a dish towel so she could wipe her face.

I moved one of the chairs from the table and sat it directly in front of hers as I started wiping the wetness off of her cheeks.

This was the first time I had ever seen her shed tears that weren't related to laughing too hard and I really hoped that it would be the last time too, because it was bloody heartbreaking.

She was always so silly and happy. I did not like sad Carmen at all.

We sat in silence for a few minutes, because I wasn't sure what to say. I mean, really.. what do you say to someone in this situation?

"I didn't mean to hurt her feelings but, she just-" she stopped and looked at the door and started shaking her head. "she just - she's-" she sniffled and hid her face in her hands.

"I know you didn't," I said softly, reaching out to rub her arm. "You're not a mean person, she'll understand... You two are actually a lot alike from what I can tell."

She started laughing and looked up at me, "You think so?" she asked, shaking her head again. "Because I don't. She's obviously-" she sighed and looked at the door again. "-so much better than me," she finally finished then looked at the ground again.

I opened my mouth to speak but I couldn't find any words to say to her. I didn't know what on earth would make her think that way about someone she hardly knew, or about anyone in at all.

"Why would you say that?" I asked, tilting my head and lifting her chin, forcing her to look at me. "Yeah, you've got shit luck, but you're awesome," I laughed. "And funny, and smart, and sweet."

"Yeah?" she laughed again, but I could tell that it was dry. "Tell that to Phil," she blurted out and pulled away from me.

I just stared at her as I sat back up as well.

What?

"Do you-" I stopped when I heard the front door opening and I glanced over my shoulder to see Phil walking back in.

He stopped and looked at me for a few seconds then over at Carmen. "You won't have to worry about seeing her again," he informed her before walking through the kitchen and into the living room out of sight.

I stared at where he had been standing long after he had disappeared. What in the actual fuck was his problem?

I didn't have a lot of time to think on that for obvious reasons, and when I looked back at Carmen again she had her palm pressed against her forehead, yet again, crying.

"That's just bloody great," she spoke up. "She drops a fucking bomb and just heads for the hills, because none of this affects _her._"

"None of this affects her?" Suddenly Phil appeared in the kitchen and looked and sounded quite agitated. "Did you not listen to a word she said last night? She's basically alone apart from her parents. She doesn't have siblings or friends or anything. She was probably hoping for something other than being looked at like she had a bloody disease when you walked in tonight."

Oh shit. This was getting awkward.

"And anyway, you told her to leave so I don't know why you'd be shocked that she would leave London. I'd probably do the same."

Carmen looked up at him and a fresh set of tears started flowing from her eyes. "And I'm not alone?" she cried but her voice was raised as she pointed at herself. "I don't have anyone either, and I can't believe you're attacking me like this over her," she pointed at the door, "when you can never be bothered to say more than two words to me anytime else!"

Phil's eyes were wide because she'd obviously shocked him. He stepped closer to her and sighed loudly. "I am not attacking you, for one thing. I am trying to make you see past your own shit for a second. I know that your world just got turned upside down but hers did too. Your parents kept the fact that you were adopted and had a sister from you and I understand that's worse but she also is dealing with the fact that her parents have kept a secret from her for so many years. It's not like she hopped on a bloody plane to London with glitter and happiness exploding from her face on a mission to fuck your life up. And no, you aren't alone. You're sitting here in our apartment with someone to comfort you while you're dealing with this while she, your sister, is sitting all alone in a hotel room with no one. Both of your situations are horrible and sad but at least you've got someone to be there to make you feel just the slightest bit alright."

"Actually, I don't. I've got you here making me feel worse!" Carmen tried to shout but her voice croaked because she was crying. "You have no idea how I feel, you're so oblivious and can't see past _your _own shit to be bothered to notice anything about me!" she wiped her face. "And if you're so concerned about her, go console her yourself and stop yelling at me because she's alone. I didn't tell her to leave."

Phil rubbed his hand down his face like he was frustrated and then he knelt down so that he was on her level before he grabbed her face and was only inches away from her. I felt like I might need to exit the room but this shit was too good to stop watching.

"Stop this, Carmen. This isn't you." He was speaking to her in a softer tone and I saw his thumbs move over her cheeks to wipe her tears away. "I am not trying to make you feel worse. Seeing you like this makes me sick even though I'm sure you don't believe that. You're not letting yourself see this clearly for some reason. You have a twin sister who is just as amazing as you are that just wants you to be in her life. You need to let go of what's keeping you from wanting the same."

He sat there staring at her for a few seconds before he stood up, turned around and just walked away leaving both of us sitting there staring towards the kitchen.

"What the fuck," I blurted out, glancing back over at Carmen who was still staring at there Phil had been standing with wide eyes. She wasn't crying anymore and for a few seconds I wasn't even sure if she was breathing.

I wasn't sure what had just happened.

But I was sure that Phil and Carmen had never had that much interaction before. And that I had never heard either of them yell at anyone, and I certainly had never heard or seen Phil talk to someone the way that he had talked to her - like he was trying to calm them with his own calmness.

Then I remembered what she had said before Phil had come back into our apartment, and everything made sense to me.

Okay, well, not everything, but why Carmen had been so upset made sense, outside of the obvious reasons, about being adopted and having a sister she never knew about.

I pressed my fingers against my forehead and took in a deep breath. "So... uh," I cleared my throat. "Do you want to do sex to Phil? Or do you like him, or are you madly in love with him or?" I raised my eyebrows and let my hand fall to my lap.

I was obviously trying to make a joke out of the first bit, but it seemed as though her sense of humor was completely gone at that point. "Dan," she sighed and facepalmed herself.

I leaned in a little and moved her hand away from her face. "Well?" I tilted my head, forcing her to look at me again.

"He obviously doesn't care how I feel," she responded quietly after a few seconds of silence. "You heard him. He - he - can't stand me," she shrugged and laughed weakly, gesturing towards the direction he had disappeared.

I furrowed my brows together and slowly shook my head at her. "No, I didn't hear him say that at all, actually. Stop being a girl for a few seconds and fill me in. I've obviously been living under a rock, because I had no idea and I can usually spot these things. How long have you liked him?"

She sighed and shifted her eyes around the room before looking at me, "Since I was... 16," she admitted slowly and looked a little uncomfortable with her answer. "I've always liked him, and before you start judging me, he never seemed interested in me, which should have probably been a hint to get over it, I know that, but feelings don't come with a bloody switch, okay? And it's not like I could just tell him because you know yourself he never talks to me. He's said more to me tonight, defending Lydia than he's said to me the whole time I've known him and-" she stopped rambling and sighed. "- and that's not exactly encouraging... You can't say you didn't hear the way he was talking to me. It's like he can't stand me, and he yelled at me, and, and I know you told me not to be a girl but that hurt my feelings and-" she sniffled and groaned, more tears streaming down her cheeks. "I'm sorry, trust me, I don't want to cry over this."

I heard footsteps and turned to see Phil standing in the kitchen again. He was wearing his jacket and so I knew he was about to leave and I knew where he was going without having to ask. He poured a glass of wine and then opened the box of cupcakes before picking one out of it and walking over to us. He bent down and sat the glass of wine next to Carmen and then placed the cupcake in her hands. "You need both of these and there are more where they came from. I'm going to go check on Lydia now and it's not because I am choosing her over you." He stood up straight and stared at her for a second before turning and walking out.

"What the actual fuck is even going on tonight?!" I asked, flailing my arms.

Carmen shook her head, "I have no clue," her voice was so quiet that I could hardly hear her.

So, my best friend with a vagina was more or less in love with my best friend with a penis and I had promised said best friend with a vagina that I wouldn't tell said best friend with a penis how she felt.

Meanwhile, my best friend with a penis was off consoling my best friend with a vagina's twin sister - who, might I add, I also had an attraction towards.

The twin sister, guys, not Phil.

And all the while I was completely mind fucked by all of this. I knew for sure that Phil had no idea about how Carmen felt and in turn I had no bloody clue how he felt. He'd never mentioned it to me before, and usually I would take that as a bad sign, but then again, Carmen had never mentioned liking Phil - and - WHEN DID MY LIFE TURN INTO A FUCKING CHICK FLICK?

Seriously?

What did I want from tonight? To eat some bloody stir fry, hang out with my friends, drink some bloody wine, and play rockband.

What did I get from tonight?

A fucking migraine.


	4. Complicated Crunch

Phil's POV

I was literally shaking as I walked down the street towards the hotel Lydia was staying in. I was fairly sure that I had never been in such a heated discussion with someone. I had been pretty harsh as well and I knew it. But I was looking at things from both of their points of view and it seemed like Carmen wasn't able to fully see it from any side other than her own.

Bloody hell. How did I get myself thrown into this? I felt like I was in an episode of Skins or something.

Once I was in the hotel I realized I had no idea of what to say or how to comfort her if she was upset. Of course she was probably upset. Hell, I didn't even know if she would still be there. She could've managed to find a flight and left already.

I got to her floor and found which room she'd told me she was in before knocking on the door. I could hear something in the room which sounded like the tv when I pressed my ear against the door.

"Who is it?" I heard her ask, her voice not sounding nearly as cheerful as usual.

"It's Phil," I told her. I heard the lock click and she opened the door slowly and looked up at me. Her eyes were bloodshot from crying. All of the make up she'd been wearing earlier was completely gone and her hair was now in a ponytail. She'd changed into a pair of pajamas as well.

"I wanted to come check on you," I told her.

"Come on in," she said as she walked away. I stepped into the room and closed the door behind me. I looked over to see her sitting on the bed with a variety of snacks littered on the bed.

"I'm eating my feelings. Care to join?" she asked, waving her hand over the bags of crisps and chocolates. I couldn't help but laugh. Even when she was sad apparently she was funny.

"Sure," I smiled as I slipped my jacket off and laid it onto the chair by the table in the room. I took off my shoes and sat down on the bed beside her. She offered me a chocolate bar and sighed.

"I couldn't get a flight until tomorrow," she told me before looking back at the tv.

"I really wish you wouldn't go," I replied. "I think she's just extremely overwhelmed right now. I don't think you should give up on her. She really is wonderful, Lydia. She's one of the most-no, she's the most amazing girl I've ever known. She can always make anyone laugh. She'd do anything for anyone. I mean, she can walk into a room and it's just like-"

Lydia turned her head and looked at me with a 'what the fuck are you on about?' expression. "Whoa, hold the phone," she held her hand up. "We need to have a little discussion."

Our 'little' discussion ended up going on for about 2 hours and was quite informative.

"Well, congratulations Phil," Lydia said after taking a long sip of her glass of wine. "You've just taken part in what I will call the giant Lydia mindfuck of 2012."

I facepalmed myself and started laughing. "I'm sorry! I know that was a lot but bloody hell, it felt so good to get off my chest for once. I've literally never talked about any of that to anyone."

Her eyes got huge and she looked at me like I was crazy again. "Not even Dan? Why the hell would you tell me?"

I shrugged. "I don't know. I feel very comfortable with you. I feel like I've known you for ages. Maybe it's because you're Carmen's sister and I've basically known her my whole life. I'm not sure."

"Maybe we're just destined to be bffs, Phil," she grinned.

"Perhaps you're correct, Ms. Morrison," I responded, laughing. "Do people ever ask if you're related to Jim Morrison?"

She cracked up laughing. "I had someone ask me that before and I had them fully convinced that he was my uncle. I think whoever that was might still think it."

"That's amazing," I laughed. "That sounds like something Dan would do, actually."

"Because he's a total troll?"

"Pretty much, yeah," I laughed. "I'm sorry the night sort of went to shit. I was having a lot of fun. I wish Carmen would've been able to join us and have fun as well."

"Me too," she sighed as she ran her fingers through her hair, a habit that her sister had as well.

"Please don't go," I said for the 1,000th time since I got there.

She gave me a sad smile and covered her eyes. "UGh! You can't look at me with that adorable face and say things like that!"

"Why?" I laughed. "Because it's making you want to stay?"

"Exactly!" she exclaimed holding her arms out towards me and nearly spilling her wine. She'd ordered 2 bottles from room service and we were drinking the last of the 2nd one. Needless to say we were both a bit off our rockers.

"Good!" I laughed. "I mean, honestly. Dan and I really like you. We've only known you for like a day but it would suck if you left. This is the start of a beautiful friendship! You can't just end it and run away to lawyer land again."

"I have to run away to lawyer land at some point, Phil," she sighed. "Part of me doesn't want to go. Trust me. But the other part," she shook her head. "The other part sort of feels like I can't handle feeling that sort of pain again. I mean, it's weird. I didn't feel connected to her really until I saw that she was upset. It was like something clicked and I needed to help her. When she told me to go like that-" she put her hand over her heart and swallowed hard. "It just hurt. I understand why she doesn't want me around but it still hurt."

"You want her to want you around."

"Yeah," she nodded and bit her lip. "I think I had this fantasy of us meeting and clicking and this bond that lasts forever beginning. I didn't realize I had that fantasy but I think I did in the back of my head even though I knew it was too complicated to be like that so quickly."

"It still could be like that though. If you just give her some time she will probably come around and until then you have Dan and I to hang out with. We'd love to have you around."

She smiled at me and reached over to pet the side of my face. "You are so damn sweet, I just wanna squish you," she laughed. "I don't want to make her feel like I'm stealing her friends or like forcing my way into her life."

"We can have more than one friend, Lydia," I laughed.

"I know that, doofus," she laughed. "But this is an odd situation."

"Just, promise me that you'll give it another day. Let's see what happens tomorrow and if you still want to I won't bother the shit out of you about staying."

She sighed and stared at me as she swirled her wine around in her glass. "Fine. I promise."

I held my hand out for her with my pinky extended. "You have to pinky promise."

Her eyes got wide. "Phil Lester. Pinky promises are serious business."

"Yes, they are," I nodded, sounding as she did.

Without hesitating she hooked her pinky with mine and laughed before leaning forward, grabbing my face and planting a kiss on my forehead. "Regardless of what happens I am declaring you my new bff."

"Win!" I held my fists in the air and did a little dance.

Lydia asked me to stay with her until she fell asleep. We actually laid next to each other and sang a bunch of random songs until she just ended up listening to me sing Muse songs and fell asleep. I left her a note telling her not to forget about our pinky promise and also cleaned up the remains of us eating and drinking our feelings so she wouldn't have to deal with that in the morning.  
20 minutes later I stumbled my way into our flat. I had way too much wine for only one plate of that stirfry.

I walked into the living room and stopped when I saw Carmen and her dog cuddled up on the sofa. Her eyes looked swollen from crying so much and I felt like a total asshole for what I'd said to her. I made a mental note to apologize in the morning. Well, in a few hours.

I was walking down the hall to my room when Dan's bedroom door flew open and he grabbed the sleeve of my jacket before pulling me into the room which nearly made me fall on my ass.

"Have you lost your mind?" I asked as I steadied myself.

"Have you lost yours?!" he asked as he moved around me to shut his bedroom door. "And," he sniffed the air, "Have you been drinking?" he looked like he was judging me. I wasn't really the kind of person who got pissed off of their tit at random.

"Yes!" I answered like a child who was trying to piss off their parents or something. "Lydia was eating and drinking her feelings so I joined in. I just wanted to make sure she was okay. You were here with one twin so I went to help out the other."

"How did that go?" he folded his arms. "Is she leaving or?" he studied my face and he had a really weird expression on his. I have no idea what that was about. It was like he was judging me but he also looked really confused.

Or maybe I was just drunk.

I was definitely drunk, but there was something off about his face.

"it went really well. We talked a lot. I learned a lot more about her. She's a lot like you actually." A random burp hit me and I shook my head a bit after letting that out. "I pretty much begged her not to go but she's very stubborn. However, I did manage to get her to pinky promise she'd give it another day before making that decision. Oh! And we have also decided that we are now best friends. But she's my best friend with a vagina so don't think I'm replacing you."

Definitely drunk.

I could tell that he didn't want to laugh at me, but I also knew that he couldn't help it. I said silly things a lot, but me being drunk made them occur more often. "Don't worry, Phil, I've got one of those too. She's on the couch," he pointed at the wall with his thumb. "She happens to be your best friend's twin sister," he nodded then folded his arms again. "Speaking of _my _best friend with a vagina," he tilted his head, "What in the actual FUCK, was that shit from earlier?" he asked, his expression serious again.

I tilted my head back and groaned loudly. "I don't want to have serious conversations, Daniel," I whined. "I just-" I sighed. "I felt like she was seeing Lydia the wrong way. Like she didn't realize Lydia was hurting too. The person she needed was Lydia and she just pushed her away. That wasn't the normal Carmen and I didn't mean to be harsh with her. I never wanted to hurt her and I know I did and I'm going to apologize and try to fix it," I managed to say before another burp flew out of my mouth. "I'm hungry."

Dan fanned his face and gave me a disgusted look, "That's good and dandy, Phil. But that's not exactly what I was referring to, although, I am curious as to why you suddenly have so much to say to her," he said then lifted both of his hands and - oh my God he was cupping my face, "And why you chose to say some of this things like this instead of with the harsh undertones," he spoke softly and slowly as he stared into my eyes.

I put my hands on his shoulders and pushed him back from me. "First of all, that was scary. Second, that is a whole other bowl of complicated crunch that I do not feel like eating right now."

"You just said you were hungry," Dan furrowed his eyebrows at me again. "Come on, stop being a bloody girl... Oh my God. Ew," he stuck his tongue out and made a nasty face as he flailed his arms. "Sorry," he shivered all over. "Bloody... girl... blood... vagina... placenta... What the fuck is wrong with me?" he shook his head and sighed. "But really though, that was weird. You were such a dick to her and then out of no where I thought you two were going to shag on the table."

I grabbed the sides of my head and closed my eyes. I was entirely too intoxicated for such a serious conversation and I honestly should've run away and locked myself in my room.

But when you've been walking around holding something in for years it starts to get to you and you'll eventually break.

"Because I'm in love with her, okay!" I exclaimed, flailing my arms around. I couldn't believe I actually said it to him.

Dan gave me his best 'what the fuck' look. "Riiiiiiight," he stared at me and his expression never changed. "And Phan is a real ship, too. Are you going to admit to being in love with me next?"

My face fell and I was genuinely pretty upset. "You don't believe me?" I asked. "I just confessed my biggest secret that I've held from you during our entire friendship and you think I'm lying." I laughed because considering how odd my life was, it actually wasn't surprising. "That's brilliant. I'm going to go to sleep now."

"Yeah, you should probably do that," Dan said as he patted my shoulder. "And seriously, I wouldn't go around making that joke to anyone else. Like Carmen for instance, as I don't think she'll see any humor in it," he told me.

"It's not a joke, Dan," I told him, being completely serious. "I've been in love with her probably since the first time I saw her. No girl has or probably ever will measure up to her. But because of one bloody thing, I can't tell her and neither can you so just pretend this conversation didn't happen, please." I walked to his door and opened it slowly so it wouldn't wake Carmen up then looked out the door to check to see if she was still asleep on the couch. She was but her dog was standing in front of me with his head tilted to the side like he was wondering what the fuck was wrong with me.

"Whatever you say, Phil," Dan responded, shoving my shoulder so that he could push me into the hallway. "I'm just going to pretend that none of this night happened... because of reasons that I cannot disclose to you. Good night.. Also, you've got a live show tomorrow afternoon, incase you forgot. You might want to think of an excuse to cancel it, as I've got a creeping suspicion that you're going to be a bit too hungover for all of that."

"I'll be fine," I defended as I bent down to pet Juneau. "What's wrong buddy? Did you get bored in there?" He wagged his tail and moved his head against my hand so I'd pet him more. I began making my way towards my room and I heard the little clicking of him following behind. When I opened my bedroom door, he walked in ahead of me and hopped onto my bed then just sat there and stared at me.

"Well. I guess you're sleeping in here then," I laughed as I closed the door.

I somehow managed to take my clothes off and put on a pair of pajama pants without falling and dying before I turned the light off and crawled into bed. The last thing I remember is feeling Juneau move to lay down next to me and put his head on my chest before I passed out.

Carmen's POV 

I groaned because I felt like I couldn't breathe... like there was another person laying on top of me or something. "Ju-Ju, get off of me," I mumbled, trying to push what I thought was my dog off of me.

What the hell?

I opened my eyes and -

"Bloody hell, this couch is so lumpy," Dan said as he wiggled around on top of me.

It took my all of three seconds to realize he was laying on me.

"Did I leave my Guitar Hero controllers on the couch again?" he said, then wiggled some more. "Bloody hell, there is something poking me right in my bum."

"That's my knee, you git," I laughed, trying to force it up further into his arse. "Dan, seriously, I can't breathe," I tried to push his shoulders up.

"What's that sound? The telly isn't on... Did I bum dial someone?" he moved his hand to his back pocket and his fingers got WAY too close to my lady parts.

"Okay, you're about a fingerbreadth away violating me!" I laughed against his shoulders as I forced one of my hands up from between our bodies.

I did the only logical thing I could think of.

I pinched his neck.

Dan squealed, kicked his legs and fell off of me and onto the floor.  
"Bloody hell!" he gasped and put his hand over his heart. "Carmen, how did you get there?!" he asked. "Is the couch lumpy to you too?" he scratched his head, looking at me like he was legitimately confused.

I sat up and continued laughing at him. It was times like this that I really appreciated our friendship.

"Yeah. You should really consider getting a new one. I think this one has crabs in it, as I felt something pinching my neck all night," I replied before I stretched my arms above my head and yawned.

"You gave my couch crabs?!" he looked at me with a shocked expression. "Carmen, you really should shave that bush you've got."

"You're off of your A-game, Dan," I laughed and started feeling around for my glasses. "Oh bloody hell, did you break my glasses again?"

"They're on your face," he responded and I put my hand up my eyes to find that they were still intact.

I wondered why my vision was so blurry and then I remembered that I spent the better part of three hours crying last night and that I'd actually cried myself to sleep.

"Oh," I laughed at myself and pulled them off so I could rub my eyes. I put them back on and I could see a bit better but my vision was still a little off and my eyes were sore and puffy.

"Where is Juneau," I said out of no where and started looking around the room like a mother who had just lost their child. I rushed to my feet and moved around the couch.

"Uh..." Dan cleared his throat. "Last time I saw him was last night..." I looked over at him to see that he had a weird expression on his face and I sighed loudly.

"Please tell me you didn't lose him, again, Dan," I brought my hand up to rub the side of my face.

Dan lost Juneau when he was a puppy, which wasn't really that long ago. We found him, thank God, but only after searching high and low and digging through Dan's dirty clothes hamper.

"Worse," Dan grimaced. "I'm pretty sure he's asleep with Phil."

Oh, perfect.

"Bloody balls in hell," I sighed as I ran my fingers through my insane bed or couch hair.

I walked down the hall slowly wondering if I even had the balls to open his bedroom door. I knew I had to though. I needed to take Juneau out and get him something to eat.

I took a deep breath as I opened Phil's bedroom door and peeked in.

And in a split second it was like nothing happened the night before and all my girly feels came crashing down on my face. Phil was lying on his back sleeping with Juneau lying down with his head on his chest and Phil's hand was on his back.

It was so cute I wanted to squeal and then die.

NO Carmen. No. You are mad at him. None of this.

He was a complete git to me last night. I had every right to be mad at him. Who did he think we was, even? Screaming at me the way he had?

He broke my heart.

Again.

And the worst part of all of it, was that he had no idea just how much his words affected me.

"Juneau," I whispered, not wanting to get too close to Phil.

His head popped up and he tilted it when he saw me. "Come on," I patted my leg to get him to move. He looked over at Phil, back at me, and laid his head back down on his paws.

"Are you serious right now?" I said out loud instead of whispering, putting my hand on my hip.

One of Phil's eyes opened and my heart fell out of my bum. He closed it again for a second and then opened both of them before putting his hand on his forehead and groaned.

Juneau perked up all happy-like and licked the side of his face. "Oh God!" Phil jumped and then started laughing. "I forgot you were in here," he said as he reached up and pet Juneau's head. He obviously hadn't noticed I was standing there yet so I cleared my throat.

Phil looked over at me with a completely shocked expression. "I'm- I'm sorry," he said as he sat up. "He was in the hallway when I came home and he followed me in here and jumped on my bed. I didn't have the heart to make him leave."

Fuck. Why'd he have to be so damn cute about it?

I sighed. "Whatever. I just need him to come with me so I can feed him and stuff. Come on, Juneau."

He finally hopped off of the bed and trotted past me like he was proud of making me interact with Phil or something.

As I was closing the door I heard, "Carmen I-" but I chose to ignore him and made my way down the hallway behind Juneau.

He had decided to go and love on Dan, which was fine, as long as I didn't have to be around Phil right now, I didn't care what happened.

"Awww," Dan was laying on the floor with his arms wrapped around JuJu as he licked the side of his face. "You wuv uncle Dan, don't you?" he baby talked, which was so bloody cute.

Of course I had to go and ruin it by thinking about how cute Phil had looked all cuddled up with him.

I rolled my eyes at myself and sat back down on the couch. I picked up my purse and started looking for his leash.

"So," Dan sat up and looked at me. "Are you going to call Lydia?"

I sighed and rubbed my face before looking at him. "I know I told you that I would, Dan, but I - she probably doesn't want to talk to me."

After Dan had calmed me down over the Phil thing, we had a serious conversation about what I had said to Lydia and how she had reacted. I really hadn't meant to hurt her feelings. I don't want to hurt anyone's feelings - but, walking in on her and Phil being cute in the kitchen made me feel like I was going to blow sick all over floor. Especially after he had spent the entire time that I've known him ignoring me.

Of course I knew that it wasn't her fault; no matter how it made me feel, she had no idea about how I felt about Phil, and it wasn't _her _fault that _he _was being so kind towards her when he wouldn't give me the time of day. Dan reminded me of that, and that's when I had agreed to call her.

"Actually... she does," he began. "Phil went and talked to her last night and she agreed to stay for another day, so you two could talk and stuff."

I sighed inwardly, because hearing about Phil was agitating me. Not because of Lydia, but because of everything he said to me last night, combined with the mind fuck of him doing a 180 and trying to be nice to me.

I didn't understand any of it and at this point, I didn't care to.

"I don't have a phone," I shrugged.

"I do," Dan flashed his around before tossing it to me. "Just call her, Carmen. It might not feel like it, but she is your sister and she wants you in her life.. Don't you want her in yours?"

Ugh. He sounded like Phil.

I got up from the couch and called Juneau over to me so I could hook his leash onto his collar. After putting my jacket on, I grabbed Dan's phone and headed towards the front door.

"So you're calling her then?" I heard him ask as I opened the door. I didn't reply, I just held the phone up, hoping that would answer his question.

I had made it all the way back to my flat so Juneau could eat, taken a quick shower, and changed my clothes and I still hadn't called her.

I had her name pulled up on Dan's phone, glancing at the screen every few seconds trying to think over what the I was going to say to her.

Once I finally realized that there was no way to actually prepare myself for this conversation, I hit send and hoped for the best.

_Ring. Ring. Ring. _

I heard a muffled sound. Then it sounded like the phone fell and hit something. Then I heard a muffled. "Fuck me in the ass. I swear!"

There were more noises like something being rubbed against the phone and I finally heard her speak.

"Hello?" she answered sounding like she was half past dead.

Had I not been so nervous, I would have been laughing, because it sounded like she was about as graceful as me. "Uh, hey," I said nervously. "It's Carmen..." I shifted my eyes around my apartment and looked for something to busy myself with so I wouldn't end up having a bloody panic attack while on the phone with her. "I know you probably don't want to talk to me right now, after last night.. But I just - I wanted to apologize. I -" I paused and sighed. "There was a lot on my mind and I didn't mean for what I said to hurt your feelings.. And, uh, I'm really sorry."

"Shit!" she sounded startled. "I thought you were Dan," she laughed and cleared her throat. "No. No, you don't have to apologize. I mean, I didn't even expect to hear from you again so I'm really happy you called. I know that I walked into your life and pretty much fucked everything up so, yeah. It's okay. I know you were upset. I'm sorry I was just like in your friends house like that when i'm sure you were trying to find someone to vent to about everything."

Cue the guilt.

"Don't be sorry... What I was upset over - just - it's not your fault. I was being irrational and I shouldn't have lashed out at you over it. I really am sorry.. It's just, I'd gone to see my parents and it didn't go very well at all and then I went to Dan's and I just freaked out and I'm rambling," I laughed at myself. "But I think, I mean, if you want to, maybe we could.. hang out? I need to do some shopping and stuff and I mean, we should get to know each other, right? We're the only family we have and-" I just stopped before I could make this conversation anymore awkward.

I was met with silence for a few seconds. "Seriously?" she asked sounding surprised. "I'd love that, actually. Yeah!" She seemed to wake up a lot more at that point. "When do you want to go?"

"Yeah!" I laughed, glad that she actually responded to that and didn't hang up on me for the weird family comment. "Umm, well, I need to take Dan's phone back to him, and you probably need some time to get ready, so.. Around 4?" I offered. "We could meet up at the Starbucks by my flat. Do you remember where it is?"

"Yeah, I do," she responded. "Knowing my way around London has been really helpful lately," she laughed. "I'm gonna go take some advil and attempt to look human and I'll meet you at 4. Oh! I meant to ask you if you needed a pair of glasses. I actually have an extra pair. I heard about Dan demolishing yours."

"Oh my God, yes! That would be amazing.. It'll take ages to order a new pair and these are so bloody lopsided it's ridiculous," I laughed, adjusting them. "And I can't make myself wear contacts because it feels like something is molesting my eyes when I have them in."

She started laughing pretty hard and it was honestly freaky because our laughs sounded exactly alike. "Well, I'm paranoid and carry 2 pairs with me because I have a habit of destroying glasses. I'll bring them with me when I come to meet you. See you at 4?"

"I should start doing the same," I laughed and ran my fingers through my nappy, wet hair. "And yeah, 4. See you soon, Lydia," I smiled to myself and hung up after she said bye back to me.

I sighed and let my head fall backwards a bit. "Well that went better than I expected," I said to myself.

I rushed around my house so I could finish getting ready. I was going to flat iron my hair but that would take days, so I just used the hair dryer so I wouldn't catch pneumonia from walking outside with wet hair.

I didn't want to leave JuJu by himself so I packed up some food and his bowls and hooked his leash back to his collar before heading back to Dan's.

I realized I had been gone for well over an hour and Dan had gotten all kinds of alerts on his phone. I thought about sending out a horrific tweet to his followers but I wasn't feeling much like trolling so I decided against it.

I knocked on his door and luckily he answered it instead of Phil. Although, captain Lets-be-an-ass-to-Carmen was sitting on the couch in the lounge. I avoided his gaze as I walked in.

"Did you call her?" Dan asked as he shut the door behind me.

I really like how he didn't ask why I'd been gone so long with his phone.

"I did," I smiled as I pulled it out of my pocket and handed it back to him. "I'm meeting her at 4. We're going to hang out for a bit."

He took it from me and got a really big grin on his face, like he was excited for me. "That's great! I told you you didn't have anything to worry about."

"That you did. Hey, I didn't want to leave this one at home by himself. Do you care to watch him? I brought his dishes and some food and he took a giant dump just before we got here so he shouldn't need to go out anytime soon," I asked Dan as I moved towards the dining room to take a seat at the table instead of sitting in the lounge.

Dan followed me, nodding. He bent down and unhooked Juneau's leash and started petting him. "What are you two getting into?" he asked without looking up at me.

"Well she's meeting me at Starbucks and I know we're going out so I can get a new phone.. And she's bringing me a pair of glasses since you destroyed mine with your giant foot," I laughed. "But other than that, I dunno." I shrugged.

"Carmen?" I heard Phil say my name before he walked into the dining room.

Ugh. What does he want now? And since when did he have such an interest in talking to me?

Maybe he wants to yell at me some more, or maybe rub it in my face, how nice Lydia is for offering me a pair of her glasses, then go on to tell me further about how horrible and self centered I am.  
Or perhaps he wanted to praise me for being nice to her.

Dan glanced over at Phil then at me before he and Juju walked out of the dining room and to the living room. Phil swallowed hard and did that thing where he adjusts his hair even though it looked perfect.

"I wanted to apologize for being so harsh to you last night. The last thing I wanted to do was hurt your feelings. I just- I really want you and Lydia to be able to have the sisterly sort of thing you've missed out on. It was none of my business though and I had no right to be mean," he told me, clearing his throat after. "I know that I've always been pretty quiet around you and I wish I could explain myself but- well- I am sorry and I'm going to stop walking around seeming like such a dickhead if you don't mind being around me, that is."

It took a lot to control my face as he said all of that.  
I felt like I was in the bloody twilight zone!

What the hell was even happening? Why was being so chatty all of the sudden? It didn't make any sense!

Also, it was very hard to hold onto my anger towards him. Curse my feelings and that cute face of his.

Actually you didn't just hurt my feelings, you broke my heart, yet again. And no, it was none of your business, but thanks for sticking your nose in it. Also, before last night, you saying you were going to start talking to me would have made me squeal. Now though, I can't even think of anything to say to you.

Of course I couldn't make myself say any of that.

"Thanks for the apology," I replied quietly, shifting my eyes around him so I didn't have to look directly at him. "I appreciate it."

He stepped towards me and sort of ducked down so that my eyes would have to meet his. "Carmen, I've known you for years. That was about as genuine as a dildo with the Queen's signature on it for sale on ebay." He pulled one of the chairs out and sat down in front of me. "I know I hurt your feelings and I swear I would take it back if I could. I also know I've acted like some mentally deficient, anti-social prick to you since we all started hanging out. Just don't walk around hating me, please. Let me just-" he sighed "let me just start over and treat you the way I should. Alright?"

"I could never hate you," I admitted, looking into those gorgeous eyes of his. It was rare, being able to look at them unless I was watching one of his videos. I could feel myself turning to putty. It was impossible to stay angry at him. "But I always thought that you hated me... Last night had me convinced of it," I shrugged, laughing lightly, because if I didn't laugh I might start crying. Or worse, grab his face and kiss him because his lips were closer to mine than they'd ever been before and - oh good God, FOCUS, Carmen!

I looked down at my hands so I could clear my mind because he made it very hard for me to think about anything other than his eyes and lips.

"I think starting over sounds great," I said, looking back up at him again.

"I've never hated you. I can promise you that," he smiled. "We'd love it if you and Lydia would come have dinner with us later. Or if you'd rather have some alone time, that's alright. But the offer is on the table if you'd like."

I'd rather have you on the table.

What.

I wasn't sure if I could stomach seeing him fawn over her again but I knew that if I was going to have her in my life, and yes, that's something that I wanted to try for, then I would have to deal with how it made me feel.

It isn't her fault - and if he likes her, it's not his either. You can't help who you fall for. Obviously.

I'm being irrational again.

Jesus Christ, girlmones. LEAVE ME ALONE!

"I'll leave it up to her to decide. But I'm sure she would love to. She seems to really like you. And Dan," I nodded then moved to stand up. "I should probably get going though. I don't want to leave her waiting for me or anything." I smiled.

"Yes, well. We did decide last night that we were best friends. I'm not sure that she remembers it though," he laughed as he walked along with me to the door. "She really wants to get to know you more and you deserve to have that kind of relationship in your life, Carmen." He opened the door and looked down at me like he wanted to say something else but decided against it. "You two have fun. We'll be here if you want to come by."

"I'll be back," I gestured towards the couch where Dan and JuJu were sitting together. "But thanks... I'll see you later," I did a bit of an awkward wave then walked out into the hallway.

Okay, so... yeah, I totally flailed around a little and released a quiet squeal once I was a safe distance away from their flat.

I don't know what happened or why he was acting the way that he was and as much as I wanted to question it - I wasn't going to allow myself to. Mostly because a part of me thought that the only reason he was doing it was to get Lydia to stay. I mean, she came here because of me... and he didn't seemed too thrilled about the fact that she might have been leaving.

Nope. Stop that right now.

It didn't take me long to get to Starbucks. Probably fives minutes or so. I walked in and looked around and saw that she was sitting at one of the tables close to the window with two cups sitting in front of her.

I made my way towards the table and grinned at her. "Hey," I said, not sure of if I should sit down or not. I noticed her shirt and started laughing and looked down at myself.

It was the same bloody shirt.

"Nice shirt," I pointed at her, still laughing.

"Oh my God," she started laughing as she looked down at her own shirt. "That is some freaky shit right there." She gestured towards the cup of coffee and smiled up at me. "Sit. I ordered you something. If you don't like it I can get you something else."

As I was sitting down she picked up her purse and started sifting through it before pulling out a glasses case that had the Batman symbol on it and sitting it in front of me. "Random choice of eyeglass case, I know," she laughed. "But there you go."

"I love it," I laughed as I picked it up. I opened the case up to see a pair of glasses that looked just like the ones I was wearing. "And thank you," I looked back up at her as I pulled them out and began exchanging them for the ones I had one. "I really do appreciate it. You know how long it takes for new prescriptions to come in," I closed the case and put it in my bag then picked up with cup from the table.

"Wow," I looked down at the cup after I'd taken a drink and then over at Lydia with a shocked expression. "This is what I drink. Dan too.. Also, I'm pretty sure Phil likes it as well."

Bullshit. I knew that he did, but I had to play it cool about him.  
"Speaking of, they invited us over for dinner again tonight. I told them I would leave it up to you, whether we go or not. I don't want to do anything that you don't want to, and I feel like I should make up for last night."

Oh brilliant, bring up the disaster that was last night. Good job.

"I would say I'm shocked about the coffee but at this point it would take a lot more to shock me," she laughed. "And how about we keep either of us from feeling like the Queens of Awkwardville and pretend last night never happened?" she smiled. "I'd love to go over there if you want to. We can do whatever. I'm just glad we're getting to hang out."

"That sounds great," I laughed. "And uh, yeah. I love hanging out with Dan, and I guess Phil too," I shrugged. "That probably sounded weird.. I'm just better friends with Dan," I nodded.

You can't stop all this awkward.

"Excuse me," a woman's voice came from over my shoulder and I looked behind me to see a girl who was probably in her mid-thirties smiling at me and Lydia. "I don't mean to interrupt, but I noticed you guys were wearing the same shirt, which I love.. but then I noticed how much you guys look alike and I had to ask... Are you two twins?"

Oh God.

"Uh.. yeah. Identical twins, actually," I laughed and glanced over at Lydia.

The woman looked really excited and her smile got a little wider. "I've always had a bit of an obsession with twins! It's so insane to see two people who look so much a like! Which one of you is older?"

Lydia's eyes got a little wider and I kept my gaze on her instead of looking at the woman again. "I am," I grinned. "My Mum told me when I saw her yesterday. I think I've got 8 or 9 minutes on you."

Lydia laughed. "I was feeling a bit hesitant about socializing I guess."

"Wow, wait," the girl looked confused. "You're American?" she asked Lydia.

"Uh. Yeah. Long story," she laughed before taking a sip of her coffee.

"Oh. Well, you're both so beautiful. I just had to say something. Sorry for sounding weird if I did," she laughed.

"No, it's totally okay," Lydia smiled up at her. "And thanks so much."

"Yeah, thanks," I smiled and the woman moved away from us.

I waited until she was out of earshot before laughing. "Wow, that was... interesting," I picked up my coffee again and took another sip. "Anyways, yeah, I don't care to go to Dan's and have dinner. I won't drink so much wine this time either. I'm really sorry about passing out on you that night."

"Please, don't be sorry. I know you were so overwhelmed," she said as she ran her fingers through her hair and sighed. "It was nice to get to know Dan and Phil. I've been fangirling over their Youtubes for ages now," she laughed. "Especially Dan," she said under her breath as she brought her coffee cup up to take another sip. "I wish there had been a way for me to tell you I even existed that wasn't so damn shocking but I couldn't think of any other way and it might've been selfish but I couldn't make myself just pretend you didn't exist. I felt like I found you for a reason or something."

"Especially Dan?" I repeated her and raised my brows while grinning. "And it would have been shocking any way you went about it, honestly. Had I seen the video- I probably would have showed up at your doorstep," I laughed.

"Okay, that makes me feel better about dropping in on your life like a bomb of what the fuck," she laughed and rubbed her forehead. "Uh, yeah. I've been sporting a lady boner for that dude for like 2 years," she admitted. "And of course in person he's like 900 times cuter and funnier. Jesus on a boat, I feel like such a girl around him. I don't like it," she laughed.

I snorted at her and started shaking my head. "Dan is something else, that's for sure." I sat my cup down on the table. "And they tend to have that effect on people, honestly. I don't know many girls who don't think that Dan is gorgeous or who don't turn into a heaping pile of fangirl because of him... Well, I don't, but you know," I laughed. "The same goes for Phil. Girls just radiate towards them."

She tilted her head a bit and raised an eyebrow. "Do I detect some extra feels from Carmen in the Phil department?"

Oh fuck.  
Oh shit.  
Oh fuck.

"What?" I laughed and I could feel my face heating up. "Well, he's.. you know, gorgeous and - but, he's," I held my hands out in front of me, talking with them because I couldn't talk about him with words. I didn't want to lie to her, but I'd never owned up to liking him to anyone. Well, not since I was 16, excluding Dan, of course.

I sighed. "I've had a crush on him since I can remember," I admitted, and let me just say, it felt so bloody good to say it out loud to an actual person and not to my computer screen, referring to him as 'Bright-Eyes.' "But, he and I don't really have the greatest relationship," I shrugged.

Her eyes got wide and she just stared at me for several seconds which made me feel like I should've kept my mouth shut. "You guys would make like the cutest couple ever," she finally spoke up. "Wait. I'm not basing this on appearance though because that would mean I mean with me and I think Phil is gorgeous and awesome but we don't fit that way," she laughed. "But like, that first night we all hung out I saw the way he looked at you and you looked at him and I wondered if anything was going on but I didn't feel like it was my place to ask. Maybe he's always liked you too and he's just like super shy or scared?"

I laughed loudly without meaning to. But hearing someone say that Phil was looking at me was just flat out hilarious. "Sorry, I didn't mean to laugh but, you're crazy," I shook my head. "I've known him for ages and I'm pretty sure he pays more attention to the toilet paper he blows his nose on." The sad part about that, was that it was probably completely true. "Please don't tell him, though.. I know that sounds ridiculous, but he and I just.." I shook my head again. "Things are already pretty uncomfortable between us and they have been for a while."

"Oh I won't say anything. I promise. It's not my place. But I am sure I saw him watching you when you weren't paying attention. I'm not making that up," she grinned before taking another sip of her coffee. "So, what is on the agenda for the day?"

"Well, I need to get a new phone, and a new ethernet cable since Juneau chewed mine up, but other than that," I shrugged. "I guess what we do is fair game. So, if there's anything you want to do, we can do it," I grinned.

We left Starbucks and headed for the Apple store - though, we got sidetracked at the t-shirt shop next door. Apparently we both have crazy obsessions with graphic tees. We got a couple of new shirts each and I actually ended up with a surprise one that I said I couldn't afford, but Lydia got it for me and snuck it into my bag while I wasn't looking.

We finally made it to the Apple store, though and I finally got a new phone. I didn't even turn it on though; I knew if I would have I would have been paying way too much attention to twitter and tumblr and Lydia was my main focus right now.

All in all, we had a lot of fun. Or well, I did. We laughed a lot, talked about food, and Dan and she tried to get me to talk about Phil, but I'm not really ready to open that can of worms with anyone.

Once we were all finished we were on our way back to their flat for dinner and I had no idea what I was in for tonight.

I just hoped it went better than the night before.


	5. Carmen Copy

Lydia's POV

Wow. I was not expecting things to turn around the way they had. I had every intention of waking up and sitting around feeling like an asshole before booking my flight back to the states but Carmen had shocked the hell out of me by calling me so we could hang out.

I was so excited and super fucking nervous. I didn't really know what to expect but things ended up going so well. It felt more natural and not totally weird to be around her. It was like we were old friends just spending the day together.

I hadn't realized until we were hanging out that, up until then, most of our short time together had been spent sort of staring at each other like "Is this real life?" It was very bizarre to see how much alike we really were but comforting as well to know that I really wasn't alone.

That sounded so emo.

I couldn't believe it when she told me about Phil, though. That was my main shocked moment of the day other than the fact that we'd managed to wear the same shirt.

Her telling me that made it even harder to keep what I knew to myself.

I also couldn't believe I'd told her about my Dan crush. I couldn't stop myself though. She was so easy to talk to. I hadn't planned on saying a word about that at all because I guess that sort of made it real? I'm not sure. But we had both promised to keep quiet about our true feelings and I knew I could trust her.

"Holy shit. I have never met anyone who even knew that movie existed!" I said as we approached Dan's door.

"People Under the Stairs is a fucking brilliant film. I don't know why more people haven't seen it!" she replied.

"Right? I drove my parents crazy with that damn movie," I laughed, remembering how I wanted to watch it all the time and my parents thought I was weird.

Because I was weird.

Carmen and I both raised a hand to knock on it and we both started laughing. "I'll let you do the honors," she told me, holding her arms out towards the door. I knocked three times and a few seconds later I heard the sound of the door opening.

Dan was standing in front of us smiling but his smile fell. "Uh.." he cleared his throat and brought his hand to his hair, scratching his head. "Wow, I don't know who is who right now," he laughed and then moved to the side so we could come in.

He shut the door behind us and walked around us, studying us, like he was trying to figure it out. Neither of us had said a word. I think we were both enjoying the fact that he couldn't tell us apart.

I looked over at her just as she looked at me and we just grinned. This twin thing was becoming fun.

"Hi!" Phil waved, looking all happy and cute as he walked in. He noticed Dan standing there with his arms folded and his head tilted as he stared at us. "What's going on?" he asked, obviously confused.

No one said anything to answer Phil, which made both of us laugh our freakishly similar laugh.

Dan sighed loudly and looked over at Phil. "I can't bloody tell them apart! They're both wearing glasses and the same bloody shirt and neither of them are saying anything so I can't use the accent as a guide to know who is who."

Phil rolled his eyes and shook his head. "What? It's easy." He pointed towards Carmen. "That's Carmen and that's Lydia," he said as he pointed from her to me.

We both turned to look at each other with our mouths hanging open. "What the hell? How did you do that?" I laughed.

"Uh," Phil's eyes got wide and I noticed his cheeks turn a bit pink. "I'm very observant?"

I wanted to make a comment so bad. SO BAD. But, I was being a good girl.

"I don't know if I'm impressed or freaked out," Dan spoke up and I looked over at him to notice that his eyes were really wide. "Seriously that is horrific. Please don't dress the same again. It's so confusing!"

"We didn't do it on purpose," Carmen chuckled. "But I think we should," she glanced over at me and grinned. "What about you?"

"Oh yes. Definitely," I nodded, grinning as well. "We should hit up that t-shirt shop again tomorrow and see what we can come up with. This could be fun."

"You know, you could do some awesome videos together if Lydia would want to, Carmen. Your views will probably go through the roof," Phil said as he opened the refrigerator and peeked inside.

"Which means more money," I nodded. "Money for matching outfits to confuse people," I added, laughing.

"That's actually not a bad idea.. I remember when I found out Jacksgap had a twin," she laughed and fanned her face.

"Oh my hormones," I sighed and put my hand over my heart. "Seriously. The fact that there are two of such an insanely gorgeous man seems just impossible," I laughed.

"And you two don't think people think the same about you?" Phil asked and I immediately looked at Carmen to see her reaction.

She grinned and shifted her eyes around a bit and I noticed that her face was turning a bit red like it had in Starbucks when she mentioned him.

"Phil has a point," Dan spoke up as he started taking our bags from us and moving towards the table to sit them down. "I can already see the comments of people wanting to be sandwiched between you two," he said, looking from Carmen to me.

"That's a wonderful thing to think about, Dan." Carmen laughed and threw her hands. "Thanks for that."

"You want to be sandwiched between us?" I asked, an eyebrow raised. Why the hell was I comfortable enough to be so bold with him without alcohol?

"I'm sure that Carmen won't mind us smushing you between us right now," I laughed.

"Oh God, please don't," Phil held his hands up, laughing. "I bought more wine, by the way."

"Wine!" Carmen and I both said at the same time before laughing at the same time.

"They're becoming synchronized, Dan," Phil said to him like we weren't in the room. "I'm afraid."

"I'm still trying not to get turned on by the whole sandwiched between them thing," he said, wiggling his eyebrows with a very serious expression. "If you two don't do at least one video together I will be forced to eat my weight in Maltesers as I cry over what could have been."

"You would eat your weight in Maltesers anyways," Carmen laughed and moved over to the table to sit down. "I do want to do a video with you though," she looked over at me and grinned. "Maybe we can sandwich Jack and Finn between us," she laughed and rolled her eyes because she was kidding.

I looked over at Dan and Phil to say they were having their own twin moment by poking their bottom lips out. "But what about us?" Phil asked.

I had to look at Carmen again and she had literally had to cover her mouth in a subtle way to control whatever emotion from flying out of her. My guess is that it was some sort of fangirl scream.

"I think we'd sandwich you two before we'd sandwich those twins any day," I winked and they both started smiling again. "Poor babies. We hurt their feelings," I said as I looked at Carmen again and laughed.

"Who wants wine?" Phil asked as he picked up the bottle on the counter.

"I do!" Dan, Carmen, and I all raised our hands and said it at the same time.

"As do I. I shall pour it," he said while he began pulling the wine glasses down. "I swear, we're not alcoholics, Lydia," he laughed.

"Oh I know," I replied as I reached back to pull my hair into a pony tail with the rubber band I had around my wrist. "I probably look like one though because I drink wine like every night to wind down. Law school and working at law office sort of make nightly glasses of wine a requirement."

"Yes!" Dan said out of nowhere and we all looked over at him to see that he had a really excited look on his face. "No one else understood it! I'm not in school anymore, but oh my GOD, I wanted to drink myself into a coma everyday because I hated it so much," he shook his head. "I'm so glad I'm not doing that right now. I really don't know how you deal. It's impressive, actually," he smiled at me.

Those dimples. Holy fuck, those damn dimples. "Thank you," I replied, smiling back at him. "I honestly don't know how I've made it this far. I graduate this month. Which reminds me, I need to email my Professors about not being in class tomorrow." I only had two classes I was taking so I wasn't entirely too worried about it. School and even graduating had been the farthest thing from my mind since Thursday.

"I've got an idea!" Carmen gasped and jumped up from her seat and started looking around for something. Within a few seconds she found whatever she was looking for, which was apparently a laptop that was on the other end of the table. She picked it up and moved back to her seat and sat it down in front of her and started laughing as she glanced back up at Dan. "Hey Dan, why were you watching one of my videos from 2007?" she asked with her head tilted.

Dan looked at her with his eyebrows furrowed together, "I wasn't..." he responded, then glanced behind him into the kitchen where Phil was standing.

He was in the middle of taking a sip of his wine and froze as we all looked towards him. I saw his cheeks turn a bit pink as he eyes darted back and forth between all of us. "I literally have no excuse," he laughed, shaking his head.

I wanted to have a fangirl moment for my sister so bad but I controlled myself.

Carmen kind of just hid behind the screen. She was probably about to explode. "So, I was thinking we could play a drinking game," she spoke up, even though none of us could see her. "We can listen to Cry and his friends reading that horrid Harry Potter fanfiction, My Immortal, and anytime we laugh, we have to drink."

"Oh my God. That is brilliant!" I laughed. "I fucking love Cry and I love listening to them read that abomination."

"They should read some of the horrible things written about us," Phil said as he sat Carmen's glass of wine down next to her hand. He handed his to me and I smiled up at him. "Thank you, sir."

"You're welcome," he replied. "Are you two hungry? We can order some food."

"I'm starving," Carmen replied, her head popping up from behind the laptop. "Do you guys want pizza? Please say you want pizza, because I really want pizza," she said quickly, looking from me, to Dan, and then at Phil, who she looked away from to look at me again.

"Calm your tits, spazz," Dan laughed. "Pizza is fine with me. You all know I'm not picky," he shrugged and looked over at me, grinning but he didn't say anything.

I had only had one sip of wine and was already fighting the urge to get off of that chair and pounce him like a cat in heat. "Pizza is fine with me."

"Same here," Phil agreed as he pulled his phone out of his pocket. "I shall order it."

An hour later we were all sitting in the living room on the floor around the coffee table eating our pizza and drinking wine. I think all of us were pretty buzzed. Apparently I wasn't the only lightweight.

"I think it's also weird that not only are you two identical twins but you were born on Halloween," Phil said before tipping his glass back to drink the last sip of his wine.

"Yeah. We're witches too," I nodded with a completely serious look on my face. "That's our other secret."

"I knew there was something off about you two," Dan said looking directly at me. He had been keeping this really intense eye contact with me all night. "Care to show me a trick?"

I had to take a rather large sip of my wine to control myself. What was he trying to do to me? "Um. I don't know any tricks," I said as I sat my glass down on the table. "Oh! But I can do this!"

I sat up a bit straighter and then opened my mouth as wide as possible before putting my fist in it.

Hey, that's a trick.

"Oh my good Lord," Phil said as I pulled my hand out of my mouth and laughed. "Can you do that?" he asked, looking over at Carmen and grinning.

She was cuddled up with her dog looking like the picture of innocence as she giggled at what I had just done. "Uhhh," she sat up too and opened her mouth and tried to stick her hand inside of it without balling her fist up first. She paused to laugh and then did it the right way, getting all of it inside. "Wid I woo it?" she asked, looking around at each of us.

Bless her. She was drunk.

"Okay the image of being sandwiched between you two is coming back again," Dan said seriously, but then started laughing. "The only thing you two are missing for your witchiness are wands."

"I'm sure you two wouldn't mind letting us borrow yours?"  
I have no fucking clue of why that horribly perverted sentence flew out of my mouth but it did and there was no turning back.

Phil literally spit his wine out on himself because he started laughing so hard.

"I'm sorry. I have no idea of where that came from," I laughed, shaking my head. "Apparently it's perverted Lydia drunk night."  
"I don't know about Phil, but I don't mind letting you grope my wand for a bit," Dan countered.

"I have that same problem everyday," Carmen spoke up. "It must run in the family," she said and then started laughing like that was the funniest thing in the world. "I guess I'm just lucky and I haven't had any word vomit spew out. If I keep drinking like this though," she held her wineglass up and looked at it before she threw her head back and finished off what was left inside of it.

I was thankful that Carmen started talking right after Dan because I think I was 2 seconds from having an orgasm just hearing those words fly out of his mouth even if he was joking.

"Ya know. That's something I have never been able to say until now," I said to her. "The whole something runs through my family thing. I can actually say it now!" I laughed. "I am so easily excited. Wow."

"I like how that was almost sort of depressing and then it wasn't," Phil laughed. "And Carmen, would you like some more wine? I think it'd be fun to see if we can get some word vomit," he grinned as he held the wine bottle up.

"You say that now," she laughed and extended her arm so he could pour more wine into her glass. "But, you of all people would probably be quite surprised at what I might say," she said carelessly then took another sip from the glass once he'd finished refilling it.

I noticed that Dan was looking at Carmen when she said that, like he was really amused by it. "I have to agree," he laughed and she looked back over at him and narrowed her eyes and shook her head almost in a threatening way.

It was very hard not to laugh at their exchange because I'm pretty sure I understood what it was about even though at that point I was in drunkland instead of buzzed land.

"Is that so?" Phil grinned at her before filling my glass as well. "I quite like surprises."

"Mmm. As do I," I said before taking a sip of my wine. I heard a beeping sound and we all looked towards our phones.

Well, I didn't because my phone wasn't there. I realized I'd left it in my purse. "Dammit," I groaned as I pulled myself up from the floor. I made my way into the kitchen and sifted through my purse to find my phone before I started scrolling through the random texts from my Mom and emails I'd ignored throughout the day since I'd been with Carmen.

"I'm actually shocked that my Mum hasn't blown my phone up," I heard Carmen say before I heard her burp rather loudly. "Is that who is was, Lydia? Your Mum?"

I heard footsteps from behind me followed by the feeling of hands on my hips and my body being turned around and then a pair of lips crashing against mine as my body was being tilted backwards. Though, too soon the lips left mine and I opened my eyes to see Dan's gazing down at me, a dimpled grin on his face. He stared at me for a few seconds and slowly raised me back up before he let go of me and walked into the kitchen without saying a word.

"Lydia?" I heard Carmen speak again. "Are you okay?"

No. I'm not. I think I might be in shock.  
Help.  
Help.  
Oh holy fuck.

I managed to clear my throat and snap out of it. "Yeah, I'm fine," I said as I walked back towards the living room. "Sorry. I was reading an email," I told her while I sat down next to her on the floor again. "Oh and yeah, my Mom was texting me. She has been in worried Mom mode since all of this went down. Now she's wanting to know all about you. I told her I'd send her a picture of us soon."

"I can take one now," Phil offered.

I looked over at Carmen and she still looked sober though I knew she wasn't at all. "You down for it, other me?" I asked, laughing at myself.

She nodded and scooted closer to me. "Yeah. Oh! I bet she won't be able to tell us apart either," she laughed. "You should ask her if she can," she nodded and leaned her head in towards mine and rested it on my shoulder and looked at Phil, who didn't even have my phone to snap a picture of us yet and smiled.

"Awwww," I said as I reached up to pet the side of her face.

"You two look so cute. It should probably be illegal how adorable that is," Phil said as he took my phone from me but I noticed how his eyes were fixated on Carmen when he said it.

"Alright. 3, 2, 1," he said after holding the phone up and he snapped the photo before handing the phone back to me. Carmen and I leaned in towards the screen to see it.

"Oh wow. That's so bizarre to see in a photo," I said, absolutely mesmerized by how we looked. "I honestly don't think she'll be able to tell us apart."

"You're a Carmen copy," Dan said as he sat back down beside Phil. Acting like the little kiss in the kitchen didn't just happen.

"Carmen copy," Carmen giggled. "Can you send that to me? I want to freak my Mum out."

I laughed at what Dan said as well and tried not to look at him. I felt like a fucking 7th grader who had just been kissed for the first time or something.

"Yes I shall," I told her as I looked down at my phone to send it to my Mom.

"We should play that drinking game you were talking about, Carmen," Phil suggested.

"Oh okay!" Carmen said excitedly as she leaned over to grab the laptop off of the floor that was still open from when she had mentioned it the first time. I looked over to see that her video was still opened and that she was grinning at the screen because of it before she started typing in 'Cry and friends read My Immortal.'

It started playing and Carmen started laughing at it. "I am going to be so drunk by the end of this," she said and sat it down beside her.

"My bum hurts. Let's sit on the couch," Dan spoke up and pushed himself up off of the ground.

"Damn it, Dan!" Carmen laughed and picked the laptop back up.

He smiled down at me and offered me his hand to help me up.  
I placed my hand in his and he pulled me up like it took no effort. "Thank you sir," I smiled up at him.

"No problem," he replied with that damn panty dropping grin of his. He turned around to sit on the couch behind him and Phil was already sitting there as well.

I turned to see that Carmen was already sitting on the couch across from that one and had sat the laptop on the table next to it.

"You can't sit next to her," Dan told me as I moved over towards the couch Carmen was sitting on. "I'm sorry, but I'm getting a buzz and looking at you two together is too much to process," he glanced over at Phil. "Go sit with Carmen. We each can have our own twin."

"Well, when you put it that way," Phil said as he stood up from the couch. He made his way over to Carmen and sat down as I slipped my shoes off and sat down on the couch turned sideways so I'd be turned towards Dan.

I looked over at Carmen to see that she had a big grin on her face while she was taking a sip of her wine. I wondered what was going through her mind. I had an urge to text her to flip out but I figured Dan would see it.

It got quiet in the room as we all listened to the beginning of the video that Carmen had paused while we had all gotten situated.

We had all had to take a drink and we hadn't even gotten two minutes into it yet.

We were definitely going to be shitfaced by the end of this.

"What in the actual fuck is this?" Dan laughed as one of the guys on the recording say "I'm not going out with Draco anymoreeeeeee." He raised his wine glass and took a drink and nearly spewed it all over me a few seconds later, because one of them said "I ran to the Forbidden Forest where I lost my virility."

All of us laughed at that part though, and we all took another drink.

"I have to peeeeeee," Carmen said through her giggles as she kicked her feet. "Oh my God, this was such a horrible idea!"

Her saying that must have triggered my bladder because the urge hit me as well. "Now I have to pee!" I laughed.

"Just go together like most girls do and talk about Dan and I," Phil nudged Carmen's arm with his elbow.

I handed my glass of wine to Dan and stood up before walking over to Carmen and holding my hand out for her to take. "To the bathroom we shall go, my twin!"

Carmen took my hand and pulled herself up and I'm really surprised I didn't topple over on top of her. She led me to the bathroom because I had no idea where it was. "It's a tight squeeze," she laughed. "Good thing we're both so small," she followed in behind me and held her arms out to the toilet. "You can go first."

"Thank you," I said breathlessly because I was dancing around feeling like I was about to piss on myself. I quickly undid my pants before sitting down. "Carmen," I whispered her name. "Holy shit. Dan totally kissed me in the kitchen."

"What!" she shrieked, looking away from the mirror and down at me. She had a big grin on her face and her eyes were really wide. "Oh shit! How was it? Wait, what? When did you two sneak into the kitchen to snog?!" she laughed.

"We didn't!" I laughed, trying to keep my voice low. "When I went to check my phone he just walked in and kissed me. It was out of fucking nowhere and oh my god, it was amazing," I told her as I finished my business.

I got up and moved out of the way for her after flushing the toilet. "I swear, I don't think I have ever wanted someone as much as I want that boy," I whispered and then laughed at myself. "But I'm scared shitless."

Carmen was pulling her pants off of her hips when she froze and looked at me, her eyes wide again. "Have you not lost your virility?" she asked quietly with the most serious expression, which only made what she said funnier, and then she started laughing at what she said.

I lost it and started laughing really hard. There was no way that Dan and Phil couldn't hear me but I couldn't control it. By saying my virility she meant my virginity but she was making a reference to the horrible fanfiction we were listening to.

"No, I haven't," I answered her as I reached up to wipe tears from the corners of my eyes from laughing so hard. "Yeah, I know. I'm 22 and a virgin. What the hell?" I laughed.

"Oh my God!" she screamed, shuffling her feet against the ground while she did her business. I'm sure Dan and Phil were wondering what in the actual fuck was going on in here. "So am I," she whispered. "I'm literally the only person I know who hasn't shagged someone! I get teased all the time for it!"

"What?!" I shrieked, completely blown away by what she'd just told me. "Are you serious?" I whispered even though I'd just screamed like a dumbass. "Okay. We scare me," I laughed, shaking my head. "I feel much better now. Although I don't know how much longer I'll be able to keep my virility with that gorgeous british dude I'm sitting next to in there."

She started laughing again and nearly fell over sideways as she stood up from the toilet, pulling her pants up. "Seriously, if he wasn't my bff and I wasn't basically in love with his bff, I would shag him," she shrugged and then started laughing. "Wow, I can't believe I just said that," she shook her head and leaned over me to start washing her hands.

"Well, you did. You naughty girl," I laughed, messing with her. "Speaking of his bff. He's been like eyefucking you and flirting with you all night. Seriously. I've been paying attention."

"He has been flirty, hasn't he?!" she looked at me like she was shocked by it. "It's so bloody weird. I don't think you understand. Like, before you came here, he never even looked at me and he certainly never talked to me. I am completely mind boggled by it!" she laughed again and started flinging her hands to get the water off of them.

"Well, whenever you two get married just remember to thank me for it since he has made some sort of turn around since I arrived," I winked at her and turned to look at my reflection in the mirror. I knew she was standing right there but it still caught me off guard.

"Fuck me. It's really weird, isn't it," I said as I gazed at our reflection.

She looked at me in the mirror and nodded at me. "I almost feel confused right now," she chuckled. "Like I'm not sure who I am," she shook her head and moved her hands to mine, moving it side to side, making me shake mine as well. "Weirrrrrrrrrrd."

I cracked up laughing really loudly again. "You are fucking hilarious," I said before I just grabbed her and hugged her. "I just wanna squish you and love on you!"

"What the hell are you two doing in there?" Phil's voice came from the living room.

Carmen was laughing now too and she squeezed me really hard before we both started pulling away. "We're bonding," she answered and pulled the door open so we could walk back out of it.

"Oh yeah?" Dan said just as we made it back into the living room. "Did that bonding include seeing if you both look the same naked?"

Carmen and I both stopped walking and started laughing at what Dan asked. I noticed that instead of laughing he got that confused look on his face again.

He couldn't figure out who was who.

This was too much fun.

"Confused again, Dan?" Phil asked sounding quite amused.

"It's not like it's hard to confuse them, Phil," Dan glanced over at him and then back at Carmen and I. "Seriously, which one of you is Lydia and which one of you is Carmen?"  
We both raised our hands and started cackling again.

"Oh bloody hell, Dan picked his glass up and took another swig from it. "I feel like I should know this, because it could end up being very bad for me one day if I confuse you two."

It was very, very hard for me not to react to that but I didn't. We just stood there looking at them for a few seconds while they stared and I'm sure bothered the hell out of Dan.

Then, I got a brilliant idea. I leaned over and whispered what it was in Carmen's ear and she giggled before nodding.

We waited a few seconds and then I grabbed her hand. "Come play with us," we both said, imitating the twins from The Shining.

"What the fuck!" Dan shrieked in a very high pitched voice. "No. No. NO," he said looking terrified, curling up against the corner of the couch. "You two need to be mentally evaluated."

"Oh God. I think I'm going to have nightmares," Phil said in a pitiful sounding voice as he pulled his hoody up over his face. It was hilarious to me that we managed to reduce two grown men to what they were acting like.

But being the weakling I am, Dan all curled up on the couch looking scared like that was just too sad for me. "Awww!" I said but couldn't stop myself from laughing as I walked over and climbed onto the couch. "I'm sorry. Poor baby," I said as I reached over and rubbed his back.

Dan pretended to shake as he slowly started to look over at me. "You two are evil," he pouted, and then slowly sat back up, keeping a little bit of distance because I'm sure he wanted to continue to be dramatic.

From the corner of my eye I saw Carmen staring at Phil, still standing in the spot where I'd left her, though after a second or two she made her way towards Phil and plopped down on his lap, which probably scared him since he had his face hidden and she wrapped her arms around him, giving him a big hug. "You're so cute when you're scared," she laughed.

Phil's head slowly emerged from his hoody and he wrapped his arms around her to hug her back. "Well, you're pretty much cute when you do everything."

Excuse me while I die of cute overdose. I felt like I should stop staring but I couldn't.

"I'd be cute doing you," she responded and then gasped and looked down at him with big eyes.

"You got your word vomit," Dan laughed, and then didn't stop laughing because of the look on both of their faces.

Carmen's face was red and I could tell that even though she was drunk she was thoroughly embarrassed at herself and she slowly slid off of his lap and onto the cushion beside him without saying a word.

Phil went from looking shocked to disappointed and he turned and looked over at her with his arms held out. "Hey! No one said to go away. Why did you go away?" he asked. "I was enjoying being your chair, for your information."

"I dunno.." Carmen glanced over at me and then back at Phil before standing up only to sit down on his lap again. She started laughing out of nowhere as she wiggled her hips. "Why is this chair so lumpy?" she said through her giggles, looking over at Dan.

"Because Phil wants to give you the D," Dan responded without missing a beat.

"Dan!" she laughed and shook her head, bringing her palm up to her forehead.

"She's going to feel the D if she doesn't stop wiggling round like that," Phil responded and my mouth fell open.

"What the hell was in that wine?" I asked, laughing.

"What the fuck is happening right now?" Dan laughed and scooted closer to me, nonchalantly putting his arm around my shoulders.

"I've been wondering the same thing," Carmen spoke up, looking much less embarrassed but even more confused.  
"Well, right now it looks like Dan is slowly making moves on Lydia while I enjoy having Carmen sitting on my lap smelling absolutely amazing," he said before leaning forward and sniffing her neck.

Carmen shivered all over and her body rocked on his hips again but she stopped herself. "I'm so sorry!" she looked down at Phil, "I didn't mean to make the D mad by doing that."

"Are you a virgin or something?" Dan laughed. "Trust me, you're making the D very happy by doing that, Carmen."

I was taking a sip of my wine when Dan asked that and I nearly got choked. Carmen looked over at me and as soon as we made eye contact we started laughing.

"I'm confused," Phil said as he reached up to move a piece of Carmen's hair off of her shoulder.

I cleared my throat after taking another sip of wine. "We are virgins." I decided just blurting it out was the best route to take.

Phil looked at me like he was waiting for me to laugh and then looked at Carmen who was now looking at him. "Are you really?" he asked and I couldn't help but notice the smile on his face.

I could feel Dan staring at the side of my face but I decided to hold off looking at him because these two were fucking adorable.

Carmen looked down at him and nodded, grinning. "Really, really," she answered him.

"You two are serious?" Dan spoke up and I could see a bit of shock on his face. "Not that you act like raging whores but," he held his hands up, "you're both gorgeous and let's face it, who makes it past 12 these days without having sex with someone?"

"Apparently we do," I laughed. "I mean, I had opportunities but I every time I just would end up not wanting to. The guys I dated ended up being assholes in the end so I am glad I never did. It's not like I'm waiting for marriage or I think it's some hugely sacred thing. I just haven't yet," I shrugged.

"And you?" Phil asked, looking up at Carmen like she was some sort of majestic creature or something. The look he got on his face everytime he looked at her was so adorable.

Carmen shrugged, "You remember my ex boyfriend Eric, right? He was a tool, and the only other guy I've ever liked never really seemed interested in me," she explained. "I think I'm with Lydia on this.. It's not the biggest deal, I just want the person to mean something to me and know I mean something to them too."

"Well, I think that's a very good thing," Phil replied as he wrapped his arms around her again. "It shows self respect."

"And most dudes think virgins are really hot, right?" I laughed.

"It's very attractive, yes," Dan spoke up again. "For a bunch of different reasons. Like Phil said, it shows self respect, and I believe as a man, we like the idea of being the first to do anything, especially that," he laughed lightly. "I never expected it from either of you, though... You're both so perverted."

"Not all virgins are prudes, Dan," Carmen told him. "I was only shocked that you were a virgin because you're my age, which probably shouldn't be so shocking because I am too.. but he's right. These days kids are getting D before they get their P's... P's, pubes.." she laughed at herself because no one seemed to get what she meant by it.

"I'm so glad that I have an amusing sister," I laughed as I brought my glass to my lips and took another sip of wine. Not that I needed anymore at that point. "Maybe we're also perverted because we've got a lot of sexual frustration going on from never having any D. It can't be from lack of masturbation because I do plenty of that."

"I love how we're just laying all the cards out for everyone to see this evening," Phil laughed.

"Oh come on, Phil Everyone masturbates. At least she's actually capable of admitting it," Dan told him. "I hate when people try to say that they don't. It's so bloody annoying."

"I would either be in jail for murder or be a raging alcoholic if I didn't masturbate," Carmen chuckled. "It's like.. okay - bad day? Masturbate. Good day? Masturbate. Turned on? Masturbate. Not turned on? Get turned on and masturbate. Hungry? Eat then masturbate. Can't sleep? Masturbate."

We all started laughing so hard. Phil had his forehead pressed against Carmen's shoulder and no sounds were even coming out. His body was just shaking.

"That was so fucking accurate for me it's not even funny. We can't forget the porn too. I like that shit," I nodded, pointing towards her.

"Oh my God. This is like the best conversation ever," Phil laughed as he leaned his head back on the couch again.

"Okay, since we're being open. When is the last time you all masturbated?" I asked as I readjusted my sitting position which conveniently put me even closer to Dan. Part of my back was leaned against his chest. In fact he was so close I could feel his breath on my ear and I almost moved because I was afraid I was going to soil the fucking couch as soon as I felt it.

"This morning," Dan answered first. "Well, this afternoon, rather, when I woke up. Gotta love morning wood," he said shamelessly.

Carmen tapped her chin, and I could tell that she was thinking. "It's been a couple of days for me... Before I came over here to film with Dan. Like right before... in the shower.. Gotta love those detachable shower heads."

"Oh yes ma'am," I laughed.

"In the shower about half an hour before you two arrived," Phil answered. I noticed he was now running his fingers through the back of Carmen's hair and I wanted to squeal and fist pump or something.

I shipped them SO. HARD.

"Oh! My turn," I laughed. "Um. Oh wow. It was actually the night before I found out about everything so it's been a while which is odd for me."

"Same," Carmen laughed and shifted around on Phil's lap a bit. "Like I said, any occasion is a good occasion for it."

"Okay," Dan began, moving around on the couch a bit to get more comfortable. "If we're getting personal... Who or what inspired it and who or what did you think about?" he asked. "For example, I had morning wood, so it was natural and I thought about getting a blow job."

Oh shit. I hadn't thought about being asked that and I knew that I already had a look of a deer in headlights.  
For someone who was trying to become a lawyer, I sucked at keeping a poker face sometimes.

"Ummm," I laughed. "Fuck my life," I hid my face with my hands. "I thought about you."

"Wooo! Go Dan!" Phil cheered from across the room and laughed.

Dan looked over at me, peeled one of my hands away from my face, forcing me to look at him and he looked rather impressed with himself. "That's a compliment I've never gotten anywhere else but on tumblr," he laughed. "Was it this face you were thinking of?" he made a ridiculous derp face and crossed his eyes. "Yeah, that drives the ladies mad."

"Oh yes. That face right there," I laughed. "I'm wet already."

"Mine was a morning wood sort of thing because I had just napped so, I'm not interesting like Carmen copy over there," Phil spoke up.

"I'm interesting like her, apparently," Carmen laughed. "It was the middle of the day and I'd been thinking about the guy I've liked for ages because I think about him a lot and I decided to take care of things in the shower."

"A lucky guy he is," Phil said as he gazed up at her. I was trying to figure out the expression on his face but I couldn't really read him that well.

Then out of absolutely nowhere, he reached up and turned her face towards him before leaning forward and pressing his lips against hers.

I put one hand over my mouth and smacked the other one onto Dan's thigh as I freaked out.

Carmen froze. I'm not even sure if she closed her eyes or not. I couldn't tell because of her glasses and the way she was sitting but her body language told me that she was freaking out just as badly as I was. Okay, perhaps she was freaking out more, but still!

I saw Phil's hand move to the side of her face. I guess he was trying to make her come to life or something but it seemed like she actually relaxed and started to respond. It was hard to really see that well.

I then realized I was staring at them like a weirdo.

I looked over at Dan who was doing the same me. Leaning forward, I got as close to his ear as I could which involved me basically laying on him, and whispered, "Should we leave them alone?"

He glanced over at me and nodded then very carefully and quietly started to stand up from the couch, all the while keeping his eyes on them as he tiptoed through the living room and into the hallway, me following behind him.

We got to his bedroom and he pushed the door open, letting me walk in before he came in behind me. He shut the door and when I looked up I saw that he still had a wide eyed gaze. "What in the actual fuck-" he pointed at the wall, "- was that?"

I covered my mouth and shook my head as I let out a very girly squeal that my hand managed to muffle quite well, thankfully. "I don't know," I said when I moved my hand away. "But I am so excited," I laughed as I clapped my hands.

My ship was floating!

"I don't know what I am," Dan said looking clueless. He held his hands out in front of him and made a face, like he was trying to say something but couldn't find words. After a few seconds he sighed and shook his head. This time he looked like he wanted to say something but he stopped himself. "I'll have to ask Phil about that later," he said then moved over towards his bed to sit down.

It was then that I realized I was in his room. I was in Dan's room.  
I looked around and noticed all of the things I had already seen in so many of his videos. It was crazy to be seeing them in person.

I looked over at him again just sitting on his bed looking up at me.

What was it about him that drove me so crazy? I could not think clearly around him. Especially after kissing.

"So, what was that little kitchen surprise about?" I asked because it had been driving me mad since it happened. Not in a bad way. His lips were like heaven in lip form.

What? They were.

"I wanted to kiss you, so I did," he said simply, shrugging. "Why? Did you not enjoy it?" he blinked his eyes at me, a neutral expression on his gorgeous face.

I tilted my head and looked at him like he was crazy. "Dan, I admitted to masturbating to the thought of you earlier. What makes you think I wouldn't enjoy kissing you?"

"Because what you see isn't always what you get. I could have been a horrible snog," he shrugged again but laughed as he patted the spot beside him for me to sit down. "And since you've admitted that and I've kissed you, you don't have to stand."

Truthfully, I am afraid if I get on that bed then I'm going to want to rub my vagina all over your face.

"Yes sir," I responded with that instead of my lovely thought and walked over to his bed before sitting next to him and curling my legs under myself. I bounced around a bit once I sat down. "Ooo. Comfy bed. I always wondered how this bed felt. That was a creepy thing to say," I laughed.

"Only a lot creepy," he teased, watching me as I bounced. "So are you having a good time? I've been wondering that all night.. I mean, things seem like they're going good between you two, as you're still here and not back in America."

I stopped bouncing and leaned back, propping myself up with my elbows. "I am having a really good time. I can't remember the last time I had this much fun," I admitted. "Things are going great in my opinion. We had so much fun today and I feel like we're actually starting to connect. I'm so glad I didn't go back home."  
Dan grinned as he leaned down and layed on his side, resting his cheek against his palm and his elbow against his bed. "Brilliant. I'm honestly glad you didn't either. Though, I can't help but wonder.. When are you going to go back? You know, since you've got all of that serious law school business to tend to." I tried to read his face but I couldn't.

I moved my arms out from under myself and fell back onto the bed with a loud sigh. "I don't know. Honestly? I don't want to go back. I've always wanted to live here. I begged my parents to let me live here for years and it's always hard for me to come home from visits," I laughed. "But now I have a sister here that I want to get to know. Leaving sounds shitty." I closed my eyes and brought my hand up to rub my forehead. "I'm going to talk to my Professors and my boss on Monday and go from there."

"Sorry," he made a bit of a pouty face. "I probably shouldn't have brought that up, yeah?" he laughed lightly. "I was just curious, you know, for Carmen's sake and, as I may want to kiss you again without warning, I can't really do that if you're not here." He flashed another grin at me and leaned down, moving his weight from his elbow to his forearm.

I couldn't stop myself from grinning like a total idiot and it felt like there was a fucking parade of a.d.d butterflies on crack going on in my stomach. Was he serious? I mean, really. Perhaps the wine was having an effect on him.

But I really didn't care what it was at that point.

"I guess I don't have to ask you if you liked kissing me then, do I?" I asked.

Dan's eyes switched from mine, to my lips and back again a few times, each second his face getting closer and closer to mine until finally our lips met.

His parted on top of mine and he put his hand on my cheek as he leaned in against me, kissing me softly.


	6. Allergic To Deez Nuts

Dan's POV 

My God. Everything hurts.

My head. Oh, my head. What the fuck.

I sat up in my bed to see that I was completely wrapped up in a blanket like I was a human burrito and there was another person curled up beside me, a stack of pillows between us like some sort of wall separating us.

It was Lydia, using her purse as a pillow instead of an actual pillow and using one of my hoodies as a blanket instead of an actual blanket.

What the fuck?

I moved so that I could get out of bed, but climbing over her was really hard considering I still had the bloody blanket twisted around me. Good thing she was short.

I slid down to the end of my bed and rolled off of it before tugging the blanket off of my torso.

I didn't remember falling asleep, so that must explain why I was still wearing everything I'd been wearing last night, shoes included - instead of pajamas.

Once I finally got out of the blanket burrito, I laid the cover over Lydia and headed towards my door.

I had to piss like you wouldn't believe which was odd because I felt like I might have been dehydrated.

I'm not sure if that had to do with all of the wine I had drank, or because of the fact that I had made out with Lydia like a bloody 15 year old for the better part of two hours last night.

After visiting the bathroom and pissing for what felt like five minutes straight, I crept down the hallway. It was really quiet, which made me believe that I was the only person who was awake.

I noticed that Phil's door was open so I went against my better judgement to see if he and Carmen were laying in there naked.

What? Don't judge me.

However, I didn't see Phil at all.

Just Carmen and Juneau cuddled up on Phil's bed sleeping.

Hmmm.

Phil must be up too.

I continued down the hallway, but I still didn't hear anything other than my own footsteps, which was confusing.

Although, it was a lot less confusing when I got into the lounge and saw that Phil was stretched out on the couch, his legs hanging over the arm of it and his neck in a very uncomfortable looking position.

I went into the kitchen and started making some coffee then got two large glasses of water and searched through the cabinets until I found a bottle of advil. I drank half of the glass then used the other half to wash the pills down.

I grabbed the other glass then went back into the lounge and sat down. My phone was still in my pocket and I ignored all of the alerts when I pulled it out and went to my contacts, scrolling until I got to Phil's name. I hit send and his phone started ringing and I sat back back against the couch, waiting for him to answer.

I heard the phone vibrating for a few seconds before Phil suddenly sat straight up, gasping loudly. He looked around himself with a very confused and sleepy look on his face before reaching into his pocket and pulling his phone out. He held his it out in front of himself with one eye open trying to read the name of the caller before finally answering it.

"What?" he asked as he laid back on the couch.

"What are you doing?" I asked, still watching him from where I was sitting, which was literally five feet away from him.

"I was sl-" he started to say and then turned his head and rolled his eyes when he saw me. "What the hell, Dan?" he asked as he hung the phone up and rubbed his face. "I think you lack the ability to wake anyone up in a normal way."

I tried not to laugh because my head was hurting so bad, but I couldn't help it. I tossed the phone onto the cushion beside me and leaned forward, offering him the glass of water. "I guess I could have had Carmen come in here and kiss you, since you two were so cozy last night."

He shot me a very dirty look as he sat up and took the water from me. Then he took a long sip before deciding to say a word. "That would have certainly been more pleasant than having my phone vibrating against my leg and nearly making me have a heart attack."

I tossed the bottle of advil at him without warning for the look he gave me. "Can I ask why you're on the couch and not in your bed, or are you going to give me the stink eye again?"

He let out one of his weird little yells as he ducked to keep from getting hit in the face with the bottle. "I hate you right now," he grumbled as he reached behind himself to grab the bottle. "I'm on the couch and shes in my bed because neither of us felt like we had the control to keep her virginity intact," he admitted while opening the bottle which shocked the hell out of me. He popped a couple of pills into his mouth before taking a long sip of water. "I figured I'd just get around to the truth because you'd annoy it out of me and my head hurts too badly for that."

"You're sassy this afternoon," I said with my eyebrows pushed together. Really, he was being sassy. It was weird.

Maybe he was just hungover.

"That's nice though. I'm glad you weren't going to just jump right in," I said as I pushed myself up off of the couch and walked back into the kitchen so I could dose myself up with coffee. "So can I ask another question about the S.S Pharmen or have you caught your period and you're not in the mood?"

He looked down between his legs and then at me again. "I've not caught my period. Don't scare me like that." Oh wow. He actually participated in a joke. He stood up and made his way down the hall I'm assuming to go to the bathroom.. "I'm just hungover," he said as he walked away. A couple of minutes later he emerged and walked into the kitchen.

I nearly fell asleep again but then heard him walking back in with his cup of coffee. "What about the S.S. Dania? Did the captain venture into uncharted waters last night?"

"No," I laughed and then took a sip from my mug. "We did make out like a couple of horny 15 year olds though," I shrugged. Seriously, I've not kissed someone like that in years. "Apparently while I was sleeping she built a wall between us with pillows and wrapped me up in my blanket though. When I woke up she was using her purse as a pillow and one of my hoodies as a blanket," I made a pouty face because it was so cold in my flat then laughed because it was kind of funny. "I'm guessing she didn't want anything to go down so she kind of blocked the temptation."

"Oh God," he started laughing while rubbing the side of his face. "I can just see her being all drunk attempting to build a wall of pillows between you two. Brilliant. I had to fight with Carmen to make her sleep on my bed instead of the couch." He yawned before continuing. "They're both really amazing. Carmen is really, really amazing."

I was giving Phil a what the fuck look, because I hadn't had a chance to ask him what the hell was up with his change of heart. "That's so odd to hear, considering you've hardly ever said anything about her before," I said, not wanting to just blurt out 'what the fuck is going on, yo,' as he might get pissy again. But I would get it out of him, if only in small pieces. "But I agree wholeheartedly," I grinned to myself.

"I know it seems weird," he sighed. "I can't really explain it but I'm trying to make up for acting like an ass before. Just leave it at that, please," he said before taking another sip of his coffee.

How did I know he was going to give me some cheap answer?  
Small pieces, yeah?

I cleared my throat and shifted down to my cup and back up at him. "Phil," I began, tilting my head. "You're my best friend, but, I feel like I have to say this. If you hurt her, I will fuck you up."

I didn't like the idea of being between whatever the fuck was happening between them, since they were both really close to me - but I knew how Carmen felt about him and I wasn't going to watch him dick her feelings around.

He didn't seem shocked by what I said at all and he nodded slightly. "If I hurt her then you should fuck me up."

I heard the sound of a door opening and then feet shuffling against the floor in the hallway before Lydia walked into the living room. Her hair was all over the place and she looked like she was still half asleep.

But what really caught my attention was the fact that she was wearing my hoodie. That's honestly the only thing that gave away which twin she was.

"Cold," she said in a sleepy, quiet voice as she walked over to the couch and fell onto it before curling up sitting sideways and facing me.

I laughed then yawned and stretched my legs out, looking over at her. "You might not be so cold if you would have actually covered up with a blanket instead of that," I said and nodded towards my hoodie that she was wearing.

"I wasn't cold when I used it," she said and then started grinning like she'd just done something bad.

"That's what dry humping will do to you," Phil spoke up.

She laughed and raised her hand to flip him off but didn't look at him.

"Aww, I'm joking, Lydia. I'll get you some coffee," he said as he stood up from the couch to go to the kitchen.

"No he's not. He was dry humping Carmen," I said because I could and I knew it would annoy him. "Did you sleep well? I mean, since you had your purse as your pillow and all."

She laughed as she raised her head up from the couch. "I did sleep well, actually. I guess drunk Lydia didn't trust herself to use one of those pillows from the cock block wall to sleep with."

Cock block wall.

I laughed before I responded, "You know you can trust me, right? I wouldn't have let anything happen." I offered before taking another drink of my coffee. "I'm not a cunt."

"I trust you," she said rather quickly. "I don't trust me," she laughed. "I didn't even want the opportunity to try. I had a lot of fun doing what we did though."

"So glad to know that Dan's kissing skills are satisfactory," Phil said as he walked back in and handed her her coffee.

"Thank you," she smiled up at him as she took it. "And yeah, his kissing skills are satisfactory, Phil. Are my sister's?" she smirked as she brought the coffee mug up to her lips.

"Yes they are, actually," he replied as he sat down on the couch and smiled at her.

"I'll have to talk to her about whether or not yours are," she said before yawning. "Where is Carmen anyway?"

"She's still asleep, in Phil's room," I nodded towards the hallway. "It's so weird, she's always the last person to wake up when she stays here," I laughed. "I always have to wake her up."

Lydia yawned again and took another sip of her coffee. "I guess that's another thing she and I have in common. I fucking love to sleep," she laughed. "I don't get to do it as much as I'd like to though."

"Then why did you get up, silly?" Phil asked.

"So I could hang out with you two sexy british men," she answered, wiggling her eyebrows.

"It's almost 1, which I guess is a good time to get up," I laughed. "Actually, that's what time I usually get up," I shrugged and then a realization hit me. "Fuuuuuck," I whined. "Super amazing project. We have to film it."

Bloody hell, I am so lazy.

"Awww, poor baby," she poked her bottom lip out. "You have to make a video and destroy millions of ovaries today," she laughed and winked at me.

"We love doing that," Phil said as he brought his coffee mug up to his lips. "It's very satisfying."

She laughed. "I know you two work really hard on those videos though. I was just messing with you." She reached over at patted my leg before she moved to get off of the couch. "I'm gonna go cuddle with Carmen."

She walked out of the room and a few seconds later I heard a high pitched squeal and then laughter from both of them that sounded exactly alike.

"They really do scare me with the laughing thing," Phil told me as he pulled the hood of his hoodie over his head. "And that come play with us thing. Oh my God. So scary."

I shivered all over pulled my knees to my chest. "Why did you have to bring that up again? That was horrific!" I shrieked. It really was scary. I was just waiting to start having horrible hallucinations of the two of them brutally murdered all over our flat. "It's still hard to believe, isn't it?" I said quietly, not wanting them to hear me. "I couldn't imagine finding out that I was adopted and even if I knew, I couldn't imagine finding out I had a bloody long lost twin. I'd be pissed for no one telling me."

Phil got a strange, sort of devastated look on his face and looked down at his coffee cup. He didn't say anything. He just tapped his fingers against the side of his cup for a few seconds. "Yeah. I can't imagine that either. At least they're together now and they seem to be clicking."

There was another shrill of laughter for the hallway and I started laughing too, wondering what was so funny. "Yeah. They seem to be getting on quite well," I said as I looked from the hall wand back to Phil. "It seems that way for all of us," I commented, grinning to myself before I took a sip of coffee.

"Yes it does," he replied, his expression changing to a happier one. "You and Lydia seem to really be hitting it off."

"She's cool," I nodded. "And we seem to have quite a bit in common. I'm definitely interested in getting to know her better, but you know, that might be complicated by the fact that she lives in Boston and I live here," I shrugged. "I'm sure we'll end up being friends anyways though, considering she's Carmen's sister."

"Yeah. It sucks that she lives in Boston. I really like her. I don't want her to leave," he laughed. "It feels like she's always been here or something. She just fits in with us so well which you know is rare."

"What's rare?" Lydia asked as she and Carmen entered the room. It was nice that they were wearing different clothes and had different bed head going on so I could tell them apart.

"Carmen not sleeping on the couch," I deflected, watching Carmen as she sat down on the floor, Juneau curling up beside her. "I was disappointed that I couldn't wake you up horrifically," I said, shifting my eyes over towards Phil then back at Carmen again.

What? I had to call attention to it.

"I'm sure you were," she yawned, laughing and stretched her arms above her head. "I've almost soiled that couch enough though from you scaring me."

"Oh God," Lydia laughed as she sat down next to me. "Do you enjoy torturing my poor sister?"

"Do you want some coffee?" Phil asked Carmen as he pointed at his own coffee mug. "I'll get you some."

"Please," she nodded and grinned at him before looking over at Lydia. "He enjoys torturing everyone. Yesterday he woke me up by laying on top of me saying _why is this couch so lumpy?_ Like he didn't see me there," she laughed. "It's like his brain is wired specifically to screw with people."

"He just called me while he was 3 feet away from me to wake me up instead of just waking me up like a normal person," Phil told them as he made his way to the kitchen to get Carmen's coffee.

Lydia laughed and looked over at me. "Just so you know, I am like an evil, evil psycho person when I get woken up. Be careful with me."

"I'll keep that in mind," I grinned at her.

Wait. Did that mean she planned on waking up around me in the future?

"Oh my God," Carmen said out of nowhere. I looked away from Lydia to see that Carmen was looking down at her phone laughing. "People are freaking the fuck out right now because of Lydia," she told us without looking up from her phone. "Oh wow. _Nice attempt to get more viewers. Your channel still sucks_," she laughed again. "Thanks for going out of your way to tell me that," she said aloud. "Jesus, these tweets are neverending."

"What the hell?" Lydia responded, looking pissed. "That makes me mad. I'll totally internet kick their asses," she laughed. "I happen to love your channel. I stalked the fuck out of your videos the night I found you. I stayed up all night watching every single one," she admitted, laughing at herself. "I think they're great."

"I do too," Phil said as he walked back in with Carmen's coffee. He handed it to her, smiling. "You can come sit with me if you want," he said, motioning towards the couch he'd been sitting on. Carmen had sat down on my bean bag chair that I always sat on while I played video games.

Carmen hesitated for a few seconds and she kind of looked a little confused but I'm guessing the fact that Phil had been so chummy to her came back to her and she got up from the bean bag and sat down next to him. "Thanks," she told Lydia before she took a drink of coffee and sat the mug down on the table next to her. "I never really cared if people liked them or not. I just like to talk and that was a way I could talk of stuff that was going on," she laughed. "And apparently they all think that was me attempting to get more people to watch me," she rolled her eyes. "I guess they didn't notice the different channel name."

"That would be a good way to get more views though," I spoke up. "When I saw it I thought it was you being a troll person."

"He's right," Lydia agreed. "Maybe we should make a video together to prove the assholes wrong? Can I get on twitter and be mean to the haters. I want to be mean!"

Phil laughed. "Lydia can be your internet bodyguard. But seriously, you guys should come up with some really fun way to unveil the whole twin thing and you'll need to do things that prove she's real because you know people will accuse you of using super editing skills to make it look like there are two of you like Dan does."

Carmen laughed. "I don't have super editing skills. But I agree, we should definitely tell them about it in a video."

"You could always back it up with a live show," I suggested. "You can't edit anything on there."

"That would actually be perfect if I did live shows," Carmen laughed. "I'm not Danisnotonfire. I don't have enough of an audience for one of those."

"Well, we'll just have to hope that one of your normal videos featuring Lydia will be enough. If not, they can kiss your ass," Phil laughed. "But this will probably be an advantage for you because I bet your views definitely will go up."

"Yay!" Lydia clapped her hands. "I feel like I can contribute somehow since I busted up in your life and switched stuff all around and whatnot," she laughed.

It was silent in the room after Lydia's comment - but it didn't last long enough to get uncomfortable because my stomach decided to speak up.

"Holy fuck," I laughed, looking down at myself. "Hungry. Very hungry," I rubbed my stomach. "But also too lazy to cook," I whined. "Phil, go cook something," I said looking over at him.

He rolled his eyes and laughed. "We literally have like nothing to eat in there. We need to go to the shop and get some more food." He took a sip of his coffee and then snapped his fingers randomly. "I know! We can all go to lunch. We never actually hang out outside of this flat," he laughed. "Would you all like to?"

"I would!" Lydia raised her hand. "I just need to go back to the hotel and change and whatnot."

"Me too," Carmen spoke up and looked down at herself. "But yeah, I'd like to out to lunch with you guys," she looked over at Phil and smiled before looking at Lydia and myself.

"Yeah, I should probably shower and change too," I nodded.

"You can just come to the hotel with me and borrow some of my clothes," Lydia suggested. "This is where twinness comes in handy!" she laughed.

"Really? That would be cool. I can go through your wardrobe and see what else we have that matches," Carmen laughed. "Oh shit," she sighed and looked down at the floor where Juneau was laying. "I've got to do something with you, don't I baby?"

"I'll take care of him," Phil offered immediately. "We can go for a walk together. We bonded the other night," he smiled looking all proud.

Carmen looked over at Phil and smiled and I glanced over at Lydia who was watching them like she couldn't have been happier.

"Well, it's settled. Where should we all plan to meet up?" I asked.

"We can go to Oxford street," Carmen suggested with a laugh.

"Are you insane? That place is mad this time of year and it's a bloody Sunday to top it off."

"Not just a Sunday. A bloody Sunday," Lydia added, smirking at me.

"I think it'll be fun. If we start to go insane we can just go somewhere else," Phil shrugged. "It's not far from here or the hotel as well so that's a plus."

Ugh. I sighed because I was out numbered. "Fine," I said as I moved to stand up. "But if I end up killing someone today it'll be on your guys' conscience."

Carmen's POV

Lydia and I were both being very quiet when we left Phil and Dan's flat. Though it wasn't an uncomfortable or awkward kind of silence. Or, at least, I didn't feel awkward or uncomfortable. I was just too distracted with replaying the last 24 hours to have a conversation.

Phil was talking to me. And not only was he talking to me - he was being nice. I mean... really, really nice. Fetching coffee for me, offering for me to sit next to him, offering to watch Juneau for me so I could leave with Lydia, letting me have his bed instead of the couch, suggesting that we all have lunch together...

But the thing that I didn't understand the most, was that he kissed me.

He. Kissed. Me.

I kept trying to figure it out, this sudden change in how he was treating me. The only logical explanation I could come up with was that he was drunk and feeling kind - but that didn't explain why he continued to be nice this morning.

"Okay!" Lydia broke the silence out of nowhere. "Can we just talk about the fact that we both made out with two of the hottest guys ever last night?" she laughed and then grabbed her own face with her hands. "I can't right now. My can is broken."

I grabbed my hair and probably appeared to be having some sort of a crisis as I looked over at her. Well, actually, I kind of was having one. "I literally don't know what to say about it," I laughed and shook my head. "I've been wracking my brain over it since Phil kissed me and-" I moved my hands from my hair and shrugged. "I don't even know what's happening!"

"Me either!" She flailed her arms. "I come here expecting to just see you and then I end up making out with my youtube crush like the horniest girl on the planet!" She started laughing and shaking her head. "I actually had to build a wall of pillows between us to keep my hymen intact last night. When you and Phil started making out we left to give you two some privacy and BAM."

"I was wondering what happened to you two," I laughed again. "I never expected Phil to kiss me! Hell, I never expected Phil to talk to me! It's like I've been warped into some alternate universe... he just does a one-eighty and he's being nice and - and - it's so weird," I sighed, shaking my head. "I'm not complaining. I'm just so confused... Also, congratulations on the awesome self control."

Seriously, she deserved a medal or something. Not many girls who like Dan could probably be left alone with him in a bed without their clothes magically removing themselves. That's what they say on tumblr anyways.

"It is rather random that he has switched things up with you two," she replied looking over at me. "But then I bet part of you is like not wanting to give a fuck what it is and you're just wanting to fangirl over the fact that you got to have face sex with him," she laughed. "Have you asked him about it?"

"A very big part of me doesn't want to give a fuck," I nodded with a laugh. "I've wanted to snog him for ages. I mean, those lips are just perfect, and they're even softer than I'd imagined," I licked mine as I thought about his. "I haven't though, no," I shook my head and sighed. "I want to, it's just.. I guess I'm kind of afraid that calling attention to it will make him go back to acting the way he did before. But how could I not wonder, you know? It would be like Dan being chummy to you then acting like you stopped existing or something."

"Do you want me to talk to him about it?" she asked as we stepped into the lobby of her hotel. "I mean, maybe I could like be all nonchalant about it and bring it up in conversation?"

"Ms. Morrison!" Someone called Lydia's name as we were heading to the elevator and we turned to see a woman walking towards us from the front desk with a brown box in her hands. "There was a delivery for you this morn- wait-" she stopped and glanced between us and then laughed. "Which one of you is Lydia?"

"Me," Lydia laughed as she held her hand out for the package. "Thank you so much."

"You're very welcome. You ladies have a wonderful day," she said before walking away.

"I wonder what the balls this is," Lydia said as we stepped into the elevator. She looked around the box but there was nothing written on it apart from her name in pretty calligraphy on the top.

"I don't know but now I want to know as well," I told her as we both inspected the box. We got to the 10th floor and the doors opened before we stepped out.

As soon as we got to her room we both sat down on the bed and she started opening the box. Inside there were two black boxes from De Beers which I knew was a jewelry shop in London. A pricey one at that.

"What the tits?" she said as she picked up a piece of paper that had been in the box as well. "To my Lydia," she read aloud. "Nothing I can say or do will ever make up for the years you have lost with your sister but know that I have nothing but love for the both of you. Please let Carmen know that she is welcome here anytime and has another family in us. With love, your mother and father."

She glanced over at me and handed me one of the boxes. "I'm guessing this means one of these is yours," she said while grinning. "I wonder what it iiiis," she sang as she shook her box around.

I stared at the black box as Lydia shook hers, causing a slight clicking sound inside of it. Like metal clanking together. "Only one way to find out," I said, glancing from her to the black box again. I pulled the ribbon off of it then lifted the top of the box and my eyes got very big.

"Oh my God," I gasped.

There was a silver locket laying inside of the box with a C engraved on it and little opal stones, which were our birthstones, all over it. I picked the locket up and it was very heavy and I also knew that it had to be very, very expensive.

"Bloody hell, this is..." my voice trailed off as I opened it and my eyes got even wider. There were two pictures inside of it. One of Lydia and I in the hospital when we were newborns and the one we had taken last night.

"This is worth a small fortune!" I laughed, looking over at her again.

"Probably so," she laughed but I saw a tear rolling down her cheek before she quickly wiped it away. She looked up at me and laughed again. "Sorry. Seeing those pictures just gave me some feelings," she said before clearing her throat. "Now the boys can tell us apart if they read our necklaces," she laughed as she pulled hers out of the box. "I'm gonna go hop in the shower. You can go through my bags and pick out whatever you want to wear," she said as she stood up and walked towards the bathroom still looking down at the locket.

I moved over to the mirror on the wall and put the necklace on. It was amazing for her parents to do something like this for us. Especially for me, since they didn't even know me.

While Lydia was in the shower I looked through her bags for something to wear. I actually noticed that we had a few more of the same shirts and some jeans that looked a lot alike, which was funny to me. A cool kind of funny. I mean, yeah, we're twins but it's odd that our taste in so many things are so much alike even though we didn't grow up together.

I got dressed and then waited around her room for her to get done showering so that I could brush my teeth because I'm the person who carries their toothbrush and a tube of toothpaste around in their purse everywhere I go.

An hour later we were on Oxford street and I realized why Dan had been against the idea of coming here. It was so bloody crowded. You couldn't really move around a lot without bumping into someone.

"I bet Dan's still sitting on the bloody couch," I spoke up to Lydia after we'd been waiting for about twenty minutes. "He's so lazy."

"I know you're not talking about me," I heard Dan's voice from behind me and looked over my shoulder to see that he was standing there with his arms folded doing his best to look offended.

"You? Lazy? Never," I rolled my eyes. "What took you so long?"

"What always takes me so long? The bus left us even though we were chasing after it." He responded. "Thanks for not dressing alike. I do appreciate it," Dan said, looking from me to Lydia.

"But the reason we missed the bus is because he was being lazy," Phil informed us but was grinning at me. "You look beautiful."

I felt Lydia's eyes on me when he made that comment but I couldn't look at her because I knew I'd start giggling or something.

"Oh shit, everybody. Phil is warming Carmen up so he can give her the D," Dan said loudly and of course several people turned to give us dirty looks.

"Thank you," I smiled back at Phil, ignoring Dan's little comment. I was going to give him a compliment back, but I was afraid of what I might say.

You look dashing. Also, I love you.

Yeah, that wouldn't be good.

Phil rolled his eyes at Dan. "Yes. You see I am actually a gentleman when I have interest in a girl or spend an evening kissing her and I like to tell her nice things like how good she looks unlike someone who has a beautiful woman standing in front of him but is too busy talking about how someone wants the D," he said as he walked over to me and put his arm around my shoulders. "Where are we eating, people?"

Lydia covered her mouth to attempt to hide her laughter but failed miserably.

Dan rolled his eyes at Phil and slid his arm around Lydia's shoulders. "Well, I didn't spend the last five years being a complete ass to Lydia, so I don't have anything to make up for," he bit back with a shrug.

Oh. My. God.  
Did he really just say that?

I felt Phil tense up and saw him shoot him a dirty look. Thankfully Lydia saved the day.

"Okay, I'm going to take us out of awkwardville because I'm hungry as tits," she said as we began walking forward. "Where can I get an  
obscene amount of pasta or something?"

Dan asked his phone where the nearest Italian restaurant was at and we headed towards it. Luckily it was only a couple of blocks away so we didn't have to go very far.

Although, it did remain kind of awkward. Well, Phil didn't say much and I didn't either because I was kind of stuck on the fact that Dan had called attention to something I had been wondering so much about.

We all sat down at our table and the waiter brought us a plate of breadsticks and gave us all a menu to look over. I was super skeptical about eating in restaurants because, you know, I didn't want to die if they used some kind of nut extract to prepare my food.

"I'm having fettuccine alfredo," I said after looking at the menu for less than a minute.

"Same," Lydia said as she sat her menu down. "As long as there's no nuttiness which I will be asking about so neither of us try to die," she laughed.

"You both have that allergy?" Phil asked, looking between us. "That's crazy. You two are almost too identical," he laughed.

"I'm having Phil's favorite," Dan said as he closed his menu. "Cheese ravioli," he sat it down and picked up a breadstick. "That is crazy though. Is that normal? Identical twins having the same allergies?"

"It makes sense to me," I shrugged. "I never asked if yours were really bad, though. Do you get the whole-" I held my hands up to my neck and started coughing, "-oh fuck, I cannot breathe, thing?"

Lydia nodded. "Oh yeah. It's the most horrible, terrifying thing ever," she said while being all wide eyed and shaking her head and then started laughing. "I was at this big dinner thing for my Dad with a fuck load of senators and whatnot and something they served me had been cooked in peanut oil. Yeah. I made that dinner a lot more interesting."

"I don't remember the first time it happened to me. I think Mum said I was 4 or 5. I ate a peanut butter sandwich and got a rash all over me and the next thing my Mum knew, I was laying on the ground hardly breathing." Telling that story out loud kind of made me realize why she was so protective. "And it happened again when I was around 17, from peanut oil, it was definitely the scariest thing I'd ever had happen to me."

"That's so weird," Lydia laughed. "My Mom gave me a peanut butter sandwich when I was 3 and that's when it happened to me too. I don't remember much other than thinking HOLY CRAP THIS IS GOOD and then not being able to breathe." She sighed. "I still remember how that damn peanut butter tasted. Asshole allergies."

"I have to admit, that does suck big time. I love peanut butter," Phil said as he closed his menu. "I'm having spaghetti with meatballs," he informed us while talking like Luigi.

Dan had been relatively quiet, just listening to Lydia and I talk about our horror stories of almost dying because of food. "Yeah, that's shit. You can't even have other nuts, though, right?" he shook his head. "I fucking love cashews and you guys will never know the amazingness that they are."

"I didn't want to chance it. I'm pretty sure if you're allergic to one nut you're allergic to the rest... And that didn't sound good," I laughed at myself.

"Oh no," Lydia got a super scared look on her face. "Dan," she grabbed his arm. "What if I'm allergic to your nuts?"

Phil was taking a sip of his soda and nearly spit it out everywhere managing to dribble all over his own chin because he cracked up laughing.

Dan started laughing and shaking his slowly, looking at Lydia once he'd finally calmed down. "I'll be sure to keep them out of your mouth," he winked. "Don't want you choking over them or anything."

Wow. My friends, man. My bloody friends.  
Actually, my sister.  
We're definitely related.

"Awww. You're so sweet," she said while putting her hands over her heart.

"Hey," Phil said as he glanced from her chest to mine. "Where did you two get the matching necklaces?"

"Oh!" Lydia looked down at hers and put her hand over it. "My parents sent them to the hotel this morning. I guess she called and had them made. We both have the same photos inside."

"Can I see?" he asked me while smiling that entirely too cute smile of us.

"Sure," I smiled back at him, leaning over as I opened it so he could have a look at the photos inside of them.

I could see Dan doing the same as Phil, which made my smile grow a little bit and I'm not quite sure why. "That was nice of your parents," Dan commented, eyeing the locket.

"Beautiful," Phil said as he held the locket up to look at it. "And I took that picture!" He looked quite proud of himself.

"Yeah, my Mom can be a bit extravagant," Lydia said as she held hers up and opened it for Dan to see. "But this time I'm cool with it. These are awesome."

"Now Dan can look at the necklaces to tell you two apart," Phil laughed.

"How the fuck are you able to tell us apart so easily?" Lydia asked.

"Yeah, Phil," Dan looked over at him.

Phil looked a bit put on the spot and I swear he was starting to blush. "I don't know. I just can."

"Mmhm," Lydia grinned at him as she sipped from her drink.

"He has known me for a long time," I pointed out. "Since primary school. That could explain it." I said as I picked up my glass.

"How?" Dan laughed. "I could have known both of you since birth and I'm pretty sure I would still get you confused... You have like no physical differences."

"What if we're tricking you right now?" Lydia asked, looking over at Dan. "You have no way of knowing," she informed him speaking with our accent and sounding exactly like me.

"Oh bloody hell," Phil laughed shaking his head. "It's like they were born with the easiest way to troll people just handed to them."

"I know, right?" Dan laughed. "I'm actually kind of jealous. I want an identical twin!"

"The world is not ready for that," I shook my head as I laughed. "Your viewers probably are though. I can see tumblr breaking from all of the posts about ovaries being ruined and some strange three-way relationship with you, your twin, and Phil."

What? I'm a member of their fandom. Hello. I have a massive crush on Phil.

Lydia started laughing. "She's so right. I mean, look at how bad they fangirl over Jack and Finn. Plus, you don't need an identical twin to be a giant troll, Dan."

"She speaks the truth," Phil pointed at her. "Imagine having to live with him."

The waitress came by and brought our food after that. Lydia did as she said and made sure nothing we ate would be touched by anything nutty. I think she had the same anxieties I had about it. We'd probably both be nervous wrecks until at least 15 minutes after our first bites of food.

"The breadsticks make me wanna jizz in my pants," Lydia informed us after taking a bite of one of them.

"I did jizz in mine," Dan said nonchalantly as he picked up his fork. "And this?" he gestured towards his plate. "I'm growing ovaries as I speak just so it can destroy them... Seriously Phil, you have no idea what you're missing out on, not liking cheese."

"I'm sure that's quite messy and uncomfortable," Lydia replied to him. "Maybe you should take off your pants," she grinned.

"Good Lord," Phil laughed. "I'm sorry but you two are perfect for each other. It's becoming more ridiculously obvious by the minute."

Lydia's eyes got huge and she stared at Phil like a deer in headlights for a second before turning her attention back to her food. "We're just filled with awesomeness." She looked back up at him and smirked. "Besides. I could say the same about you two," she said, gesturing between the two of us with her fork.

He looked over at me and winked.

He fucking winked.

I don't know how I noticed it, with my minor freak out happening, but Dan just kept his eyes on Lydia like he might have been offended or something that she didn't have more to say back to Phil's little comment. But he didn't say anything to her, or to any of us.

What the fuck was going on with Phil?

Seriously.

I was excited about his behavior but I couldn't help but to be a little uncomfortable with it, because it came out of nowhere.

"So, what should we do after this?" Lydia asked as she reached over slowly to Dan's plate like she was being sneaky enough for him not to notice her attempting to steal some of his food.

"I need to stop by the shopping center to grab a few things for my Mum and Dad for Christmas," Phil answered her.

"No," Dan said sternly, looking over at Phil. "I am not going to the bloody shopping center. It's batshit crazy and people annoy me. No. Just. No."

While he saying that Lydia managed to steal one of his raviolis and grinned over at me before popping it into her mouth and looking quite proud of herself. "Well, you and I can frolic off somewhere and those two can go to the mall if Carmen wants," she suggested.

"Sounds good to me," Phil replied.

"Yeah, that sounds fine to me," I nodded, looking around at each of them.

"As long as I don't have to go to anywhere that has loads of people, I'm in." Dan agreed.

"I'm sure we'll figured something out," Lydia smiled up at him.

After we were done eating and paid for our food we made our way out of the restaurant and stopped for a second to plan what we were going to do. We decided to just go our separate ways and meet up at Phil and Dan's flat later on.

Phil and I started walking towards the shopping center together and the pavement was packed with people Christmas shopping. Someone bumped into me and separated Phil and I for a second so he took it upon himself to grab my hand to walk with me.

"Thanks for coming with me," he said as he held the door open for me to walk into the mall. "I normally have to come here by myself because Dan refuses," he laughed.

"Yeah, I know. I've tried to get him to come with me before and he always told me no," I said as I followed along side him. I could feel my hand starting to sweat.

Bloody hell.

You would think he were about to insert himself inside of me with how nervous I suddenly became.

He was holding my hand though.  
What the fuck?

"I really had a lot of fun with you last night," he said as he walked together past the crazy busy shops. "Not just because of all the- well, you know," he laughed.

"Yeah," I laughed along with him. "I, uh, I had fun too. But..," I sighed and made a face like I was trying to understand something - because I literally was trying to understand something. "I was just wondering what happened," I moved towards a bench so we wouldn't be in anyones way because we had stopped walking. "I mean... you were always so.. You just.. never talked to me and now you do and, and we kissed and, we're holding hands and I'm not complaining, I just don't understand," I laughed, feeling every bit as awkward as I sounded.

He took a deep breath and let out audibly as he sat down next to me. He stared down at my hand in his for a few seconds before looking up at me with a pained expression. "I can't really explain myself. I need to but I can't. Can I just ask entirely too much of you and ask that we wipe the slate clean and not let the past affect any of this? I really like you and I like spending time with you, touching you," he grinned. "Kissing you," he said softly as he leaned in and pressed his lips against mine in a soft, quick kiss.

Oh bloody hell.

I've never had a kiss that made me not be able to function properly - and that wasn't even a proper kiss!

My heart felt like it was doing backflips or something and I'm sure my face was red too. I guess it was all of those years of waiting for it that - okay back on the subject here.

"I'm sorry to ask, because I can tell you don't want to go there but, all of this is just so random," I swallowed hard. I was really concerned that poking around at this would make him go back to treating me like he didn't know me, but I couldn't help but to be curious. "You _can't _explain yourself or you _don't _want to explain yourself? I asked then sighed. "Also, I like all of those things too. A lot."

A lot, a lot. A lot more than I am willing to admit.

He reached up and rubbed the side of his face. "I can't," he finally said. "I'm sorry. I know that it's not good enough and I don't blame you if you want to tell me to go fuck myself or something. I can't say I deserve anything better than that. I'm already asking too much of you."

"No!" I said rather quickly. Oh fuck, calm down, Carmen. "No, I mean, I would never say that to you. I was just trying to understand... But, you know what? It doesn't matter. Clean slate, right?" I laughed awkwardly. "I'm sorry if asking made you feel uncomfortable. I didn't mean for it to."

"Please don't be sorry," he shook his head and sighed. "I honestly don't deserve you. I'm being way too selfish." He reached out and tucked my hair behind my ear. "It's weird to have gone so long just-" he swallowed hard and smiled. "It's just nice to be able to be this close to you."

I grabbed his hand before he could let it fall to his lap and laced my fingers through his, looking down at them with a smile before I shifted my eyes up to him again. "I know. I've always-" I stopped myself from continuing because I didn't have the nerve to tell him what I was about to. "I like this," I concluded after I sighed.

I would eventually tell him how I felt. Just not right now.

He leaned forward and pressed his lips against mine again. "So do I," he said as he pulled back. "Should we get to shopping before I decide to keep you on this bench and kiss you for a few hours? I don't know that everyone wants that show."

"Yeah, I suppose we should," I laughed and moved to stand up, tugging his hand along with me. "Plus, I know you're not big on PDA," I said nonchalantly and my heart kind of stopped because I only knew that from watching one of his live shows. I don't know how I played it so cool after I said that. Maybe I was just used to saying strange things to people and my face had learned how to stay calm.

My heart on the other hand, not so much.

We spent a while in the shopping center going from shop to shop looking around at things even after Phil found gifts for his Mum and Dad. It was crazy to be spending so much time with him alone after barely speaking beyond greeting each other for so long.

I was having a great time but the thought about what had caused this sudden change of heart he couldn't tell me about was still bothering me in the back of my mind.


	7. Alt Self Ctrl

Carmen's POV

I looked around Dan and Phil's flat and I had never seen so many hideous Christmas jumpers before in my life.

Dan and Phil were having an ugly Christmas jumper party, which had been Lydia's idea for a theme since Dan and Phil decided they wanted to throw a themed flat party, and it was close to Christmas.

There were loads of people there, most of which I knew or had at least met once or twice. A lot of them were from the Youtube community with the exception of a couple of Dan and Phil's friends and a few of mine from school who lived in London now.

Their flat was lit up by Christmas lights that were strung along the walls and hung over the table and some of the furniture, and of course those that were looped around the Christmas tree in their lounge.

Dan had also hung mistletoe all over the ceiling, which had put quite a few people in very awkward situations, myself included when I got stuck under a piece of it with Dan who had me mistaken for Lydia, because she was also wearing her glasses.

Actually everyone who saw her thought she was me, which wasn't surprising. I hadn't gotten around to telling any of my friends about her, so that was how they found out. When they tried to force her into a hug only to have me appear a few seconds later.

My friend Jane literally started crying because she was so terrified.

I was glad that most of the people here were filming this.

Though, after Dan tried to snog me, Lydia and I decided to write our names on paper and tape them to our shirts so it would be a little easier to identify who was who; because we were also dressed alike, in huge ugly jumpers and black leggings. Which was an accident.

Phil and I hadn't really had a lot of time to talk, as he had a lot of guests to entertain and I was busy with Lydia and the friends I hadn't seen in ages, plus I was also filming bits and pieces of it. I did catch him staring at me quite a bit though. Of course I caught him doing it because I was doing the same thing.

"Lydia! Lydia!" Bryony called out from behind me as I was helping myself to another glass of eggnog.

I spun around and pointed down at the paper on my shirt. "Carmen," I laughed before taking a rather large gulp from my red solo cup (also Lydia's idea) and she rolled her eyes at herself.

"I am too drunk for this rubbish!" she laughed. "Have you seen her? I wanted to talk to her again. She's awesome."

I shook my head, because I hadn't seen her since she was talking to Carrie and fluffing her hair out. Apparently she was just as obsessed with Carrie's hair as I was. "No. You could check Carrie's hair though. She might have nestled herself inside of it," I laughed loudly because I had a very, very nice buzz.

Bryony danced across the room, laughing, and I could feel someone looking at me as I watched her.

I glanced to my left to see Phil holding his camera up, filming me, grinning at me from behind it.

I got an insane case of butterflies like I always did anytime that I saw him. Crazy how after so many years of liking someone that feeling never went away.

I realized that he was alone and decided to take it as an opportunity to go talk to him, since we'd hardly been able to speak to each other all night.

I noticed as I walked up to him that Lydia and Dan were actually on the couch making eyes at each other and I had to fight the temptation to snap a picture of them, because they looked so cute together.

That's probably kind of weird to say, yeah? Since she looked just like me... It's different though. They had very similar personalities but they also curved out where the other dipped in. Kind of like two puzzle pieces. They just kind of went together in ways that Dan and I didn't.  
Lydia must have felt my eyes on her because she shifted hers towards me and I grinned at her and mouthed, "I ship it." I'm not sure if she caught that though.

Phil was only standing a few feet away from where they were sitting and when I looked at him again the butterflies came back.

You would think all of this eggnog would have put a stop to them.

I finished what was left in my cup off and sat it down on the table in front of him before finally closing the space that was left between us.

He turned the camera off and sat it down on the shelf behind him before looking down at me and grinning. I felt his hand on my lower back and he nudged me forward so that my front was pressed against his side as he leaned down to my ear. "May I just say how sexy you look this evening?" he whispered in my ear so close that I could feel his warm breath along the side of my neck.

Phil can't breathe on my ear and neck like that without my panties going up in flames. I had chills all over my body and I was already turned on because I can't look at him and not be.

I turned my head to look at him but I didn't say a word, I just grabbed his face and started kissing him because I had wanted to kiss him all night, but hadn't had the chance.

Thank you, eggnog for giving me the courage to actually do that.  
I pulled away from him so that I could look at him and I rubbed my thumb against his cheek as I grinned. "You may."

I looked around us and noticed that Lydia and Dan were watching us, though, when they saw that I noticed them, they both looked away.

"Do you think we could go be alone for a few minutes?" I asked as I turned my attention back to Phil. "We haven't really been able to talk or see each other all night."

"I would've agreed without the kiss but I'm glad I got one anyway," he replied as he slid his hand from around my back and then grabbed mine.

I'm not sure if anyone saw us walking away and I didn't really care. My eyes were fixated on how great his ass looked in the jeans he was wearing.

We squeezed by a few people in the hallway and he opened his bedroom door before pulling me inside. I barely had a chance to take a breath before I found my back pressed against the door and Phil's lips pressed against mine. He didn't hesitate to slip his tongue past my lips as his body pressed against me. His mouth tasted even more delicious than usual because of whatever he'd been drinking.

I'm glad that he knew when I said 'talk' I actually meant make out until we were both blue in the face.

My arms were wrapped around him and I slid one of them to his chest, dragging my fingertips down his torso until I felt the leather on his belt. I fanned my fingers out so I could grab it and I started undoing it as I kissed him more aggressively.

I had more than kissing him on my mind, and the alcohol made me bold enough to act on it.

I moved my other arm from around him so that I could unbutton and unzip his trousers but my movements stopped when his lips left mine. I opened my eyes to see that he was looking between our bodies, down at my hands as he breathed heavily.

He closed his eyes and took a deep breath before opening them again and gently moving my hands away. "Carmen, as much as I want to let you continue doing that. You're drunk and I don't want you to do something you regret."

Regret it? Are you kidding me? You're the only guy I've ever wanted to do anything like this with! I've been in love with you for six bloody years!

Strange how alcohol could give you the courage to try and pounce on someone. I think it would take an entire brewery for me to admit all of that to him though.

I know enough about guys to know that they scare easy - you can't go and tell them stuff like that. I wanted to tell him, because I wanted him to know, but all of this was so new to him and the last thing I wanted to do was scare him off by admitting how I felt about him.

How I've felt about him for all of these years.

"I won't regret it," I said sheepishly, looking down at his chest and back up at him again. _Because I'm in love with you. _

He gave me that incredibly cute Phil smile of his before he leaned in and kissed my lips again but pulled away far too quickly. "If I were to be your first I would not do it after you've been drinking and while there are quite a few people right outside the door. I think you deserve better than that."

I grinned at him. That was so cute and sweet. Bloody hell. I felt all warm inside and just. I sighed.

"Well," I turned to the side so I could see his door and I found the lock, twisting it until it clicked. "That doesn't mean we can't do other stuff," I said once I was looking at him again. "I might be drunk but I know what I'm doing and I know what I want. And I want you." I put my hands on his torso, gripped his jumper and stood on the tip of my toes so that I could kiss him again, slowly backing him away from the door.

"Other stuff?" he mumbled against my lips as his arms wrapped around my waist.

"Other stuff," I repeated, pulling away from him even though I didn't really want to. We were standing by his bed now and I tilted my head before a big grin curved my lips.

"I want to show you how bad I want you," I told him as I slowly backed away from him, then stepped out of my shoes. "And how I could do anything with you and not regret it."

I grabbed the end of my baggy jumper and pulled it over my head then tossed it to the side before I started tugging my leggings off so that I was left in my bra and panties.

I did a slow spin in front of him so he could see how I looked.

When I was facing him again I saw that he was literally staring at me with his mouth hanging open. "Oh dear Lord," he said in a deeper voice than usual as his eyes trailed down my body. "I think I like what was under your outfit much better."

"Well I hope you like what's under these," I said as I started tugging my underwear off of my hips without looking away from him. Once they were off I folded them up and moved over to his dresser, giving him a shot of my bum as I opened up one of the drawers and put them away for him to keep.

I turned back around and put my arms behind my back to I could unhook my bra. "And this," I said as I pulled it off and tossed it on the floor with my jumper and leggings.

I grinned at him as I moved towards him, but instead of going to him, I went to his bed and crawled across it.

"Bloody hell," he breathed, his voice sounding like he was struggling to get the words out. "Carmen. You are killing me here." He used his hands to gesture towards his crotch where there was a very noticeable bulge. "See! This is so unfair!" he laughed as he brought his hands up to the sides of his face and held it as he stood there staring at me. "Fuck. You are so gorgeous."

I rested my back against his headboard and looked up at him, grinning like I was doing something bad. "I told you I wanted to show you how much I want you," I told him as I trailed my fingertips between my breasts, over my stomach and finally between my legs.

I spread them apart slightly and rubbed my fingers against my clit, my eyes still on him. I moaned a little and licked my lips. "Mmmm. It feels good. But I know it would feel better if it were you touching me," I told him as my head fell back. "I wish it were you."

I brought one of my hands to my tits and cupped it as I continued slowly stroking my clit with my fingertips. "Do you want me?" I whispered.

He sort of looked like he was in some kind of trance. His eyes were wide and he was staring at me. He nodded slowly. "There's not much I can think of other than how it'd feel to be inside of you right now," he informed me as he stepped forward and then kneeled onto the bed.

His eyes trailed from my hand between my legs up to my face again as he crawled forward until he was nearly between my legs. He sat on his knees and bit down on his bottom lip as his hands touched my ankles. They slid slowly up my leg and then stopped at my knees before he nudged my legs further apart.

He moved them off of me, disappointing me immediately, and I watched as he removed his sweater and threw it across the room. He then very quickly unbuckled his belt before unbuttoning then unzipping his jeans. "Do you want to see how badly I want you?" he asked, tilting his head to the side as he looked at me.

I bit down on my bottom lip as I moaned and nodded at him. "The only thing I want more than that, is you," I whispered. "Show me," My eyes traveled from his, down his torso to the bulge in his pants and I pressed my fingertips harder against my clit before sliding one down and slipping it inside of myself.

"Mmmm," I breathed, moving my legs further apart, giving him an even better view of what I was doing to myself.

I could've sworn I saw his body actually shiver a bit when I moaned. I continued watching him as he slid his hand into his boxers and pulled out his cock.

Bloody hell. Phil was quite impressive and very, very hard.

I watched as his fingers wrapped around the base of it and he slowly moved his hand up and then down again, stroking himself at the same speed I was now moving my finger inside myself.

I slowly slid my finger out and he watched my every move as I brought it up to my lips so I could taste myself. I licked my finger before I slowly sucked it into my mouth, sucking my juice off of it.

I leaned forward, sitting on my knees, pulling my finger out of my mouth and brushed my lips against his before I kissed him deeply. "How does that taste?" I whispered against his lips before I trailed them against his cheek, over his jawline and into his neck. I sucked his skin into my mouth and gently bit down before I started to lean back again, watching him as I let my hand roam back down my body and between my legs once more.  
He let out one of the sexiest sounding moans I had ever heard. I had never seen that look in his eyes before. I could see how much he wanted me without having to look at the movement of his hand which had increased in speed at this point. "I'm not sure," he responded, leaning forward. He reached out and his fingers wrapped around my wrist before he pulled my hand away from myself and I watched as he brought my wet fingers to his lips and kissed the tips of them.

He licked his lips and his eyes closed as he moaned in approval before taking my fingers into his mouth and sucking them for a moment. He released them and placed my hand between my legs before leaning back and grinning. "You taste delicious," he informed me as his left hand began caressing my thigh while his right hand pumped faster on his cock.

I moaned again and pressed my fingers firmer against my clit, stroking circles against it, still not taking my eyes away from him and what he was doing. "I can't wait to feel you," I told him with a shaky voice. "I want you so bad," I moaned, my teeth clamping down on my bottom lip again.

I had never wanted anything more than I wanted him. I wanted to feel him, to touch him, kiss him.

"Mmm, Phil," I breathed, gripping his blanket before patting it. "Come here.'

He didn't hesitate at all. He crawled over to where I was patting the bed but instead of lying or sitting there, he leaned down and pressed his lips against mine and kissed me in a way I'm sure I have never been kissed. He moaned as his tongue moved against mine and I continued moving my fingers on my clit loving the fact that he was kissing me and I could smell his amazing cologne which always made me want to do what I was doing anyway.

His lips moved from mine to my cheek then down my jaw and I felt one of his hands on my thigh again. As his lips moved down my neck, his hand moved down my inner thigh until his fingers made contact with my hand. "I think I can handle things from here," he whispered as he pulled back to look down at me and moved my hand away.

I felt his fingertips barely sliding over my pussy before his fingertips pressed against my clit. His eyes were focused on my face as he began moving them in circles applying the perfect amount of pressure like he knew exactly what I needed from him. "I'm sorry. I just have to touch you," he whispered, his voice deeper than usual and absolutely dripping with desire.

"Mmm. I love the way you touch me. Don't be sorry," I panted, gripping the blanket again. I shifted my eyes away from his to the hand that was wrapped around his cock and I moved my other hand towards it. I slid it around the base and he moved his hand away so that I could touch him too.

"Does that feel good?" I asked after moving my hand up and down a few times. I'd never done anything like this before, but watching him gave me an idea of what I was supposed to be doing. "Because what you're doing feels so-" my breath got caught in my throat as another moan escaped my lips. "-so good."

He bit down on his bottom lip and his eyes fell shut for a second while he moaned. "It feels a little too good," he whispered, grinning at me when he opened his eyes again. He leaned down and pressed his forehead against mine as he sped up the movement of his fingers on my clit. "I wish I could be inside of you," he whispered before pressing his lips against mine. "But feeling you like this is fucking amazing as well."

He leaned back again and I saw his eyes trail down to watch the movement of my hand on his dick. I heard another moan come from his lips which obviously meant I was doing well. His fingers began moving faster on my clit and his hand wrapped around mine, tightening my grip on his cock. "I want you to cum for me, Carmen," he told me, another moan escaping his throat which was much louder than the others. "Let me feel you cum on my fingers."

I could feel my body tensing up and my back arched, causing my hips to rise against his fingers as I moaned. "Phil," I panted, my grip tightening even more against his cock and the cover beside me. I could feel myself cumming so quickly and I couldn't even tell him, all I could do was pant and move my hips against his fingers, grinding against them until my entire body started shaking and my eyes fell shut for the first time in a long time.

My body was tingling and I felt numb as I lifted my eyelids again, breathing heavily as I looked up at him, my hand still sliding up and down his cock.

"Fuck. You are so hot," he breathed, his voice sounding shaky. His hand moved from my pussy, up my stomach, and over my tits while I continued moving my hand on his length. "I'm gonna cum," he warned, his hand moving down to my thigh and gripping it. My hand moved up his length one more time before I felt him twitch against my palm and he moaned loudly as he started to cum, managing to cover my hand with it but I honestly didn't care. Watching him was so fucking sexy.

"Holy hell," he breathed, moving his hand off of my thigh to rub down his face. He looked down at my hand and laughed lightly. "Sorry about that," he apologized as he leaned over to his nightstand and grabbed a kleenex. I watched as he cleaned off my hand and then threw the kleenex away before he leaned down and kissed my lips. "You are a dangerous woman, Carmen. But I love it," he whispered between kisses.

I giggled against his lips and moved to sit up on my elbows. "I told you that I wanted you," I smiled at him and sat up all the way. "And that we could do anything and I would never regret it. I hope you believe me now," I said, leaning in to press another kiss against his soft lips.

"Mmm, well, I do believe you now," he said quietly before kissing me again. Apparently I wasn't the only one who enjoyed kissing. "The only thing I'm going to regret is having to walk out of this room instead of keeping you in here all to myself for the rest of the night."

Dan's POV 

Let me tell you guys something.

Lydia Morrison is a fucking minx.

No, you don't understand.

All bloody night she has been teasing the FUCK out of me.

Finding cute little ways to caress me, gently stroking my neck and thighs anytime that we got to sit next to each other, rubbing her ass against me in passing, only to look over her shoulder at me and give me that sexy, evil grin of hers, whispering saucy things in my ear..

And now? She's sitting on my bloody lap, slowly grinding her hips in against mine as she chats me up about how much fun she's having at the party Phil and I were hosting.

It had taken a lot of self control not to act on anything - but my self control was wearing thin.

We had been able to find a few minutes to be alone from mingling with my guests and we were sitting on the couch watching people talk amongst themselves, dance around, makeout under the different assortments of mistletoe I had hung up, and generally act stupid because they've had a little too much eggnog.

She was whispering something in my ear about how much she liked the Christmas lights and I could feel my dick throbbing. She didn't even have to say anything sexual at this point - the feel of her breath against my ear was more than enough to get me going.

I was listening, but not really, if that makes any sense as I let my hand, which had been on her knee, move generously up her thigh until it was hidden under her jumper and pressed between her legs.

I curled my fingers against the thin fabric of her leggings and rubbed them against the heat radiating from between them. "Two can play that game, Lydia," I whispered against her ear before nipping at her earlobe and then placing a kiss just below it.

I heard her breath catch in her throat and her fingers which were in my hair tugged at it slightly. I felt her thighs squeeze together but that was useless on her part because I could still move my fingers. "So not fair," she whispered, leaning the side of her head against mine. "You're going to make me ruin my panties."

"And this is fair?" I whispered back at her, moving my hips upward so that she could feel the bulge in my pants against her. "Do you feel what you've done to me? I can't focus on anything but how badly I want to ravish you," I growled against her neck.

Instead of responding with some sort of smart ass remark or anything else she could have possibly done. I heard her moan.

She fucking moaned.

That was not helping me at all.

"Then maybe you should ravish me," she replied while intentionally pulling my hair this time and then moving her hips in a slow circle so that her ass was grinding against my already throbbing cock. She moved her head so that her lips were against my ear now. "I'm sorry but the only thing I've been able to think of since I first saw you tonight has been how bad I want you."

Oh fuck me!

I clenched my teeth and my fingers curled harder against the heat between her legs. Lydia was a very bold person - but I knew that she was drunk. Which was part of the reason I had been so forgiving for everything she had been doing to me all night. But it was getting very, very hard to bear.

"Don't think for one second that I don't want to," I responded. "But you're drunk and as drunk as I might be too, I'm not the sexual predator at the party, kind of drunk person."

She leaned back so that I could see her face and she was grinning at me. "That is incredibly sweet of you. Thank you for being such a gentleman," she replied and for a second I thought that she was going to accept my response and stop torturing me. Instead she leaned in closer to me and lowered her voice to a whisper. "But I'm not that drunk and if you want to call either of us a sexual predator here, it's me. I'm not asking you to fuck me. Though that would be nice," she smirked. "I just want you to touch me," she said as she leaned closer until her lips pressed against mine and of course it wasn't just a peck. It was one of the kisses I'd gotten from her the night when I found myself with an erection that would not die.

Okay. That was enough.

I pulled away from her and cleared my throat. "I need to have a word with you in my room," I told her, nodding my head towards the hallway before moving to stand.  
She didn't say anything back, but stood up from my lap and headed towards my bedroom, me following behind her because I'd rather not let the entire party see the bulge in my pants.

We walked into my room and I closed the door behind myself as she turned around in the middle of the room to face me with the cutest worried expression on her face.

"I'm sorry. I don't know what's wrong with me," she shrugged and bit down on her bottom lip. "It's just that ever since you kissed me the other night I can't get it out of my head." I stepped closer to her to close the distance between us but she kept talking. "I can't get you out of my head and you look so fucking hot tonight. I know I'm totally probably getting on your nerves and being weird and I'm just-"

I silenced her words with my lips as I kissed her deeply, wrapping my arms around her as I backed her towards my bed. I slid my hands down her back and onto her ass and squeezed it as I bit down on her bottom lip, tugging at it as I pulled away. "Do I look annoyed?" I asked, but didn't give her a chance to respond before I started kissing her again.

Somehow I missed my bed completely and had her back up against a wall in my room. I pulled away from her and studied her face as I stood there with my torso pressed against her, breathing heavily. "I don't want to do anything that you don't want me to do - so if you want me to stop touching you, please tell me."

"Trust me, I'm not going to want you to stop touching me," she whispered, looking up at me before she moved her hand up to the back of my neck to pull me back down to kiss her. "Wait," she stopped, putting her hands against my chest and pushing me back a bit to put some distance between us. For a second I thought she decided she didn't want anything.

I realized I was wrong when she quickly removed her sweater, tossing it over my head and then kicked her shoes off. "Should I remove anything else?" she asked, an eyebrow raised as she smirked at me with her hands on her hips.

Bloody hell.

I didn't know how to answer that question before I felt kind of like it could have been a potential trap. Of course I wanted her to get naked, but I wasn't going to be the one to say it.

So instead of saying yes or no, I shrugged then grabbed the bottom of my jumper and pulled it over my head before tossing it behind me. "Should I?" I countered, raising an eyebrow back at her as my eyes traveled over her body.

"You're asking the one who's been molesting you all night?" she asked, laughing. "Damn, you look good shirtless. But, I'd rather see you naked," she grinned as she reached behind herself. A few seconds later I saw her bra falling down her shoulders before she let it fall to the floor.

Since I didn't have a bra to take off, I studied the way she looked as I stepped out of my shoes and tugged at my belt. Once I got it undone, I didn't even have to unbutton my pants for them to start falling off of my hips. I let them fall to my ankles and stepped out of them as well as my eyes traveled over her.

I had no idea what was about to happen. But my body was fucking ready.

"Do you have any idea of how sexy you are?" she asked as she began sliding her leggings along with her panties down her legs. She stood upright and grinned at me, biting her lip.

She walked towards me quickly closing the space between us until our bodies were nearly touching. Her eyes looked up at my face before she leaned forward and placed a kiss against the middle of my chest. Her hands touched my sides and she slowly slid them down until she got to the sides of my boxers and tugged at them a bit until they fell off of me.

She grinned up at me before she moved back a bit and then pushed me so that I fell back onto my bed. As I was sitting up she was coming towards me and she straddled my lap before grabbing my face and kissing me again.

I returned the kiss as I slid my hands up her thighs and onto her ass, squeezing it once more before I trailed my hands back to her knees. I pulled away so that I could see her face and I probably had the biggest, most ridiculous grin on my lips.

I then let my eyes roam from hers, down her body and to her pussy and back up again. She was on my thighs only a few inches away from my cock. I could feel her heat though, and it wasn't doing me any favors.

"You're going to drive me mental," I said in a low voice as I moved my left hand from her knee and to my crotch, groping my dick. I bit down on my bottom lip and started moving my hand up and down my length, my eyes still trailing all over her. I slid my right hand down her thigh and between her legs and gently caressed my fingertips against her pussy.

Oh fuck. She was so wet.

"Mmm," I purred, looking back up into her eyes. "I see I must have been torturing you as well," I said, pressing my fingers firmer against her clit.

Her mouth opened and of course she had one of the sexiest moans I had ever heard. "Fuck yes, you were," she whispered, her eyes fixated on my hand moving on my cock. She leaned in closer and pressed her lips hard against mine as her hand moved down and I felt her fingertips wrap around the middle of my shaft while my hand was at the base. "If you get to touch me I think I should get to touch you," she whispered against my lips after breaking the kiss.

"That's only fair," I responded, my voice hardly above a whisper. I removed my hand from my dick completely and slid it around her to the small of her back as I let my fingertips smooth against her clit. I studied her face and the way she reacted to the way I was touching her.

I had never done anything like this before - and I never would have thought how bloody hot it could be. I had a lot of thoughts and desires hitting me at once.

I wanted to watch her face, I wanted to take in her body, I wanted to watch her small hand stroke my cock, I wanted to watch my fingers work against her pussy, I wanted to kiss her, and with each passing second, I wanted to be inside of her more and more; I wanted to ravish her.

I bit down on my bottom lip, my eyes switching around from all of the things that were happening. "Fuck," I grunted, staring into her eyes, my hand slipping around her and tightening on her hip.

"Dan," she moaned my name, tilting her head back for a second as she pushed her hips forward to grind against my hand. She looked at me again, tightening her grip on my cock and moving her hand a bit faster. "I can't wait to feel you inside me," she whispered as she moved her free hand to the back of my neck to hang on to me. Her eyes moved down to her hand moving up and down on my cock and then she looked up at me and grinned. "It's probably going to be a bit of a tight fit though," she managed to say quickly before another moan escaped her lips which was quite loud but I honestly didn't give a fuck if anyone heard her at that point.

I slid one of my fingers inside of her and curled it upwards as I massaged against her gspot and she got even more wet. "Mmmm," I moaned, looking up at her face to see her reaction. "You're so fucking wet," I told her, moving my finger a little faster inside of her. "I wish I were inside of you," I breathed against her throat before grazing my teeth against it and tilting my head so that I could kiss her neck.

I sucked her flesh between my teeth and then slid my tongue against it as I moved up to her ear. Breathing heavily against it and nipping at her earlobe. "You're so fucking hot, Lydia," I whispered. I trailed my lips back down her neck and onto her shoulder where I started kissing it.

I pulled back and looked at her face again, sliding my finger out of her and pressing the tip against her clit in circles. "I want you."

"I want you too," she practically whimpered, her entire body starting to shake at this point. "So bad."

Her hand moved off of my dick which left me really fucking confused for a second. I looked down to see what she was doing just as she moved my hand away from her pussy. She slipped two of her fingers inside of herself and moaned as she slipped them out and then over her clit. She then moved her hand back to my cock and when I felt how wet her hand was I realized what she had been doing and nearly came right there.

She grinned up at me while biting her bottom lip as her hand gripped my cock tighter and started moving even faster than before.

She had to be the minxiest virgin on the fucking planet. Mother fuck. Who does this!?

I moaned and my fingertips were pressed that much harder against her clit and my movement sped up to keep the pace that she had on my cock. "You're going to make me cum," I whispered, biting on my bottom lip. "I want you to cum with me," I breathed against her neck before kissing it again. I was leaning in against her, holding onto her tightly so that she didn't fall off of me as I dug my fingers against her now swollen clit.

"Oh my God," she moaned, her fingernails digging into the back of my neck and her grip on my cock tightening even more. Her body started to shake harder and her hips were grinding against my hand. "I'm gonna cum," she whispered quickly. She gasped loudly and I watched as her mouth fell open but no sound came out while her entire body went completely tense. Finally she let out a very, very loud moan followed by her moaning my name softly over and over as her body trembled. Her eyes had stayed open and focused on mine the entire time which was something I had never experienced with anyone.

After hearing and seeing that - it took about two more strokes and I was left in the same condition as her. My body tensed up and my head fell forward, resting against her shoulder, my cum spilling onto her hand as I caught my bread.

"That," I panted, raising my head after a few seconds, "Was brilliant," I laughed, raising my hand to move her hair away from her eyes.

I reached behind me and grabbed a shirt that was on my bed so that she could use it to wipe up the mess I had made on her knuckles. Thankfully it was white - though, it could have been my Christmas jumper and I wouldn't have cared at that point.

"Thank you," she said, laughing as I wiped her hand clean. She was still shaking and she took a deep breath in an attempt to calm herself. "I'm pretty sure I have never had an orgasm that intense. Ever. Holy shit." She leaned in and kissed my lips softly, lingering there for a second before pulling back and laughing again. "I thought you were bringing me in here to tell me to back the fuck up  
but I was very pleasantly surprised."

I laughed and shook my head. "Why would I do that?" I asked then rolled my eyes. "Well, I know why I would do that but," I tilted my head and shrugged. "It's not like I wasn't enjoying it, it was just getting a bit... out of hand. I figured we would come in here and make out again. But I was pleasantly surprised."

"Well, we did make out. We just happened to add touching each other's goodies into the act of making out," she shrugged, grinning. "And I will do my best to control myself next time we're at a party. I think. I hope. Maybe."

Ugh. The party.

My face probably fell. Actually I knew that it did and I quickly began explaining why. "Sorry, I just remembered that there's a party going on," I laughed. "We should probably get back to it, yeah?" I asked tilting my head a bit. "Although, I wouldn't mind just remaining like this." I grinned up at her.

She poked her bottom lip out. "Dammit. I forgot too," she sighed. "I suppose we should go back." She held onto my shoulders to help herself climb off of me and I watched as she walked away from me to grab her clothes. "Look on the bright side though," she said as she looked over her shoulder at me. "I'm spending the night here." She bent over giving me a fucking amazing view while she picked up her clothes.

I watched her until she stood upright and then joined her in getting dressed again.

It didn't take that long, although we both did stop to check our appearances in the mirror because neither of us wanted anyone else to know that we had just come back here to pull a quickie.

Would you consider that a quickie?  
Hmmm.

Once we both had our hair sorted and we didn't look like we'd both been having orgasms we were ready to rejoin the party.

She walked into the hallway and I followed behind her and at the same time, Phil and Carmen were leaving Phil's room.

Hmmmm.

They'd disappeared just before Lydia and I had...

"Oh, hey guys," Carmen adjusted her glasses and waved at us.

Lydia looked over at them, looked up at me, looked at them again, then looked at me before she cracked up laughing. Apparently her thoughts had gone the same direction mine had.

"What's so funny?" Phil asked, looking down at himself to see if he was who she was laughing at.

"Yeah..." Carmen also looked down at herself and then brought her hands to her hair, smoothing them over it.

That only made me more suspicious of what they had been doing.

"I'm not laughing," I shrugged, but I had a grin on my face. "Were you showing Carmen your Poke'balls?" I asked, raising a brow at Phil.

Lydia started laughing even harder.

"Oh bloody hell," Phil laughed, shaking his head. Obviously he understood I knew they'd been doing something interesting in there.

"Dan was just showing me his wand," Lydia informed them as she managed to make herself stop laughing. She cleared her throat. "He needed someone to help him polish it properly."

"Oh," Carmen tilted her head at Lydia's response, nodding at her. "Did you give it a spit shine?" she asked with a straight face.

"Nah," she shook her head. "I just used a good rubbing technique."

"Is this conversation actually happening right now?" Phil asked me, laughing at the two of them.

"Oh yeah it is," I answered, laughing along with him. "Did _you _give Phil's a spitshine?" I asked Carmen, wiggling my eyebrows at her.

"I would never spit on Phil's wand," Carmen said seriously as she grabbed Lydia's arm. "Let's go get some eggnog and mingle." The two of them pranced down the hallway and back to the party while Phil and I watched them.

"I hate to see her go, but I love to watch her leave," I said with my head tilted, my eyes on Lydia's ass until I couldn't see it anymore.

I looked over at Phil and he was doing the same thing but obviously looking at Carmen's ass. "Same," he agreed and looked over at me.

"So did you deflower Carmen?" I asked as I looked back at him. I don't know what they were doing in there, but I know the were up to something. You don't just disappear from a party for half an hour for no reason.

"No," he laughed, rolling his eyes. "I'm not a big enough asshole to take her virginity during a party while she's drunk," he replied. "But I can't lie and say it wasn't difficult not to. How about you? Did you capture Lydia's virility?" he laughed.

I started laughing at the reference Phil made to that video of Cry reading that horrific fanfiction. "Believe it or not, Phil, I'm not a big enough ass to do that either," I replied. "She's a saucy virgin though, I'll tell you that much."

Whew. If she's like that now and she's never had the D - I could only imagine how she'd be after.

"Well, that's another thing those two have in common," he said, his eyes getting wide. "Trust me."

"Oh I trust you alright." I laughed.

We finally made it to the end of the hall and the first thing I saw was PJ with his arms over his head and Chris with his arms wrapped around PJ, humping his hip and trying to kiss him, and Bryony standing a few feet away recording their insanity.

"Dan! Help me!" Chris yelled. "He keeps resisting and all I want him to do is have a sensation!"

"Oh I'm sure he's having loads of sensations right now," I laughed.

I scanned the room looking for where Lydia and Carmen might have run off to and finally spotted both of them. They were standing together in the kitchen talking to Jack and Finn. It was a bit of a mind fuck having two sets of twins at the party.

"Awwww!" I heard Lydia say before she reached forward and wrapped her arms around Jack's shoulders to hug him.

"Looks like those two are getting along," Phil spoke up and I looked over to see him standing next to me with a beer held out for me.

I took the beer from him, giving him a disapproving look in the process. "Yeah? Well Carmen doesn't look too shy around Finn right now." I only said it to annoy him, because I remembered her saying something about wanting to make a Jack and Finn sandwich, or something horrific to that nature.

We both stood there watching them like lions ready to defend their fucking territory or something.

Carmen started laughing about something and nodded before sitting her drink down. Then Finn turned around and Carmen hopped on his back. What the fuck? She wrapped her arms around him and squealed as he began walking around with her like that.

I looked over at Phil to see that he had this look of pure raging jealousy on his face. I was half expecting him to snarl.

"Yes!" I heard Lydia say which pulled my attention back to her right as she hopped on Jack's back to do the same thing. "Yaaay!" she laughed, latching onto him while peeking over his shoulder with her face against his.

"What's that I see?" Phil pulled my attention away and I looked over at him. "Do I see some jealousy going on in those eyes of yours?" he asked, an eyebrow raised. "I think that plan to not get attached because of distance is going down the drain."  
I gave him a dirty look. I would say that I was surprised to hear Phil being sassy, but he's been one sass ball for the last couple of weeks. "Like you aren't jealous," I scoffed and shifted my eyes back towards Lydia, who was still on Jack's back; though now Jack and Finn and Lydia and Carmen were getting their pictures taken by Carrie, Bryony, and Ben. They all looked so bloody cozy together. I took a long swig of my beer and tried to look away from them.

"Oh I am," Phil replied looking over at them like I was. "But I've been open about my feelings for Carmen so that's not a big deal."

"What feelings for her?" I laughed, looking over at him again.

He looked at me like I was stupid. "Did you really not believe me when I told you I was in love with her that night? I was serious, Dan."

"No... How was I supposed to take that serious?" I laughed again. "You were drunk and hello, how bloody random would that even be?"

Actually, thinking about it, stranger things have happened. "Plus, I've never claimed to be in love with Lydia, but we both know that I like her, so I don't know why I have to say it out loud when it's obvious, and we both know I'm jealous in general," I shrugged at him.

"I just wanted you to say it out loud," he smirked at me and laughed. "But I'm sure you've noticed that she likes you a lot as well. She's probably never told you but I happen to know that she was definitely a danisnotonfire fangirl before you met her."

"I knew that." Well, I didn't know she could have been classified as a fangirl, but I knew she'd seen all of my videos, because she told me that. I also knew that Carmen was in love with Phil, but since bestfriend code said I couldn't tell him, well, I couldn't tell him. "Does Carmen know that you're _in love _with her?" I asked, making air quotes with my fingers.

He cleared his throat and took a sip of his beer. "She knows that I have feelings for her, yes. But I don't want to blurt something like that out and scare her off."

"Guess what!" Jack came galloping over to us with Lydia still on his back and along beside him came Finn with Carmen still on his. "We're doing a video together. Double twins! It's going to be too much for the world to handle," Lydia giggled and petted the top of Jack's  
hair.

"It's going to be awesome!" Carmen laughed, then squealed because Finn bucked his hips back, causing her to jolt upward and cling tighter to him.

"Sorry, you were falling," Finn laughed. "It is going to be awesome though. I can't wait to film it."

"That's.. awesome," I smiled, trying to sound as enthusiastic as they all did. "When are you guys going to do that? Will you need any help?"

"This week sometime, right ladies?" Jack spoke up and tilted his head to look up at Lydia.

"I don't think we'll need any help. We've got two people who do the youtube thing. Three if you count me," Finn added.

"Well, we look forward to seeing it," Phil replied with a fake smile though I'm not sure if it was obvious to them or not that it was fake.

"I need to run to the ladies room, sir," Lydia told Jack before hopping off of him. "Thanks for the ride," she laughed as she straightened out her jumper. She had to walk behind me to get to the bathroom and I felt her grab my pinky for a second as she passed by.

"Great party, by the way," Jack told me as he straightened up his stance.

"Yeah? Thanks," I responded.

"It was totally Lydia's idea," Carmen informed Jack. "Well the theme and the solo cups."

"Lydia's the dog's bollocks," Jack laughed. "So insane that you have a twin! I never knew it!"

"I didn't either!" Carmen laughed loudly. "Okay I need down from here so I can go get my eggnog," she told Finn as she moved her hips up and down. I wondered if she realized that it looked like she was humping him. Probably not, as she was drunk.

"You're all done with the twin piggy back ride? Fine then!" Finn laughed and leaned back so she could step off of him.

"I feel so abandoned," Jack laughed, talking to Finn. He looked back over at us. "You two are lucky, yeah? Getting to hang out with them all the time. They're funny and _very_ nice to look at."

"Oh yeah," Finn nodded. "They are well good," he glanced over his shoulder at Carmen then back at us. "We're going to have to steal them from you guys. Maybe we can make a series. Twins Tuesday or something," he nudged Jack.

You know, I always liked Jack and Finn. They're funny guys. But right now my jealousy made me not like them very much.

I wanted to give Jack an enormous gap between his teeth and bloody his face a bit, and then kick Finn's asshole up and between his shoulder blades for looking at Carmen on Phil's behalf.

Carmen was back over by us before either of us had a chance to respond to what they were saying. "Did I miss anything?" she asked, dancing around in place with her cup.

"Nah, but we missed you," Finn said as he reached over and put an arm around Carmen's shoulders.

If I had laser shooting eyeballs Finn would have been very holey very quickly.

"Where's my twin?" Jack asked, looking towards where Lydia walked off a couple of minutes before.

I felt Phil's eyes on me and I knew he was looking for my reaction.

"Hey sexuals! Did I miss anything?" Lydia asked as she appeared from behind me.

"Oh my God, you two are so identical," Jack laughed and moved towards Lydia. "You missed some important twin business," he said as he put his arm around her shoulder. "Finn actually came up with a video series idea called Twins Tuesday. Let me fill you in."

"Twins Tuesday?" Carmen looked up at Finn. "The hell is that?"

"Ah, you missed that part of the conversation. Let's discuss it, yeah?" he offered, leading her away with Jack and Lydia.

I watched them for a few seconds and then looked over at Phil, who was still looking in their direction. "What in the actual fuck, just happened?"

"Well, we stood here looking like total idiots while the super attractive twins stole our incredibly sexy twins to go flirt with them a bit more. Cheers to us being awesome," he said sarcastically before turning up his beer.


	8. The Fuck You Contract

Lydia's POV

The day after the party even though we were hungover as fuck Carmen and I were headed over to Jack and Finn's flat. We were on the tube leaning on each other and clutching onto our coffees like they'd save our lives.

"Was I alone in wanting to punch the boys in the face for being able to stay asleep?" I asked Carmen after taking a long sip of coffee. "Especially after Dan hugged his pillow and went into some speech about how amazing his bed was and how lucky he was to not to have to leave it anytime soon."

"Aww," she poked her bottom lip out. "No, you aren't. But I felt really bad for Phil since he slept on the couch again," she laughed. "I told him he could have his bed but he wasn't having it... At least he's got it now.. Lucky bastard."

"Why don't you two just sleep in the same bed?" I asked. "I mean, Dan and I have twice now and we didn't even make a pillow wall this time," I laughed. Though I probably should have because maybe then I would have slept instead of playing let's see how many times we can get each other off all night.

Nah. Sleep deprivation was totally worth it.

"Well," she adjusted her glasses. "He probably would have been fine with that if I hadn't pulled the little stunt I did last night during the party. I guess he was afraid I would do it again or something? I don't know. But I didn't have that on my mind. I was in pass out mode. I fell asleep on Finn mid conversation. Cuddling would have been very nice though."

"I can't believe we both attacked them in the middle of the party like that," I laughed shaking my head. "Once we started to go to bed though I was the one getting attacked. I mean like, he attacked me." I thought back on it and couldn't stop myself from grinning. "Not that I minded at all."

"I'm jealous," she said before taking a sip of her coffee. "I want to get attacked. I had to start stripping before Phil would even touch me," she laughed then yawned. "It's sweet though, he was being super respectful and didn't want me to do something I would regret."  
"Awww! He's so sweet," I sighed as I thought about that. "He really likes you. It's so cute how he's always looking at you and saying cute Phil things." Curiosity got the best of me. "I can't imagine him doing sex things," I laughed. "What's he like?"

"Perfect," she laughed again. "And I'm not just being biased. He really is just- I mean, I don't have anything to compare it to, but he knew exactly what I needed, and knew how to touch me and kiss me," she shivered all over and sighed. "I think I know why they call him amazingPhil now."

"Well, damn," I replied. "I guess in his case one of those sayings about the quiet ones is very true."

My phone vibrated and I reached into my purse to fish it out of that abyss I needed to clean out. It was an email from one of my Professors and my heart immediately fell out of my asshole.

Ms. Morrison, I regret to inform you that due to your absence today for your final exam that you have not made the required average to pass. Please consult your advisor for future instruction.

"Oh fuck, fuck, fuck my life!" I groaned while leaning my head back against the wall. "Fucking time difference. I forgot that I needed to call my Professor this morning to reschedule my exam and I fucking missed it. That's an automatic zero which made me fail."

My Mom was going to shoot me with a dart gun between the eyes.

"Oh shit!" she covered her mouth with her hand. "Do you think there's anything you can do? Maybe you can tell them what happened and they'll excuse it? Or maybe your Mum can pull some strings for you?"

"Nope," I shook my head. "They are like the kings and queens of serious business at that damn school." I dropped my phone back into my purse fully expecting to get another email from my other Professor very soon. "I mean, I only had two classes so I can easily take them next semester and be fine but being that I am my father's daughter people are going to find out and gossip and my Mom will shit a gold brick then throw it at my head."

"At least it'll be golden?" I could tell she was trying not to laugh but she did. "That's horrible though. I'm sorry. That's kind of like what happened to me when I was in uni. Only I didn't have a twin who I was with.. I just didn't go take my finals...There's another thing we have in common, though," she said before taking a drink of her coffee. "We're both college dropouts," she held her hand up for me to high five. "Well, you didn't drop out, but you know," she laughed.

I had to laugh because she was right. I mean, I had worked my ass off in college but I just didn't really give a shit about it at the moment. I gave her a high five and took another long sip of my coffee. "Thank God my parents can't touch the money I got when I turned 21 because if they disown my ass for this I won't be completely screwed," I laughed. "At least I don't have a reason to have to run back home this week though. That's a plus."

"That's true," she nodded. "It will be quite sad when you have to go home though," she made a bit of a pouty face at me. "It would have been nice, I think, to have Christmas with you. We didn't even get one of those together in the womb," she laughed.

"Well, maybe I could stay for Christmas," I said as I attempted to count up the days in my head. "It's only like 2 weeks away. I don't know. We'll figure something out but I don't want to think about leaving yet. I'm having too much fun with you here. How the fuck is it that I manage to live back in the states and have like no friends for years and I come here and suddenly I'm beboppin' around London with you and hot youtubers and headed off to make a video with a  
couple of them?"

"Because I'm a hot youtuber," she laughed and rolled her eyes. "I think it had a lot to do with who you were friends with back home. Before I moved to London I didn't have anyone at uni. They were all rich twats who were boring and annoying. These people you're around now are fun and you actually have stuff in common with them," she shrugged. "I'm really excited about doing a video with Jack and Finn, though. The only other person I've ever collaborated with is Dan."

"Well, you all are taking my youtube video virginity I guess. Oh, that's kinky," I wiggled my eyebrows. "Oh wait. Nevermind. I did that video to make you acknowledge my existence," I laughed. "Wow, that feels like forever ago now. That's crazy."

"Aww," she laughed but had a pitiful look on her face. "I'm sorry. That makes me feel like Phil. I have seen it though, if that counts?" she tilted her head. "And yeah, it's hard to believe that was only a couple of weeks ago. Feels like you've been in town for months now."

"I know. It's bizarre and I love how you just said you feel like Phil because you shunned me," I laughed. "I'm going to start calling Phil SnobbyPhil instead of AmazingPhil. I'll start calling Dan danhasmagicfingers."

"Assholephil and Dansfingersareonfire," she cackcled.

The tube came to our stop and we both got off of it. Jack and Finn picked us up at the station because they had a car and we stopped to get some food before heading to their house to film.

No one else was there but us, so we didn't have to worry about being quiet or censoring ourselves, which was nice. Jack lead us up to his room and we piled around on the floor with our food and started talking about what exactly we were going to do in our video, since we didn't actually make any plans last night.

Or maybe we did and I was too drunk to remember.  
Who knows?

"Hey Lydia," Carmen started laughing before she could even get out what she was about to tell me, "Did you know that Jack thinks you're the dogs bollocks?"

My eyes got wide and I slowly brought my drink down from my lips as I glanced around at them. "Please tell me that this is some really random ass british slang thing I know nothing about?" I laughed. "Because it does not sound like it's a good thing."

They all started laughing, especially Carmen, who I'm guessing, knew I would have that kind of a reaction.

"It's a very good thing," Jack said once he stopped laughing. "It's like saying something is awesome," he told me.

"Oh!" I laughed. "Thank God. I was ready to be devastated."

"I wish we had 20 dollars for every american we've confused with that one," Finn chuckled.

"So what the balls are we gonna do this video about?" I asked. "I mean, we could just all have sex and get a fuck load of views but I don't think that youtube would allow that to be up for very long."

"What?!" Jack started laughing loudly, as did Finn and Carmen, however the guys were much more amused with it than he was.

"I'm definitely okay with that idea, just laying that out there," Finn smirked, looking from me to Carmen.

"Cheeky, yeah?" Jack laughed again, shaking his head. "I was thinking maybe we could talk about twinisms. Things we have in common, things we don't, things people assume."

"I still like Lydia's idea better," Finn butted in, but it was obvious that he was kidding.

"Well we might have a bit of a problem as we didn't grow up together," Carmen reminded them. "But we know a bit about each other.. Actually we could just ask each other questions? Like, Lydia and I could ask you guys questions, and you could ask us twin related questions," she suggested.

"Yeah!" I agreed. "And you two could like tell us things that we need to be prepared for in the twin world or whatever. Stupid questions people ask and whatnot," I added.

"That sounds pretty awesome to me," Finn nodded.

"Cheeky?" I asked, grinning.

"Very cheeky indeed," he laughed.

"Whoa, whoa, whoa hold up," Jack held his hand up and I thought he had an issue with the video idea. He was looking down at his iPad with a confused expression on his face. "Okay, people on Tumblr are going 'round saying you're a slut, Carmen."

"What?!" she shrieked, leaning over Finn so that she could try and see what he was looking at. "Why the hell would they be calling me a slut?! I'm a bloody virgin!"

The boys both turned and looked at her like she'd just dropped a huge bomb on them. Their eyes were massive. "Thank you for that interesting tid bit there, Carmen," Jack laughed. "But look," he said, holding the iPad up for her. "Apparently someone got some of the photos from the party last night and they show you both with Phil and Dan but it looks like just Carmen with both of them."

"What kind of photos?" I asked not knowing if I really wanted to know.

"I'm not sure," Jack told me without looking up from the screen.

"Oh shit," Finn blurted out. "It's video footage," he looked up from his phone and over at all of us. "A couple of people from the party last night already have some of what they've filmed uploaded to their side channels."

"Well, here's a gif of one of you on Dan's lap right beside of gif of Carmen and Phil kissing? I think that's you Carmen. Or is that Lydia kissing Phil? I can't bloody tell," Jack shook his head.

"That's me kissing Phil and Lydia on Dan's lap. Oh my God. I can't believe this rubbish," Carmen sighed loudly and started fishing her phone out of her purse.

"Oh holy balls," I facepalmed myself. "I swear. I come into town and it's like I took a fucking wisk and attacked my sister's life violently with it."

"Where the hell do you even come up with the things you say?" Finn laughed after looking at me like I was nuts for a second.

I shrugged. "No idea. Carmen, when they see this video we make today and know there are two of us then it'll all be straightened out."

"She's right," Jack agreed. "I know it's crap that it happened, but no one knows about Lydia, and you know how people speculate shit on the internet."

"I know, I know," she sighed. "I don't even care, really. Well, I do, because if my Mum sees that shit," she held her fingers up to her head like a gun. "Just kill me now. But my twitter is more active than when Lydia posted that video and they thought that it was me. I can only imagine the shit that's being said to Dan and Phil about it."

"I'm sure they'll be happy to see something being said about them with you instead of them with each other," Finn pointed out.

"Truth," I agreed, nodding. "Though I'm sure they're not thrilled about you being made to look like a hoebag slutface."

Carmen started laughing and shaking her head. "Sorry, but someone tweeted me saying that people are just jealous because I got to be a part of a Phan-Sandwich. I love some of their fans."

"Okay, that is actually amazing," I laughed along with her. "I would totally retweet that if I were you."

"Twitter would probably explode," Jack laughed.

I reached over to pick up my purse and dug through it to get my phone. "Jesus, Lydia. I almost expected you to pull a rabbit out of that thing," Jack said as he picked up my giant purse.

"Dude, I have everything in there," I told him as I unlocked my screen to get on Twitter. "I'm like a Mom without being a Mom."

"Can I look?" he asked and I looked at him like he was crazy because it was so random to ask but I didn't care if he did. "Go for it," I laughed.

I signed into Twitter and the first thing I saw was

**Carmen Kensington (CallMeCarmen) Sluttin it up with Jack and Finn!**

I cracked up laughing so hard. "Oh my God," I managed to say as I fell over sideways.

"What the hell is going on?" Jack asked, looking up from his adventure in my purse.

"I think she saw what I just tweeted," Carmen grinned. "I said I was sluttin' it up with you and Finn. They're going to talk, might as well give them something to talk about."

"You know what would really make em talk?" Finn spoke up and all three of us looked at him. "Doing that video where all four of us have sex."

"How did I not see that coming?" Carmen laughed.

"I'm with Finn on this," Jack grinned and winked at Carmen.

"Okay guys, unless we're posting a video to Redtube we can't have sex so we better get to it," I laughed.

It took us an hour to get everything for the video sorted and then another two hours to film it because we happened to be the most A.D.D set of twins ever and all four of us would just start cracking up over nothing.

I think we were all delirious from the party the night before.

We went with Carmen's idea and asked each other random questions to see how much we had in common. It turns out that we were more alike than Finn and Jack who grew up together, which is odd, but really cool at the same time. It was a great opportunity for Carmen and I to get to know each other better.

I learned that both of us loved fall and have the same favorite color, which is odd because who in the actual fuck picks white as their favorite color? We do, apparently.

Our favorite Disney movie is also Pocahontas, and we also informed Jack, Finn, and our future audience that we have the same crappy vision and unfortunate allergy to nuts, among other things.

Once we were finished the guys took us to the tube and we headed back to my hotel so I could get some stuff because I planned on spending the night with Carmen.

I still hadn't heard anything from my Mom or my Dad, which was a relief, but also a bit weird considering how upset I knew they were going to be when they found out that their golden child failed her last two classes at Harvard just before she was supposed to graduate.

Once I had my things together we headed back to Carmen's apartment. Dan and Phil were filming the Super Amazing Project today, since they didn't do it last night because of the party. They told Carmen that they would come hang out when they were finished, though and just upload it when they got there.

This was only my second time at Carmen's and the first time was kind of a blur, it it felt like I'd never been there before. Now I could actually pay attention to how it was decorated and it reminded me a lot of my place back in Boston. Only she had lots of music things and instruments all over the place, along with random film things.

"I feel like I haven't been here in weeks," Carmen said as she sat her bag down on the table in the living room and started to pull off her coat and scarf. "Also, I'm not sure how you are about tidiness, but this place is basically organized chaos," she laughed.

"I love it, actually," I told her as I pulled off my jacket. "It feels like my apartment if that makes sense. We apparently have a similar decorating style as well," I laughed. "I'll have to show you pictures of my apartment one day."

I started wandering around looking in the living room, kitchen and dining room while Carmen checked her mail and whatnot.

"Should we order some food, sister lady?" I asked as I walked back into the living room where she was sitting on the couch.

"Yeah, I'm starving," she said as she looked up from the mail she was flipping through. "I need to go to the shop and get some groceries sometime too. Bleh," she tossed the mail down on the table and stood up. "I'm going to take a shower. There's a couple of menus in the kitchen of some places I order food from all the time. I'll eat just about anything as long as it doesn't have onions on it," she gagged.

"Same," I laughed as I stood up to go get the menus. "Be careful with the shower head," I called out as I made my way into the kitchen. After finding the menus I hopped onto the counter and started looking through it trying to decide what to order. I didn't really know what the guys wanted so I decided to order a fuck load of stuff.

I mean a fuck load. Carmen was probably going to shit when she saw them deliver it but I was paying so it was okay.

Right as I hung up I heard the doorbell ring and figured that Dan and Phil had made their way over. "Coming!" I called out as I hopped down from the counter.

I peeked through the door to see a very pretty woman standing outside who I immediately noticed to be Carmen's Mom. I unlocked the door before opening it and smiled up at her but before I could say a word she'd pulled me into a tight hug.

"Oh, Calliope, darling! I missed you so much!" she said as she squeezed me. "I feel so horrible about everything that happened and I couldn't wait until Christmas to see you. Please, darling, don't be mad at me. I was only trying to protect you." She pulled away, grabbed my face and kissed my forehead.

"You're still looking too thin," she sighed as she shook her head. "You really need to start eating and sleeping right, honey. And where are your glasses? Did you ever get a new pair? No matter, I had a pair ordered. I've got them with me. I've also brought you some groceries," she held up the bags that were hanging off of her arms as she made her way into the kitchen.

"I've got you some eggs and milk and some vegetables, and honey, you really need to clean this place!" she paused and looked around for a few seconds and I almost thought that maybe she realized I wasn't Carmen. "Why is there water running? Do you have someone over?"

"Um," I closed the door behind her and walked towards her not entirely sure of how she was going to react to me. "I'm not Carmen. I'm Lydia. She's in the shower," I told her, motioning towards the bathroom with my hand. "It's wonderful to finally meet you."

Carmen's Mom gasped and dropped the carton of eggs that were in her hand, staring at me with wide eyes like I might have grown a second head or something. "Oh my God," she finally spoke again. "I didn't know you were still in town. I can't believe it. I-" she was closing the space between us, grabbing me to hug me again.

When she pulled away I noticed that there were tears in her eyes. "I'm sorry," she started wiping them away. "It's just, I never thought I would see you again. With the contract I signed with your parents' lawyer and all," she shook her head. "I never wanted you two to be apart, please know that. I know this probably sounds mental, but if I could have taken you too, I would have.. Not being able to was one of the reasons I never told Carmen she was adopted. I didn't want her to find out she had a twin out there that she wasn't allowed to see," she sighed. "You look even more like her in person than you did in that photograph she sent me."

"Wait, what?" I asked wondering if I heard her correctly. "A contract? What- what are you talking about?" My heart sank. Could my parents seriously have done something that fucked up?

Carmen's Mum's eyes got wide. "You don't know about that? But I thought- with your parents being so honest and- Carmen didn't tell you?" she asked, looking like she might start crying again, but she didn't.

I think I went into shock or something. I didn't know what to say or how to react. I couldn't accuse her of lying though. It sounded like something my parents would do. They were always pulling strings to get what they wanted when they wanted it.

"No," I shook my head. "No one said anything to me about a contract. You tried to adopt me?"

She took in a deep breath and let it out with a sigh and then pulled out a chair at the table for me to sit down before taking a seat of her own. "I wanted to adopt you too. I never knew that there were two babies until you both were born. Your birth Mum didn't care if you got separated, she just wanted both of you to go to good homes... When I found out that the baby we were getting had a twin, I immediately asked, but your parents already had rights to you, and there was nothing I could do," she sighed. "But I found out that they lived in Boston, and at the time, my husband and I were living in Connecticut, and I wanted to set something up so you two could see each other, but... I never talked to your parents directly. I talked to their lawyer, and they had us sign legal documents that we wouldn't have any contact with them, or that Carmen would never contact you. That's why we never told her.. I'm so sorry that you had to find out from me, I thought they would have told you."

I literally wanted to vomit. It was bad enough that they kept Carmen's existence from me but to find out that it wasn't done to protect me or any bullshit reason they've offered up but most likely to protect their own image was- I didn't have words. Of course Carmen's Mom hadn't said that's why they did it but I knew them well enough to know. They wanted a kid with no hassles. Me having a twin sister to visit with would be a hassle.

"Don't be sorry," I swallowed hard and forced a smile. I really didn't want my first meeting with this woman to be unpleasant. "I'm glad you told me. I should've known to be honest with you," I cleared my throat and reached up to wipe below my eyes quickly because I could feel my eyes burning like I was about to cry.

"You're much prettier than the photo I saw of you and I already thought you were really gorgeous," I told her being completely honest. I needed to say anything to pull my attention away from what was going on in my head.

She grinned at me, "Thank you, you're sweet." She patted my hand. "I hope Carmen has been good to you. I wish she would have told me that you were here though, I would have come to visit ages ago," she laughed. I suddenly knew why she hadn't told her Mom I was still in town. "How long to you plan on staying in London for? Will you be here for Christmas? It would be amazing if you were."

From down the hall I heard a door opening then closing before I heard footsteps coming towards the living room. "Oh yeah! I'm all fresh and clean! Maybe Phil would give me the D tonight. I can only - Oh my God! Mum. What the fuck-" Carmen slapped her hand over her mouth, staring at her Mom with big eyes.

I literally facepalmed myself. I thought I was the world's worst about saying horrible things in front of my parents. "Well, I finally met you Mom," I stated the obvious while trying not to laugh. "I'll uh-" I stood up, "clean up these eggs," I said while walking towards the kitchen to the mess that was still there.

I didn't realize until I started to pick the eggs up that my hands were shaking like crazy. I was still on a bit of a mental overload from what her Mom had just told me. I didn't know what to think, feel, or do.

There was a knock on the door and I heard Carmen say that she would get it.

"Hey yo bitch, you ready for the D?" I heard Dan shout.

I could only imagine the look on Carmen's face right now.

"Oh, hi Mrs. Kensington," Dan cleared his throat and I heard the door shut again.

"Daniel, isn't it?" I heard Carmen's Mum respond then gasp. "Phillip? Is that you? How are you? You know, you should call your Mum more often, she misses you!"

"Shoot me," I heard Carmen grumble.

"I will definitely do that," Phil laughed. "It's great to see you again, Ms. Kensington."

I was in my own little world cleaning up the mess in the kitchen while they continued talking. In the back of my mind I knew I should have silently walked out of the room to have a moment alone but I was being an idiot and cleaning the floor.

I looked up while I was washing my hands and could see Dan standing there looking awkward with his hands in his pockets and his eyes on me. I forced a smile and raised a hand to wave at him as I reached over for a towel to dry my hands.

The doorbell rang again and I walked over to where my purse was to get my wallet. "That's probably the food," I told everyone as I searched through my things. My fucking hands were still shaking and I hoped it wasn't noticeable. I finally found my wallet right when my damn phone started vibrating in my back pocket. I pulled it out to see it was my Mom.

Great.

"Here's my wallet. I'm sorry. I have to take this," I said as I sat it on the table for someone to take and walked out of the room to go to the bathroom and take the call.

I shut the door behind me and took a deep breath before answering.

"Hello?"

"What the hell were you thinking?" My Mom's voice shrieked through the phone and I could feel my blood pressure rising already. "The press already has news of your failure. It's all over the fucking internet. I cannot believe you would do this to us!"

My Mom never cussed and she never yelled. The woman was pissed.

But what she didn't know was that I was more pissed and she was only making it worse.

"Who the fuck do you think you are?" I yelled back and was met with silence. "Seriously. Please inform me. Tell me what the fuck ever made you think that you had a right to keep me from my own sister?"

Silence again.

"Hello?" I yelled.

"What are you talking about, Lydia?" she asked, sounding much more calm now.

"The fucking contract you made to keep me from my own sister. That's what I'm talking about."

"It was necessary to- to-"

"To what?" I screamed and I didn't realize until then that I was crying because I heard it in my voice. "I can't believe you did this to me. I am so disgusted."

"I'm so sorry," my Mom was sobbing now and the woman was not one for apologizing either so I knew that I was right and that her reasons for doing what they'd done weren't for my benefit. "Lydia please-"

"Please what?" I yelled, sobbing right along with her. "Forgive you for keeping me from the only blood relative who would've ever wanted anything to do with me?"

"We just wanted you to be ours," she replied.

"And I just wanted someone to fucking love me and want me but I never felt like I had that ever!" I screamed. "And now this is happening. I'm attempting to mend 22 years of lost time with my own twin sister. Can you even begin to imagine how this feels?"

"No, I can't."

"I can't believe you and Dad did this. I have no words," I said as I sat down on the bathroom floor like some dramatic doofus in a Lifetime movie. My legs felt like they just couldn't hold me up anymore. "I've never felt so lost in my life. I don't know where I belong or-" I took a deep breath because I was crying that cry that makes you unable to catch your breath.

"Lydia I-"

Instead of listening to her I just pressed the end button and sat the phone on the floor next to me. I couldn't hear her voice anymore. It didn't bring me any comfort. It made me want to be sick.

I think that by crying a little bit that I must have just opened a flood gate and all of my emotions from the past couple of weeks came flying out because I was crying hard. I knew that everyone probably just heard everything that happened but I couldn't make myself care at all.

There was a knock at the bathroom door before I heard it opening and the sound of someone sitting down beside me. I wasn't sure who it was until I felt their hand on my back. That hand was too big to Carmen's.

"What's going on?" It was Dan asking me as he rubbed his hand up to my shoulders, leaning down. I could feel him looking at the side of my tear covered face.

I wiped my face, which was stupid because the tears were still flowing, and I took a deep breath. "I found out my parents made Carmen's parents sign a contract saying they'd never attempt to contact me," I managed to tell him quickly before having to sniffle. "And I failed out of my classes at Harvard and I'm just feeling really overwhelmed and confused and lost," I rambled on while wishing I was not crying in front of him because I never cried and I definitely didn't cry in front of people.

Dan lifted my chin so that I looked up at him and used his sleeve to wipe my face off a little more as his eyes searched it. "I'm sorry," he said softly. "I can't believe they did that to you... I know it doesn't make up for anything, but you have her now at least, right?" he smiled weakly at me. "And you've got me. I'm here for you... Everything will be alright," he moved his hand to brush my hair away from my face. "And, you weren't very happy at Harvard, you said so yourself.. I know that might not make it any better, but, maybe it happened for a reason, yeah?"

I don't know what it was about his voice but it had always been extremely calming. You would never think that someone like Dan would be so good at being comforting or serious but that moment made me realize he actually was. I'd managed to stop myself from actively sobbing by the time he was done talking.

"Yeah," I nodded as I ran my fingers through my hair. I took a deep breath to try to calm myself down. "I'm sorry I'm such a mess," I laughed as I wiped beneath my eyes to make sure I didn't have make-up everywhere. Thankfully I used waterproof mascara and eyeliner. "Thank you for everything you just said though," I smiled up at him. "About being here for me and all that. It means a lot." I leaned forward and wrapped my arms around his shoulders to hug him. He smelled so comforting and it made me wish that I was curled up with him in his bed again.

Oh fuck I did not need to be wishing that.

I pulled back from the hug and looked up at him again. Why did he have to be so fucking adorable with that concerned look on his face?

I don't know what possessed me to do it because I never had sober but I leaned in and pressed my lips against his.

He leaned in towards me, tilting his head as he cupped my cheek and kissed me back. It was one of those slow moving, soft, gentle, sweet, comforting kisses.

It seemed to last for several minutes and we both pulled away at the same same. Dan grinned at me and brushed my hair behind my ear again. "Did that make you feel any better?" he asked with a light chuckle.

I had to clear my throat to get my voice to come back and I nodded. "Oh yeah. Definitely," I admitted, grinning up at him. "We should probably get back in there. I'm sure I need to explain myself," I sighed.

Dan nodded at me and pushed himself up from the floor and extending his arm to help me up before opening the door for us and letting me walk out and into the hallway, following behind me.

Carmen's Mom was gone and Phil and Carmen were sitting in the living room pulling the food I had ordered out of the bags it had come in.

"I'm sorry, but I have to ask the world's dumbest question... Are you okay?" Carmen asked as she watched me walk in.

"Yeah, I'm alright," I told her as I walked over to sit down on one of the chairs in the room.

Phil looked over at me and poked his bottom lip out. "Awww! That's just devastating! I hate how you two look when you've been crying. It's horribly sad."

I laughed as I pulled a rubber band from around my wrist to pull my hair up. "I'm really sorry you all had to hear that. I didn't mean to lose my shit in front of everyone," I sighed as I finished putting my hair on top of my head. I didn't give a shit what it looked like. "Carmen, I'm going to call your Mom and apologize later. She shouldn't have heard all of that and she probably thinks it's all her fault."

"She actually told me to tell you that she's sorry," she told me as she passed me a disposable plate. "She told me what she told you. I swear, I thought you knew already or I would have told you myself."

"I know," I nodded. "I know she wouldn't have just dropped that on me if she didn't think I already knew. I'm glad she told me. I needed to know," I said as I took the plate from her. "My Mom was actually calling to flip on me about failing my classes and I switched shit around very quickly."

"We heard," Phil laughed. "So, does this mean you don't really have to leave us?"

I looked over at Carmen because when it came down to it whether I stayed or not would be up to her. I shrugged. "I don't have a reason to leave now."

Carmen did a little fist pump before speaking up. "If you're looking to piss your parents off a bit more, I'm sure staying would do that," she smiled as she nodded, like she herself did things deliberately just to annoy them. "Plus we have to do that whole Christmas thing together, which my Mum offered for you to join my family in the north," she shivered and made a face. "Ugh, I hate going home."

"We're going back home for Christmas too though," Phil told her, grinning. "You can't escape us."

"You know what," I spoke up. "I think I will stay here for Christmas. My parents would probably just make me go to some stuffy dinner at some assface politician's house and I'd have to get way too drunk to stay sane through it. Why not be here with my awesome people?"

"I'll eat to that," Carmen laughed and then put a chip in her mouth. And by chip I mean a French fry.

"So aside from the incident with Lydia's parents, how was your guys' day? Hmm?" Dan asked as he chewed up what he was eating.

"We had a lot of fun, actually," I said before popping a french fry into my mouth.

"Oh? What did the video end up being about?" Phil asked before taking a sip of his soda. "The epic flirting skills of Jack and Finn?"

"What are you on about?" Carmen laughed, looking over at him with her eyebrows pushed together.

"Oh please," Dan rolled his eyes. "You two can't say you didn't notice them flirting with you guys last night."

"They weren't flirting with us," Carmen rolled her eyes and looked over at me. "Right? I think that's just Jack and Finn's personalities," she looked back over at Dan and then at Phil.

"Yeah," I agreed, shrugging. "They're just being cheeky," I laughed because of how many times we'd heard that word that day.

"You two just don't realize because you're girls. We're guys so we know. They totally want in your knickers," Phil explained, glancing between us. "How could you not see it?"

I gasped dramatically. "Phillip. Are you jealous?"

"What?" he got all wide eyed and immediately looked at Dan which gave him away even further.

"You totally are!" I laughed, pointing at him like the childish person I was being. "Awww. Poor Phil."

"Shut up, buttface," he laughed as he threw a french fry which hit me on the ear.

"Ow! Fartknocker!" I made a mean face at him as I popped the french fry he'd thrown at me into my mouth.

"I'm not the only one who was jealous," Phil informed me while looking over at Dan.

Dan rolled his eyes again. "They look like bloody Abercrombie models and they were chatting the both of you up, and," he paused and glanced over at Phil, "I wasn't the one standing in the corner looking all pouty because of it."

I looked over at Carmen and she was looking at me grinning from ear to ear. We'd be crazy not to be all giddy about something like that.

"What exactly do you think you look like?" I asked, Dan. "I mean, hello? You're the one I ended up in bed with that night. You're the one I just kissed on a bathroom floor," I laughed.

"A tall lesbian?" he offered but grinned at me.

"You do look like that," Carmen teased him. "But you forgot to mention your square head."

Dan smiled at her and started laughing,"Ha. Ha. Ha. No," his face fell and a serious expression came over it. "I've got dirt on you, you might want to watch it, yeah?"

That shut Carmen up real quick. Well about teasing him, anyways. "So did you guys hear the news?" she changed the subject. "I'm a slutty slut."

"Oh yes. We did hear about that," Phil replied. "I'm rather devastated that you've been slutting it up with Dan. I thought I was the only one," he winked at her. "Hopefully that ridiculousness will be cleared up when Jack posts the video of you four."

"Hopefully. Also, Lydia," she looked over at me. "We need to come up with an idea for a video to explain what happened with us. You know, so it would be so depressing for everyone to watch," she laughed.

"You two could film yourselves naked. That wouldn't be depressing at all," Dan commented.

"That's true," I replied to Carmen. "We should brainstorm for that tomorrow and Dan, exactly how curious are you about how identical we look naked?"

"My curiosity is as big as my love for Maltesers... What? Wouldn't you be curious if I had an identical twin?" he responded with his brow raised.

"Yes. Definitely," I answered, laughing. "I don't think I could handle two of you though. That'd be a hormonal overload."

"Actually, it'd probably be easier than you think. You two do look exactly alike but your personalities aren't the same so it makes you different somehow," Phil pointed out.

"Is it weird for you guys though?" Carmen spoke up. "I mean.. I can't imagine another guy who looks like Dan, not acting like Dan..." she laughed. "Or another Phil who doesn't act like Phil."

"Not really, no," Dan shook his head. "I mean, the looks thing is a mind fuck, but the fact that you two don't act the same isn't weird. Not for me anyways."

"Exactly," Phil agreed before taking another sip of his drink. "Anyway, what are we going to do this evening? I believe one of us needs to have a fun night."

"I think I'm actually in need of therapy," I laughed.  
"Me too," Carmen nodded.

"I've been needing therapy since I discovered the internet," Dan said simply and for some reason it was hilarious and all of us started laughing.

"Just being with you guys is enough for me, honestly," I shrugged and smiled at them. "Thanks for dealing with the crazy Carmen-copy," I laughed and they did too.

For the first time in my life I felt like I had people around me who could and did make me happy. They felt like more of a family than I had ever had in my life.

It was the scariest and most awesome thing I'd experienced yet in my life.


	9. Whoremoans

**A/N: Hey! So in this chapter there is something mentioned from a side story I (Carmen's writer) wrote about Carmen's youtube channel. If you want to read it (you don't have to to understand what's going on or anything) it's posted on our tumblr account. Our tumbr is whats-yourphantasy**

**You should follow us there if you don't already! **

* * *

Phil's POV

I was on my way over to Carmen's to actually hang out with her by myself for more than a couple of hours and not in public.

I tried not to think of the fact that I'd known her almost all my life and how pathetic it was that this was the first time I'd be doing this after so much time.

I hadn't made a video by myself in a while and decided to ask Carmen to do a collaboration thing with me. Apparently it was the thing to do lately.

And no I didn't ask her just because I was jealous that she did a video with the twins.

Okay, maybe a little. Whatever.

But Carmen would be attempting to teach me how to play the piano. This was probably going to be a hilarious disaster. Dan had attempted to teach me several times and it was always a fail. I could play a few random things with one hand but that was it.

Lydia was on her way to our apartment to hang out with Dan while I would be with Carmen so we would have privacy while filming and whatever else we decided to do.

To say that I was excited was a bit of an understatement.

I finally made it to her flat and I'm pretty sure that my fingers were about to fall off because it was so bloody cold outside. It was definitely feeling more like the C word was on it's way.

I rang the doorbell and quickly adjusted my hair so I didn't look like some kind of windblown twat when she answered the door.

I heard Juneau barking before I heard a loud thud followed by an even louder, "Damn it!" and then laughter.

A few seconds later the door was opening and Carmen was standing in front of me looking gorgeous. "Hey!" she greeted me, stepping aside so that I could come in.

Her flat looked a little tidier than it had the last time I was over, though there were still clothes draped over the back of her couch. She shut the door behind me and then moved around me into the lounge where her piano was sat. "Lydia helped me clean a little," she laughed and motioned around the room with her hand. "Which is good because my Mum was probably about to-"

I closed the space between us and wrapped an arm around her before pulling her close to me and silencing her rambling with my lips against hers. Damn, she smelled so good and her lips were so soft. It was hard to make myself pull away but I did and smiled down at her. "You didn't have to clean anything," I told her before giving her another quick kiss.

"Oh, I did," she laughed again. "My Mum would have this place condemned if I didn't. Or worse, she'd come clean it herself," she shivered all over then sat down on the arm of the couch and looked up at me. "Do you want anything to eat or drink before we start filming? There's some leftover pizza from last night, or is the Chinese from last night?" she tilted her head and looked like she was in some seriously deep thought over it.

"I ate before I came over," I told her as I sat my camera bag down. "Perhaps I could have something for dessert though?" I asked as I took my jacket off. I threw it onto the couch behind her before leaning towards her and kissing her again not hesitating to slip my tongue past her lips this time. She tasted like mint and coffee and I wanted nothing more than to have a repeat of what happened the night of the Christmas jumper party.

Carmen responded much like she did that night, wrapping her legs around my hips as she leaned in against me, her small hands trailing down to the top of pants; she massaged her tongue against mine and - bloody hell - started to grope the growing bulge in my pants through my trousers. She slid her lips from mine, across my cheek and to my ear where she whispered, "You can have all the dessert you want."

Obviously I wasn't the only one having some self control issues.

Hearing her say that and feeling her breath against my neck and ear made me shiver and my hands which were holding onto her hips gripped onto her a bit tighter. "Bloody hell," I groaned as I leaned back to look down at her and took a deep breath. "Do you have any idea of how difficult it is to keep myself controlled around you?" I asked as I brought a hand up to push her hair behind her ear. "I want you so badly and I can only imagine how insanely wonderful it would be to be with you like that but-" I sighed, hating myself for being a gentleman for a second, "you mean more than that to me and we should wait."

She didn't say anything for a few seconds, she just looked up at me with her head tilted, almost smirking. "We waited," she said then leaned in against me, pressing her lips against mine as she groped my bulge a bit harder, wrapping her legs tighter around me. She broke from the kiss and her lips lingered over mine. "I want you to feel what you do to me," she whispered then started kissing me again as she pulled one of my arms from around her waist and directed my hand to the top of her pants.

With her kissing me like that and touching me it was like I had no control over my brain. She was wearing a pair of leggings again so it was very easy for my hand to slip into her pants. I slipped my fingers beneath the thin material of her underwear and moaned quite loudly against into the kiss when I felt how wet she was already.

"Fuck," I whispered against her lips as I pressed my fingertips against her clit. I remembered exactly how she sounded and looked when she came in front of me a few nights before and I really, really wanted to see it again.

I moved my lips from hers and down the side of her throat slowly as I moved my fingers in slow circles on her swollen clit. Why did she have to smell and feel so damn good? This was so unfair.

I slid my fingers down a bit and opened my mouth to drag my teeth gently over her skin as I slowly pushed two fingers inside of her.

Holy. Fuck. She was definitely a virgin.

"Holy hell. You're so tight," I whispered against her neck while trying to be as gentle as possible pushing my fingers deeper inside of her. My dick was throbbing painfully in my trousers at the thought of how it would feel to be inside of her right then.

Carmen let out a moan as my fingers curled up inside of her and her grasp around my shaft got tighter; suddenly I felt our bodies falling and she landed on the couch, taking me down with her. My fingers slipped in a little deeper and she bit down on her lip. I couldn't tell if it hurt her, or if it felt good for her, but those thoughts were gone as soon as she started kissing me again. Her hand left my crotch and I felt it slip upward, onto my belt as she started unbuckling it.

She broke away from the kiss and put her hands on my face, studying it as we both breathed heavily. "Take me, I'm yours... My body is ready," she giggled at the last bit and started kissing me again, her hands sliding from my face and into my hair.

I couldn't help but laugh as well but her saying something funny definitely didn't keep me from wanting to go against what I knew was right and do exactly what she wanted. "Carmen, we can't do this yet," I whispered breathlessly against her lips as I carefully moved my hand out of her pants. Every part of my body was screaming for me to not listen to myself on this.

I kissed her lips again and pulled back to look down at her. "This is our first time to hang out away from anyone and get to know each other. Let's just take this slow. Please?" I asked but wished that I could give her exactly what she was asking for. "Trust me, I want you right now so, so bad," I sighed loudly. "But we should at least be in a proper relationship before you lose your virility to me," I grinned, hoping that would make her smile.

She sighed loudly and rolled her eyes, but I could tell she was only doing it in a joking kind of way. "Fine. Will you be my proper boyfriend?" she asked, then laughed.

Honestly, I wanted to say yes. I laughed and shook my head. "Carmen, when you become my proper girlfriend I'd like for us to be able to tell people we got together for reasons beyond your p wanting my d." I brought my hand up to her cheek and rubbed my thumb over it before kissing her lips again. "Let's stop molesting each other and do the video, gorgeous."

Her face fell a little and she almost looked like she might have been a little sad. "That's not the only reason I would want that," she responded quietly. She opened her mouth again but closed it and it looked like she wanted to say something else, but she sighed instead. "Yeah, we should get started on it," she grinned faintly.

Seeing that sad little look on her face made me feel like someone had punched me in the stomach and I couldn't let it go though. "Hey," I said softly as I moved my hand down a bit and rubbed my thumb softly over her bottom lip. "I'm very happy to know that's not the only reason you would want that," I said before moving my thumb away and placing a soft kiss against her lips. I could not stop kissing her. That was something I had no control over. "I adore you, Carmen. I want you in more ways than just sexually. Trust me. That's why I want to do all of this right. You have no idea of how important you are to me."

Her little grin turned into a big smile and I instantly felt loads better. It was so crazy much how her happiness affected mine. She sighed and reached up to caress my cheek. "You're so sweet," she laughed lightly. "That really means a lot to me, Phil... And it's another reason why I know I would never regret anything with you," she pressed a soft kiss against my lips and then pulled away. "If you don't move now though, I'm going to attack you again because the D is smashing against my V and it's not helping my raging hormones."

I got butterflies in my stomach like mad when she said she wouldn't regret anything with me and even more so when she kissed me again. "Sorry," I laughed as I reluctantly pushed myself up so that I was kneeling between her legs. "Bloody hell," I groaned as I attempted to adjust the very noticeable bulge in my pants. "I'm glad that the video won't involve any full body shots because I have a feeling it's going to be hard to control this thing with you near me," I laughed as I sat back on the couch.

"I know how it feels," she laughed too. "I have a problem controlling myself around you, obviously," she told me as she moved to stand up. She leaned down over me and got close to my face, "This probably isn't going to help, but I've really never wanted anything as badly as I want you," she grinned then pecked my lips before pulling away and going to grab my camera bag that was laying where I'd dropped it.

I literally let out a little whimper as my head fell back on the couch and I rubbed my face. This woman was going to be the death of me or my penis. Or both. I wasn't sure.

We finally managed to start shooting the video which was hilarious because even with a really good teacher I was absolutely horrible at playing the piano. It was fascinating to watch and hear her play though.

Watching her do much of anything was fascinating to be honest.

I decided to do the intro when I got home so she wouldn't hear me mess up 899 times and because I wanted to stop doing video things and just spend some time with her.

"What do you want to do that doesn't involve us getting naked?" I asked as I zipped my camera bag after putting it away.

Carmen walked out of the kitchen with a pie in her hands, laughing at what I'd just said. "Since you couldn't have me for dessert, I figured we could finish off this pie Lydia made," she offered, moving past me and over to the couch.

She sat down and patted the spot beside her for me to join her. "I promise, I won't throw myself at you," she laughed again. "Come on, we'll do something else we've never done before. Talk."

"Are we eating our feelings?" I asked as I sat down next to her and took the fork she was offering me. "What shall we talk about, Ms. Kensington? Your life has been quite eventful these days."

"Not our feelings. This is stress eating until I can masturbate later," Carmen grinned and then scooted a little closer. "Well, I guess I could start off by addressing the obvious," she looked up at me as she took a bite off of her fork. "I never saw us having any kind of a relationship."

"Neither did I to be honest," I replied after finishing my first bite of pie. "I was too much of a pussy to speak more than a sentence to you much less start any sort of friendship," I laughed. "Then Lydia came around and I realized I was reading too much into it. I was able to talk to her so easily because I wasn't in-" I froze because I almost blurted out that I was in love with her and cleared my throat, "I didn't have feelings for her like I did you and I was like wow, this is really pathetic. I need to grow a set of balls and at least attempt to be her friend."

She poked her bottom lip out at me and pouted. "Awww. That makes me feel so sad, but also good," her lips curved into a smile. "I would always try to talk to you, even when we were younger... I took your quietness around me the wrong way. I swear I thought you hated me or something. I always wondered what I had done to you!" she playfully shoved my shoulder. "Git. I was emotionally damaged from all of those years of being shunned by you. I think I may have cried a time or two."

She was making it sound funny but it actually broke my heart. I never knew she cared that much about how I acted around her. "I never, ever meant to make you feel sad or like I hated you," I told her as I reached over and placed my hand on top of hers. "It devastates me to think of you crying at all over anything I did. I'm so sorry."

"I accept your apology," she smiled and picked up my hand and kissed the back of it. "I'm just glad we're the way we are now around each other. I'm quite fond of it... I've actually always li-" she stopped and let out a little awkward laugh as she shook her head then cleared her throat. "I always wanted to be your friend and actually get to know you.. I would watch your videos and try to come up with ways to start a conversation with you.. I tried really bloody hard to get your attention. Never would have guessed it would take my identical twin barging into my life for it work," she laughed again.

"It shouldn't have taken that," I rolled my eyes at myself. "I'm a complete idiot. I wish I could go back and change all of that. I feel beyond lucky that you're even giving me the time of day now. I never thought I'd be able to have a conversation with you let alone be able to kiss you." I had to grin at the thought of doing that. It had become one of my favorite things to do. "I watch all your videos," I admitted. "I always have."

"I never thought either of those things would happen, and-" she paused and leaned in to press a quick kiss against my lips "-I'm sorry, I'm not sorry. I can't stop doing it now that I can actually kiss you," she laughed then helped herself to another bite of the pie and got a surprised look on her face. "Really? That's flattering... Honestly, when I saw that video on Dan's computer and found out you had been watching it I thought I was going to die. I was so excited over it."

"Never be sorry for kissing me," I grinned at her. "Yeah, I knew you had caught me when I saw the look on your face when you got on the laptop that day." I laughed at myself remembering it. "Oh and I was always so damn jealous of whoever the hell bright eyes is," I rolled my eyes remembering many moments I'd spent hating whoever that guy was.

Her eyes got big and she started laughing and shaking her head as she moved her hand to cover her mouth. Was she.. laughing at me? "I'm sorry," she finally spoke up. "Just, uh, you were jealous?" she was blushing. "Awww. You really have no reason to be," she informed me, then started laughing again. "Sorry, I just remembered when Eric found all of those videos, he got so mad," she rolled her eyes. "Ugh, what was I even thinking dating that idiot? Why am I even talking about him? Oh, because of y- Bright-Eyes, that's right." She sat the pie down on the table in front of us and looked at me, "Can I.. uh," she pointed at my side and leaned her head against her shoulder.

Was she really _asking _if she could cuddle with me?

"Carmen, you don't have to ask," I said as I leaned towards her. I slipped an arm behind her back and wrapped my other arm around her before laying back on the couch, bringing her along with me so she could lay her head on my shoulder. "Much better," I sighed happily looking down at her. "I have to ask you this," I said as I began running my fingers through her hair. "Who is Bright-Eyes?"

She wrapped her arms around me and I could feel her entire body tense up when I asked her that. I'm not sure if she was even breathing for a few seconds. "Oh God," she turned her head so that her face was buried against my shoulder. "Okay," she took in a deep breath then sighed and slowly raised her head to look at me. She had a really scared look on her face and I was wracking my brain trying to think over who it might have been. "You," she admitted the immediately hid her face against my shoulder again.

It took me a second to really process what she said. My hand stopped on the back of her head as I thought it over and tried to make sure I heard her right. I wanted it to be me and I hoped it was me. Hell, I even thought it was me a few times because of certain things she said.

"Are you serious?" I asked, tilting my head in an attempt to look at her. Of course I couldn't because her face was buried against my shoulder. I used my free hand to touch her chin and nudge her head back so I could look at her. I couldn't make myself stop grinning. "I think that's probably the best thing I've heard in-" I paused "I don't even know how long," I told her before leaning in and kissing her lips. "I'm going to do what I can to make up for lost time. I promise."

"I can't believe I just told you that," she had a grin on her face that I could tell matched mine even though most of it was hidden behind one of her hands. She moved it though and I also noticed how red her face was. "Oh my God. I talked about you so many bloody times - I made a video series about you!" she laughed and shook her head before sighing again. "I'm thoroughly embarrassed with myself, thank you very much... And, you've already made up for a lot of time, really. I couldn't be any more happy with how things ended up working out."

I felt like butterflies were attacking my insides again. How the hell was it possible that this beautiful, amazing girl wanted me and had wanted me for years? "If it makes you feel better, I didn't watch all of the Bright-Eyes videos. Those were the only ones I skipped on sometimes because I was so jealous of him. Well, myself," I laughed. I leaned down and kissed her lips as I pulled her closer against me. "I'm happy too. So happy. I'm also very happy to know that i'm Bright-Eyes and I don't have to be jealous over him anymore," I laughed.

She cuddled up against me again, giggling. I could feel her chest expand as she inhaled, unknowingly to me, inhaling my scent. "I'm glad you know too."

I managed to keep my cool even though I wanted to completely freak out. I'd been jealous over that mystery guy for years and had no clue he was really me. I couldn't have stopped grinning if someone slapped me.

"So, Dan and I were talking about Christmas," I said as I started running my fingers through her hair again. "I don't know if your family is like ours but we do our stuff during the day so the night is free and we were thinking we could do the bff Christmas stuff that night at my parents' guest house if you and Lydia are up for it?"  
I really hoped they were. I couldn't imagine a better idea for Christmas.

"Actually, Lydia and I were talking about that too. We figured since we'll all be in the same area that we should get together at some point, so that's perfect," she told me as she drew little shapes on my chest with her finger. "Oh, that reminds me," she began, looking up at me with a grin. "My friend Riley is having a big New Years eve masquerade party and I was wondering if you'd be my date?"

"Really?" I replied with a shocked expression on my face I'm sure. I mean, obviously she had feelings for me but the fact that she wanted to take me to a party as her date was a big deal to me. "Of course I will be. Though, I'm warning you now. I cannot dance." I laughed. "Do I get to see you in some fancy dress?" I asked, wiggling my eyebrows at her.

Her grin turned into a big smile and she did a little excited dance and clapped her hands. "I'm excited! And don't worry, I can teach you some moves!" she laughed and pressed a kiss against my cheek. "Also, yes, you will see me in a dress. I know, don't faint or anything, but I can suck it up for one night and actually dress up," she rolled her eyes and laid her head against my shoulder again. "Thanks for agreeing to be my date. Everyone is going to be shocked when I show up with you."

"I'll be more than proud to have you on my arm, my lady," I said before kissing the top of her head. "You look gorgeous all the time so I can't even imagine how difficult it will be to keep myself in control when I see you like that," I laughed. "When will these wonderful dance lessons start? You might need some healing time for if I accidentally break your foot or something."

She lifted her head up again and looked at me before pulling away and standing up. "How about now?" she offered her hand to help me up. "By the way, I can't make any promises about how good my self control is going to be when I see you in a suit," she informed me with a grin. I guess that was her way of letting me know I was going to have to wear one to the party.

"Well, I'm glad I bought the one I wore to that premier," I said as I put my hand in hers. Instead of letting her pull me up I pulled her down so she fell on top of me and I wrapped my arms around her before kissing her lips. "Sorry. I had to," I whispered against her mouth before kissing her again.

I let her stand up again and stood up with her as well to keep myself from keeping her lying on top of me. "This is going to be terrible," I laughed, shaking my head.

She sighed and looked up at me with her head tilted. "What?" she looked kind of confused. "Oh sorry, I was just thinking about how nice it would be if we could fast forward to the chapter where we have sex."

I laughed and shook my head as I reached out for her hands. I placed them on the back of my neck before putting my hands on her hips and pulling her towards me. "I could give you a summary," I said as I looked down at her. "When it happens I'll take my time and make sure I get to kiss every part of your body that is kissable," I grinned just thinking about it. "And I'll make sure you enjoy every single second of it," I whispered as I leaned in and pressed my lips against the side of her throat. "We have hormonal issues I think," I said with my lips still against her neck while laughing at myself.

Dan's POV 

I don't know how we ended up in my bedroom. I mean, one minute we were bouncing around on a DDR mat as we waited for the lasagna to finish baking, and the next thing I know, we were making out.

And now we were on my bed. Well, Lydia was on my bed and I was pinning her against it as I rested between her legs, kissing her.

I wanted to take this as a chance to get to know her, but I was getting to know her body better than I was getting to know _her. _By now I could tell you loads of things about it.

Her skin was soft and her hair was even softer - but neither of those things compared to how soft her lips were. They were sweet too. Maybe that's why I always attacked them... Wait - she attacked me this time.

I broke away from the kiss we were engaged in and there was a look of disappointment on her face, like she didn't want me to stop snogging her. I didn't want to stop either, but I had to take a second to catch my breath.

Between making out and being sexually frustrated, I was probably blue in the face.

However after taking in a few heavy breaths I leaned back in to kiss her lips, though, I trailed them across her cheek and onto her jawline before moving them to hers. I caressed my tongue against her warm skin before grazing my teeth across it and grinding my hips in against hers. The heat between our bodies felt amazing but it was such a tease, because I know, even though I wanted to continue, and she probably wanted me to, too, I couldn't.

I stopped kissing her neck and let my forehead rest on her shoulder as I let out a shaky sigh. "We should stop," I said, lifting my head so that I could look at her.

"No," she whined as she pushed her hips up against mine. I could feel her heat pressing against the painfully hard bulge in my pants. Her hands moved into my hair and she guided my head back so that I was looking down at her. "I want you," she told me before leaning in and kissing me again. "Please." She was practically begging and I could hear how badly she really did want me just by the tone of her voice.

How was I supposed to say no to that?

How was I supposed to move when she was touching me the way she was, and when it felt as good as it did?

My self control was fleeting and within the blink of an eye, it was gone.

I responded to her movement by dipping in and kissing her again. My tongue trailed across her bottom lip before I opened my mouth, kissing her deeply as I leaned onto my side so that I was laying beside of her instead of on top of her.

I moved my hand from her hip and slid it between her legs, and pressed my fingers against the warmness between them through the trousers she was wearing - which were so bloody thin and why it was so hard to control my actions. I could feel everything through them and I know that she could too.

I didn't let my hand linger there for long though - within a few seconds I moved it under the two layers of thin fabric and slipped my fingers between her slit, meshing the tips against her clit.

I grunted against her lips before I bit down on the bottom one. "You're so fucking wet," I told her, then trailed my lips down to her throat and slid my middle finger down to her entrance. "And tight," a moan escaped me as I said that, and curled my finger up against her, slowly moving it in a _come here _motion. I pulled away from her throat so that I could see her face, and just by the look on it I knew that she was enjoying what I was doing; and I was probably going to be doing it for a while so that I didn't hurt her when- well, you know.

Her back arched up from the bed and she moaned loudly as she pushed her hips against my hand. "Dan," she moaned my name as she brought her hand up to the back of my neck to pull me down. Her lips met mine and she kissed me hard, her moans getting lost in the kiss.

She broke the kiss and looked up at me not breaking eye contact at all as I continued moving my fingers inside of her. "I want you to fu-" she paused and got the strangest look on her face. "Dan, what the hell is that smell?"

My movements ceased as I looked at her my eyes squinting because I -

I sniffed the air and my eyes got huge. "Shit!" I pulled my hand out of her pants and sat straight up. "The food is burning! Fuck! Shit!" I grumbled as I moved to stand up, then nearly tripped because my coordination was completely fucked and I was light headed because all of the blood in my body had gone straight to my massive boner.

I collected myself by leaning against the wall for a second then booked shit out of my bedroom and down the hall to the kitchen.

Thankfully I didn't see any smoke as I grabbed the oven mitt. I opened the stove up and quickly pulled the tray out and sat it down on top of the oven.

The food we had been waiting two hours to cook was ruined.

"Fucking hell," I mumbled as I waved the mitt around the top of it while grabbing the wineglass that I'd left on the counter and finishing off the last swig that was left inside of it.

"I am so sorry. This is totally my fault," Lydia said as she stepped up beside me and looked down at the food. She looked up at me and was giving me the cutest puppy dog eyes I'd ever seen. "I really need to learn to control myself around you."

I sat the glass back down on the counter then turned the oven off before turning to face her again. "Awww," I poked my bottom lip out. I couldn't handle that face. "I can't say I wasn't enjoying it, but I think we both could use a little self control," I told her as I slid my hand onto her hip. "I did try to cook for you though."

You see, when she'd come over to hang out we were both talking about how hungry we were, because apparently we're two people who have bottomless pits where are stomachs were supposed to be; anyways, she had asked me to cook, so she could judge those skills, as she had put it.

She smiled up at me as she wrapped her arms around my shoulders. "I know you did and I'm sure it would have been amazing if I didn't let my vagina think for me," she laughed. "We can order some food and we still have plenty of wine. That's definitely a good thing." She stood on her tip toes and kissed my lips. "I promise I won't attack you anymore this evening."

"Didn't your Mum ever teach you not to make promises you can't keep?" I laughed then popped a kiss against her lips. "How about you grab the wine and I'll grab my phone and order some Chinese and we'll go do non sexual things on the couch, hmm?" I offered.

She agreed and grabbed the wine and our glasses then went into the lounge while I called and ordered a mass amount of beef and broccoli.

"I have gone from having 10 followers on Twitter to over a thousand because of the video Jack and Finn posted yesterday," she told me when I hung up the phone. She was sitting on the couch looking quite cozy with her legs curled under herself. "The anti-social girl is suddenly social," she laughed.

I sat my phone down on the table and picked up my glass of wine before sitting down next to her against the corner of the couch so that I was facing her. "No one warned you that would happen?" I laughed. "Hopefully they've been good to you. Your followers, I mean."

"They've been super sweet so far," she smiled as she sat her phone down. "I haven't read everything though. Most of them are people who watch Carmen and are really happy for us." She reached over and picked up my legs before laying them on her lap. "So, Daniel. Let's get to know each other better since we know each other's goodies pretty well," she laughed. "Ya know, I sort of have an advantage though. Because I've watched all of your videos so I know more about you than you know about me."

"I was actually going to say, I think I've kissed you more than I've actually talked to you," I laughed. It was weird, honestly. I'd not had a physical attraction to anyone like I had with her. "And since you watch my videos that means you have more to tell me than I have to tell you."

I tilted my head as I thought over some of the things that I already knew.

"Hmm, how was it growing up with a politician father?" I was actually really curious about that. She seemed so normal and down to earth - basically the exact opposite of how you would think someone raised like that would act.

"Interesting question," she replied as stretched her legs out and propped them up on the table in front of her. "Well, I was pretty much raised by my nanny. My Dad worked like all the time and my Mom was always doing charities and politician wife shit," she shrugged. "I mean, they weren't completely absent but it wasn't a normal childhood, ya know? My Mom didn't help me get dressed in the morning and my Dad didn't teach me how to ride a bike or whatever. I pretty much grew up completely unaware of what a real emotional connection was. I haven't really had a relationship with either of them until the past few years but now-" she shook her head and swallowed hard. "I feel like I don't even know them anymore. It's weird."

That actually shocked me, and further, made me feel bad for her. The life she just told me about versus what I had imagined were so different.

"I'm sorry," I frowned a bit and I wasn't sure what to say about it, because up until she said the latter part, I had forgotten the fact that her parents had forced Carmen's from letting the two have any contact. "What they did was rubbish... Maybe that's a sign that you should just stay here?" I offered, grinning at her. "You have Carmen, so you'll have family, and maybe you could try and develop other kinds of emotional connections with people."

Like, I dunno, me, maybe.

"I don't know if I'm ready for other kinds of emotional connections with people," she said as she looked down at my legs on her lap and smoothed her hand over my jeans. "I feel so out of my element these days. I wish I could explain it better but I don't feel like myself anymore. I'm scared of overwhelming myself," she sighed as she ran her fingers through her hair and looked up at me. "I can say that I don't like the sound of leaving here at all."

"I think I understand... You've pretty much gone your whole life surrounded by people who think the same way, and you kind of adapted to it, but now... well, you're around a bunch of people who do fuck all - all the time," I laughed. "And who aren't anything like what you're used to, so maybe you're kind of seeing a different way that life could go?" I offered. "Plus, you've had a lot of pretty drastic changes, with Carmen and finding out those things about your parents."

Or maybe I was just being a little too deep.

"That's actually exactly what it is," she said as she moved to scoot up the couch and squished in between me and the back of it before wrapping an arm around my mid-section. "I feel like part of me is saying that this should be my home and the other part wants me to run away because I'm scared of the unknown."

I wrapped my arm around her shoulders and listened to her speak while taking a sip of my wine. "And that's completely understandable, but not all change is bad... and you came here not knowing what would happen," I shrugged. "I think you should stick around and give it a shot, honestly. You've got reasons to go, but you've also got reasons to stay. Pretty good reasons if I do say so myself."

She tilted her head and grinned at me. "Would you happen to want me to stay?" she asked before reaching out and taking my wine out of my hand then taking a sip from it.

"I do actually," I admitted. "I mean, of course for Carmen and whatnot, but I've got my selfish reasons too. I like you.. You're fun, and.. honestly? I think I- I mean, we, would be good for you," I smiled and rested my hand on her thigh. "I was a lot like you not too long ago. I knew what I wanted but I thought I had to live a certain way, then I met people who showed me otherwise... Phil was a big part of that actually.. I'm just saying, life gets confusing and scary, but you've got people to help you towards the light."

"Wow," she looked at me with an astonished sort of expression. "You are seriously amazing, you know that?" she asked as she leaned in closer to me. She brought her hand up to the side of my face and held my cheek while looking into my eyes for a second before kissing my lips very softly. "Thank you. You guys have already helped me more than you know."

She leaned back and took another sip of my wine before handing it back to me. "Is there anything else you want to know? I'm an open book, sir."

"Actually, there's loads," I laughed then straightened up. "I've been really curious about the whole adoption thing... You don't have to talk about it though, if you don't want. I realize that it's kind of a.. rough subject, but do you ever wonder about your birth parents? I mean, finding them one day?"

"It really doesn't bother me if you ask things about that. I actually feel really comfortable with you, obviously," she smirked. "But yeah, I have thought about it a lot. I wish I knew why my Mom put us up for adoption. Like, I've always wondered if it was because she couldn't take care of us for some reason or if she just didn't want us. I think that I've never attempted to find my real Mom and Dad because I'm scared to know the answer to that though."

I really couldn't imagine being in her situation even though she didn't really seem to be too affected by any of it. Perhaps she had just had enough time to get used to the idea of it all.

"Yeah.. I think I would be scared too. It's like, on one hand, you want to know, but on the other, could you even handle knowing? At least that's how I think I would feel if it were me.. But I'm also very annoying, so I think I would kind of have to know," I laughed. "I would also be really curious about knowing if I had any siblings. What if there's a third Carmen copy?" I laughed at the thought, even though she might not find it that funny.

Then again, at this point, if they ended up having a bloody identical triplet, it might actually be laughable.

"Oh God," she laughed. "That would be so insane. But, I know there are only two of us because our parents were there when we were born and all that. The picture of us in our lockets is us in the hospital after we were born and there were only 2 Carmen copies," she laughed as she brought her hand up and started playing with her locket. "I mean, I don't know what I'd even say if I found our biological parents though. Ya know? I mean what is there to say? Oh, thanks for giving me up for adoption. I have enough money to sit on my ass forever but am also emotionally undeveloped and probably need some  
therapy?" she laughed.

"Or you could say, thanks for the amazing genetics, my friend Dan really appreciates them," I winked, grinning at her. "I don't know. I guess it would be really weird. Actually, it would be weird.. You could troll them, though," I offered, laughing at my thoughts before I could say them. "Did I inherit these sociopathic tendencies from you or is my need to kill people slowly then to dice them up a product of nurture?"

She cracked up laughing and facepalmed herself. "Holy shit. That would be so horrible but so funny. I'll keep that in mind if I ever meet them. But now that I've got Carmen in my life I'd have to talk to her about finding them because that definitely affects her as well." She ran her fingers through her hair and sighed. "It's all still so bizarre to me. I just think about how a few weeks ago my life was so, so different. I was probably sitting around watching your videos or tumblr stalking you around this time a few months ago and now I'm all cuddly with you on your couch," she laughed.

I couldn't help but smile at her, and then I took it upon myself to lean in and give her a kiss, lingering there for a few seconds before pulling back to look at her. "See," I tilted my head, my eyes studying hers. "That's proof that some change is good. Very good, actually," I pressed my lips against hers again.

I pulled away again, tilting my head a bit. "Oh, by the way, I ordered your Christmas present," I informed her, grinning at myself because she probably wasn't expecting anything from me. "And that reminds me, Phil told me to ask you if you would be interested in getting together with us on Christmas night so we can all hang out.. Phil's, Carmen's, and my parents all live relatively close to each other, and Phil wanted us all to stay at his parents' guest house that night."

"That sounds amazing actually," she said as she reached up to fix my hair. "And I can't believe you got me a gift!" she laughed looking really surprised. "I actually got you something too but I wasn't expecting you to get me anything. Now I'm very intrigued."

Well shit. I had no idea she'd gotten me something.  
"Awesome. I figured you would be down for it, but I told Phil I would ask to be sure," I rolled my eyes. That man was so concerned with perfecting plans.  
"What'd you get me?" I asked with my eyebrows raised. "Maltesers?"

"Nope," she grinned. "I planned on giving you a earth shattering blow job. I'm just gonna wrap up a certificate for it and everything."

Damn.

How was she a virgin?

HOW?

"Well then," I laughed, raising my hands up as I shifted my eyes. "My gift can't compete with an earth shattering blow job. I should probably return it then sit in the corner and rethink my existence."

"No way. I want whatever you got me," she laughed. "I actually got you something but it's not the blow job thing. I'm not sure if I'm capable of an earth shattering one."

"You're pretty earth shattering in general, so.." I shrugged. I was being honest. Lydia was incredible.

She bit down on her bottom lip and raised her hand to her own cheek. "Damn, Dan. I think you made me blush," she laughed. "You're pretty earth shattering yourself."

There was a knock on the door and my face lit up. "The food is here!" I said excitedly, pulling my legs in towards myself before leaning in to press a kiss against her lips.  
I got up from the couch and made my way towards the door. I had them run my card over the phone because I didn't have any cash, so I didn't have to pay.

I thanked the delivery guy and when I shut the door and turned around Lydia wasn't in the lounge anymore.

I was confused, but really hungry, so I didn't go looking for her. Instead I went into the kitchen to grab a couple of plates and silverware and then went back to the couch to sit down and started opening up all of the containers.

The food smelled amazing. I couldn't wait to make sweet love to it with my mouth.

I heard footsteps coming from the hallway before Lydia appeared again with her phone in her hand. "Oh Daniel. I've just received such fun news," she told me with a british accent as she walked over to the couch. "I've been invited to a ball!" she said while flailing her arms about to make it more dramatic. "A masquerade ball to be exact," she grinned. "Problem is, I don't have a date. Do you happen to know of a man who would accompany me?"

I started laughing as I watched her. "A ball you say?" I moved my hand to my chest, over my heart and gasped as my eyes got wide. "A masquerade ball? Oh, my word! That is splendid news, my dear Lydia! But of course I know an agreeable man who would love to join you on the night of the affair. His name is Dan.. but I must warn you, dear. He looks more like a woman than a man, is that alright?"

She raised an eyebrow at me as she settled onto the couch next to me with the plate of food she'd just fixed for herself. "Dan, you say?" she asked. "I believe I know this man. I hear he is quite handsome, intelligent, sweet and is very good with his hands," she smirked. "Trust me when I inform you that nothing about him is comparable to a female. I believe I shall ask him. Perhaps he will be free that evening. It's on New Years Eve."

"New Years Eve?" I said. "I believe he's free, yes. As no one has invited him to any other event.. I'm quite certain he will agree to escort you," I grinned then popped a piece of food into my mouth, chewing it up before speaking again. "I've never been to a masquerade party before. Ball, I mean," I corrected myself. "Do I need to dress up for this?"

"Yep," she grinned, looking quite excited about that. "You have to wear a suit and a mask. It'll be entirely too sexy for me to handle but I'll figure out how to manage," she laughed. "Phil is going with Carmen. That's who called."

"So that means you'll be in a gown then?" I raised my eyebrows. I liked that visual. Oi. I hope I don't get them confused. That could be awkward. "It's still strange to hear their names being used together like that.. Where's this ball taking place?"

"Somewhere around where your parentals live, I think," she replied. "And yes, I will be wearing a gown. I'll make sure Carmen and I get very different looking ones so you don't kiss the wrong girl at midnight," she laughed before popping a bite of food into her mouth. "I wonder if those two have managed to get through their alone time without attacking each other."

"I will appreciate that very much. I'd hate to have a repeat of the Christmas jumper party." That was pretty awkward, trying to snog Carmen under a piece of Mistletoe. "I'm going to say probably not," I laughed. "From what Phil has told me, she's just as saucy as you are."

"It must be a family thing," she said as she leaned towards me and then kissed the corner of my mouth. "You had a bit of sauce there," she grinned and then kissed my lips. "And that was just because I wanted to."

"Mmm," I smiled and leaned in towards her, kissing her lips softly. "And _that _was because I wanted to," I told her before leaning back again and stirring my food around my plate. "So we've got a rather eventful week coming up. I'm excited for it," I mused.

She nodded and smiled at me. "Yes indeed. It looks like we'll be together on Christmas and New Years. I'm all up in your holidays," she laughed. "What do you normally do on those holidays and why don't you have some sexy lady with you already? You're a catch."

"Christmas I hang out with my family and then New Years Eve... I either go out and drink or sit at home and refresh different web pages with Phil," I laughed. "And I've just been focusing on other things," I shrugged. "Videos and whatnot. There weren't any girls I was interested in. What about you? Surely you've been asked out."

"I have," she nodded. "I'm very weird though," she laughed. "I've always been looking for this certain thing someone might have that just-" she paused "drew me in, so to speak. None of the people who asked me out really had that. Plus, most guys our age expect to get laid and I wasn't about to hand my v-card to any of those Harvard brats that asked me out. Wow, I sound like a total bitch," she laughed.

"Well, you've basically been trying to slip it in to my back pocket," I said before laughing. "You don't sound like a bitch, though. It's good to be picky about who you invest yourself in. God knows how picky I am about the girls I date."

"Maybe I've been trying to slip it into your back pocket because you have what those guys didn't," she raised an eyebrow, grinning at me. "So, should I take the fact that you enjoy kissing me and touching my goodies as a compliment since you're so picky?"

"That too," I laughed. "But more so the fact that I actually want to hang out with you and don't get annoyed by the sound of your voice... Okay, that makes me sound like a twat.. What I mean is, I don't really like a lot of people. Well, I do, but, you know. I don't care to hang out with just anyone."

"You don't sound like a twat to me because I'm the same way. Or, maybe I'm a twat as well," she laughed. "But I am very easily annoyed. You never annoy me in case you were wondering."

"Really? That's shocking, because I think I'm quite annoying. I'm lazy, I whine a lot, and I constantly screw with people.. I don't know how I've got any friends, honestly." I shook my head.

She sat her plate down on the table in front of us and scooted closer to me. "I can tell you this truthfully. You are one of the funniest, sweetest, most charming guys I have ever met. Being around you is actually pretty addictive. You should never think otherwise," she told me before leaning in and kissing my forehead. "I'll go get us some more wine," she said as she moved to get up from the couch. I watched her as she picked up our glasses and walked to the kitchen.

The smile on my face lingered there as I leaned back against the couch. No girl had ever caught my attention like this. It was like I was hooked and hanging off of every word she said to me.

I felt this odd nervous feeling in my stomach. The good kind of nervous though...

Butterflies, if you will.

I am so fucked.


	10. Eating The D

Lydia's POV 

Carmen and I had just arrived at Dan and Phil's flat. Our arms were overloaded with bags from shopping as well as our bags we'd brought along with us since we were staying there that night.

The boys came up with the idea for us to have a Christmas Eve Eve sleepover at their place. We would all be leaving the next day to head up north for Christmas.

"What did you two do? Buy everything?" Phil laughed as he and Dan took the bags from us.

"Yes. Everything," I laughed. "No. We got Christmasy things!" I said excitedly. "We got the stuff to make cookies, brownies, eggnog, hot chocolate and burritos because of reasons."

"Because burritos are so festive," Dan laughed as he sat the bags he'd taken from me down on the table. "I'm actually excited about all of this food though. I love Christmas."

"Well, we figured that we'll be overdosing on Christmas food for days because of leftovers so we tried to think of something yummy and random. The lovely Carmen suggested burritos and then my stomach agreed so that's what we're making," I told them as I slipped off my jacket.

"Yup," Carmen spoke up as she pulled her hoodie over her head. "I fucking love burritos. Maybe we're half Mexican?" she suggested, glancing over at me as she laid her hoodie ver the back of their couch. "It would make sense."

"You're basing your ethnicity off of your love of burritos?" Dan looked at her and started laughing. "That sounds like something you would do."

Carmen rolled her eyes. "Not just my love of burritos. When I actually introduce myself to sunlight I turn brown. There's no burning process. I just get tan."

"So do I... Does that mean I'm Mexican?" Dan folded his arms.

"Yep. A very tall, mean mexican," I laughed and winked at him. "It could mean that we're Italian too. Or Greek," I offered.

"I think you're both just beautiful," Phil said as he walked over to Carmen. He leaned down and kissed her cheek and I attempted not to have a little fangirl moment.

I shipped them so hard.

"Phil speaks the truth," Dan said as he looked over at me and grinned. He put his arm around my shoulders and pulled me against his chest, hugging me and rubbing circles against the middle of my back. "What are we cooking first?" he asked me.

"We're making a video first," Carmen informed him.

Phil whined quite loudly. "But we're hungry."

"I'm sorry Phil. I'm lost in Dan smells orgasmic land," I told him in a dreamy sounding voice as I hugged Dan back. I forced myself to break away from him but not before I kissed his lips quickly. "We figured you'd be hungry. Your favorite chips, I mean crisps are in one of those bags."

"Oh!" Phil grinned at Carmen and then at me. "We have something to show you two first."

Carmen and I looked at each other and then at the two of them. "What is it?" we asked at the same time and then started laughing at the same time.

"That's not creepy at all," Phil laughed as he took Carmen's hand. "Come on. We'll show you."

Dan took my hand as well and I looked up to see the cutest excited look on his face. "What the balls are you two-"

I stopped speaking abruptly when we got to the doorway of the living room. The boys had managed to transform the room into a tent. An actual tent and it was pretty big. It basically was as big as the entire room.

"We thought it'd be fun to make a sleep over tent," Phil said as he walked over and pulled back one of the sheets to reveal the inside of the tent.

The lights in the room were off but when the sheet was pulled back we could see that they'd hung clear Christmas lights along the ceiling of the tent and the entire floor was covered in pillows and blankets. It looked so cozy and just perfect.

"Oh my God! This is amazing!" Carmen said as she stepped inside of it and spun around. She stopped once she was facing all of us and she had a huge grin on her face. "We should do our video in here!"

I let go of Dan's hand to go inside with her and it was even better inside the tent. I was starting to wonder when these two were going to stop being so damn amazing.

"Holy shit, that's a good idea!" I said as I plopped down onto the floor which was so comfortable because of all of the pillows. "Oooo. I want a nap," I said as I laid on my back and wiggled my body around to get myself burrowed into the pillows.

"I'll go grab my camera bag!" Carmen told then started skipping, yes, skipping, out of the makeshift tent.

Dan fell to his knees and curled up beside me. "I could use a nap as much as I could use some food right about now," he said as he wrapped his arm around me.

I rolled onto my side and wrapped a leg around his hip to pull myself closer to him. "Mmm. Nap. Yes. Want."

"No naps!" Phil's voice scared the hell out of me and I looked up to see his face hovering over us. "You can't nap during a sleep over. Not allowed. Plus, you have to be in a video," he informed me before he made his way out of the tent.

"Maybe we can sleep for like 20 seconds," I laughed as I closed my eyes and snuggled my face against Dan's shirt. "Your cologne makes me want to get naked," I told him, my voice muffled because of being smashed against him.

"Why do you have to say things like that?" he whined, but started laughing. "I can't handle those thoughts. That's why we decided to make this thing."  
"Aww. I'm sorry." I pulled back to look at him and saw that he was in full pout mode. I leaned in and kissed his bottom lip. "I'll be a good girl for the rest of the night."

"Yes, you will. No sexy times during the sleep over," Phil said as he crawled back into the tent.

"Phil, is there a sleep over handbook that I am unaware of?" I asked him after I sat up again.

He laughed. "Yes. I wrote it. It's very important to follow the handbook's rules."

"Is there anything in it about a sleepover handjob?" Dan laughed.

"Handjob?" Carmen said as she came back in. She'd obviously missed the conversation. She plopped down beside Phil and started to open up her camera back. "I just realized that Carmen and camera are spelled a lot alike," she said randomly.

I cracked up laughing. "Phil said that he wrote a handbook which has the rules for sleepovers in them," I told her. "Dan is wondering if handjobs are allowed."

"In the event of an emergency handjob the two parties involved must leave the sleepover tent and perform the procedure in private," Phil said as he pretended to read from a book.

"Well, we better go then," Carmen pretended like she was about to get up while she tugged on Phil's arm, then she started laughing at herself. "Just kidding... Or am I?"

"Uh oh. Carmen is being saucy. Tsk Tsk. Better watch out, Phil. She's trying to seduce you with a handjob offer." Dan teased.

"That's not what I use to seduce him, thank you very much. Although, my current means of seduction aren't working, so maybe I should give that a go," she nudged Phil playfully.

"It's working pretty bloody well!" he defended, laughing. "My penis absolutely hates me for denying it what it wants."

"Obviously we're in the same boat, sister of mine," I sighed and looked over at Dan before sticking my tongue out at him. "How did this end up so fucking backwards? You guys are supposed to be begging us for tickets to our vag shows."

"We're not like most guys. We actually care about you two," Phil said as he wrapped an arm around Carmen and pulled her against his side.

"Mhmmm," Dan nodded, grinning at me with his eyes closed. His dimples were showing so it made him look 900% cuter than normal. "You two are like taking on the role of the guys who just want to use us for sex," he chuckled. "You'll shag us and leave us."

"That's not true!" Carmen laughed. "I wouldn't leave Phil. I would keep coming back for more."

"That's very good to know," Phil grinned as he moved closer to her to kiss her cheek.

"Okay, okay. No more sexy talk," I laughed. "Let's do this video so we can cook for these hungry babies," I told Carmen as I patted Dan's stomach.

After the boys left us in the tent we got everything situated and started filming. The video we were shooting was going to be the one that went on Carmen's channel to introduce me to her fans officially. We spent most of the time laughing and saying crazy things. I hoped that the people who watched her videos were as silly and random as we were because otherwise they were going to think we were totally nuts.

Of course we told the entire story of how I discovered her and important things of that sort as well.

When we were done with that we were able to have some fun with the boys who were still whining about being hungry even though they ate while we were filming.

"Fapping around the Christmas tree," I heard Dan singing as Carmen and I walked into the dining room where he and Phil were sitting looking pitiful. "Have a fappy holiday. Everyone's fapping merely, in the new old fashioned way."

"What exactly is the new old fashioned way of fapping, Dan?" I asked as I made myself comfortable by sitting on his lap.

"I was wondering the same thing," Phil laughed as he reached out for Carmen's hand and pulled her over to where he was sitting before leaning his head against her stomach. "We need food and attention."

"Aw," Carmen ran her fingers through Phil's hair. "Shall we start dinner?"

"That would be ideal," Dan said, wrapping his arms around me and resting his head against my chest, looking up at me with his bottom lip poked out, pouting.

"Must you pout like that?" I laughed as I leaned down and pressed my lips against his forehead. "Come one, little babies. If you two want food so badly then you can help out and these will get done faster."

"Then we can make cookies!" Phil said quite excitedly. "I'll help," he said as he stood up and started rolling the sleeves of his jumper up.

We'd bought all of ingredients needed to make chicken burritos and beef burritos. All of us were standing around in the kitchen doing different things and of course having a glass of wine.

We drink a lot of wine if you haven't noticed.

"We should make this more interesting," I suggested as I hopped up on the kitchen counter next to where Dan was chopping a green pepper. "How about we play a game?"

"What kind of game?" Phil asked before taking a sip of his wine.

"It's called 20 questions or the question game. I'm sure you've heard of it. We basically just ask each other random questions but it's more fun if you make it sexual. So, of course I want to make it sexual," I laughed.

He rolled his eyes and shook his head. "Of course you do. Make the sexless sleepover harder to handle, Lydia. Nice job," he laughed.

"You made a rule in the handbook that we can have emergency handjobs if needed, Phil," Dan informed him knowingly. "I wanna play," he looked over at me and grinned.

"Does that clause in the handbook include handjobs for us?" Carmen asked seriously. "You'd call it a handjob, right?" she looked around at each of us.

"I've never really thought about that but I guess it works," Phil laughed. "And yes, that clause includes handjobs for you." He winked at her and then kissed her cheek. "I'll play. I'm sure it'll be interesting."

"I'm in then," she smiled.

"Okay, I'll go first. Everyone has to answer my question and I'll answer it last," I explained before taking a sip of wine. "Hmmm. Let's see," I tapped my chin as I thought. "Okay! First question. What makes you the absolute horniest?"

"Carmen," Phil replied quickly and laughed. "When a girl is really, really wet. It drives me absolutely mad in the best way possible."

"Phil!" I laughed. "You're such a minx."

"Are we all answering these?" Dan asked and I nodded at him with a smirk. "Being teased.. these last couple of weeks have been torture but a bloody great kind of torture. I didn't know I could be this horny," he laughed.

"Awwww," I laughed. "I'm sorry. Poor baby." I grabbed the front of his shirt and pulled him between my legs before kissing his lips. "Oops. Sorry."

"Hey! Focus!" Phil said before I saw a tortilla shell flying towards the back of Dan's head.

"No abusing the food!" I laughed, pointing at him. "Carmy? What gets you going?"

She looked up from the cheese she was shredding and tilted her head in thought. "Ummm... Honestly? Really simple things. Like when Phil touches my hands- screw off Dan, stop laughing!" she laughed too. "You have loads of nerve endings on your fingers!" she defended. "I also like neck kissing and biting."

"Same here!" I agreed. "The neck kissing and biting drives me crazy." I pushed Dan away before he could come at me with his mouth like I saw him doing. "Definitely nipple touching, licking, or sucking. That's always good," I nodded. "And when a guy like creeps up your thigh with his hand. Love that."

"Creeps?" Phil laughed.

"Yes. Creeps," I nodded, laughing.

"My turn," Dan raised his hand into the air. "Has anyone ever walked in on you fapping?"

"Almost," Phil shook his head while looking really horrified. "Thankfully I was under a blanket so my Mum couldn't see me lying there with my cock in my hand. It would've been bad if it hadn't been winter time."

"That would suck so bad," I laughed. "No one ever caught me. I was literally all the way across the house from my parents. They hardly ever walked down to my end of the place. I could've run around humping my entire school in my room and they wouldn't have known."

"My roommate at uni walked in on me once. Luckily she was drunk so she didn't know what I was doing.. but I was completely naked so I had to lay in bed like that until she left the next morning for class. That was.. awkward," she shook her head.

Dan looked between us and blinked. "Am I the only one who has been caught?" he waited a few seconds for a response but didn't get one. "What is my life?" he sighed and continued chopping the green pepper. "My creepy uncle walked in on me while I was staying at my- you guys are assholes!" he dramatically slammed the knife against the counter because we were all laughing at him.

"You know you would laugh if any of us told you that story!" I told him while still laughing at what he told me. The mental image was just far too hilarious. "Poor baby." I managed to stop laughing to poke my bottom lip out at him.

"My turn, my turn!" Phil spoke up as he calmed himself down from the laughing fit we'd all gone into. "What is your favorite thing to masturbate to?"  
"Ooo. That's a good one. Umm. Well, I do love porn but I use my imagination more often. I tend to think of a guy jacking off while he's watching me get myself off," I answered and looked over at Dan with a huge grin on my face.

He stared at me and blinked a few times before a grin that mirrored mine curved his lips. "I think that might be my favorite thing to fantasize to, too," he answered without looking away from me.

"I use my imagination most of the time too," Carmen spoke up, looking at Dan and I before glancing over at Phil. "I like to think about being tied up and having really.. rough sex.. like being choked and stuff."

"Jesus Christ," Dan laughed.

Phil had the most hilarious look on his face. He was just standing there with a spoon in his hand gawking at Carmen. "Bloody hell," he finally said before glancing at us and then back at her. "Is it early enough to throw out the rule about no sexual activities at the sleepover?"

"Nope," I laughed.

"Well," he cleared his throat before turning back to the stove where he was cooking the chicken for the burritos. "I like to think about tying a girl up and having really rough sex. Like choking her and stuff," he said before glancing over his shoulder and winking at Carmen.

"That's odd, because you're the one I picture doing all of that stuff to me," she smiled at him. "It's my turn isn't it? Hmm." Carmen started to pile the cheese onto a bowl. "Okay, boys, what are some kinky things you've done and liked? Lydia and I can just name things we'd like to try since we've done next to nothing but fapped."

"I let a girl suck chocolate and whipped cream off of my dick once," Phil informed us without even turning around from the stove like what he said was completely normal. "I _really_ liked that."

"Because that's kinky," Dan laughed at Phil and rolled his eyes. "I went down on a girl while she was driving once. Not the smartest idea as we almost wrecked a few times, but it was saucy I think. It was also in the middle of the day, so people passing could see my ass pressed against the window while I did it."

"I want to have sex in public," I blurted out after taking a sip of my wine. "That sounds like such a rush. I have to do that one day."

"Me too!" Carmen said excitedly. "That would be so hot. I also want to try role play. And being blindfolded! Oh and I want to make a sex tape and then play it while I have sex and-"

"Okay, calm down," Dan held his hands up, laughing and looked over at Phil. "You need to give this bitch the D already before she explodes."

"Bloody hell, Carmen," he laughed as he turned around from the stove and looked at her while grinning. "I think you've got a lot of plans for your future sex life. I hope I can be in it." He leaned down and kissed her lips quickly.

"I think my sister is the minxiest minx of all of us," I laughed. "My turn again. Do you like to be the dominant one during sexy time or the submissive one?"

"I like both," Dan answered quickly. "Being in control is ideal but I think it's really fucking hot when a girl takes control," he informed us.

"It might sound crazy but I actually like being the dominant one," Phil answered. "Not in a creepy rapist way or something but yeah. I mean, if a girl wants to then yeah, it's hot. But my first instinct is to always be the dominant one."

That actually did shock me but things about the two of them shocked me everyday it seemed.

"I think I'd like being the submissive one but of course, I can't really be sure until I've been in the situation a few times," I told them.

We looked at Carmen and she shrugged. "I just said I wanted to be tied up and choked. What do you think?" she laughed and adjusted her glasses.

"My turn," Dan spoke up, leaning against the counter. "What's one thing about the person you're into that turns you on?" he asked with his eyebrows raised. "For me, it's the way you look at me when you tell me you want me," he told me, and visibly trembled a little. "I cannot."

It took a lot to make me blush but for some reason that did it and I covered my face with my hands as I started laughing. "Oh wow," I sighed as I moved my hands away and looked at him again. "A lot of things about you turn me on but one thing that turns me on a whole bunch is this certain look you get in your eyes right before you're about to kiss me or touch me in any sort of intimate way. It's very hot."

"The sound of Carmen's voice when she whispers things that no virgin would be expected to be whispering to me," Phil responded before picking her hand up and kissing the top of it. "She sounds a certain way that can make me hard in seconds."

"Nice to know, Phil," I raised my glass towards him and laughed.

Carmen's cheeks turned a light shade of pink as she grinned up at him. "Everything about you turns me on," she told him. "But since I can only pick one of those things, I'm going to have to say the way you touch me. It doesn't even have to be sexual, but it's just perfect."

"Awww. You two are so sweet and sexual," I laughed. "Your turn, Phil."

"Alright," he said as he poured the cooked chicken onto a plate. "Do you like it when someone is vocal or talks dirty during sexual adventures? Because I do."

"Oh yes," I answered quickly while nodding. "That shit is hot."

"Who doesn't like that?" Dan laughed. "It is hot. I've not had a lot of it in my experience, but what I have had was always enjoyable."

"I liked it too, the whole one time it's been done to me," Carmen agreed.

"Good to know," Phil grinned and winked at her.

"Let's get all this stuff moved to the table before Carmen asks hers," I said as I helped Dan put the stuff he'd chopped into their bowls.

We got the chicken and beef Phil cooked and all of the other ingredients like peppers, lettuce, sour cream and cheese and took them all to the table before sitting at the table to create our burritos. I grabbed the extra bottle of wine as we were all taking our seats.

Dan and I sat on one side of the table while Carmen and Phil sat across from us. We had candles set up all along the middle of the table and the kitchen lights were off so it was very pretty in the room.

"This smells orgasmic," Phil said as he began putting beef on top of the pile of chicken he already had on a tortilla.

"Your tummy is going to hate you," I laughed. "Okay, Carmy question time."

"I've been thinking this whole time and I'm like out of sexual questions to ask," she told us as she rolled her burrito up. "I mean, there are more, but none that apply to us," she motioned between the two of us. "Plus, I'm getting turned on by thinking about all of this stuff."

I cracked up laughing because I had been thinking the same thing. I wasn't sure of how I was going to continue to control myself and be expected to lay next to Dan without touching him inappropriately later. "I'm with her on this one," I added as I picked up my entirely too full burrito and attempted to take a bite out of it which turned into me dropping a good portion of it onto my plate.

"Here," Phil laughed as he reached over the table and handed me a fork. Apparently he was having the same issue.

"Oh shit. We are like burrito wizards. This is so good," I told them as I pointed towards my plate with the fork.

"It's because you're Mexican," Dan said with his mouth full.

"Damn straight we are, senior," Carmen said just before taking a massive bite from her burrito and started chewing. "We shouv haf gotten crisps and salsa."

"We have chips and salsa!" Phil said as he hopped up from his chair. "I totally forgot about it."

"Heck yes," I did a little dance as I picked up my burrito to attempt to take another bite. I failed again and just decided to depend on the fork.

Phil came back with a giant bag of tortilla chips and a huge jar of salsa and sat them down on the table before walking back to his seat.

"Bloody hell, Phil," Dan looked at the bag of chips with wide eyes. "How many people do you think live here?" he asked, laughing. "I don't understand why you get copious amounts of food like that."

"Uh, because you two eat like obese women who are pmsing?" I suggested while laughing at myself. "Plus, Carmen and I eat here a lot now too so it makes sense to get noms in bulk."

"Ha!" Phil clapped his hands. "It's so nice to have someone on my side for once. There's nothing wrong with having more than enough food."

"I appreciate your stocked cabinets," Carmen told them as she helped herself to some salsa. "I always raid them because I never have food at mine."

"That's why I never come to your house," Dan laughed. "Well, and I'm lazy."

"There's always food at my house because my Mom breaks in randomly and supplies my cabinets," I rolled my eyes as I took a sip of wine. "Which isn't really anything to complain about but ya know. I am 22. I can feed myself."

"Ugh, I know," Carmen rolled her eyes. "Mum doesn't get to do it much to me because she's not very close but she still does it every now and then. You were there when she stopped by the other night. It's annoying. Cut the bloody cord already. I mean-" she paused and laughed dryly. "Oh wait, there was no cord."

Dan, Phil and I all paused and looked over at her. I think we were unsure of what our reactions should be. Actually, I knew I was unsure. The expressions on the boys' faces said they were as well.

"Hey! I wonder if we shared a cord or how the hell that works," I spoke up to break the uncomfortable silence.

"That's a good question," Dan added, picking his phone up off of the table. "I'm gonna google that."

I looked over at Phil and Carmen to see Phil sit his fork down and lean over to kiss her cheek quickly. "Do you want to try a bite of my chicken, beefy, cheesy, peppery burrito?" he asked while gesturing towards it with his hands like it was a masterpiece of some sort.

She looked at him and smiled, but it looked very forced. "Sure," she leaned over towards him and cut off a piece of his burrito with her fork.

Even though she was smiling I could tell that it was forced. It's pretty easy to notice those sorts of things when you have the same face as someone else.

"Ya know. It probably wasn't the greatest idea for us to make burritos knowing that we're all going to be sleeping close to each other. It could end up really smelly," I laughed.

"We know who to blame it on now if it happens since you mentioned it first. Do you have gas issues, Lydia?" Phil asked me before taking a sip of his wine.

"I do," Dan looked up from his phone. I bet you anything he's scrolling through twitter. He leaned to the side and scrunched his face up like he was straining to fart. "Silent, but deadly."

"Dan," she made a disgusted face and chucked a tortilla chip at his face. "That's so nasty."

I leaned towards him and sniffed. "He didn't really do it but you better prepare yourself for later cause he dutch ovened me the night after the party and I think I blacked out for a few minutes because of how horrible it was."

"Dan, you are so bloody disgusting," Phil said, laughing as he shook his head.

Dan rolled his eyes. "Whatever, Mr. Courtesy-Flush. You've stunk up the whole flat before with your massive dumps."

Carmen cleared her throat. "Who wants to talk about something else other than bowel movements and turd burps?"

"Wow," I laughed. "I wish I would've been making a video of that lovely conversation. Fangirls would've had a field day with those gems of info."

"Everybody poops!" Phil announced as he picked up the bottle of wine.

"More wine please, sir." I held my glass out towards Phil and he refilled my glass.

"Would you like some more, beautiful?" Phil asked Carmen after he was done with my glass.

She picked up her glass and offered it to him. "Please."

Dan finished his off and pushed it towards Phil as well, waiting until after he refilled it to make a comment. "You're such a peasant."

"Okay, I am done with my noms," I said as I stood up from my chair with my plate. "Can we change into our pajamas?" I asked while shaking my ass for shits and giggles.

Dan had pushed his plate away which I knew meant he was done eating because I was a creeper and heard him say it in a video and remembered it. I leaned over him and picked it up before kissing the top of his head and walking towards the sink with them.

"Why didn't we get our plates taken and a kiss on the head?" Phil asked sounding highly offended.

I laughed as I turned around from the sink and saw him and Carmen poking their bottom lips out.

"You guys kill me with the pouty face stuff." Of course the faces worked. I walked over and picked Carmen's plate up, kissed the top of her head, then picked Phil's plate up and kissed the top of his head. "Everyone happy?" I asked as I sat their plates in the sink as well.

"I'd be happier with some cookies and brownies," Dan told me as he leaned back in his chair and put his arms behind his head.

I put my hands on my hips and attempted to look very upset. "My kisses aren't good enough for you?"

"Oooo. Dan is in trouble," Phil chuckled as he stood up from the table. "I'm going to go change into my pajamas."

"Can I watch?" Carmen look up at him and asked.

"Uh oh, Carmen is like some savage jungle beast on the prowl for your penis, Phil," Dan commented. "And I get called the disgusting one," he rolled his eyes.

"You're just jealous that I have more seduction skills than you," Phil said as he leaned down and scooped Carmen up out of her chair into his arms before literally running out of the room and down the hall with Carmen squealing the entire time.

I stared towards the hallway in shock for a few seconds after Phil's door closed and then walked back over to the table to pick up my glass of wine. "Well, I think the handbook rules aren't in effect anymore," I laughed before sipping my wine.

"Phil!" Dan shouted. "If I'm not allowed to be saucy neither are you! It's in the bloody handbook!"

"We're not being saucy!" Carmen shouted back at him. "And I never read anything in the handbook about nudity!"

"Oh? I'm sleeping naked then!" Dan called out to her before picking up his wineglass and laughing to himself.

"Yay! That'll make it even easier to molest you." I reached out and patted his shoulder while I stood up to walk out of the room. "I'm going to go get naked in your room now. Be right back," I called out as I walked out of the room then down the hallway.

"Batman pajamas or Mario pajamas?" I could hear Phil asking in his room as I passed by. I had to admire them for their self control.

I went into Dan's room and got my pajamas out of my bag before slipping my jeans off and putting them on. I took my sweater off and was about to put on my own t-shirt but then I realized I was in Dan's room where Dan's t-shirts were.

Jackpot!

I opened his wardrobe to see that it was like an abyss of clothing. He wasn't lying when he said that his idea of cleaning was shoving clothes and things in random places. Half of his stuff was piled at the bottom of the wardrobe.

I started sifting through all the stuff to find myself a shirt to wear. There was something about wearing a dude's t-shirt that was so much better than wearing your own.

I heard the door opening and glanced over to see Dan looking at me with his eyebrows raised. "Should I just get used to seeing you half naked in my room then?" he asked as he walked towards his dresser and opened up one of the drawers. He moved a few pieces of clothing before pulling out a pair of pajama pants.

I grinned at him as I picked up one of his t-shirts. "Or you could get used to seeing me in your room completely naked," I suggested as I pulled his shirt over my head. I was greeted with the lovely sight of Dan in his underwear when I was done. "Ooo! Baby, do a dance for me!"

He started moving his hips like he does for the sexy endscreen dance in his videos. "Those knobby knees turning you on? Oh yeah!" he licked his lips and smacked his ass with his pajama pants.

I started doing a slow clap. "Oh yes. Yes. I am so turned on. I feel my loins quivering. I better change these panties because you just destroyed them."

"Cookies!" Phil yelled in the hallway which obviously meant he and Carmen were ready to make them.

"We'll be out when Dan is done dancing for me!" I yelled back.

"Yeah, this is getting hot," he yelled as he wiggled his hips and danced towards me. "I've got some moves. Can't wait to show them off at the new years party."

"Everyone is going to be so jealous of me since you'll be my date." I flipped my hair over my shoulder and sighed. "Peasants."

"Coooookies. Cooooooookies." This horribly sad sounding whine came from the outside of Dan's door.

"Phil, we are coming. Calm down." I laughed.

"I WANT SOME BLOODY COOKIES!" he yelled in a demonic sounding voice.

"You're gonna have bloody cookies if you don't stop bugging me because I'm going to use your ripped off penis to mix the cookie dough!"

Dan looked at me like he was terrified and slowly backed away from me with his hands held up- then darted towards the door.

He opened it up and I heard a thud against the floor before I heard Dan running down the hall screaming something about a broken penis.

I walked towards the door to see Phil sitting on the floor looking up at me with his bottom lip poked out. "I just want cookies and you're being mean and Dan ran me over," he informed me sounding like a very sad little boy.

"Awww. I'm sorry Phil," I said as I petted the top of his head. "Want me to give you a piggy back ride?" I laughed.

"Yes," he smirked as he moved to stand up. I turned around and bent down so he could hop onto my back. "Shit!" I screamed and held my hands out to press them against the wall because I almost toppled forwards when he jumped on. "I got this!" I laughed and then literally started skipping down the hall with Phil.

"Ha! I got a piggy back ride!" Phil announced as I carried him into the kitchen where Dan and Carmen were. "Be jealous."

He slid off of my back and I stood upright again before twisting my back to pop it. "Jeez. You tall people are hard to carry."

"What the hell? You just said you were going to rip his penis off! That's so bloody-AH!" Dan screamed again and jumped away from Carmen, putting his hands behind himself and over his ass. "What the hell was that?!" he shrieked.

"What was what?" Carmen was looking around at all of us like she was confused. "Ohh," she said slowly then held the dough roller up. "That was me poking your bum with this because I can literally see the whole bloody thing in those!" she pointed it at him.

"I adore this woman," Phil said as he held his hands out towards her.

"Look at our matching pj pants!" I said as I walked over to stand next to Carmen. We'd bought a bunch of Christmas pajama pants on one of our many shopping adventures and planned to wear them on the same nights during Christmas. The ones we had on that night were green and had Rudolph all over them. "We are sexy."

"I'm jealous. I want Rudolph pajamas!" Phil laughed. "Those are awesome!"

"They are awesome," Dan commented as sat down and started to shove his foot down the pajama pants he'd carried out with him when he decided to be dramatic and run out of his room.

"Too bad the front of those weren't see through," I commented as I watched him put them on. "Okay boys! We are making sugar cookies and we got stuff for us to decorate them with," I told them as I started taking the ingredients out and sat them on the counter.

"This is going to take sooooooooo bloody long," Dan whined. "You have to mix everything up then roll the dough and cut it and roll it again and cut it again then mumble a Satanic chant and sacrifice a virgin-" he paused and tilted his head like he was wavering something. "-at least we've got two of those handy."

"How about we sacrifice your bum to the almighty dough roller again?" Carmen laughed as she started towards him with it held out in front of her, jabbing it at him as he jumped around the kitchen shielding his ass with his hands again.

"No! No! No! No! Carmen!" Dan squealed. "You'll never take me alive!"

"Fine, I'll kill you then!" she moved her arm to act like she was going to hit Dan in the head with the roller but he jumped and smacked the side of his face against it.

"Oh my God!" she gasped and dropped the roller. "Are you okay?!" she asked worriedly, checking his face for blood before she started laughing.

"Jesus Christ, Carmen!" Dan shrieked, holding his hand out to keep her from getting any closer as he held the side of his face with the other. "You're dangerous."

"I didn't mean to!" she ducked under his outstretched arm and latched onto his side. "Forgive meeeeeeee," she acted like she was crying as she rubbed her face against his chest.

Phil and I were both laughing uncontrollably. I would have given anything for someone to have been filming what just happened. "Aww, she didn't mean to, Dan!" I told him through my laughter. "Forgive the poor girl."

"I have failed this friendship," she fake sobbed. "I don't know how I'll go on with my life. Pleaseeeee, let me have another chance. I promise I won't try to stick anymore foreign objects in your bum!"

Dan sighed loudly. "Fine. You're forgiven," he told her then moved his arms to wrap them around her from where she was still latched onto his side. He gave her a really tight hug. It was so cute. How could any one person look THAT cute hugging someone?

"Now I know how we look when we hug," I grinned. "We're cute."

"Me and Carmen are cuter." Phil bumped his hip against mine and laughed.

"We're all cute. How about that?"

"Okay. That works," he smiled as he held up a little bottle of green sprinkles and started shaking them around.

"Let's start with these cookies so we're not up 'til 4 am trying to get them baked," I suggested as I walked by Dan and pinched his ass.

"Damn it, Carmen!" Dan shrieked.

"That wasn't me!" she defended as she stood back up from picking the dough roller up off of the floor.

"Oh," he laughed, looking at me as I smirked at him. He moved past Carmen, plucking the roller out of her hands as he did so. "You lost your roller privileges," he informed her as he reached out and nonchalantly pinched my ass.

I squealed and grabbed my ass where he'd pinched me. "Hey! You've got massive man fingers. Be careful with those things," I laughed.

We finally got started on making the cookies and of course the boys came up with the most ridiculous things to make their cookies look like.

Okay so maybe we had a bit of fun with that too.

Phil had a lion, a jellyfish, a set of boobs, a C, a P, and a hamster. Dan had a llama, a unicorn horn, a flame, a Harry Potter lightning bolt and something that he swore was a snowman even though all of us said that it looked like a set of balls.

Carmen made a bunch of rectangular shaped cookies that she said were piano keys, an oval shaped cookie that she decorated to look like Juneau, a cookie that was supposed to be a paw print, and a big D that she wrote "Phil's" across.

I had a Christmas tree, a star, a mushroom like the ones from Super Mario Bros., an attempt at Harry Potter's glasses, and one in the shape of a penis because I'm a lady like that.

"I've got Phil's big D in my hands," she informed us after we'd all settled into our giant makeshift tent. "I can't wait to have Phil's big D in my mouth. It's going to be so good."

Dan facepalmed himself with one hand and held the other out towards her. "CallmeCarmen, ladies and gentlemen," he shook his head and laughed.

Phil cracked up laughing and I nearly choked on the cookie I was taking a bite out of. "You are the best woman I have ever met. I swear," Phil chuckled as he leaned towards her and kissed her cheek.

I realized as we were sitting there that it was the first time I had ever done something like that. I'd never made Christmas cookies or really did anything that made it actually feel like Christmas around Christmas time.

"I'm so glad I came here," I told them out of nowhere. "You all are seriously just the most amazing people ever. I feel so lucky to have my sister now and two of the greatest friends a girl could ask for." I sighed happily. "Okay, sorry. I needed to have a sappy moment."

"Hey!" Phil looked offended. "We're not just your friends. We're your bestest friends in the whole world. Duh," he laughed. "We're glad you came here too though."

"Yeah we are," Dan nodded, smiling at me as he brushed his thumb across my cheek.

The only person who hadn't said anything yet was Carmen, who was staring down at the plate of cookies as she chewed. She glanced up and cleared her throat. "Totally," she finally spoke up, smiling at me.

I kissed Dan's cheek quickly before crawling over to Carmen. I took the plate of cookies off of her lap before pouncing her and hugging her. "I have the best twin everrrr!" I sang as I rolled around on the tent floor with her in my arms. I could tell something was on her mind so I decided to try to make her smile.

She started laughing and kicking her legs beneath me. Luckily her legs were short, or else she probably would have given Dan another facial injury from the flailing. "Be careful!" she squealed. "I'm going to break Phil's D!"

"Oh God! Please don't break my D!" Phil yelled behind us.

I leaned down and kissed her forehead before climbing off of her and over to Dan so I could climb onto his lap. "Santa Dan, I want the Batmobile for Christmas."

"Sorry Lydia. You've been naughty this year. You're getting a lump of coal," he told me as he slipped his arm around my waist.

I wrinkled my nose. "Well, you're not a good Santa at all. I guess I won't be giving you your gifts on Christmas," I sighed before picking up a cookie and taking a bite.

"I'm a good Santa," Phil said as he looked over at Carmen and patted his leg.

"Just because you eat so many cookies that one day you'll be morbidly obese doesn't make you a good Santa, Phil. Your facial hair grown in in patches. You'll never have enough beard for that job," Dan teased him as Carmen crawled over to sit on Phil's lap.

"We'll see if he's a good Santa," Carmen said before turning to look up at Phil. "I want a pony, and ballet slippers, and an entire pumpkin pie to myself, and sex. Lots of sex," she told him as she wrapped her arms around his neck.

"Hmmm." Phil wrapped his arms around her. "Well, I can get you the pumpkin pie and give you lots of orgasms. Is that good enough?" He grinned at her before leaning down and kissing her lips. "I can give you lots of those too."

"Way better Santa!" I held my hand out towards Phil while looking up at Dan.

"And you can't grow a beard either," Phil informed Dan while rolling his eyes. "I can grow more of one than you. I win."

"Clap clap. Good for you," Dan pushed his lips out and made a duck face at Phil, clapping his hands together.

Carmen was very obviously trying not to laugh at Dan but she couldn't stop herself. "Sorry," she shook her head. "I think they're both crap Santas. Dan won't give you a batmobile and Phil won't give me sex.. At least I'll have pie to help me through the disappointment."  
"And our awesome cookies," I replied while holding mine up. "At least they're our Santas though." I patted the side of Dan's head before kissing his lips.

"I think we're awesome Santas," Phil shrugged. "Well, I am anyway. I said I'd give orgasms."

"I was only kidding!" Carmen made a pitiful face at Phil. "You're the cutest, sweetest Santa ever and I love sitting on your lap," she said before pressing a kiss against his cheek and holding her cookie up. "Here let me feed you cookies."

"You can't do that! Phil, that's cannibalism!" Dan gasped, because Carmen was trying to feed him the D she was still holding.

Phil let out a hilarious squeal before putting his hand over his mouth. "Not that one!" he mumbled behind his hand.

I facepalmed myself while laughing. "Phil does not want the D."

"More D for me then!" Carmen shoved the rest of it in her mouth and picked up the C from the plate and waved it around in front of him. "Haf the C," she said as she chewed. "It'll ve life eafing me."

"Oh God," Dan started laughing as he pressed his face against my shoulder. "We're all so damaged. It's beautiful."


	11. AmazingCarmen & Christmas Cherries

Carmen's POV 

"I feel like I'm either going to puke or crap myself," I told Lydia as I pushed the plate of Christmas cakes away from myself and relaxed against my bed. Lydia was sitting at my computer desk scrolling through tumblr looking at screencaps and gifs of the two of us from the video we did with Jack and Finn.

I'd done nothing but eat junk food all bloody day.

Apparently this was acceptable behavior to my Mum because it was Christmas.

Well, it was Christmas eve. Whatever.

We were at my parents' house, lounging around in my old bedroom in the matching onesie pajamas my Mum had gotten us and made us open early so she could snap pictures of it.

It was weird being at home. I think that having Lydia there put a lot of stuff into perspective for me. I mean, it was _really _weird having her there, since it hadn't even been a month since found out that she existed.

I'd gone silent several times during the evening, because I kept getting lost in my thoughts. A lot of things had been on my mind and being at home added so much to them.

What if my parents had been able to adopt her too? What would that have been like? Growing up with her? Would we be close? Would we fight nonstop? Would she actually feel like family then?

I know that probably sounds mean. But she still just felt like some random person to me and not like a sister. Whatever that feels like.

Of course I also had the scary thoughts; what if _her _parents had gotten both of us? What if I grew up with that kind of life?

My Mum might have been terribly overbearing and really annoying - but she acted like a Mother. Lydia's seemed more like some lady who didn't really do anything for her but still had the title of being her mother and rights to say she'd raised her.

If they would have gotten us I wouldn't know Phil. I wouldn't know Dan. I wouldn't know any of my friends or the people I call my family. I most likely wouldn't have been making videos...

What if Lydia would have been born first and she'd gone to my parents and I'd gone to hers?

What would my life be like now? Would I be in her position? Hating my life because I was living for someone else and not for myself? Would she have my exact life?

What if our real parents never would have given us up to begin with? What would _that _life be like?

When I first found out about all of this, none of those things had even crossed my mind. But now? That's all I could think about.

What were they like? What did they do? Are they still together? Do we have any siblings? Which one do we look like? ? Why didn't they want us? Were they even alive?

I heard Lydia say something, but I was too zoned out to hear what it was, exactly. "Hmmm? What did you say?" I asked, looking over at where she was sitting.

"Are you in a food coma?" she laughed. "I asked if you knew that people are shipping you with Finn. I'm just waiting for a tumblr devoted to your ship to pop up."

She got up from the computer chair and walked over to sit down next to me while checking her phone. "Apparently Dan ate too much as well," she laughed as she turned her phone around so I could see the photo of Dan on the screen. He was laying on his bed with his tongue hanging out and a hand over his stomach. "Very sexy photo. I bet his fans would love it."

"You'd think his stomach would be used to that by now," I laughed. I reached over to the table by my bed and grabbed my phone to check and see if Phil had sent me anything, but he hadn't. "I think that Phil's the one who slipped into a food coma," I told her as I sat my phone down on my thigh. "Every text I've gotten from him today involved some kind of food."

"Same here. Dan actually sent me photos of everything he ate. I think he must be bored," she laughed as she stretched out on my bed, lying on her stomach. "You okay? You've seemed a little it off a few times today."

"I'm fine," I lied, forcing a grin. "Just tired and overstuffed." I said as I sat up a little. "How'd you like Christmas eve with the Kensingtons?"

We did all of the usual family things. Visited with my relatives, watched A Christmas Story together, ate loads of food, and of course listened to my dad make up and sing Christmas carols while wailing on his piano and guitar.

"I actually really loved it," she said as she rolled over on her side. "I've never gotten to do any of this stuff. We always just opened gifts on Christmas morning and then went to do charity things during Christmas day. It's fun to actually get to do all that stuff you see people do in movies for Christmas. Your Dad singing was fucking hilarious though," she laughed shaking her head. "I think he snuck into the eggnog."

So that's what I would have been doing had things done differently?

I made a face from that thought that I didn't mean to do then started laughing. "He's crazy. I must get it from him- well, from being raised around him, I guess," I shrugged. "I'm glad you're having fun at least. I'd hate for you to be bored to tears."

"I don't think that there's a situation you and I wouldn't have fun in. We're insane," she laughed. "I wonder how your parents felt having the Carmen-copy around. I'm just grateful that all of you have accepted me like this. I know it must be weird."

Very weird indeed.

"They both enjoyed it. I caught my Mum crying in the kitchen while on the phone with my aunt, talking about you being here. I think she's happy that we finally got to meet again." I explained. "And it's probably helping her cope with the guilt of never telling me about any of it," I added.

She opened her mouth to speak but a weird tapping noise caught our attention before she could.

"What the tits was that?" she asked as she sat up on the bed and looked around us.

We heard the sound again four more times like some sort of knocking.

"Is that coming from your window?"

I nodded at her slowly as I moved off of my bed and slowly crept over towards the window. I pressed my back against the wall and moved the curtain so I could peek out of it.

Lydia screamed, which caused me to scream. I jumped backwards and ended up tripping over my bin, taking my curtains down to the floor with me.

I heard laughing from outside of my window as I tried to untangle myself from the curtains that had fallen down on top of me. When I finally had them pulled away I could see the window again I saw Dan's face smashed up against it.

"Jesus!" I slapped my hands against the floor before I started laughing. "I think I just pissed myself!"

Dan tapped on the window again then blew his breath against the glass and wrote **COLD** across the steam**. **

It wasn't until I was standing up that I could see Phil standing on Dan's other side pouting as he looked through the window with his arms wrapped around himself.

Awww.

Lydia and I pulled the window up (yes it took both of us. That bloody window is huge) and popped out the screen so that they could climb in.

I was very excited to see Phil even though it had been less than 10 hours since I saw him last. He was a very good distraction from everything I kept thinking about.

Once the guys were inside, Phil and Dan closed the window and turned to face us.

"First off," Dan spoke up as he started to pull his jacked off. "That's the cutest thing I've ever seen," he motioned between us. I think he was referring to the onesies. "It should be illegal. Second, who the hell is who because I don't bloody know right now."

Lydia answered for both of us by jumping on him and kissing his lips. "I'm Lydia," she informed him after pulling away. "I'm sure that's obvious now."

I felt Phil's arms wrap around me before I looked up at him to see him smiling down at me. "I missed you," he said as he leaned down to kiss my lips. "So, I text Dan and asked if he felt like sneaking over and of course he did," he laughed. "Hope you two don't mind."

I wrapped my arms around him tightly and inhaled deeply. He smelled like cinnamon. "I know I don't mind," I responded, giving him a squeeze before finally pulling away a little. You would have thought I hadn't seen him in weeks instead of earlier that day.

"Which one of you did I scare?" Dan asked, laughing as he looked between Lydia, who was in his arms, and myself, who was clinging to Phil's side.

"That would be me," I raised my hand as I shook my head.

"I should have known that," he smirked then turned his attention to Lydia, leaning down to give her another kiss.

"I told him to try not to scare you two. I think that he decided to take the word 'not' out of that," Phil rolled his eyes as he tucked my hair behind my ear. "Sorry about that. You do look incredibly cute in your onesie. It makes me want to cuddle you even more than I already want to cuddle you."

"They're super comfy too!" Lydia told him as she did a little dance while shuffling her feet on the floor.

"Christmas eve cuddles," I gasped and pulled away from his side so I could grab his hand. I moved over to my bed and sat down and tugged on his hand until he was on it with me. I left room for Dan and Lydia as I curled up against Phil.

"Oh cuddling sounds perfect," Dan told Lydia and moved to sit on the bed with us. "I ate way too much," he whined, laying his head on her chest. Of course he stretched his long legs out and they invaded all of our space.

"Dan, your legs are all up in their Christmas cuddling space," Lydia informed him as she tried to reach his legs to pull them away.

"I have Carmen in my arms so not much can ruin it unless Dan's crotch or bum are in my face," Phil told them as he looked down at me smiling. "How has your Christmas eve been, gorgeous?"

"Great," I lied. I'm a big fat liar. "Now it's perfect though," I smiled, nuzzling against his chest. That wasn't a lie. This was perfect. "How was yours?"

"Fine then!" Dan blurted out before Phil could say anything. "Don't ask me how my Christmas eve was. Just replace me with each other. I don't care," he pretended to cry then burped very loudly. "Oh God. I've been waiting for that to happen for about three hours now."

Lydia cracked up laughing. "Oh my God. I was rubbing your back and you finally burped. It's like you're a baby or something."

Phil looked over at them with an eyebrow raised before turning his attention back to me. "It was good. It's been nice to hang out with my family for a bit. But I started having some Carmen withdrawals." He leaned in and rubbed his nose against mine to give me eskimo kisses. "You smell like cookies. It's wonderful."

I squealed. Yes, I squealed. You would have squealed too. He was too bloody cute. I just wanted to squeeze him and then die. "You smell like Christmas," I inhaled deeply again. "I'm so glad you decided to come by. I needed cuddles."

Dan, who had been planting kisses all over Lydia's face, causing her to giggle, stopped and looked over at Phil and I. "How exactly does one smell like Christmas, Carmy?"

"He smells like cinnamon and cinnamon smells like Christmas," I responded without looking away from Phil.

"What do I smell like?" he asked Lydia.

I heard Lydia sniffing him behind me before she spoke. "Like Dan and vanilla," she sighed. "Orgasmic."

"It's obvious we've all been around food today," Phil laughed. "And I have a cinnamon scented candle in my room. It's my favorite smell to have around Christmas. I'll remember to bathe in it if it makes you so happy," he laughed. "I can't wait for our little Christmas gathering tomorrow night."

"Mmm," I sighed happily. "Me either." I couldn't wait to fall asleep in his arms. It had only happened twice and I was already addicted to it. His cuddles are like tumblr or a wifi connection or something else highly addictive. "I know I'm cuddling you right now, but I can't wait to do it again."

"Awwww. You two just need to stop," I heard Dan laughing and when I glanced over my shoulder I saw that he was sitting up, cuddling Lydia, rubbing his face against hers. "Aren't they cute?"

"Incredibly," Lydia grinned at me and winked.

"Look at you two over there," Phil spoke up. "You're looking quite cute yourselves. I think we'd all make a great little Christmas card here with our twins in onesies and whatnot," he chuckled.

"The Phandom would explode," Lydia laughed. "Especially if you two were in onesies."

"I don't think I want to be seen in a onesie. They seem to not offer much in hiding certain body parts for men," Phil grimaced.

"I would rock one," Dan informed us. "I want one with a buttflap, because of reasons."

"Oh my God. I would die," I spoke up. "That would be too cute to handle. Like, I can't even handle the mental images I'm getting right now, so if I saw it, you would have to CallmeDead," I laughed.

"Very creative," Phil said as he leaned in and kissed my lips again. His lips even tasted amazing. I wished I could kidnap him and keep him there all night.

Or forever. Whichever.

"What about a cockflap though?" Lydia asked. "You gotta whip that thing out sometimes because of reasons. What if you have to pee or a horny girl appears in need of the penis?"

"That's a good point.. But I don't think that the onesie will turn people on... unless they're pedos. I mean, right now I'm not turned on. I just want to cuddle and rub my face against yours," Dan told her, squeezing her as he started rubbing his face against hers again.

"How long can you guys stay for?" I spoke up after laughing at what Lydia had said to Dan.

"Until you kick us out," Phil grinned. "We don't do family Christmas until like 9 am so," he shrugged. "I'd rather not leave at all." He kissed my lips again obviously feeling the same urge to be close to me as I felt to be close to him which was just fine with me.

"I'm glad I already took my make-up off because you'd be covered right now," Lydia laughed as Dan continued molesting her face with his. "Hey Carmen! You should let the boys try some of the oreo truffles you made today. I'm so proud of her!"

"You made oreo truffles?" Phil smiled down at me. "I'd love to try one."

"Come on, Dan. Let's sneak into the kitchen," Lydia giggled as she started crawling off of the bed.

"Only because Lydia helped me," I grinned at him and then looked over at Lydia, who was standing in front of my bed.

Dan actually followed her, which was surprising, usually if he had to do something that involved movement he would whine about it. I'm guessing knowing that food was involved motivated him. "Your bum almost looks as cute as you do in those things," Dan laughed as he stood up, his head tilted as he looked at it.

After the door closed Phil cupped my cheek with his hand and smiled at me as he leaned in and kissed me. This time it was a real kiss instead of a peck but it was slow and sweet and made me feel warm and tingly all over.

"Are you alright?" he asked as he pulled back. "You seem a bit odd. I know things must be weird for you seeing as though so much has changed. I haven't been able to get you out of my head all day because of that and the normal reasons for keeping you in my head all day," he grinned.

"Yeah... it's just hard to adjust to," I shrugged. I didn't really want to talk about any of it. "I'm fine," I grinned and pressed a soft kiss against his lips before resting my head on his chest and snuggling against it. "I'm really glad you're here. You make the craziness in my life not matter so much."

He wrapped his arms tighter around me and sighed as he snuggled closer. "I'm glad I am too. I thought it'd be a fun little Christmas surprise to sneak into your room like I would have if I wasn't such a pansy in high school," he laughed and pressed a soft kiss against my lips. "I love getting to snuggle with you like this."

"I remember the first and only time you came in here before now," I giggled as I thought about it. "Do you? During that cookout years ago? After I dropped that can on my foot. Mum had you bring me ice to put on it," I was laughing now. "I've wanted to snuggle like this since then. I always wondered what it would be like.. It's even better than I thought it would be."

He rubbed his thumb over my cheek. "I should have done this long before now. You deserve as many snuggles as you can get. I'm just glad I'm getting to be the Carmen snuggler now," he chuckled. "So, um," he cleared his throat as he pulled away from me and sat up. "I have something to give you. It's a sort of pre-Christmas Christmas gift."

He stood up from the bed and picked his jacked up from where he'd sat it on the floor before pulling out a red box that had a pretty silver bow in the top of it. "It's a special one," he said as he crawled back onto the bed and sat down again then handed it to me.

I took the box from him and sat up straight as I eyed it and shook it, but it didn't make any noise. "What could this possibly be?" I chuckled. It was a very small box and it felt as light as a feather.

Was it a feather?

I pulled the top of the box off and moved a piece of tissue paper away to see one of those black rubber band bracelets sitting on top of more tissue paper. I picked it up and moved it around to see if it had any designs on it, or if it said anything.

**amazingphil 3callmecarmen **was stretched across it in white.

"Awww," I looked up at him with a big grin on my face. "It's so cute! I love it," I told him, then leaned in and kissed him as I rolled the bracelet over my hand and onto my wrist.

"It looks very good on you," he said as he lifted my hand to his lips and kissed my wrist right above where the bracelet was sitting. "So, since you like it and it looks great on you I was wondering if you'd like to be my girlfriend? My proper girlfriend?"

I don't know how I stopped myself from screaming with girly delight. "Yes!" I answered quickly and excitedly as I nodded at him, then grabbed his face and kissed him. I let out a little squeal as I wrapped my arms around him to give him a hug. He had pretty much been what I would consider my boyfriend, but knowing that it was official was just- exciting. "This really is like the cutest thing ever," I told him after I pulled away, looking down at the little black rubber band. "Thank you."

"You're welcome," he said quickly before grabbing my face and kissing me again. He wrapped his arms around me and pulled my body against his before falling sideways onto my bed still holding me. He laughed against my lips while kissing me until he pulled away. "I'm so happy you said yes. Best Christmas gift ever."

"Yay!" I heard Lydia squeal and looked over my shoulder to see her and Dan standing in the doorway with a plate of the truffles. "Congratulations!" she squealed as she shuffled over to the bed. "Sorry but we heard the last part because we were checking to make sure we weren't going to interrupt any sexy times."

"Damn! I wanted to be all, oh, look at my bracelet. Yeah, I'm totally dating THE amazingphil," I flipped my hair over my shoulder and started laughing at myself because I'm ridiculous.

Dan sat down on the edge of the bed until Phil and I moved our legs out of his way for him to scoot up a little. "I told you they weren't being saucy," Dan told Lydia before popping a truffle into his mouth. "You can't give someone the D or even the F when they're wearing a onesie."

"Oh I bet I could figure out a way to convince you otherwise," Lydia smirked. "The bracelet is so cute. I'm happy for you two."

"I thought it was a pretty great idea," Phil said before kissing my cheek. "It would've sucked if she said no, though," he laughed. "I got nervous."

"Now you gotta give her the D. No excuses," Lydia informed him before throwing a truffle towards him.

He managed to catch it before it sailed by his head and he laughed while shaking his head. "I'm sure you'll find out when she does get the D."

"I'm so distracted by the fact that you thought there was a chance I'd say no that I can't even focus on getting the D," I chuckled.

"Are you ill?" Dan asked in disbelief as he leaned over Lydia and tried to put the back of his hand on my forehead. "You love talking about getting the D just as much as Lydia does."

"Trust, I still want it," I said as I pushed his hand away from my face then reached out and grabbed a couple of the truffles from the plate and handed one to Phil.

"And I still want to give it to you," Phil winked at me before popping a truffle into his mouth and then moaning. "Oh muh goff. So goov," he said with his mouth full.

"Right?" Lydia asked. "They're amazing!"

"They really are. Good job, gorgeous," he told me before kissing the tip of my nose. "My girlfriend made yummy truffles."

"My boyfriend is sweeter than those truffles," I kissed the tip of his nose in return.

"You two went from cute to disgusting," Dan rolled his eyes then laughed. "You're the couple that makes single people realize how lonely and miserable they are. Good job. I hope you two enjoy ruining lives together."

"We totally will. Can you feel the power brewing, Carmen?" He put his hands on his chest and took a deep breath while looking towards the ceiling. "The power!"

"I'm so scared right now," Lydia whispered and started laughing. "I think they're super cute in the super cute way not disgusting. But I do ship them so.."

"Well I ship them too, but-" he paused and pointed at us while looking at Lydia. "-they're still disgusting. In the super cute, awww, I'm happy for you but if I'm around you for too long I might throw up kind of way. Like that time I ate a bucket of Maltesers in an hour."

"So we're a giant bucket of Maltesers then?" I laughed.

Dan nodded. "Exactly. S'not a bad thing," he grinned. "Lydia and I are more like the big bags of Maltesers. Just the right amount of sweetness."

"Awww. I feel special. You compared me to your favorite candy," Lydia said as she leaned towards him and then kissed his lips.

"I'm glad to know that we're all wonderful tasty balls," Phil laughed.

We continued chatting for a while. I wasn't really paying attention to the time though. I was too busy thinking about how perfect such a weird day turned out to be.

I was Phil's proper girlfriend! Which, I guess is kind of weird if you think about it; but I'd rather not file that away in the weird section of my life.

I stayed where I was, cuddled up to his side with my head on his chest the entire time that he was there. At some point I fell asleep on him, but when I woke up the next morning he was gone and Lydia and I were asleep facing each other on my bed. The first thing that made me think of was the photo in my locket of us when we were in the hospital as babies.

My Mum snapped a picture of it before she woke us up. That's the kind of Mum I had, the one who got excited about her child opening presents on Christmas even though her child was an adult. Honestly, with all of the crazy thoughts from Christmas eve, I was a lot more appreciative of those little quirks of hers.

Lydia and I opened our presents. Apparently Mum thought it would be cool to get us loads of matching clothes, since we didn't get to match as babies. We also got matching scarves and gloves too.

We had dinner with the rest of my family later that day. Lydia and I found joy in confusing everyone. I really needed to work on my American accent though. It was horrid.

Once all of the family stuff was done and over Mum let me take her car to meet up with the guys so we could spend Christmas night with them.

I'd been to this house before so I knew the way without having to use directions. When we got there I turned the car off but didn't get out right away.

"I'm so excited about this," I looked over at Lydia as I grabbed my purse from where I'd sat it between the seats. "I feel like such a clingy girl but I can't wait to cuddle," I hugged my purse and rubbed my face against it then started laughing. "Do you think you and Dan are going to start being in a proper relationship?" I asked. "I mean you two basically already are, without it being official."

She was bending down picking up her purse and sort of froze when I asked her that. "Uh. I'm not sure, really," she said as she sat upright again. "I guess we're just going with the flow and taking things slowly," she shrugged. "I'm happy with him right now though. I can't wait to snuggle either so don't feel clingy. Even if you are clingy then at least you're not clingy alone," she laughed.

"Yay for being stage 5 clingers," I held my hand out for a high five, which she returned with a laugh.

We got out of the car and grabbed the bags we'd brought with us as well as the bags the presents were in, then headed to the door, which Dan was holding open for us.

He must really like Lydia. Dan doesn't move for just anyone.

"Thank you," I grinned as I walked into the house.

"Hello," I heard Dan say followed by the sound of a kiss then the door closing.

"Hey beautiful," Phil greeted me as he walked in from the kitchen. He took the bags from me and sat them on the table next to us before wrapping his arms around me and picking me up as he squeezed me. "Merry Christmas!"

"Happy Christmas!" I said as I squeezed him back, pulling away slightly so I could kiss him. "You taste like wine," I mumbled against his lips before leaning back. "Are you ready to open presents?!" I asked excitedly.

"I had to indulge a bit before you two got here and of course I am," he answered me before kissing my lips again.

Dan walked back into the room carrying four wine glasses and he started passing them out, saving Lydia's for last. "Did you have a nice Christmas?" he asked her as he wrapped an arm around her waist.

"I've had a wonderful Christmas," she told him. "We've had a really fun day and now we'll be confusing you a lot more because Carmen's Mom got us lots of matching outfits," she laughed.

She bent down to pick up the bag she carried in which had her gifts for Dan and Phil in them. "Here's yours, Phil," she said as she walked over to him and handed him his box. "And yours," she told Dan as she walked back to him with his.

"Can I open it now?" Phil asked looking quite excited.

"Go for it!" Lydia laughed.

He ripped the paper off of the box and gasped when he saw the picture of what it was. "It's a giant gummy bear but it's a light!"

"Do you like it?" she asked watching him nervously. It was obvious that the gift giving thing was foreign to her.

"Of course I do!" he said as he continued examining the box. "This is going to be awesome in my room. Thank you so much, Lydia!" He stood up and crossed the room before pulling her into a tight hug.

"Awww, you're welcome," she giggled as she hugged him back. He practically skipped back over to me with his gummy bear light. He truly was not hard to please and it was adorable.

Dan sat down with his box and started unwrapping it to find what looked like a very large snow globe on the outside outside of the box. It had what kind of looked like orange willow leaves on the inside of it and it glowed this really gorgeous orange color. "Woah!" he held it up, looking over at her. "This is badass! I love it," he smiled at her then leaned over to kiss her. "Thank you so much," he said then started to open the box up so he could pull it out.

"I'm so happy you do!" she grinned at him. "I thought it'd look beautiful in your room."

I started pulling the things I'd gotten for Dan and Phil out of the bag I'd brought with me. "Dan, you have to open yours first," I told him, handing it to him.

"Why?" he laughed as he sat the other box down and took the one I was offering him.

"Because of reasons. You just do." I walked over to the wall and found the light switch and flipped the lights off.

"What the hell? Is this going to scare me or something?" he asked as he started unwrapping it. Light started to show in the room in patches until all of the paper was gone. Finally the room was lit up by blue and pink light that slowly started to change inside of the cube he was holding to a different color. "Oh, wow. Where the hell did you two even find this stuff? This is awesome. Thanks Carmen!"

I turned the light back on and what he was holding just looked like an ugly clear case with gook and glitter on the inside. "You're welcome. And that's why I had to turn the lights off," I laughed. "Crazy that we both got you some sort of light, though. I found that online," I explained.

I picked up Phil's gift and handed it to him before sitting down on the arm of the couch so I could watch him open it.

He looked over at me and grinned before tearing into the gift and I watched his face light up like a little kid's would when he saw the top of the wooden box which had a lion on it. "Aww! It's so cute!" he said as he picked the box up. "And heavy," he laughed. He opened the top of the box and gasped. "Socks and a crap load of candy!" he said excitedly as he looked inside. "This is amazing. Thank you!" he leaned over and gave me a quick kiss on the lips before reaching into the box to pull his socks out of it and look at them. "I like how you knew to get me mismatched ones."

"You're welcome," I grinned at him. "I did that. I got two pairs and gave you one of each and I kept one of each," I told him then grabbed the ends of my pants and pulled them up, showing him. "See? We have matching mismatched socks!"

"Okay, you are just way too adorable," he laughed as he looked from my feet back up to my face then leaned in and kissed me again. "It's all perfect. Thank you."

"Okay Lydia," he stood up and picked up a box off of the coffee table before walking over and handing it to her. "Here you go."

"Thank you!" she grinned up at him before starting to open her present. She pulled the box out and read the outside. Her eyes got big and she got a huge smile on her face when she realized what it was. "Holy shit, Phil. This is the coolest thing ever!" she said as she turned it around to show me. "It's a tea leaf reading kit! Like the thing they do in Harry Potter!"

"Well, I know how much you love Harry Potter and you're new love for tea since you came here and I figured it was a fun sort of gift," Phil explained as he sat back down.

"It's amazing. Thank you so much," she said as she hugged the box.

"And here's yours, my lady," he said as he leaned over to pick up the box and then sat it on my lap. "I hope you like it."

I pulled the wrapping paper off of the box then opened it. "Awwww!" I looked at him and back down at the box before I pulled the fuzzy gray thing out of it. "This is so bloody cute!" I squealed, hugging it against my chest. It was a snuggie. A Totoro snuggie! The hood had it's cute little smiling face on it! "And it's so soft! Thank you so much. I love it," I said as I leaned in to give him a kiss. But all of my feelings were spilling up so I ended up pecking them like 10 times before stopping.

He chuckled against my lips and returned every single one of my kisses. "It was so snuggly and cute. I knew I had to get it for you as soon as I saw it. I could just picture you running around the flat wrapped up in that thing," he laughed.

"My turn to pass out presents!" Dan said happily as he leaned over the couch and grabbed the two boxes that were sitting on the floor. He passed one to Lydia, who passed it to Phil to give to me, then passed Lydia hers and watched her as she started to pull the paper away from it.

Lydia took the lid off of the box and started cracking up laughing. "Oh my God. These are absolutely priceless," she said as she held up the socks which were made to look like sharks that would be eating your legs. "Holy shit. I cannot wait to wear these," she giggled as she laid them down. She picked the next gift in the box up and gasped. "Dan! This is amazing! I've been wanting one of these!" She turned it around to show us that it was a union jack hoody. "Thank you so much!" she threw her arms around his shoulders and gave him several kisses all over his face while giggling.

He pulled away with his arms still wrapped around her after he returned the face molestation. "You're welcome. It gets quite cold here. You'll need things to keep you warm all winter," he grinned at her.

It was cute how he was subtly dropping the hint that he wanted her to stay there.

"Your turn Carmen," Dan said, tilting his head back to look at me.

I unwrapped the present and opened the box to be met face to face with more cuteness. "Woah! What?" I started laughing and I picked up what was a knitted winter hat that had a husky's face and ears on it. "This is brilliant," I said as I shoved it down over my head. I was about to toss the box when I realized where were matching gloves inside of it. "Dan! Where did you find this!" I demanded as I pulled them out and started sliding them over my hands. "This is just great," I held my gloved hands up, laughing as I looked over at him. "Thanks."

"Knew you'd like it!" he said sounding proud. "I didn't have any bloody idea what to get you so I just typed in husky hat on google to see if something like that even existed and that popped up," he shrugged. "You're welcome."

I grabbed the Totoro snuggie and slid it over my head and stood up so I could pull it down. "Am I one big ball of cute right now or what?" I laughed as I held the sides of the snuggie out and looked down at myself.

They all cracked up laughing at me. "SO cute," Phil said as he looked at me. "You should wear all of that when we go to sleep tonight."

"And nothing under it," Lydia added. "Sorry, I had to!"

"So saucy on Christmas! Naughty," Phil pointed at her, pretending to scold her.

"Psh. You know you were thinking it," she laughed and rolled her eyes.

He nodded slowly. "I cannot tell a lie."

We cleaned up the massive wrapping paper mess and then settled down on the couches in the living room with wine and some snacks Dan and Phil had brought over from their parents' houses.

A Christmas story was playing but the volume was turned down low and none of us were really paying attention to it.

Dan and Lydia were snuggled up together on the couch across from us smiling at each other. I took that moment as an opportunity to snap a picture of them on my phone because they looked so cute like that. Like one of those rare perfect moments where two people are looking at each other and it looks all sweet.

"I think they like each other," I whispered to Phil as I put my phone away and snuggled back against him without looking away from them.

"I think you're right," Phil said as he brought his hand up to my chin and turned my face towards him. "I know that I like you though," he whispered before pressing his lips against mine. "This has been a perfect Christmas," he told me as he ran his fingers through my hair. "Thank you for making it so amazing."

I inhaled and let out a happy sigh as I looked up at him. I could literally feel myself falling even more in love with him. "You're the one who made it so amazing," I told him as I grabbed his hand. I laced our fingers together and brought it up to my lips to kiss it. "Thanks for setting all of this up. It means so much to me and I know it means a lot to them too," I glanced over at Lydia and Dan again.

Bloody hell he was so into her. The way he looked at her- I could almost feel how much he adored her.

"You're welcome. I just thought it'd be great for us 4 to have our own little Christmas. I feel like we're a strange little family sometimes," he laughed. "I'm glad your sister has had so much fun since she apparently didn't have a family who is into Christmas like all of ours are. It's amazing to see you two having your first Christmas ever together."

It's weird that I didn't even think of it like that until Phil mentioned it. This was our first official Christmas together. "It was a wonderful first Christmas," I nodded, still looking over at the other couch. Though I was looking more at Lydia than at the two of them together.

That was my sister. I really wished that it felt that way. She was so nice and so awesome. I hoped that one day we would start to have that kind of connection.

I wonder if she feels that way about me?

I felt horrible over it, so I kind of hoped that she did. Because, honestly, it was almost reducing me to tears just thinking about it.

I was still looking over at her when she turned and looked directly at me with an odd expression on her face like she was confused. She tilted her head and somehow I just knew that she was wondering if I was alright.

I grinned a little and nodded at her and she smiled at me and turned her attention back to Dan, who hadn't noticed the little moment we just had.

That was so weird.

That little twin moment gave me enough hope that things would start to get better for Lydia and I on my end, so that I could really focus on just enjoying the fact that she, after all of these years was with me; that I had my best friend there too, and after years of wishing and hoping, the man that I loved was curled up beside me, holding me like it was the only thing he wanted to do.

Lydia's POV 

I nudged Dan's side and pointed over to the other couch where Phil and Carmen were both passed out. What was cute was that she was lying on top of him on his chest and he was holding onto her like she was some kind of human sized teddy bear.

I picked my phone up from the floor and snapped a picture quickly because it was entirely too cute not to.

"You ready to go to bed?" I whispered to him before kissing his lips. "Or at least go to our room so we don't wake up those two?"

He nodded at me before pressing another soft kiss against my lips. Unmolding himself from my side, he moved to stand up, holding his hand out for me to help me.

We tiptoed out of the living room and up the stairs of the house we were spending the night in and into our designated bedroom.

Dan closed the door behind me then headed over to the bed to sit down. "I can't believe they wimped out on us," he laughed, extending his arms for me to sit on his lap.

"1 second," I grinned as I held up my finger. "I have one more gift for you."

I walked over to my bag and picked up the little red box that I'd been thinking about all damn day. I couldn't believe I was about to do this. Even as I was walking towards him to hand it to him I was wondering if I should. Not because of myself but because of how he would react.

I sat down on his lap and held my hand up with the box sitting on my palm. "Here you go."

"A special present?" He asked as he took it from me. He looked from the box, to me, and back again with a curious look on his face before lifting the top of the box.

There was a little card on the inside of it with a V written on it. Dan looked over at me then back down at it as he picked it up and flipped it over to see that the backside of it was blank.

He cleared his throat and laughed a little as he looked over at me again. "Is this what I think it is?"

I laughed and nodded. "If you're assuming that it's my V-card then you would be correct." I wrapped my arms around his shoulders and cleared my throat. "Before you start asking questions and doing your normal sweet Dan thing. Let me just say a few things. You're like the only guy I have ever been able to be myself with. I'm so comfortable around you and I just feel like it's right. I want this and I want it with you. I've thought about it a lot."

A grin curved his lips causing his dimples to show before he leaned in a pressed a kiss against my lips, though he pulled away after lingering there for a few seconds. "I really don't know what to say," he laughed. "You might find it hard to believe but no one has ever done this before," he held the card up, still laughing. "It means a lot to me though," he smiled. "You're quite special to me, you know. The only question I have is are you sure?"

Holy fuck. How was it that he was so incredibly gorgeous and incredibly sweet? Most guys would already have me naked by that point.

"You're special to me too," I said as I rubbed the back of his neck. "And yes. I'm very sure. If you want to. Don't feel like you have to because I realize this does put some pressure on you too."

His smile got bigger. "Trust me, I've wanted to since the Christmas jumper party. I just didn't want you to do something you would regret later on because of how you felt in the moment, you know?"

"I know and that's part of what makes you so amazing. But I think that this is a perfect place. It's cozy and there's a fireplace and those windows so we can see the snow. It's very romantic novelish," I laughed.

Phil's parents' guest house was pretty big and very gorgeous. The room we were staying in was very spacious and had it's own bathroom connected to it. There was a huge king sized bed and the entire far wall of the room was made up of windows that gave a beautiful view of the night sky.

"Phil's parents would be proud to know they've got the perfect love nest here," Dan laughed while leaning in and kissing me. He broke away too soon, though and got up from the bed and moved over to the fireplace and started to get that going. It took him a little while to get it set up, and watching him was entertaining because he kept cursing at it.

Though, after twenty minutes and several "fucking hells" later, there was a fire burning.

He got up from the floor just as I was getting up to turn the lights off in the room and we both met back at the bed.

He looked down at me as he closed the space between our bodies, leaning in and started kissing me again. It was a slow, gentle, lingering kind of kiss. His hands moved up from my hips and onto my back, under my shirt, his palms and fingers massaging against my skin as his lips trailed away from mine and onto my neck.

I raised my arms to wrap around his shoulders and pulled myself closer to him while tilting my head to the side to give him more access to my neck. I swear sometimes I was sure he could give me a fucking orgasm just by kissing my neck. His hands massaging against my back were making me relax. I hadn't even realized I was that tense but I guess it was from being pretty nervous about what was going to happen.

I pulled away from him and held my arms up in the air as I looked up at him and grinned. "It's getting a bit hot in here."

He reacted accordingly, gripping the end of my shirt and slowly pulled it over my head and tossing it to the side. "It is," he said, moving his hands to his sweater then doing the same with his own. He tilted his head as he looked at me, grinning, "You're more beautiful than ever tonight," he said, closing the space between our bodies and leaning in to kiss me again.

His hands trailed up my back and his lips moved to my shoulder as he kissed it softly. I felt that my bra was loose and realized he had somehow managed to unhook it without my noticing. Without his lips breaking away from my skin, he pulled it off of my arms and slid one of his hands to my chest, cupping one of my breasts as his lips moved back to meet mine.

He backed me up to the bed until the back of my legs hit against it and I started to fall back; Dan's arms were there to catch me, slowly laying me down against it as he settled on top of me.

He broke away from the kiss and studied my face as he brushed my hair away from it. There was a sweet grin on his lips, his dimples barely visible - but his face soon disappeared from view as his lips brushed against my chest.

He planted soft, sweeping kisses between my breasts and under the left side, just where my heart was before moving down to my stomach.

He didn't stop until his lips met with the top of my pants and from there he began to unbutton them and slowly move them off of my hips, his soft pouts trailing behind his every movement.

Once they were gone he stood from the bed and pulled both his pants and his boxers off of his hips and stepped out of them then crawled between my legs, picking up just where he'd left off. He rubbed his fingertips over the fabric of my panties as his tongue and lips trailed across my hipbone, moving lower and lower as he began to peel my underwear back, slowly pulling them off in the process.

My heart was pounding so hard. I had never witnessed him being this sexy before. He seemed so calm and confident in everything that he was doing. I was much more calm than I thought I'd be and I'm pretty sure it was because of him.

I grinned down at him when he got my panties off of me and the moonlight coming in through the window which made me very visible also made me quite glad that I'd decided to get a bikini wax the day before Christmas Eve.

I moved my hand down and ran my fingers through his soft hair. "You're doing very good so far," I informed him, laughing lightly. "I think I'm probably ready to go already and you've barely touched me."

By the time that I said that, my panties were gone and he was looking up at me from between my thighs with a grin on his face. "I could say the same thing," he told me as he caressed my thigh. "Let's see how ready you are after this."

He spread my legs apart and I felt his lips brush against my inner thigh before they sweeped against my slit. Without warning I felt his tongue move against my clit; slowly at first. Up and down then faster as he slid a finger inside of me. I could feel it curve upward against some sort of pleasurable place I didn't even know existed and he slowly worked against.

"Oh my God," I moaned as my hips raised up from the bed because I didn't know what to do with myself. The things that he could do to my body were ridiculous and mind blowing before but now...with his mouth.

I have no words.

I gripped his hair with one hand and the mattress with the other as his tongue and fingers moved on me making me shake because of the intense shocks of pleasure rocking through me. If he was trying to get me wet enough so that it wouldn't hurt as badly then he had already accomplished his mission.

He didn't continue doing what he had been for too much longer. I think he could tell that he'd done enough.

When he stopped, though, I could feel my entire body shaking - because I didn't want him to quit.

I could hear my heart pounding in my own ears and the sound of something opening and closing before Dan's face was hovering over mine. He adjusted his hips against mine and his left hand trailed between our bodies as the right molded against my face.

"Are you ready?" he whispered and I could tell he was searching my face for any sign that I wasn't.

"Yes," I nodded, smiling up at him. I raised my hands to hold onto his sides and slid my fingertips up and down them softly. I was trying very hard not to think about how badly it might hurt and just focusing on him.

I kept my eyes on his face and I felt the warmth of the head of his cock press against my entrance. He slipped in just a bit and very slowly before moving his left hand away from between us.

He began pushing further and I could feel pressure and the feeling of his length stretching me. It was pretty painful, I'm not going to lie, but I'd experienced worse pain in my life.

It seemed like it took forever for him to finally slip as far inside me as he could go. I exhaled loudly and tried to make myself relax. I could feel myself throbbing around him as my body tried to adjust to him.

I opened my eyes again to be met with his staring down at me. His lips were parted slightly and I could've sworn I felt him trembling against me.

"You feel amazing," he whispered against my lips before he kissed me softly. His hips slowly and gently moving in against mine.

He continued moving against me like that for some time, being so careful with me like he was afraid he might break me. The longer he did what he was doing, and the more he moved inside of me, the less it hurt and the better it started to feel.

There came a point to where he knew, from my body language and my face, that he could move faster, and he did. Though, he was still being gentle. I could tell that it was hard for him. He clenched his teeth and bit down on his bottom lip quite a few times, and also pressed slightly more aggressive kisses against my lips, though they were still softer than they had been anytime else we'd done anything sexual.

I was shocked at how good it was starting to feel as we continued. Especially when Dan slipped his hand between us and began rubbing my clit while moving inside of me. His dick was rubbing that spot inside of me that drove me crazy and I feel myself creeping closer and closer to cumming which I had not expected during my first time.

I didn't last much longer at all but neither did he. My orgasm hit me hard and was the absolute most intense I ever had because I'd never experienced one with someone inside of me like that. He came very soon after I did and he collapsed on top of me leaving us both in a slightly sweaty, heavy breathing mess on the bed.

* * *

**A/N: MERRY CHRISTMAS EVERYONE! Hope you enjoyed the festive chapter! Drop us a review and tell us what you think. We love hearing from you guys. :D**


	12. I've Created A Monster

Dan's POV

I was surrounded by people I didn't know, which was okay, I suppose, since all of them were wearing masks. I wouldn't know who they were anyways.

Phil and I had just arrived at the masquerade ball that Carmen and Lydia had invited us to. If the fact that it was an actual ball doesn't tell you how posh this ordeal was, perhaps letting you know that it was taking place in a bloody castle will.

Yes, a castle. It was completely renovated on the outside and inside but it was still a castle and it was probably the nicest place I'd ever been to.

One of Carmen's friends from university had rented it for the party, and the four of us (along with loads of other people who don't matter because I don't know them) had been invited to stay the night there, so that was cool. I'd never been in a castle before, let alone spent the night in one.

"I feel like everyone here knows that we're a couple of peasants," I whispered to Phil as we walked through the- I don't know what room we were in. It was huge though, and there were people standing and dancing around inside of it to the Florence and the Machine song that was playing. There was also help, yes, help, walking around serving things to people.

I felt like I should grab a tray and join them instead of pretending like I could have been a guest there.

Well, I was a guest, but you know what I mean.

Once we were out of that giant room, we walked right into another, slightly smaller but still bloody huge, room. In the middle of it there was a staircase that went up and forked off with banisters that went both ways.

We were trying to find the girls so we could find our rooms, which is where we were told that they were at. I thought I remembered Lydia mentioning a staircase when she called me earlier to explain where we would be able to find them when we got there. The thing is, is that was the second staircase I'd seen and we'd only been there for five minutes.

"D'you have any bloody idea where we're supposed to go?" I asked Phil as I pulled on the bag hanging off of my shoulder and looked over at the side of his face, which was covered in a batman-bat shaped mask.

"They said something about a huge staircase and that one is-" he paused and I noticed his mouth was stuck open as he stared upward. I followed his gaze and figured out what had made him go silent.

Lydia and Carmen were standing beside each other looking like fucking princesses. I mean, it was truly breathtaking how stunning they looked all dressed up that way.

And of course I had no idea of which one of them was Lydia because she obviously forgot telling me that they were going to be dressing alike.

They started making their way down the stairs together and Phil and I were still silent as we just stared at them coming towards us.

"Cat got your tongue?" Lydia asked as they approached us. She had a cute smirk on her face and the black mask she was wearing made her eyes look even more gorgeous than usual. I wanted to skip the party and just take her away to our room.

"Holy hell," Phil finally spoke up as he reached out for Carmen and put his hands on her waist while looking her over. "I truly have no words that can do you justice. You look so stunning."

"Both of you look so handsome," Lydia grinned up at me as she adjusted my tie. "There's just something about seeing you in a suit."

I was so dumbfounded by how amazing she looked that it took me a little while before I could form proper words and regain the use of my limbs. I moved my arms around her and let my hands rest on her hips and smiled. "You look beautiful. Really- just- wow," I told her, my eyes lingering from hers, down her frame and back again before I leaned down to kiss her.

I was interrupted by the sound of someone clearing their throat from beside me and I looked over to see one of the butlers smiling at me. "Let me take your bag," he told me, reaching out for it. "I'll take it up to your room for you."

"He's staying with Ms. Morrison," Carmen spoke up, reaching to take Phil's bag off of his arm. "And he's staying with me," she gestured towards Phil as she handed over his bag.

"Right. Thank you Ms. Kensington. You all enjoy the affair."

"Thank you, Jeeves," she responded and the man started towards the staircase they'd just walked down.

First off, the affair?  
Second, Jeeves? His name is Jeeves? Are you kidding me?  
Third, Lydia and Carmen are on a first name basis with _the help_?

What the fuck is this?

I turned my attention back to them and I'm sure my face showed my massive amount of mind-fuckery. "I've been here for ten minutes and I've already been left speechless," I informed them. "You could have warned us that it would be so bloody posh."

Carmen flipped her hair over her shoulder. "What kind of bloody peasant do you take me for? I only go to posh parties," she laughed deeply, imitating me.

"I have a feeling that it'll get un-posh for us after we get a bit of alcohol in our system," Phil laughed as he pulled Carmen against his side. "I can't get over how gorgeous the two of you look. We better keep an eye on you incase some masked, handsome, poshtard tries to steal you away."

"We already have masked, handsome men," Lydia replied to him while looking up at me. "I think that mask needs to stay on later," she whispered in my ear before kissing me right below it.

Phil cleared his throat. "Maybe we should go into the party before certain people are overtaken by their hormones and never make it in."

"Good idea," Lydia laughed.

The four of us headed back into the big room that Phil and I had walked through to get to where we found the girls. Lydia pointed out the bar that I hadn't even noticed when we came through the first time and we all went and got drinks.

Perhaps getting pissed would make me feel a little less uncomfortable in such an unfamiliar atmosphere.

The music that was playing started to fade until it was gone completely, leaving the sound in the room to be nothing more than what was slowly dying chatter between the guests.

Everyone, myself included, was looking around, trying to figure out why the party had been disrupted when a clinking noise echoed from the middle of the room.

I looked towards it to see a guy tapping a fork against a wineglass.

_Really? _

Once the room was quiet and he had everyone's attention he pulled his mask of and cleared his throat. "I just wanted to take a moment to thank everyone for coming, since there are far too many of you to thank individually. Also, I would like for everyone to remove their masks and take a look around you to see all of the familiar and unfamiliar faces."

I pulled my mask off but I didn't do too much looking around. My eyes were fixated on Lydia.

"After this, you should keep them on until 12:01 and enjoy not knowing who anyone is," as he talked I noticed that there were people walking around handing out crowns, tiaras, and feather boas to everyone. "Anyways, I really just want to get drunk and have a good time, so I'm going to stop talking and let everyone get back to having fun. I hope you all have a great time bringing in 2013 with me." He raised his glass, toasting, as did the rest of us, and the entire party took a drink.

The music cut back on just as two people approached us with the costume boas and crowns. I opted against the feathers, but I did take a crown before putting my mask back on.

The girls opted against the boas as well but we all took crowns. "I have an urge to sing Kings and Queens by 30 Seconds to Mars," Lydia said as she adjusted her's.

"More drinks?" I turned to see a guy dressed like Jeeves standing across from us with a tray full of the champagne we were all having. All of us had managed to finish ours already so we took them from him without hesitation. "Anything else?" he asked, smiling at all of us. This was just weird. I wasn't used to it.

"No but thank you very much," Lydia replied like being waited on that way was the most natural thing in the world before she slipped her hand around my mid-section and pulled herself closer to me. It occurred to me that it probably was natural to her. She said before that she was always being carted off to fancy parties with her parents.

"Okay. I'm not trying to sound like some overbearing ass of a boyfriend or anything but this guy will not stop blatantly staring at you and it's starting to piss me off," Phil informed Carmen while turning so that, I assume, he could block her from the guy's line of vision.

"Who is it?" Lydia asked while peeking around Phil.

Phil took a long sip from his champagne and looked back again before quickly turning towards us. "Well, I think we're all about to find out because he's on his way over."

Being tall was an advantage in these situations. I literally just had to glance to my left to see who was walking towards us. Not that seeing him helped identify him, as he was wearing a mask. The only thing I could really tell about him was that he was quite a bit shorter than me and also wider.

Lydia couldn't see but apparently still wanted to because she pulled away from my side and moved around Phil to get a better look.

By then the guy was only a few feet away and he had a huge smile on his face. Like the bloody Cheshire cat or something.

"I heard that you were coming," he said to Lydia as he reached out and tapped the tip of her nose. "It's been awhile, yeah? You look great tonight. I didn't think I'd ever see you in a dress," as he talked to her his eyes traveled down her body and my raging jealous side started to snap.

"Back the fuck up, yeah?" I blurted out as I stepped towards Lydia and held my arm out, putting a little space between me and the guy. Who the fuck was this douche bag?

He started laughing as he held his hands up. "I just wanted to come say hello, and I don't hear her telling me to leave." He looked down at Lydia and grinned.

"Oh bloody hell," I heard Carmen grumble before I saw her step around my other side. "That's because she doesn't know who the hell you are." she said as she pulled her mask off of her face.

Behind his mask I could see his eyes widen as he looked down at her. "What the?" he moved his hand and pulled his mask up so that it was on his forehead, his eyes shifting between Carmen and Lydia, who had just pulled hers off again too.

"Lydia, meet Eric," Carmen motioned towards him lazily.

Lydia placed herself at my side again as she looked up at the douche named Eric. "Nice to meet you. I'm the long lost twin. Long story," she shrugged like it wasn't a big deal before taking a sip of her champagne.

I heard Phil clear his throat and looked over to see him slipping his hand around Carmen's waist. "And I'm Phil, Carmen's boyfriend. I don't believe we've met."

I don't think I had ever seen Phil acting so possessive. It was very hard not to laugh. I was waiting for him to show his teeth or something animalistic to get the guy to go away.

"I don't think we have," Eric responded, looking at Phil with a judgy look on his face. Almost like him being her boyfriend was laughable.

"Oh you have," Carmen spoke up. I looked over at her to see that she was smiling. "Indirectly, anyways. Phil is Bright-Eyes." She rested her head against his chest for a few seconds.

The judgy look and smile slowly fell from his face. "Oh," came out of his mouth followed by a pause, which I'm guessing was him trying to compose himself so he didn't look so butthurt. It took a few seconds, but he did it and started laughing again. "You're joking, right?" he asked Carmen then shifted his eyes over to Phil, then to me, and to Lydia. "I don't know why you'd want to be seen with the likes of these blokes. You both could do better than _that_."

"Excuse you?" Lydia asked as she stepped up towards him like she was about to beat his ass or something. Before I could reach out to grab her, Phil was between her and Eric. I reached out for Lydia's hand and pulled her back to me just incase shit was about to get real. Phil was nearly bumping chests with him while he stared down at him.

"I think you need to do yourself a favor and walk away now," Phil spoke to him calmly but I could see that he was seething.

Phil wasn't the most intimidating person, I'll say that much, but that's what should have given this guy the hint to move. He didn't budge though he just stood there, smirking at Phil. "Like I told your girlfriend," he pointed at me. Oh this little fucker. I didn't know if I should have laughed at him for being so stupid or been pissed off for him being so stupid. "I don't hear either of them telling me to go."

I swear I think Phil was a second away from punching the guy in the face, but Carmen grabbed his hand and put her other one on his chest, trying to pull him away. "Do you know who wants you over here?" she asked Eric, but didn't give him a chance to say anything before continuing. "Nobody," she raised her hand from Phil's chest and swatted it dismissively. "Go the fuck away. No one likes you."

"Yeah, Eric," Lydia spoke up. "You're not a part of the Kool Kats club," she informed him before literally flipping her hair. "Come on, Carmen. Let's go have sex with our men and leave him to fap in the corner."

As mad as I'd been ten seconds ago, I was a hundred times more amused. Lydia and Carmen had resorted to acting like a couple of 12 year olds and it was actually hilarious.

Eric just stood there looking mindfucked as the four of us walked around him and to the other side of the room.

"The nerve of that idiot." Carmen groaned, holding her hand out in front of her like she was choking the air. "I am so sorry, guys. I didn't even know he was going to be here." she told us as she shook her head. "I'm sorry he was being a creepy to you, Lydia, and what he said to you two."

"He's actually one of the stupidest people I've ever met and that's saying something." I laughed. "It's okay though, I'm not mad." I pulled Lydia closer. _Not mad, but I was jealous. Definitely jealous. Very, very jealous. _

"I couldn't care less about what he said to us. I just didn't like the way he was looking at you," Phil rolled his eyes before downing the rest of his champagne. He seemed to calm quite a lot as he looked back down at Carmen though. "I can't believe you threw the bright eyes thing at him," he started laughing and looked over at Lydia. "And you with the Kool Kats club thing. What the hell?" he shook his head.

"Well, he's not in the club," she laughed.

"He'll never be a Kool Kat," Carmen laughed with them. "And I had to throw the bright eyes thing at him. It was too perfect not to." She leaned in and kissed his cheek.

"You're perfect," Phil told her as he took advantage of her being so close and kissed her lips quickly.

"Is it bad that I'm already ready for us to just go have our own party?" Lydia laughed. "I mean, it's like oh yay we're in our fancy dresses and there's free drinks but now I'm done and want to go get shitfaced and act stupid with you guys." She sighed. "I think I'm just anti-social."

"Or horny," Phil wiggled his eyebrows at her and she raised her hand to flip him off as she was sipping her champagne.

"Phil?!" A horribly high pitched voice came from behind me and we all turned towards it to see a girl who was nearly my height attempting to run towards him in her heels. "Phil Lester?" she asked in the same annoying voice.

"Uh, yes?" he responded looking quite afraid.  
"Oh my God! I haven't seen you since grade 9!" she practically squealed. "You don't remember me? It's Abby!"

I watched the wave of realization go over Phil and his eyes got quite large but he recovered quickly. "Abby!" he sounded so bloody fake. "It's great to see you. How've you been?"

"I've been wonderful," she grinned at him but I saw her eyes drift over to Carmen who was basically attached to Phil's hip. "You look amazing."

"Uh, thank you," he laughed and cleared his throat. "This is my girlfriend, Carmen Kensington. Carmen, this is Abby Carter."

"Nice to meet you," Abby tilted her head and smiled in that way that girls smile when they're being extremely fake and actually hate the other female they're being forced to speak with. It was like watching fucking animal planet or something. "I love your dress."

"Nice to meet you too," Carmen on the other hand didn't really have the fake-girl attitude, but instead looked legitimately amused. "Thanks," she laughed. "It was my Mum's in the 80's."

Lydia let out a very loud cackle and quickly slapped her hand over her mouth. "Vintage, I love it," she responded after she composed herself.

I stifled a laugh because I realized rather quickly that they were quoting Mean Girls.

The girl fidgeted around looking quite uncomfortable for a few seconds. I guess she wasn't able to handle the fake girl attitude being thrown back at her in such a fierce way. "Right, well. It was lovely seeing you all. Have a good night," she told us before plastering another fake smile on her overly make-uped face and walking away rather quickly.

"What the actual fuck is happening? Are we in the twilight zone?" Lydia asked, laughing as she watched her walk away. "Perhaps someone will pop up now claiming to have birthed Dan's child a few years ago or something."

Phil just started laughing hard out of nowhere. We all looked at him like he'd gone mental. He was laughing so hard his face had gone red.

"What the hell is wrong with you?" I asked, unable to keep myself from laughing as well.

"That girl!" he managed to say. "She was Lucy!"

We all looked at him and then around at each other as we tried to figure out who the hell he was talking about since we all obviously knew her name was Abby and not Lucy.

Out of pretty much no where, Carmen gasped and started laughing just as hard as Phil had been laughing. "Oh my God! Lucy! From his video The Break Up!" she put her hand against her forehead as she continued to laugh.

"Wow. That was actually hilarious, then." I managed to say between chuckles. "Funny that she recognized you after failing to remember you existed back when you two were kids."

"It's because you don't try, Phl!" Lydia said as she reached out and grabbed his shoulders. "Sorry honey!" she squealed in a british accent while laughing.

At that point quite a few people were staring at us but I think we were all too buzzed to give any fucks at all.

"Aww! I thought Dan's videos were the only ones you'd have memorized," Phil replied, still laughing. "I feel special. Both twins have my video memorized."

"Don't worry. I have yours memorized too," Lydia told me as she turned away from Phil and stepped up to kiss my lips quickly.

"Now I feel special," I mumbled against her lips before slipping my tongue past them, kissing her deeply as my hands traveled down her sides and onto her ass.

She grabbed one of the lapels of my jacket to pull herself closer as she moaned softly into the kiss. "Could we please get the hell out of here?" she whispered before biting at my bottom lip.

Fuck.

I gave her ass a tight squeeze as I let my forehead rest against hers for a few seconds. "It would be my pleasure," I whispered back to her once I'd composed myself. Lydia drove me absolutely insane without even trying. I was so into her that it was almost stupid.

I pulled away enough to looked over at where Phil and Carmen were standing rubbing their palms together as they talked about something I didn't care to listen to. "We're going to excuse ourselves now." I interrupted them. "We'll see you two... later."

Phil's POV

Carmen and I watched as Dan and Lydia made their way out of the room as quickly as possible. In fact, I'm pretty sure Lydia took off her heels as the doors closed behind them so she could move faster.

"Well then," I laughed, looking down at Carmen. "It seems we're left alone." I picked her free hand up and moved it to rest on the back of my neck before wrapping my arms around her waist. "Would you like to dance?"

She wrapped her other arm around my neck, swaying a little to the song that was playing as she giggled. "I can't believe you actually want to dance, since you kept saying you couldn't even after those lessons I gave you," she grinned as she tilted her head. "Are you having fun?"

"I'm with you. Of course I'm having fun," I told her as I swayed along with her to the music. "Though it's been a bit eventful in the strangest ways," I laughed.

She was looking up at me like I was the only man in that room or in the world at that moment. There was just something about the way her beautiful eyes saw straight through me that made me feel like no one else ever had.

"You are so beautiful," I whispered as I brought one of my hands up to cup her cheek. I leaned down and pressed my lips against hers. Her mouth always tasted so amazing but with the hint of champagne flavor still lingering on her mouth I couldn't keep myself from slipping my tongue past her lips and kissing her softly.

Carmen kissed me back before she started laughing quietly against my lips and slowly pulled back so that she could look at me. "PDA? I must look nice tonight," she grinned. "What do you say to some alone time? Hmmm?" Her hands moved from my neck and down to my chest before she grabbed my hands and leaned back, stretching my arms out.

She let go of my right hand but kept a grip on my left one as she turned and started walking ahead of me, pulling me through the room until we got to the smaller room where the staircase was. I don't know why I thought she was going to stop there- because she didn't, but instead she continued towards the stairs, me following behind her.

"Where exactly are you taking me, Ms. Kensington?" I asked even though I knew exactly where she was taking me. My eyes travelled down her body and focused on her ass. The way the dress she was wearing hugged all of her curves made her body look even more amazing. Especially her ass. "Have you thought of a different way for us to spend the rest of our New Year's evening?" I asked as we got to the top of the stairs.

"Why yes I have, sir," she grinned as she looked over her shoulder at me. Turning to face me she walked backwards, still holding my hand. "We're going to our chambers where we can celebrate alone, preferably out of our clothes," she smirked then turned around again, leading me towards the room we would be staying in.

I'd like to mention, and I'm not sure how I noticed, but the corridor of the castle we were walking down reminded me of the castle from Mario 64. It had a red rug all the way down it and candles on the walls lighting it up.

She pushed the door of our room open and stepped inside, immediately stepping out of her heels and moaning. "Ahh, it feels good to have those off," she laughed, spinning around to face me again. "You would probably be more comfortable without all of this on," she smiled as she started unbuttoning my jacket then pushed it off of my shoulders before starting on my buttondown.

"Why so rushed?" I asked her as I wrapped my fingers around his wrists to stop her. "I'm a sure thing this time. You don't have to go quickly incase I cockblock you," I informed her as I slid my hands slowly up her arms. I stopped when I got to her shoulders and turned her around before I found the zipper on the back of her dress. I leaned in and kissed the back of her neck as I slowly moved my hand down her back unzipping the gown until it fell to the floor.

I took a step back to look at her and I felt my cock getting hard at the sight of her already. The only thing she'd been wearing under the dress was a little pair of black lacey panties. No bra. Just panties.

"Wow," I whispered as I stepped around her so that I'd be facing her again. "I loved you in that dress but I have to say that I like this look for you even more," I informed her as I reached out and placed my hands on her hips. I slid them slowly up her sides until I got to her breasts and rubbed my fingers over them slowly, grinning down at her when I felt her nipples harden at my touch. "I hope you know that this body of yours has been the cause of many, many 45 minute showers lately."

"Is that so?" She responded after giggling a bit and wrapped her fingers around my wrists, slowly moving my hands down her stomach and on to her hips to the top of the lace fabric. She stepped in towards me and reached up to my tie and pulled me in closer as she started to unknot it. "Because I've been thinking about you a lot in the shower too. And out of the shower," she grinned and pulled my tie away from me once she had it undone.

"Do you want to hear about it?" She asked she slid the tie around her neck, looping it so that it fell between her breasts before she started unbuttoning my shirt. "There were lots of thoughts about me being tied up and completely at your mercy."

How in the actual hell was this woman a virgin? I mean, honestly.

We hadn't even made it to the bed and I felt like my dick was about to attempt to bust out of my trousers.

"That is very interesting," I replied while watching her face as she unbuttoned my shirt. Part of me wished I could have a photo of her standing there with my tie around her neck that way. It was beyond sexy. "I've had some similar thoughts," I informed her as I slid my hands around to her ass and squeezed it.

I slipped my fingertips into the lace of her panties and slid my hand over her hip and back to the front before moving my hand between her legs and letting the palm of my hand linger against her heat. I could already feel how wet she was and I had to take a deep breath to calm myself. "Would you like to hear about some of my other thoughts?" I asked as I moved my hand up a bit and curled my middle finger, rubbing it over her swollen clit. I continued speaking without waiting for her answer. "I've imagined how incredibly sexy it would be to hear those moans of yours that drive me mad again but with me deep inside of you." I kissed her lips again but harder and with more passion while I moved my finger, rubbing it in fast circles on her clit.

She moaned softly against my mouth and gripped at the end of my shirt that was finally unbuttoned. I felt her hips move and her back arch as she tried to move herself closer to my touch. One of her hands moved to my shoulder while the other went to my belt as she kissed me back. I think she tried to unbuckle it with one hand, but stopped and let her palm slid down onto my crotch, grabbing at my bulge. She moaned again and deepened the kiss as I moved my freehand to my belt to finish what she had started.

"I want you so bad," she whispered with a shaky uneven breath. My pants fell down to my ankles and her hands tugged at the side of my boxers, pulling them off of my hips before grabbing my shaft again, stroking my cock as I moved my finger against her clit.

As good as it felt to have her touching me that way and I felt how incredibly soaked she already was so I knew she was physically ready, I needed to make sure we were doing the right thing.

I pulled my hand away from her and reluctantly pulled her hand from me before looking down at her and leaning my forehead against hers. "Are you sure you want this with me?" I whispered.

She brought her hand up to my face and cupped my cheek. "You're the only one I want this with," she whispered breathlessly back to me, her lips lingering over mine as she nodded.

I smiled down at her before kissing her lips again while I moved my hands back to her hips and grabbed the sides of her panties. I slipped them down her legs, bending down in front of her as they moved towards the floor. While I was bent down, I reached for my pants and quickly grabbed my wallet where I'd put a few condoms just in case something like this were to happen.

After that, I stood up slowly, placing soft kissing along the front of her thighs, over her hip bones, just below her belly button, between her breasts and back to her lips.

I took a moment to open the condom wrapper and quickly slip it on, not bothering to look at where I dropped the wrapper. She was the only thing I was focused on in that moment.

I wrapped my arms around her, pulling her body against mine before I lifted her up without warning and made her wrap her legs around me. I immediately began kissing along her collar bone and the side of her neck as I stepped backwards until the backs of my legs hit the bed.

I sat down letting her settle on my lap and I could feel her pussy pressing against my dick which was enough to make me visibly shudder.  
Leaning back a bit I brought my hands up to hold her face as I looked at her. "I thought it'd be better for you if we do it like this. I want you to be as comfortable as possible."

She smiled at me and nodded again before looking down between our bodies and back at me again. She swallowed audibly, "Okay." Moving her hands to my shoulders she sat up on her knees and I moved my hand to my shaft, holding it in place for her as she slowly started to lower herself down onto my throbbing member.

Her grip on my shoulders tightened with every move she made to slip my erection inside of her. Letting out a small, quiet gasp and bit down on her bottom lip and finally opened her eyes, which had fallen shut in the process of sitting on my lap.

My entire body was tensed because it was taking every bit of my will power to keep still and let her have control. She felt a thousand times more amazing than I could've ever imagined. She was so, so tight and wet and looking up at her face as she let me be the first person to ever be that close to her was almost too much to handle.

"Are you alright?" I asked, my voice sounding hoarse, while I rubbed her lower back softly trying to help her relax a bit more.

"Yes," she replied, her voice sounding as hoarse as mine. She glanced down between our bodies again and let out a quiet, nervous laugh. "I'm not quite sure what I'm supposed to do," she told me as she looked back up at me. She shifted her hips, which caused her to let out another gasp, but I'm not quite sure that it was painful, as she did the same thing again. And again. "This?"

Holy fuck. What she was doing felt amazing but I couldn't completely focus on it because I was being too paranoid.  
"Wait, are those gasps from pain or pleasure?" I asked, putting my hands on her hips to stop her. "Please, don't let yourself be in a lot of pain for me."

"It's not painful," she shook her head. "Well, it is, but it feels good too," she reassured me, her fingertips twisting around in the back of my hair. "A pleasurable kind of pain." She said with another roll of her hips, gasping again. "Definitely pleasurable."

Carmen moved her hands from my hair and put them back on my shoulders, steadying herself again as she continued to slowly and gently grind her hips against mine. "Does it feel okay for you?"

Was she serious?

"Are you serious?" I laughed and then a low moan escaped my throat because she rolled her hips forward in the most perfect way. "It feels more than okay. You feel so fucking amazing," I told her before pressing my lips against hers.

I continued letting her move at her own pace. I didn't want to try to move her any faster or harder because I wanted her first time to be more about pleasure than something uncomfortable that most girls remembered negatively later in life. She was too special for that.

I broke the kiss and trailed along her cheek, down her jaw, over her ear and down her neck slowly with soft, open mouthed kisses. I couldn't stop myself from moaning and grunting every few seconds which was odd for me because I was usually rather silent but with her things were entirely different. In some ways it felt like my first time as well.

My eyes lifted to her face as I continued moving downward with my kisses until my lips were over her left nipple. I flicked my tongue against it before wrapping my lips around it and sucking hard, my fingers gripping harder at her hips as I did.

A soft moan left her lips and I felt her hand move from my left shoulder and saw it as it slid between our bodies, down to her lap. She pressed her fingers against her clit and looked down to watch as she touched herself, slowly at first, her hips still moving gently against mine.

But after a few minutes she started to move them faster, grinding herself harder against me. Her fingernails dug into my back and she pressed her torso in against mine. Her breaths were shorter, heavier, and also louder because they were against my ear. "Move with me, Phil," she whispered a certain strain in her voice, as if she was almost begging me. "Make me cum."'

She did not have to tell me twice. Bloody hell. I wish she knew just half of what she did to me. It was mind boggling.

I wrapped my arms around her, holding her body close to mine before quickly flipping us over so that she was on her back beneath me but I was still inside of her. I used my hands to prop myself up and hover above her as I began moving my hips, thrusting deep inside of her a bit faster than the pace she'd been going before.

"You feel so good, Carmen," I whispered, looking down at her as I continued moving inside of her. I was so incredibly close to being pushed over the edge. Seeing her gorgeous body beneath me, feeling myself inside of her, and seeing her eyes locked on my face was so overwhelming in the best of ways.

Her hand was still between us, her fingertips rubbing fast against her clit. She watched me with intent until her lids fell shut. A moan soon followed and I could feel her body tense up. "I'm cumming," she panted and bucked up against me one final time before falling flat against the bed breathing loudly as her entire body shook beneath me. Her pussy got so tight from her orgasm that it almost pushed my dick all the way out of her.

Before that moment I thought that seeing her cum for the first time at that party was the hottest thing I'd ever seen but I was wrong. I found myself moaning quite loudly right along with her not only because of how sexy she looked but because of how good it felt when her walls tightened up around my length.

I thrust into her harder than I had been moving because it was my first reaction when she nearly pushed me out of her which sent me over the edge. I groaned loudly as I came hard, my dick twitching deep inside of her as my body shook with the intensity of my orgasm.

I collapsed on top of her, my face pressed against the side of her neck. I could feel her heart racing against my chest and hear her harsh breathing in my ear.

After a few seconds when I was about to think clearly again I realized that everyone downstairs was cheering and the music was much louder. I raised my head and looked over at the nightstand to see if there was a clock.

I had to laugh when I read the time. I raised up to look down at her face for a moment before leaning down to press my lips against hers. "Happy New Year," I whispered against her mouth.

"A happy one it is," she responded with a giggle, her lips against mine. She brought her hand to my face, pushing it back so she could look at me. "Also, that was amazing. Can we do it again?"

I laughed and shook my head before pressing my forehead against hers. "Oh God. I've created a monster," I said dramatically before kissing her in a way that would definitely let her know that we could do it again.

If the way I was getting to spend my New Year's Eve was any indication of what my year to come would be like, I was in for something amazing.

A few hours later after my beautiful monster apparently had an orgasm overdose, she fell asleep curled up next to me. Her head was lying on my shoulder and her leg and arm were wrapped around me like I was her teddy bear which I didn't mind.

I just stared down at her even though I was tired enough to fall asleep. She looked so beautiful and peaceful lying there with me.

The depth of my feelings for her was truly becoming a very overwhelming thing. What happened that night only solidified it. She was everything I could have ever wanted or needed. I couldn't get her out of my head. Her smile, her laugh, the sound of her voice, the scent of her hair, how her lips tasted. She was constantly with me even if she really wasn't.

I knew what was happening. It was undeniable. But could I tell her? Should I? I'd never found myself in that situation before. I thought I had but I had been wrong.

I reached over and ran my fingers through her hair as I leaned down and pressed my lips against her forehead. I hoped she knew she had me wrapped around her finger. My heart was hers even if I didn't have the balls to tell her yet.

Having been so consumed with my thoughts and how I felt about her, I had momentarily forgotten how much of a light sleeper she was.

Her eyes fluttered open and a tired smile instantly curved her lips when she looked up at me. "I fell asleep didn't I?" she asked groggily. "I'm sorry, I didn't mean to pass out on you," she wiggled against me before she started to trail her fingertips down the middle of my chest.

"It's alright," I replied before leaning in to kiss her lips. "I keep forgetting that you'll wake up if someone breathes too loudly," I laughed. "And it is quite late. It's nearly 4." I reached over so that I could press my hand against her back and pulled her closer against me. "So, how was it? I mean, like, was it what you hoped it would be like? Are you sore or anything? I was terrified about hurting you somehow. I mean, not that my dick is like massive or something."

She was looking up at me, watching me as I rambled and started to laugh quietly. "You didn't hurt me at all, even though it is rather large," her eyes drifted downward before she looked back up at me. "My legs are sore from being on your lap, but that's it," she told me as she reached for my hand to lace her fingers through mine. "It was actually perfect and not as painful as I've always heard it would be... So it was different than what I had expected, but definitely in a good way," she grinned. "How was it for you? Was it everything _you _had hoped?" she laughed, teasing me.

I laughed along with her. "Well, I mean. It totally hurt really bad. You were way too rough with me," I told her using a girly voice. "No, seriously though. That was amazing. I have honestly never had sex that was anything like that. Wow. I'm gonna get hard again just thinking about it to be honest."

"Neither have I," she laughed then rolled her eyes at herself. "Do I do that much to your hormones, Phillip?" she asked with her head tilted. "I knew I wasn't the horniest person in this relationship.. _Relationship. _It's so amazing to actually be able to say that," she sighed and got this really adorable smile on her face as she nuzzled against my shoulder. "I've liked you so much for so long... I'm sorry, is it weird for me to say those things to you? I don't want you to think I'm clingy or anything."

"No, it's not weird or clingy or anything bad. I can promise you that," I told her before kissing her lips. "I feel like the luckiest man ever when you tell me things like that."

Tell her. Tell her. Tell her. Stop being a twat and just tell her!

"No one has ever made me feel the way you make me feel." Okay, so I didn't say it but I sort of said it. I don't know why I was being such a pussy about it.

She sat up a little while she looked at me and I swear, it felt like she wanted to say something, but she didn't, not at first; but she leaned in and kissed me and pulled back, smiling. "Not even Lucy?" she let out a quiet laugh. "Are you sure? She made it to video status and all I ever got was cuddles, and kisses and sex."

"Oh, you are so in trouble for that one," I replied before I quickly flipped over so that I was on top of her. "Let's see. What should your punishment be?" I tilted my head to the side as I looked down at her. "Should I make you cum here repeatedly until you're exhausted enough to sleep or should I make you cum in that big bathtub in there until you're exhausted enough to sleep?"

"Hmmm," she tilted her head, grinning at me. "Let's start here and see where we end up," she said, moving her hands to my shoulders and down my back as she started kissing me.

Happy New Year to me.


	13. Phantanic

Lydia's POV

I really loved London in winter. It was even more beautiful than usual. It was especially beautiful on this particular day because it was snowing. While most people hated it, I loved it. I threw some clothes on and left Carmen's house to walk to Starbucks as soon as I woke up and looked outside to see that everything was covered in a sheet of white.

I was sitting on a bench that was in some random park which was pretty much deserted because no one really wanted to hang out in a park while it was snowing. Carmen was still asleep and Dan and Phil were off working which was what they were doing most of the time around then. We hadn't seen them in days and phone calls were pretty rare as well.

I understood that they had to work. I wasn't really the needy type, I guess. I did miss them, though. What was bothering me more than anything was the fact that I had way too much alone time.

Carmen seemed to be in her own world. We were in the same house but sort of not, if that makes any sense. It wasn't like we weren't speaking or anything because we were but nothing we said meant a whole lot. I felt more like a random roommate to her than a sister in those couple of weeks after the holidays.

I was sitting there on that bench completely alone, trying to make myself think that it was amazing that I was sitting there, staring at the falling snow with my favorite coffee in my hand, in my favorite place in the world; but I was totally full of shit.

The fact of the matter was that I wasn't just alone on that bench. I was pretty much alone in the world. Now, before finding out I had a twin and finding out that my parents weren't at all who I thought they were, something like this probably wouldn't have bothered me. I most likely would have made a joke about becoming a cat lady and ending up on Hoarders. But everything had changed and parts of myself that I didn't even realize were there before were suddenly influencing how I felt.

Why couldn't I still be the emotional failure that I had been before I made the trip to London? I went from not knowing what the hell any sort of 'relationship' with anyone felt like to suddenly feeling like I was being thrown into several of them at once with people that I wasn't sure I could trust.

How could I be sure of who I could and could not trust when the people who adopted me and were my "parents" for 22 years kept the one person who I could have been close to and had any actual biological links to away from me?

I was scared shitless and there was no one I could talk to about it because the people I could talk to were the people I was scared of.

What a fucking soap opera. I almost missed law school.  
Almost.

Carmen's POV 

I woke up to Juneau pouncing on me and licking my face which wasn't anything out of the ordinary if we're being honest. Neither was the fact that he started barking at me, telling me in dog that if I didn't take him outside he was going to shit all over my bed or all over the carpet.

I grabbed my phone and rolled out of bed while he took off out of my room and down the hall to the front door. After putting my glasses on I sluggishly followed behind him, unlocking my phone to see that I had a couple of new text messages.

One from Phil and one from Lydia.

**Phil **  
**Good morning beautiful! I can't wait to see you tonight :) **

**Lydia **  
**I went out to see the snow. I'll be back in a little while with coffee. **

This is going to sound bad.  
Very, very, bad.  
But I was kind of glad that she wasn't there.

I know that's awful. Imagine how I feel that I even think things like that about someone who is _family. _

I don't think that the amount of guilt I feel about that could be properly expressed.

She still didn't feel like family. She just felt like some girl I'd met who happened to have my face. We had connected, I'll admit that but not on any level other than getting along and having common interests.

Being around her made me feel bad because I knew she cared a lot more about me than I cared about her. I mean, we'd never had a conversation about it. We didn't really need to. It was obvious with how she acted and how she talked to me.

I wanted to care about her like that. But I couldn't, no matter how hard I tried. I just didn't feel anything towards her but friendship.

Jesus, I'm making it sound like she has a crush on me or something.

I guess you would have to be in my situation to fully understand. Maybe not, though. Because I was in my situation and I hardly understood any of it.

Ever since we'd gotten back from Manchester things were kind of off between us. I was being quiet around her and Lydia was being quiet in general. I thought that maybe she had picked up on my weird vibes, because she seemed to have the whole sisterly thing developed where I didn't.

The reason it was so much worse now than before is because my main source of distraction was busy working.

Phil had started the radio show with Dan which left them doing things for it most days; leaving me to sit and reflect over the last couple of weeks by myself.

I don't know about you, but when I've got too much time on my hands, it gives me _way _too much time to think, thus sending me into a spiral of despair.

On top of feeling horrible over not feeling any sort of bond with Lydia, looking at her was a constant reminder of the truth I had thus been avoiding.

I was adopted.

I mean, I knew it already. But.. I don't know. It's like, just when I thought I had accepted it and was okay with it, I would realize all over again and be left with all of the same thoughts and questions.

Phil's POV

I was in an office at Radio 1 with Dan planning our show for the upcoming week. I hadn't realized how much actually went into that sort of thing until we really got into the job a couple of weeks earlier. I couldn't begin to imagine what it would be like if we did the show more than once a week.

It didn't help much that my mind was wandering even more than usual on that day. I couldn't focus on much other than thoughts about Carmen that had been following me around for several days. It was the truth that I thought about Carmen a lot but not in this way.

She seemed sort of distant and not really like herself over the past week. That really didn't seem like a good thing to me seeing as though I'd just taken her virginity on New Year's Eve night. Could it have been about that? Had she realized that it was a mistake?

Maybe it was a mistake. Who was I to take that from her even if she did want me to? Bloody hell. I was going to drive myself mental.

I cared so much for her. Way more than I had admitted aloud to anyone yet and I was a completely selfish prick for walking around acting like I deserved her.

There were things she needed to know about me. I knew that there was a large chance that it could destroy what we had. But more importantly, it would devastate her in ways that went beyond something like an idiot like me just breaking her heart.

I was completely torn. The thought of having anything with her other than the amazing past few weeks that we'd had nearly made me physically ill.

Perhaps I was just being paranoid. Maybe the fact that I missed her so much was getting to me and I was reading into things and over analyzing them the way I so often did.  
I decided to just stop being so obsessive over things I wasn't in control of at the moment, focus on work, and hope that things went great that night so that my mind would be at ease again.

Dan's POV 

I was sat in my chair swiveling around in slow circles, chewing on the end of a pen while Phil stared off at the wall across the room with his mouth hanging open. We were at the BBC preparing things for our next show but neither of us were really saying much, which was odd.

Another thing that was odd was that I'd had about 9 cups of coffee in the last hour in an attempt to make myself focus a bit more and I wasn't jumping off of the walls ready to have a rave.

And it wasn't because I am lazy (even though I am).

It was because I was very, very distracted.

For one thing, there was Lydia...

Okay, to be honest, she was the only reason I was so distracted- but that was made up of multiple reasons.

We'll start with the fact that we had sex and that I had taken her virginity; which was amazing, by the way.

It wasn't the first time that I'd done that- but it was the first time that it actually meant a lot to me. Not that I'm some scumbag who goes around ruining women (perhaps an ovary or two on tumblr, though, does that _really _count?); but I dunno. It was different.

In a lot of ways I felt like it meant more to me than it did to her. Like sex was this small physical thing to her and some huge emotional thing to me.

Though I had to admit, she'd changed a little bit since Christmas. Not drastically or anything, but she was a lot quieter now, perhaps a tiny bit distant. It probably wouldn't have been noticeable to a lot of people but I paid loads of attention to how she acted and it wasn't difficult for me to see it.

Things between us hadn't changed though. We still talked as often as possible, saw each other whenever we could. She still sent me cute text messages and said completely rude and horrific sexual things to me.

I was starting to wonder how she felt about what was going on between us- and further, what was even going on between us.

I'd told PJ about her and he asked me if we were dating. I think that's where a lot of the wonder came from, to be honest. I mean, I'd thought about it, but having another guy ask you if you and a girl are in a relationship kind of puts the situation into perspective a little.

Were we dating?

Was she my girlfriend?

Or were we just friends who happened to have sex with each other?  
I didn't know, but I really wanted to find out.

Lydia's POV 

I was sitting on the middle of the bed in the guest bedroom I'd been staying in at Carmen's while I flipped through the channels on tv. Dan and Phil were on their way over but instead of our usual foursome hang out time, Phil would be with Carmen and I would be with Dan. We all just happened to make plans at the same place that evening. Dan and I were just going to be lazy, eat, and watch tv.

Oh who was I kidding. I'd probably molest him or something as well.

That thought made me pause. Should I have been doing things like that with him when I didn't know exactly where I stood with him?

I was so confused I felt like my head was going to spin off and take a shit on the floor. Yeah, it was that bad. I didn't know what the hell I felt for him.

I did know that I was scared. I was more scared than I had ever been in my life. I couldn't figure out exactly what my feelings were or what they meant.

But I know that if anyone could really hurt me the way my parents had managed to in the past couple of months, it would be Dan.

Holy fuck. I was such a mess. Most girls would be all giddy and exploding with happiness and hearts all over the place and shit like that. I was sitting around wondering what the fuck my feels were doing.

Hell, I wasn't even sure of what _love_ might really even feel like.

A soft knock on my door pulled me out of my thoughts. "It's open," I called out as I sat the remote down.

The door opened, revealing Dan, who had the cutest grin on his face as he walked into my room holding up a brown bag that I knew was Chinese takeout. "I got some noms," he told me as he walked towards my bed. He sat the bag down and then literally lunged at me, knocking me backwards. "Also, I missed you," he informed me after planting several kisses all over my face.

Even though I'd just been feeling so shitty, somehow he made me forget about that. I guess that was part of the problem. I didn't think about the things that I needed to be sorting through.

"I missed you way more," I replied before returning his kisses, of course I made sure to give each of his incredibly cute dimples a kiss before his lips. "Do those happen to be noms of the Chinese variety?" I asked as I looked up at him.

As soon as I asked that, his stomach started growling loudly, causing both of us to laugh. "They are Chinese noms," he informed me with a smile. "I got everything you love and then some." He pecked my lips a couple of times, pushed himself onto his palms, only to lean back down and kiss me again before actually sitting up. "There are also two Dr. Peppers in there, which you love but I don't count them as being proper noms," he laughed as he started unzipping his jacket and shrugging out of it.

"I definitely count Dr. Pepper as a proper nom," I replied as I sat up and watched him take his jacket off. He was wearing this black shirt that was pretty tight on him and made me want to throw myself at him every time I saw him in it. "You remember what all my favorite noms are?" I asked as I scooted over on the bed to give him room to sit next to me. "That's pretty impressive."

He grabbed the bag and opened it and started pulling things out of it before responding. "Egg rolls," he said as he sat a paper bag down beside me. "Fried rice," he sat a container down. "Coconut shrimp stuff that Phil had to order because I'm stupid," he laughed at himself as he handed me a plastic box. "And your Dr. Pepper," he finished, looking over at me, smiling. "Did I forget anything?" He asked but didn't give me a chance to respond before swooping down and giving me another kiss. "There. Now did I forget anything?"

"Yep. You did," I nodded while sighing like I was disappointed. "You forgot to give me the D. We both know that's my favorite."

"That's what I brought you for dessert," he grinned, leaning in and kissing me again. He brought his hand to my cheek as he slid his tongue across my bottom lip but pulled away. "Have you been drinking wine?" he asked as he licked his lips.

"I had some while I took a bath," I replied feeling a bit like I was in a daze because of that damn tongue on the bottom lip action he gave me. Somehow I never got sick of him kissing me. "I took a long bubble bath and had a large glass of wine. It was wonderful," I told him as I opened the container that had the shrimp inside of it.

"I'm actually jealous," he informed me as he pulled out his box of food, which I knew was Sesame chicken. "I wish I could take a long bubble bath with a large glass of wine.. with you," he winked. "Is that how you've been keeping yourself occupied while I'm away doing serious business things for the radio?"

"Yes. I've been drunk the entire time," I lied, laughing. "I've just been hanging out. I went for a walk in the snow today. Carmen and I watched some weird documentary on Netflix. Nothing very interesting is going on. I'm actually very close to looking for a job. I think something is wrong with me," I laughed.

Laughing, he handed me a fork. "Still not used to having free time?" He asked. "I'm sure you'll adapt. I know I did when I quit law school. It was like this massive relief," he explained before taking a bite of his chicken. "But I'm sure I'll have more free time once I actually get used to planning all of the radio stuff."

"I have way too much free time," I told him after taking a bite of my food. "I think too much free time is unhealthy for someone like me. I might go completely bonkershit or something. I think I might be one of those people who doesn't need time to think too often."

He tilted his head as he chewed, looking as if he were trying to understand the gibberish that just came flying out of my mouth. "What's been on your mind?" he asked after he swallowed his food.

"Everything," I responded as I ran my fingers through my hair and sighed. "So much shit has happened in the past few months. My life is completely different from what I expected it to be at the beginning of this year. I guess I'm just trying to figure it all out and to be honest I'm having some difficulty with it. I'm used to knowing exactly what I'm going to do, knowing what to expect," I trailed off and shrugged my shoulders. "Like I said, I have too much time to think."

"Well, how about you take a night off of thinking about all of that and focus on what's important... Me." Dan gave me the sassiest look imaginable as he pretended to flip his hair over his shoulder. "I mean really, what could be more important than I am?"

It was impossible not to laugh at that. "Nothing at all, Dan," I told him as I leaned over to press my lips against his. "You taste yummy," I said before kissing him again.

"Would you like a bite?" he asked me, but before I could respond he had his fork up to my lips, offering me a piece of what he was eating, which I took and started to chew up as he watched me. "So, there's something that's been on my mind quite a bit and I really wanted to talk to you about it, if you're up for a slightly serious, but not too serious, conversation."

I honestly didn't know if I was up for a serious conversation but he'd helped me so much since we met. How could I say no to him?  
"What's been on your mind?" I asked before taking a sip of my drink.

He cleared his throat and looked like he might have been a little nervous about talking about it. "Well, you have been," he admitted, laughing lightly. "I obviously really like you, like proper like you. I like hanging out with you, and talking to you, and kissing you and... well, you know," he paused, flashing me a smile before continuing. "I guess I've just been wanting to know where we stand? I mean, we're friends but, I guess I kind of see more than that for us. You know?"

I'm pretty sure I gawked at him after I managed to actually process what he said to me. I mean, with the way we'd been around each other it was obvious that he wanted to be around me and that he liked me. But I had only really thought of the idea of making anything official on Christmas day when Carmen asked me about it and even then I didn't think very hard about it because so much other shit was going on in my head.

"Dan, you're amazing. I mean, like really amazing. I love hanging out with you, talking to you, kissing you, and getting the D," I laughed as I reached over to grab his hand. "Right now, just know that you're the only guy that I am doing or plan on doing those things with. I just need to take things slowly when it comes to defining things like this right now, you know?"

"Of course," he nodded and squeezed my hand, offering me a smile. "I'm sorry for bringing it up. It was quite stupid of me to, now that I think about it," he rolled his eyes at himself. "You've got loads going on.. I was just curious. We can take things as slow as you need," he brought my hand to his lips and kissed the back of it. "Also, I am here if you need someone to talk to about what you're dealing with. It's impossible to take on all of that alone."

"It wasn't stupid of you to bring it up. Please, don't think that. I mean, I'm the one who should be apologizing for letting myself sort of drag you into the fuckery that is my life right now." I leaned over and laid my head on his shoulder. "Just being here with me is enough to help me. Trust me."

He wrapped an arm around my shoulders and scooted in closer to me. "I actually feel quite lucky to be a part of all of your fuckery," he laughed. "So you don't need to apologize for allowing me to be in your life." I watched as he leaned in and pressed a kiss against the side of my head and heard him gasp. "What in the actual fuck were you watching?!" he shrieked in his dramatic high pitched voice. "Are those orangutans getting the D?!"

"What?!" I looked up at the tv and shrieked much like he had. "Oh God. Cannot unsee!" I said as I reached over for the remote and quickly changed channels. "When I was watching it there were cute dolphins frolicking through the sea. I promise," I laughed.

And just like that he managed to take my mind off of everything...  
which is exactly what the problem was.

Carmen's POV 

I sat up so that I could sit my empty plate down on the table beside my bed then quickly curled up against Phil, who was laying beside me petting Juneau's head.

He'd been over for about an hour and we'd managed to get through half of 21 Jump Street and two boxes of sweet and sour chicken without saying much to each other, which was actually perfect. I didn't really have a lot to say, and with him being around, most of the horrible thoughts that had been swarming me were replaced with the comfort I got from just being in his arms, as pathetic and weak as that sounds.

He seemed to be paying a lot of attention to the movie; I was glad that I had already seen it so I would know what was happening if he made a comment on it, because unlike him, I wasn't really watching it. I was just trying my best to enjoy the fact that he was actually there, since I hadn't been able to see him much since we got back after New Year's day.

"You sure are quiet." He broke our silence by saying that and then kissed my forehead. "Are you alright?"

"I'm fine," I answered quickly, glancing up at him from the top of my glasses. "Just watching the movie," I lied, grinning a little.

I'm glad all of those little fables about liars aren't real.

I'd have a massive nose and my pants would be up in flames.

He raised an eyebrow and laughed. "Wow, Carmen. If we were on tumblr I would send you one of those gold stars that says you didn't even try at all." His eyes searched mine for a few seconds before he spoke again. "You've seemed off lately. I can tell something is wrong and to be honest you're scaring me. Does this have anything to do with, you know, what happened between us?"

"What? No, of course not," I answered him without fully realizing I just gave myself away. Well, actually, not really, because apparently he already knew what something was wrong.

"What happened between us was perfect, I promise... I just-" I sighed and rubbed my face. I really didn't want to unload all of my crap on him. He had so much going on and he didn't have time for all of my emotional rubbish. "It's nothing, really."

"Well, that's good to know. The part about us anyway," he replied as he reached out to move a piece of hair that had fallen over my eye when I rubbed my face. "I don't like that something is bothering you enough to have you not acting like your normal self. You know you can talk to me about absolutely anything, right? I mean, I can imagine it has something to do with what you've gone through over the past few months. I may not understand how you're feeling but I can listen if you need to vent or something."

I don't know why, when ten seconds ago I was so against mentioning any of it to him, that the urge to talk to him about all of the things that had been bothering me came to a boiling point that was quickly spilling over. "It's everything that has been happening," I admitted, shaking my head. "You're the only good thing I have right now and that makes me feel even worse because-" I paused and my face scrunched up because I was about to start crying.

Isn't it crazy how actually saying the things outloud that bother you make them so much worse? It's like saying it outloud makes it real.

"-because I have a sister sitting in the other room who feels more like a flat mate than a family member," I pointed at the wall as I sat up. "I feel horrible because she doesn't mean anything to me and I know that she should and I know how much I mean to her. I can feel it when she looks at me and all I can feel towards her is resentment even though I don't want to and that's just the beginning of all of my problems," I pressed my my hands against my face because by that point I'd already started crying. "I'm sorry. I know you don't want to hear all of this and I know it makes me sound like the worst person in the world. I want to care about her, I do but I don't know how to make myself when I hardly know her and I feel like she came into my life and screwed it up even though I know that's not what she was trying to do."

"Carmen," he said my name softly as he reached out for me and pulled me into his arms. I laid my head on his shoulder and he ran his fingers through my hair while rocking back and forth a bit like he was trying to soothe me. "You can't expect to feel some sort of instant connection with her. It might take time. You shouldn't beat yourself up over it. I think what you're feeling is normal. Maybe you should let Lydia stay at our place with Dan for a while to give you a chance to work through things?"

"But she did," my cries were muffled against my hands before I moved them away to wipe my eyes. "She cares so much about me and it hurts so bad to look at who is supposed to be my family and feel absolutely nothing for them," I shook my head. "I don't want her to go because I keep thinking if she's around, that one day it'll just click.. but it hasn't. It's getting worse," I was sobbing now. I was glad that the tele was on because if it hadn't been I'm sure Lydia and Dan would have heard me. "And looking at her is just a reminder that I was adopted and I know that's so stupid but- but- I can't stop thinking about any of it. I just have so many questions and I don't know how to get answers to any of them. I feel like I don't know who I am anymore because everything I thought I knew isn't true and-" I stopped to take a breath and let out another loud sob. "I just wish I would have known. Why didn't anyone ever tell me? It's so unfair that I had to find out now. I feel like I'll never get over any of it.. Had I always known, this- this wouldn't even be an issue, and maybe- maybe by now I would already know Lydia and have a relationship with her and not resent her.. I don't want to feel like this, Phil. It's not fair."

He didn't say anything after that. In fact he didn't really even move. His arms stayed around me though, his hand resting on the back of my head where it had stopped as he was stroking my hair. He finally cleared his throat sometime later and began moving his hand over my hair again.

"I'm so sorry," he whispered, his voice sounding a bit strained. "I wish I could take all the pain away from you. You deserved to have known each other before and everyone who kept you apart-" he paused. "Well, it should have never been this way."

I was basically clinging to him with my face buried against his chest, crying like a little kid. Actually, I'm not sure that I even cried like that when I was younger. However I knew I'd never had an emotional breakdown of this magnitude before. "There are so many things I can't stop thinking about. I think about them so much that I have dreams about them," I told him between my cries. "What if Lydia's parents would have gotten me and not mine? I wouldn't know you, I wouldn't be here right now." Saying that made me cry a little harder because I hated that thought. "Or what if they would have gotten both of us? Or what if we never would have been adopted at all? I want to know who my parents are, but- at the same time, I don't know if I could handle knowing- what if I have another sibling or- what if they don't want to know me. I- I-" I stopped and started sniffling. "I am so sorry, I've completely lost it."

His arms wrapped tighter around me and he kissed the side of my head. "Don't be sorry. You need to talk about these things," he said softly. "You are so much stronger than you give yourself credit for, Carmen. You're going to get through all of this and everything will happen the way it's supposed to. You can't drive yourself mental thinking over the what ifs because the past is gone and you can't do anything about those what ifs now. You just have to handle the present. Get through it one day at a time." He leaned away from me a bit and lifted my head with his fingers beneath my chin. "You can get through all of this and be a completely happy person. I know you can. It's what you deserve." He smiled at me but it didn't reach his eyes. He leaned forward and pressed his forehead against mine before kissing my lips. "I really do wish I could take the pain away for you."

I squeezed him and didn't stop squeezing him for a long time. Saying all of that out loud was one of the hardest things I'd ever done but at the same time it made me feel so much butter. Like a weight had been lifted off of my shoulders and chest and I could actually breathe again. "I don't know what I would have done without you through all of this," I whispered after I composed myself enough to actually speak. "Thank you so much for being here for me, Phil." A few tears trickled down the corners of my eyes and those were the last ones.

"You don't have to thank me for anything at all," he replied while wiping the tears off of my cheeks. "You know I would do anything to make sure you're okay."

He turned away from me to pick the remote up from the couch before stopping the movie which had already ended and the credits were rolling. "Would you like me to get you a glass of wine? It'll probably calm you down a bit and help you get some sleep."

I sat up and took my glasses off that I could wipe my eyes and nodded as I put them back on. "That sounds great, actually," I told him as I pulled my knees in against my chest. "Are you about to leave?"

He stood up from the bed and his eyes darted around the room before he finally looked down at me. It sort of seemed like he was nervous but I couldn't be sure because I was such a mess myself. "If you don't want me to leave, I won't."

"Please don't," I responded quietly.

Dan's POV 

I fell against the wall as I tried to cram one of my legs back into my pants. "Damn it!" I groaned, and Lydia laughed at me from the bed where she was pulling my shirt over her head. "It's not funny," I whined. Okay, so it was funny, but I decided to act like a tit. "I don't know how to pants."

"You certainly know how to take mine off of me," she replied quickly as she slid off of the edge of the bed while putting her hair into one of those messy buns she was so fond of.

"At least I'm good at something," I laughed, still slouched against the wall as I tugged my pants up over my hips. "So are you though. I've never had such a fast erection selection."

She started laughing as she unlocked the bedroom door to open it. "I do enjoy your erection selection, Daniel," she told me, glancing over her shoulder at me before she grabbed the bottom of my shirt and lifted it to show me her bare ass then ran out the door.

"Bloody hell," I mumbled to myself, still staring at the space in the doorway where her ass had been. I stood there for a few seconds before following suit and leaving her room.

I walked down the hallway to the kitchen where I found Lydia standing on her tiptoes reaching into a cabinet grabbing two wine glasses from the top shelf. I wished my shirt was shorted so I could get another show of her ass.

"Need some help over there?" I laughed and stepped towards her.

"Yes, please," she laughed as she gave up on reaching them and turned towards me. "This is where being short is a total fail."

"Oh!" I heard Phil's voice and Lydia and I both turned to see him standing a few feet away staring at us. It didn't take a genius to figure out what we'd been doing. "Sorry," he laughed, smirking at us once he'd regained composure. He glanced towards the living room before stepping over to us. "Listen, if Carmen comes in here. Do not ask if she's been crying, alright?"

Lydia immediately got a look of worry on her face. "What? Why? What's going on?" she asked quickly.

Phil shook his head. "Don't worry. She's alright. I just finally got her to calm down a bit and I don't want her to get upset again."

"What happened, Phil?" Lydia asked again, obviously refusing to let it go.

"She's just really overwhelmed with everything as I'm sure you understand quite well. She's been holding a lot in. You know, about how she feels about her parents and everything. I think she just needed to have a moment," he whispered quickly but I could tell something was a bit off about him. There was something fishy about the situation.

Honestly, I didn't want to let it go either and I knew Phil well enough to know he was leaving something out of his explanation. "A moment?" I asked, my brows furrowed together. I opened my mouth to continue but the sight of Carmen rounding the corner into the kitchen stopped me from pressing on. "Of silence for all of the guys' who never got to see either of you naked," I wiggled my eyebrows, glancing from Lydia and over to Carmen.

Looking at her, it was very obvious that she had been crying. I'm glad Phil told us not to say anything because I would have. Though, I probably would have said something horrific. Like, "Did Phil fuck you so hard he made you cry cum tears?"

"Uhh, sorry for the lack of clothing," Lydia laughed and looked down at herself before looking at Carmen again. "We didn't hear the tv anymore so we thought you two were asleep or something."

"Or something," she responded half smiling before she moved around Lydia and I and into the kitchen, doing the same exact thing Lydia had done. Stand on her tiptoes trying to reach the top shelf where the glasses were at. "Don't worry about it though. I'm certain we look exactly alike naked."

"Why did you even put things up there?" I laughed as I followed behind her and pulled four of them down for her. "You know you can't reach it."

Carmen tilted her head before shaking it. "I honestly have no explanation," she shrugged. "Thanks," she took one of the glasses from me and moved over to the counter to grab one of the bottles of wine sitting on it. "I didn't hear you guys this time," she looked over her shoulder at me and then over at Lydia. "Just throwing that out there."

"The hand over mouth technique works wonders," Lydia replied, grinning at her and then at me.

"Oh God," Phil spoke up, sounding disgusted. "I don't want to hear about Dan sex."

"I heard about Phil sex and Carmen heard about Dan sex," Lydia informed him before sticking her tongue out at him.

"I was almost shocked by that and then I realized that it should be expected so I'm not shocked," Phil laughed, shaking his head. "But I don't think anything you two talk about involving our sex with you could be any more strange than the fact that we both know what you two look like naked."

"Truth," Carmen spoke up before leaning her head back and finishing off an entire glass of wine in one swig. "Ah," she smacked her lips like she was refreshed before she started pouring herself a second, though she didn't chug it down, or even take a drink, but went around to each of us to fill up our glasses.

"I think it could be more strange," I chimed in as she poured my wine. "What if Phil and I knew what each other looked like naked?"

"Ew. Go sit in the corner and think about what you just said," Carmen responded sounding serious even though she was obviously making a joke.

"Dan, you have got to stop checking the Phan tag. Seriously," Lydia told me before taking a sip of her wine.

"Yes. Please, I'm begging you to stop," Phil chimed in looking quite distraught.

"Yeah, I dunno why I said that," I shook my head and sat my wine glass down on the counter since we were all huddled around in the kitchen. "We should record this. The four of us hanging out, I mean. I need to update my side channel since I haven't since the Supernote thing last year," I offered. We needed to do something and I could tell Carmen might need a bit of a distraction from whatever it was that she had been so upset about.

"That's actually a good idea. I'll go get my camera," she spoke up before walking around me and out of the kitchen.

"I'll go get some pants," Lydia followed behind her, "and a shirt for you," she said before casually rubbing my nipple as she walked by.

After they walked out, Phil picked up his glass of wine and downed it in one gulp before picking up the wine bottle and pouring another glass. It was obvious that someone was feeling a bit...stressed?

"Don't look at me like that," he told me before taking another long sip. "I know both of you are just dying to peck at me until you get me to spill on what's wrong with Carmen but I can't. Not in front of Lydia anyway."

I looked to my left and then to my right before looking back at Phil with my head tilted. "Well, I don't see Lydia," I stated, picking my glass up and bringing it to my lips to take another drink. "What's going on? You look like you're about to have a nervous breakdown over there."

"My reason for looking like I'm having a nervous breakdown isn't the Lydia part. That's just an extension of the whole thing," he whispered quickly before plastering a huge smile on his face.

"Here," Lydia said as she walked in. She was wearing her own shirt now and handed me mine. "I would've let you wear one of my shirts but I doubt you wanna show everyone your tummy and happy trail though I'm sure that it would give me ladies some fapping material for a few eternities."

"I've shown my happy trail," Phil replied. "Am I good fap material?"

"You're the best fap material," I heard Carmen say just before she reappeared in the kitchen. Obviously she had heard what he had said- and oh wow, she was even smiling now.

She handed me her camera bag and I moved over to the counter so that I could open it up and get it ready to start filming. Once I had it on and sat it and top of her microwave and stared into it. "Hello internet," I smiled. "I'm hanging out with Phil at CallmeCarmen's house and as we don't have much else to do, I decided we should do a bit of filming to prove to you guys once again how Dan really is not interesting." I did a quick little intro and picked the camera up and turned it around, pointing it at Lydia. "That looks like Carmen doesn't it? BUT IT'S NOT!" I said dramatically. "It's Lydia. Say hi, Lydia."

"Hi Lydia!" she laughed while waving at the camera.

"Somehow I knew that was coming. Either that or you were going to use Carmen's accent instead of your own," Phil spoke.

I turned the camera towards him. "Phil, say cunt," I said, zooming in on his mouth.

"Country," he smirked before taking a sip of his wine.

Lydia gasped loudly. "Oh shit. Phil is drinking alcohol. Oh my God. Oh holy fuck. Let me go make a tumblr post about it." She pretended to type on an invisible keyboard. "Holy shit, you guys. Did you see Phil drinking in Dan's new video? I CAN'T BELIEVE IT! He's so innocent. I think it's a sign that he and Dan got married and are on their honeymoon. The twins were their bridesmaids."

I started cracking up as I filmed Lydia, Carmen sliding into shot with her. "Phan is such a real ship. That's why they're doing their honeymoon on a Carnival cruise. OMG, PHAN HONEYMOON PHANFIC IDEA!" she shrieked while acting like she was stealing Lydia's insivible keyboard before she started smashing her hands against it. "Dan n Phl was about to have hot buttsex then their ship hit an iceberg n Phan were kill."

Lydia put one hand on Carmen's shoulder while dramatically groping at her own chest above her heart. "My feels! I can't. I can't," she said while shaking her head around like a crazy person.

"There's more!" Carmen grabbed her shoulders and started shaking Lydia. "Before da Phan ship sank Dan got Phl pregnant with an asshole baby who came out of Phl's forehead birthing area," she let go of her and pretended to start typing again. "The ship was overrun by ass pirates who rescued their love child. Phil got emo and started cutting and Dan got cancer and their baby had ambiguous genitalia and so they gave it up for adoption but then 20 years later Dan met his son and he didn't know it was his son and they started dating but then Phil told him and they had a 3some. The end."

I tried to speak, but how was I supposed to speak when I couldn't even breathe? I literally could not stop laughing at the fuckery that had just come out of their mouths.

Phil was laughing so hard I was worried that he was going to pop a vein or something. He was holding onto the edge of the counter and attempting to catch a breath.

Lydia had lost her shit as well so I'm thankful that Carmen spoke loudly enough for her amazing story to be heard over our laughing. "That is the only Phan shipping fan fiction that I, Phil Lester, will ever approve of," he told us as he wiped tears from the corner of his eyes.

"I think you should actually write it and post it to fanfiction . net," Lydia told Carmen, still laughing as she spoke. "We can name it and make banners for it and everything."

"I second that notion, Carmen," I told her once I could actually produce words. "That was amazing."

Carmen pulled the ends of her shirt out and did a little curtsy for the camera. "I'm going to name it Phantanic: The voyage of the butthole baby."

"Marry me. Please," Phil laughed while placing his hands over his heart and looking at Carmen with a swoony expression on his face.

"This video is totally gonna cause a shit storm and I'm going to laugh quite hard at it," Lydia said as she hopped onto the kitchen counter then picked up her wine again.

I rolled my eyes at the thought of all hell breaking loose when or even if I ever posted this. "Well, if there's going to be a shit storm-" I paused to turn the camera around on myself, "-it might as well be a good one." I leaned in towards Lydia and kissed her without warning.

"Oh my God, Dan just kissed Lydia to cover up Phan again!" I heard Carmen remark in an unnaturally high-pitched voice.

Lydia giggled against my lips as she wrapped her arms around my mid-section and kissed me back. "If that is what covering up Phan involves then I'd totally be into it," she told me when she broke the kiss.

"I'm hungry," Phil whined out of bloody nowhere.

I looked over my shoulder at him to give him my best what the fuck face. "And I thought _I _was the one with an eating issue. You literally just ate an hour ago," I shook my head and turned to point the camera at him. "You might want to slow down. You're getting up there in age, Phil."

Carmen burped and when I looked over at her I saw that she was pouring herself another glass of wine. I was going to make a comment about the drinking but opted against it since she had something going on that Phil wouldn't- or couldn't- share. "We could make brownies," she offered as she sat the bottle back down. "That's about the only thing I have all of the ingredients for."

At the mention of brownies my stomach growled loudly and a I let out a quick, "Damn it." I couldn't talk badly about Phil, obviously.

"Jesus, Dan," Lydia laughed, her hand rubbing my stomach. "We just ate a ton of food. How can you be hungry already?"

"We're growing boys," Phil informed her as he opened Carmen's fridge to go on a search for food even though she just said she didn't have anything. "Is it too late to order anything? SO. HUNGRY."

I was very glad I was filming this, because I'm pretty sure people thought I was the whiney tit in mine and Phil's friendship.

"Pizza hut is still open," Carmen spoke up while looking down at her phone. "I'll order you a pizza." She looked up from the screen at Phil and grinned before she pressed a kiss against his lips.

"What about me?" I sounded offended. "I'm hungry too."

"No, I'm ordering a pizza for Phil and you can't have any, Dan," she laughed and rolled her eyes then glanced over at Lydia. "Do you want anything?"

"Ummmmm. A large pepperoni and mushroom pizza. Pan crust," she nodded before laying her head against my chest.

"You are aware that people are going to want to burn you at the stake, right?" Phil asked Lydia while he peered over Carmen with his chin propped on the top of her head.

"You are aware that people are going to want to do the same to Carmen, right?" she laughed. "I'm not going to hide anything," she shrugged. "If people want to hate me for this," she leaned back and pointed from me to her, "then let them. I'm not going to let it bother me."

"They'll just crop our heads out and replace them with theirs," Carmen gestured between Phil and I with one hand as she brought the phone up to her ear with the other. "Which is weird. Dan's head will be on my body and people will be imaging that Phil's got his dick in his- hello? Yeah, I need to make an order. For delivery," Carmen put her hand on her face while I started laughing at what the person on the phone got to hear.

"I wonder how much that person just heard," Lydia laughed. "I bet they're super confused or scared now."

I glanced back over at Phil and Carmen to see that while Carmen was attempting to order the food, Phil was still standing behind her holding her boobs and moving them up and down like he was making them dance or something.

Again, I was glad this was getting filmed, although, I'm not sure I was actually going to use any of that little scene... even though it would be funny. To me anyways.

I stood between Lydia's legs and turned the camera off just before Carmen got off of the phone, figuring I could record more once the food came. "So I'm guessing we're spending the night here?" I stated more so than asked as I looked over at Phil and Carmen, who was now helping Phil feel her boobs up.

"Yes," Lydia answered my question as she wrapped her legs around me and latched onto me. "You cannot leave. I have declared it. Do you agree, sister?" Lydia turned to look at Carmen and let out a little squawk sounding noise. "What the hell are you two doing?" she laughed, finally noticing the boob groping going on.

Phil attempted to make up an excuse for what he was doing. "Um, I'm just making sure that they're warm?"

"Don't let him lie to you," Carmen looked at Lydia. "He's trying to turn me on. This is foreplay."

I blinked a few times before saying anything. "Mhmmm. And that works?"

She nodded. "Oh yeah. I'm squirting," she responded then leaned her head back to look up at Phil. "Are you ready to play lion attack by the waterhole?"

I blurted out, "What the fuck," before I started laughing.

"I bet I can get it wet enough to make it live up to that name," Phil commented.

"Oh my God. Where am I right now?" Lydia asked, pulling herself closer to me like she was afraid. "I thought we were the scary horny ones."

"I bet you already did," Carmen responded to Phil.

"Jesus, Carmen. I thought you getting the D would calm you down," I leaned back like I was scared that she was going to attack me or something. "You're like some sort of sexual predator."

"I'm like the cookie monster. The D Monster," she started rolling her eyes and crossing them. "D. D. D. D. D. D. I want the D! Om nom nom nom!"

"Oh snap. You two better be careful. I have no D so I don't have to worry. She looks pretty serious though," Lydia said as she watched Carmen.

"Why the hell would I run from a D monster?" Phil asked. "She can have my D. I'll gladly hide it in her box."

"You created a D monster, Phil. How do you feel about this?" Lydia asked.

"Proud. Very, very proud," he smirked.

I looked down at Lydia expectantly, "And what have I done to you?"

She tilted her head as she looked up at me with a cute grin. "What haven't you done to me?"


	14. MAYDAY MAYDAY

Carmen's POV 

Nervous. I am so nervous.

Deep breaths, Carmen. Deep, calming breaths.

"Ugh! Lydia, I'm not sure I can do this," I whined as I wrapped my arms around myself.

Lydia and I were on our way over to Dan and Phil's flat. Phil had called me earlier that day asking me if I could come over so we could see each other and catch up, since we hadn't been able to really hang out or even talk that much in the last couple of weeks.

He'd been really busy with the BBC radio show that he and Dan had started doing at the beginning of the month, plus he still had his channel to keep up with and little side projects he was doing with other Youtubers.

The last time I saw him I had basically had a bit of an emotional breakdown on him... It's so weird but I feel like that brought us closer together than having sex with him did.

He already meant a lot to me, but being able to open up to him about all of the things over the adoption and how I felt about it was just different. I'd never really had any kind of emotional connection like that with anyone.

He just held me and listened to me cry for hours and that meant so much to me. I already knew that I could trust him, but being able to be open about those kinds of feelings made me realize I could be open with him with other feelings too.

So, that's why I had decided that I was going to fell him how I felt about him.

Yes. After all of these years of keeping it bottled up inside, I was going to tell Phil that I was in love with him.

Now do you see why I'm so bloody nervous?!

"What if it scares him? I mean, we've only been together for a little over a month. What if it's just too soon?"

I had been so sure of now being the perfect time to tell him, but I was having second thoughts.

Hell, I was having third and fourth thoughts. I just didn't want to screw things up between us. He meant the world to me and I didn't want to lose him because he thought I was being overbearing or clingy.

Lydia reached over and pried one of my arms away from myself since I was still hugging myself like a crazy person. She linked her fingers with mine and smiled over at me. "Sweetie, he is like head over heels for you. It's so damn obvious. I don't think that it's too soon or anything. If he's not thrilled over the news then he's crazy."

I tilted my head as I studied her while she was talking to me. Something had seemed off about her since we got back from my parents' house. She wasn't quite as peppy as usual but I figured it was just because of the mental overload of everything we'd been through.

"Are you okay?" I decided to just ask because I hadn't before. I don't know.. I mean I know she's my sister and all of that, but I didn't want to pry and make her feel like I was trying to get in her business. "You've been acting... weird."

"Huh?" she seemed shocked by the question for a second. "Oh, I'm okay," she shrugged. "I just have felt mentally drained lately. Like days and days of not being able to wrap my head around everything happening," she sighed. "But I'm just going to focus on your happy stuff today," she squeezed my hand and smiled up at me. "You know I ship you guys so hard," she laughed.

For a total of thirty seconds I didn't feel like I was going to start hyperventilating. But then she mentioned Phil again.

"I know you do... And he obviously ships it too but," I stopped and groaned. "It doesn't make me any less terrified to tell him. Feelings are so scary. And these particular feelings have just been brewing in the depths of my chest crevices for years. I'm honestly shocked that they haven't just spilled out by now," I laughed. "I just hope that he'll be okay with it and not freak out. I mean could you imagine someone telling you they've been in love with you for years? I feel like he's just going to run the fuck away."

She took a deep breath and shook her head. "Dude, I can't even imagine. Love is so bizarre and scary to me. It's something I have like no experience with and literally makes me want to shit my pants when I think about it," she laughed. "But you are so amazing and strong. You can do this. You deserve to finally let it out and tell him after so long."

Cue another guilt trip.

After having that breakdown on Phil, I had been trying even harder to get closer to Lydia; but everything still felt the same between us. Like she was just some random person who had been tossed into my life.

It was easier to talk to her now, after getting everything off of my chest, and of course hearing Phil tell me that I wasn't supposed to just have some instant bond with her. This was real life, not some movie on Lifetime.

However, I still felt bad that I didn't have that kind of connection with her.

"You're absolutely right," I stated after going silent for a few seconds.

She was right. I could do this, even though it was scary.

I had already been through so much. Especially as of late, with finding out about being adopted and the fact that I had a sister and possibly an entire other family out there somewhere.

If I could deal with all of that, I could tell Phil how I felt about him.

"But I think I need some coffee first," I linked my arm through hers and started towards the Starbucks that was just up ahead.

I guess I was trying to delay our trip to their flat a bit. There was a little line inside, which I was thankful for, however the baristas seemed to working at an unbelievably fast pace this afternoon, making the line shorten much quicker than usual.

"Trying to get some caffeinated courage?" she asked, laughing as she patted my arm. "Poor thing. I'd do it for you if I could pull of pretending to be you well enough."

That was the most brilliant thing I'd ever heard and I was really considering letting her pretend to be me. "I think you could get away with it, honestly, if Phil couldn't tell us apart so well," I laughed. "It's still kind of weird that he can. I think he's only gotten us mixed up once."

The barista called for us to come forward and we ordered four caramel macchiatos and I got Phil a cookie, because I know how much he liked theirs, and well, sweets in general.

The trip to their flat from that point was really short. Too short. There wasn't a wait for the lift to come down, which was rare. It usually took ages.

When we got to their flat, Lydia and I both looked at each other again. She grinned at me reassuringly and I took a deep breath before I balled my fist up and knocked on the door.

Dan answered it and moved to the side so we could come in.

"You guys got Starbucks?! That's so mean," he pouted, looking down at Lydia with his bottom lip poking out.

"We got you guys some too," Lydia laughed as she handed Dan his Starbucks cup. "We're not that evil."

I noticed that Phil was on the couch so I darted towards it. Seeing him didn't really make me _more_ nervous - but excited because I had missed him so much.

"Hi there," Phil smiled at me as he stood up from the couch.

"Hey!" I flung my arms around him, hugging him as I pressed a kiss against his lips. "I got you a caramel macchiato and a cookie," I informed him before pecking his lips again. "Also, I missed you." I gave him another peck and pulled away so that I could give him his drink and snack.

He wrapped his arms around me and hugged me back but when I pulled back he had the strangest look on his face. He sort of looked sad. I'd never seen him look at me like that before.

"Thank you," he said as he took them from me. "Um. Do you want to go to my room for a bit?" he asked, motioning towards the hall with his coffee.

Sex!

Yes!

Well, maybe not sex first. Or should we have sex first and then I let him know that I'm in love with him?

I glanced over at Lydia for a second and she grinned at me and nodded, and I looked back at Phil. "Yeah, of course I do." I smiled at him and then followed behind him to his bedroom.

I moved around him while he shut his door and went and sat down on his bed. I sat my drink down on the nightstand beside it and started unzipping my jacket to get a little more comfortable.

"How have you been?" I asked as I pulled it off of my arms. "I feel like I haven't seen you in ages," I sighed, looking up at him.

He still had that strange look on his face.

"I've been alright," he answered while adjusting his hair. "Just really, really busy. I didn't know the radio show would change our schedules this much. How have you been? You look well."

Okay, not only did he have an off look, but he didn't sound right either.

"I've been alright," I shrugged. "Missing you like mad," I grinned and patted the empty spot beside me. "Come sit down. I want to love on you. You look like you could use it," I laughed. "The radio show is awesome and I'm so happy for you, but yeah, the schedule is crap."

He brought his hand up to the side of his face and rubbed his cheek as he looked towards the window. "Carmen, I need to talk to you about something."

"Okay..." I shifted around on his bed. "There's something I wanted to talk to you about too," I cleared my throat. "Can you please sit down though? You're making me really nervous standing there like that."

He took a deep breath before finally moving and sitting down on the bed. He was on the edge of the end of it though, while I was closer to his headboard. "Do you want to go first?" he asked.

I started feeling really nervous again, and it's not because of what I had to tell him. It was because of how he was acting. "I can wait," I told him, looking at him with my head tilted. "What's going on? You're scaring me."

"Carmen," his voice was low and sounded so off. "This isn't working anymore." He motioned between us with his hand. "I'm busy all the time and never have time for you. You're going through so much and you need someone who can be there for you. Me staying like this with you is selfish. You deserve more."

My heart stopped then started to sink and I felt like I was going to throw up.

"W-what?" I stared at him as I tried to process what he had just said. Was he - was he - breaking up with me? "No.. Phil," I crawled towards him and reached for his hand. "I understand that you're busy. I do. And you've been there for me more than anyone else. You don't have to do this. I promise, it's okay with me."

He shook his head and he had the most devastating look on his face. His hand grabbed mine and he squeezed it as he looked up at me. "It's not okay with me though. You're amazing. So amazing," he sighed as he picked my hand up and pressed it against his cheek before kissing my palm. "But I just can't be what you need. I'm not right for you."

_No. No. No. No._ This cannot be happening.

"But.. you're everything that I need," my vision blurred as tears collected in them and started rolling down my cheeks. "You're perfect for me... Please, don't do this. I- I-" I couldn't bring myself to finish what I had come here to tell him, but started crying instead. "Please, just, don't. We'll figure it out." I moved our hands to my chest, holding them there tightly as I pressed a kiss against his knuckles. "Please, Phil."

His head was down but I saw a tear slip off of his cheek and onto the leg of his jeans before he quickly wiped it away. He gently pulled his hand away from mine and looked up at me again with tear filled eyes. "I'm so sorry," he whispered shaking his head. "I know that you're going to hate me after this and the thought of that absolutely kills me," he said as he put his hand over his heart and took in a deep breath again. "But this is what is best for you. Trust me."  
He stood up from the bed and looked over at me like it would be the last time he would ever see me. "The past few weeks with you have been some of the best of my life and the selfish part of me is going to hate myself for letting you go."

"Then don't let go. You don't have to do this," I cried, desperation obviously high in my croaking voice. "_Please_ don't do this."

He didn't respond, he just looked at me with sad eyes before turning away.

He walked to the door and opened it quickly then stepped out and shut it behind him.

I stared at the empty space where he had been standing without blinking, tears building up in my eyes so much that the entire room I was a spinning blur.

I felt nothing, but everything all at once. Numbness had spread through me so quickly and was so powerfully crippling that I couldn't move, yet there was this unexplainable ache in my chest that grew just as rapidly.

Watching him walk away was like being given an anesthetic that didn't take away pain; but left me cold and lifeless. Unable to move and barely breathing, while feeling the agony that coursed throughout my entire body as the realization set in.

He was gone.

Dan's POV 

_Meanwhile _

I was being relatively quiet this afternoon but I had a lot on my mind. It seemed to be that way for everyone, actually. Phil had been acting weird all morning and not saying a lot.

Lydia was here now, and she too was being really quiet, sitting on the couch, sipping her coffee and paying a lot of attention to the tele.

It was just us two now, as Phil and Carmen had gone into Phil's room. Hopefully she could cheer him up, because he seemed to be really down for some reason.

I was very nervous, which wasn't something that happened often. Maybe that's why it was so intense. When my nerves got worked up, they got really, really worked up.

I couldn't even enjoy my tasty Starbucks macchiato, because my mind was all over the place.

I sat my drink down on the coffee table and turned my attention to Lydia. I studied the side of her face for a few seconds before I scooted over towards her. She had been acting really strange since we'd gotten back to London from being in the north over Christmas and New Years, and I had no idea why.

I'd tried asking her, but she kept being very vague with her responses, just telling me that she felt off and overwhelmed. Which is understandable given everything she'd been going through with Carmen and her parents.

But I thought that she would at least want to talk about it. Apparently I thought wrong.

"Can I steal your attention for a little while?" I asked as I scooted in towards her even more and put my arm around her shoulders. "I'm starting to get jealous of the tele," I laughed, leaning in to kiss her. "I've missed you, by the way. It's been odd not being able to see you everyday."

She smiled against my lips and brought her hand up to the side of my face. "I've missed you too," she replied, rubbing her thumb over my dimple like she did so often.

I grinned at her and sighed happily. When she smiled at me like that, and touched me like that, it was so calming... Perhaps even a bit too calming. "That's good," I pecked her lips again and then pulled back so I could see her face. "Also, I think I'm, um.." I paused and laughed. "I think I'm falling in love with you."

I just blurted it out because if I didn't, it wouldn't get said and being the honest person that I am, I wanted her to know.

I heard her breath catch in her throat and her eyes got wide. "What?" she whispered and then slowly started shaking her head. "No. No, Dan," she said as she pulled away from me and put her head in her hands. "Oh my God," she whispered before raising her head up again and I could see that there were tears streaming down her face and her hands were shaking. She looked over at me and started crying harder. "_You_ cannot love me," she shook her head. "I am so-" she paused while holding her hand up in the air "so completely fucked up," she laughed humorlessly. "I'm so stupid," she said as she stood up from the couch while running her fingers through her hair.

I was a little in shock by her reaction, but I stood up too and closed the space between us. "What?" I said quietly as I put my hands on her shoulders, pulling her in against my chest. "You're not stupid... and you're not fucked up. You're-" I paused, trying to think of a word that summed her up. "Amazing," I looked down at her.

She let me hold her for a few seconds and then pulled away while shaking her head again. "I am not amazing. I am so completely flawed and not in the cute loveable way or whatever," she told me, still crying as she spoke. "I don't even know how to love anyone. I have no idea of what it means. I've never felt it. I've never said it and really meant it." She started crying harder as she stared up at me. "I am stupid because I have let this go on and didn't think that something like this could happen. I truly did not think someone like you could really love me." She put her hand over her heart and a sob escaped her throat that visibly shook her body. "I'm so wrong for you. You need someone wonderful and who has a fucking heart. Someone like my sister."

"Lydia," I sighed, stepping towards her, but keeping a little bit of a distance, because I didn't want her to run away from me. I wanted to grab her up and hold her because seeing her like this was heartbreaking. "I didn't mean to upset you," I whispered. "Please, don't say things like that. You are amazing, and you've got a great heart. A beautiful mind.. We're all flawed, that's what makes you so beautiful.. I didn't expect you to say it back to me, I just wanted to tell you, because you deserve to know the truth, and that's the truth. I'm falling in love with you. All of you... I know it's scary for you. I know how you grew up, what you're going through now.. but, I can teach you how to love," I slowly reached out towards her and pressed my palm against her cheek. "You don't have to be afraid."

She closed her eyes and her bottom lip trembled as she nuzzled her cheek against my hand. But before she could reply the sound of a door opening and footsteps down the hall interrupted us.

We both looked over to see Phil walking down the hallway. I had to stare at him for a second to be sure of what I was seeing. He looked like he had been crying.

"I'll be back later," he mumbled while walking as fast as he could towards the door not even bothering to grab his jacket.

"Oh God," Lydia whispered while looking towards the hallway. "Carmen?" she called out as she pulled away from me and began making her way towards Phil's room.

I followed behind her. It hadn't really occurred to me that Carmen might be upset until I heard Lydia say her name. My mind was too foggy. I had too many things to process at once, with Lydia's reaction and the sight of Phil.

I heard a loud sob, one that sounded just like Lydia's, only it wasn't her, it was Carmen.

I stood at Phil's door and my heart sank further at the sight of Carmen sitting on Phil's bed. I couldn't even see her face, because it was buried against her knees but the sight of her shaking body along with the cries coming out of here were more than enough to break anyone's heart.

Lydia paused in the middle of the room and stared at her for a second. "Carmy, what happened?" she asked in the most sad sounding voice as she crossed the room and sat on the bed. She wrapped her arms around Carmen and forced her to unwrap her own from her knees so she could hold her.

Carmen shook her head as she lifted it; her face was scrunched up, red, and covered in tears. "He-he- broke up-" she let out another loud sob and moved her hands to cover her face, "-with me."

I moved over to the bed and sat down on the other side of her, unsure of what to do or say to her. I pulled my phone out of my pocket and sent Phil a text message asking him what the hell had happened, though I wasn't really expecting to get a reply from him.

"Oh my God," Lydia gasped staring at her in disbelief. Both of them had tear stained cheeks and just looked like complete emotional messes sitting there.

I was so bloody confused.

"I'm so sorry," Lydia said as she pulled her in for a hug and kissed the side of her head. "Why in the world would he do something like that? He acted like he was so happy with you? This makes absolutely no sense."

"I don't know," she cried and shook her head. "He just said it wasn't working and- and- he didn't have time for me and- that it wasn't fair- and-" another really loud sob came out causing her voice to croak. "I feel like I can't breathe. It hurts so- bad. I- I love him, Lydia and he- he just- he's gone and I tried get him to stay but he wouldn't listen. He left.. He's gone and- and it hurts."

I'd never seen her like this. I'm not sure I had seen anyone like this before, honestly. It was like she couldn't control herself at all.

"I should-" Carmen's breath caught in her throat, "I-I can't be here right now and- I just want to leave. Can we- can we please just go?" She asked Lydia without looking at her. "Will you come with me? I-I don't want to be alone."

"Of course I will," Lydia said without hesitation. She got up from the bed and grabbed Carmen's jacket before helping her put it on and then helping her get off of the bed. "Come on. We'll just get a cab so we don't have to walk to the tube and be around people," she told her as she reached up and wiped some of the tears away from Carmen's cheeks.

"I'm really sorry," I spoke up as I stood up from the bed and followed them out of Phil's room and down the hall. "I don't know what's gotten into him, but I'll see if I can find out for you."

Carmen shook her head then looked up at me and wiped her face. "Don't bother," she sniffled. "I know you don't want to be in the middle of it, it's okay. He just-" she was speaking fine until she started to mention Phil. Her voice croaked and she started crying again as I pulled her against my chest to give her a hug.

I patted her back as I looked at Lydia. I hated to be selfish but I really wanted to finish our conversation. Of course I knew that it couldn't happen. She needed to be with Carmen now more than ever.

"I'll call you later?" I offered as I opened the door for them.

"Yeah," she nodded without looking at me as she slipped her jacket on. Once she was at the door she stopped in the doorway and turned around looking up at me again. There were tears in her eyes and she was biting her bottom lip.

Out of nowhere she stepped forward and stood on her tip toes to hold my face and press her lips against mine. "I'm so sorry," she whispered so softly I barely heard her before she let go of me and walked out the door.

I watched as she disappeared down the hallway.

I don't know how I knew it; perhaps it was how she touched me and how she looked at me when she said that she was sorry.. but I knew I had lost her.

Phil's POV

I don't know how long I'd been walking. I knew that my face, fingers, and toes were numb though. It was getting dark and I was starting to feel so bloody tired emotionally as well as physically.

I spotted a bench a few feet away and made my way over to it to sit down.

What the hell had I done? I must have been completely mental.

No. No, I wasn't. What I did was right. It was horrible to hurt her so badly but it had to be done because if I didn't then she would have been much more hurt later on.

No matter how hard I tried I couldn't get that look of pure devastation she had on her face out of my head or the way she sounded when she begged me not to end things. It made me want to throw up because it hurt so badly.

It felt like someone had ripped part of me out of my chest. Nothing felt right anymore. It had only been a few hours and I already felt completely lost without her.

My phone vibrated in my pocket and I sighed as I reached into it to see who it was. I had been ignoring it since I left.

Several texts were from Dan asking where the fuck I was and if I had lost my mind. One was from Lydia saying we needed to talk as soon as possible.

Nothing had come from Carmen and I wasn't really shocked by that. I knew I would probably never see her name flash across my screen again.

Finally, I decided to make my way back to the flat. I took a bus instead of walking. I'd managed to make it at least 4 miles away from there and I didn't have the energy to walk back.

I was really not looking forward to whatever Dan would have to say to me when I walked in.

I stopped in front of the door and sighed as I leaned my forehead against it while trying to mentally prepare myself for him to rip me a new asshole. Carmen was his best friend and he'd threatened me before about hurting her. I hoped I didn't manage to fuck up mine and his friendship along with everything with Carmen.

I unlocked the door and walked inside. The kitchen was dark and I peeked into the living room. Dan was sitting on the couch with his arms folded and his head leaned back against the wall. The volume on the tv was barely loud enough to hear.

I walked in without saying anything and sat on the chair across from the couch. "I know you're probably pissed off at me right now but please believe me when I tell you that I had real reasons. I needed to keep her from getting hurt anymore."

Dan uncrossed his arms and held his hand up without looking at me. "I don't have the energy to scream at you right now, Phil," he informed me. "And I certainly don't have the energy to hear your rubbish excuses for what you did to her." He finally looked over at me. "I just hope you're happy with yourself, because I've never seen someone look so destroyed."

Once again it felt like someone had ripped something from my chest. I had to try very, very hard not to just cry because honestly that's all I wanted to do.

"No. I hate myself for it. I'm a piece of shit and I know that. I just hope you don't hate me for it. I hope you can just trust me and know I had a real reason for doing what I did." I kicked my shoes off and sighed as I rubbed my hand down my face. "I'm sure Lydia isn't too thrilled with me either."

"You should," he replied simply. "And you are, but no, I don't hate you," he said then looked away. "I'm sure you have a great reason for doing it," I could see him roll his eyes before he glanced back over at me when I mentioned Lydia. "Well that makes two of us that she isn't thrilled with then."

"What?" I asked completely caught off guard by what he said about Lydia. "Why would she not be thrilled with you? She adores you."

"Because I told her that I'm falling in love with her, that's why," he said sounding agitated. "She must adore me just as much as you adore Carmen, because when I told her, she wasn't too happy about it."

I know my eyes were probably as big as saucers. I had never known Dan to say he was in love with anyone. He was so bloody picky. But, I was too so I couldn't say much about that.

And I'd finally gotten the perfect girl and completely fucked it up.

Oh look! Another wave of self hate smashing into my face.

"She wasn't too happy about it?" I asked sounding as shocked as I was. "Dan, that doesn't make any sense. It's very obvious that she's in love with you. Have you ever seen the look on her face when you walk into a room? It's like a 5 year old just walked into the bloody North Pole or something."

I could tell he was trying not to smile; usually he couldn't force his grins away, but apparently right now he was upset enough to do so. He sighed loudly as he looked over at me, shaking his head. "Shut up, Phil," he groaned and rolled his eyes. "You didn't see her when I told her and you didn't hear the things she was saying to me.. She's gone. I've lost her," he shrugged.

I'd never seen Dan look so devastated.

"Wow." I was honestly astonished. I realized then that I hadn't spent a lot of time with Lydia since all of us had started these relationships. It had been a long time since we sat and talked like we did when we first met. Now I was wishing that wasn't how things were because maybe I'd have some insight into what the hell was going on.

"Well, this has ended up being the day from hell," I sighed as I laid my head back against the couch and closed my eyes. "I am sorry that happened though," I told him as I looked over at him again. "Maybe you haven't lost her. Maybe she was just overwhelmed or something. I mean, her entire life has been turned upside down. I can't imagine what's going on in her head or..." I stopped speaking because I couldn't even bring myself to say her name out loud.

"Maybe," Dan shrugged. "Or maybe not. I don't bloody know. None of it makes any sense to me. All of the signs were there that she might have felt the same way. Cute text messages, hanging out with me all the time, having sex with me," he scoffed. "But then again," he paused and shifted his eyes over to me before he moved to stand up. "I'm sure Carmen wasn't expecting what you did to her. Neither of us saw this coming," he laughed dryly as he moved around the couch and into the kitchen, reappearing a few seconds later with two bottles of beer.

He chucked one at me then sat down and sighed loudly.

Wow. Dan was really good at guilt trips. I totally deserved it though.

"I'm sure she didn't," I replied as I opened my beer. "But I'm also sure that Lydia had a damn good reason for reacting to you the way she did just like I had a good reason for doing what I did."

"Oh yeah, you had a damn good reason, I'm sure," he said sarcastically before taking a swig of his beer. "It's so bloody good that you can't disclose it, right?" he looked at me with his head tilted, a faint fake smile on his face. "I figured so. But hey, it's not like you have to explain yourself to her or anything. I'm sure she'd be much better off believing the bullshit excuse you gave her about being busy."

Okay, he was being an asshole. I didn't quite think it was entirely because of what I had done though.

Dan sighed again and his head fell back against the couch. "That was mean. Sorry. I'm just not in the best mood."

I took a sip of my beer and shrugged. "I deserved it."

I can't begin to tell you how much it sucked to have my best friend looking down on me and to know that I hurt someone who meant so much to me. I honestly felt like I deserved any sort of asshole behavior directed towards me because I was an asshole.

I didn't even want to imagine how shitty things were about to get. We'd gone for weeks as a little foursome. Other than the couple of weeks Dan and I had been working so much and barely had time to be around them, we'd been with the girls pretty much any time we had free time.

My phone started vibrating in my pocket and I nearly threw my beer across the room by flailing to get up and pull my phone out of my back pocket. My heart felt like it dropped out of my ass when I saw Carmen's name on the screen. I unlocked my phone to read the text and was immediately confused.

**PhidjiofjasfxXdfjisdoed-9**

Lydia's POV

"No, Carmen!" I squealed as I dove towards her and managed to grab her phone. "Sisters do not let sisters text while drunk!" I said as I held the phone above my head so she couldn't get it.

I looked up at the phone to see that in the process of getting the phone from her I'd managed to send Phil a lovely text of gibberish.

Oops.

"Bad Carmen!" I pointed at her and laughed as I slid her phone across the floor out of her reach.

"But," Carmen poked her bottom lip out at me as she collapsed back against the couch. "Lydiiiia. I miss him so much already. I just want to talk to him," she made a sad pitiful face before hiccuping. "What am I supposed to do? Just go on like the last month never happened?" Her face scrunched up and I thought she was going to start crying again.

No. No. No. No. I had finally got her to stop crying. She couldn't start doing that again.

"No!" I yelled as I crawled towards her. I panicked and I was drunk so the first thing that popped into my head to do was lift her shirt up and blow a raspberry on her stomach. I lifted my head up and grabbed her face. "You are supposed to go on like you're a fucking amazing person who deserves amazing things in life. You are supposed to learn from this bullshit and be better. You're supposed to keep making awesome videos and making awesome money because of your awesome videos. And you are supposed to keep hanging out with your twin sister," I grinned.

She giggled and flailed around then slowly stopped to listen to my drunk rambling. "Amazing things?" she tilted her head. "Phil is amazing. He's Amazing Phil," she grabbed the sides of her head as she shook it. "I'm going to keep hanging out with you.. You're my sister. I still can't believe I have a sister. One that looks just like me.. It's so weird. Everything is weird and everything sucks. Not you, because I like you.. But then again, I love Phil and he's-" he stopped and sighed as she pushed herself up off of the couch.

She stumbled across the living room over to the wall were our coats were hanging. She pulled down a hoodie that I knew wasn't hers and slid it over her head as she stumbled back towards where we were sitting, the ends of it draped around her knees.

"I just want to hug him again," she said quietly as she pulled the hood over her head then wrapped her arms around herself, inhaling deeply through her nose.

I felt like a total piece of shit. Here I was with a guy telling me he was in love with me and I'd flipped out on him like someone who belonged in a padded room and my sister was in emotional ruins over the guy she loved breaking up with her.

What the fuck was wrong with me?

I watched her as she basically cuddled with herself to feel close to Phil because that was his hoodie and I realized that I missed Dan. I wanted to be cuddling with him, kissing him, anything with him.

Was that love? Was I in love and didn't know?

Who the fuck even has to ask herself that question? I was such a fucking mess.

"Another shot?" I asked with a sigh as I picked up the tequila bottle.

Carmen looked up at me and untangled her arms from around herself to grab her glass off of the table and held it out for me to refill. "I'm sorry I stole you from Dan. I know you'd much rather be with him and not with me crying every other five minutes. Thank you for staying with me, though, it means a lot because I really don't want to be alone right now," she nodded and sniffled. "I hope this doesn't screw everything up."

"You're my sister. You come first and you always will," I said before bringing the bottle to my lips and taking a sip out of it. I decided the shot glass was pointless. "And I don't think Dan and I will be spending much time together anymore anyway. I guess the foursome is officially dead."

I don't know why the fuck I decided to say that but I instantly regretted it because it made me think of how much fun we all had together. I felt like we were some odd little family and it had just hit me that it was over.

I bit down on my lip because I felt it quivering and I felt that burning sensation you get in your eyes before you cry.

NO. No. No. No crying. This night is about Carmen. Calm down. Calm down.

"Why not? You two were getting so close," she said as she took the bottle from my hand and threw her head back to take a drink. Or a guzzle. She sat it down on the table and leaned back. "You can't tell him that I told you this because I was sworn to best friend secrecy but you're my sister right? He's so into you," she looked over at me and grinned. "I wish Phil was into me," she said then burped.

That set me off and I knew I couldn't hold it back. The tequila made it fly out of my face like word vomit.

"He is into me," I told her as I started to cry. "He told me he was in love with me tonight and I flipped the fuck out because I don't know what the fuck I'm doing," I threw my hands in the air and flailed my arms around. "I don't know what the fuck love feels like. He doesn't need to love someone like me. I'm like defective or something," I covered my face with my hands for a second before looking up at her again. "I feel like such an asshole. He wants me and I ran away and all you want is for Phil to want you. I'm such a fucking idiot. But so much is going on right now, ya know? I just found you and that's a very big deal and then I'm dealing with my parents keeping you from me and then I'm dealing with knowing that they made a fucking contract to keep you from me. It's like the only people who have ever loved me are people I feel like I don't even know anymore and I failed my last semester of law school and I'm in a whole other country and I don't know where to go or what to do." I finally finished rambling and took the tequila bottle before taking a long swig of it.

"He loves you?" she finally responded after staring at the side of my face with wide eyes. "Do you love him?" she asked as she pulled her knees against her chest and wrapped her arms around them, cuddling herself again.

"I don't know," I shook my head as I reached up to wipe my tears away. "I never thought he'd fall in love with me. I really didn't." I took a deep breath and exhaled loudly. "I'm so sorry. I know I sound like a totally crazy piece of shit to you right now. I shouldn't have said anything. You're dealing with enough."

"No you don't," she rested her chin on her knees. "We can be sad together. You've had to listen to me cry for hours now. It's only fair if I do the same," she sighed. "But the fact that you're crying at all means a lot if you think about it. I don't know how you feel, but right now I feel... lost?" she laughed weakly and her face contorted again and she sniffled, rubbing the side of her face against Phil's hoodie to wipe away the tear that had fallen from the corner of her eye. "And it's like I can't breathe, and there's this pain that nothing can take away. The only thing that makes me feel even the slightest bit better is thinking of being with him again," she swallowed hard. "But then I realize that won't ever happen and-" she started shaking her head and unwrapped her arms to press her hands against her face. "-it just starts hurting all over again."

Hearing her talk like that just devastated me more and a whole new wave of tears decided to come. I crawled over to her and sat next to her before wrapping an arm around her so that I could snuggle her against me. "I honestly think that he loves you," I told her, sniffling after I spoke. "I think things will work out. You two are too perfect for each other for it not to." I laid my cheek on the top of her head and sighed. "And until we figure all this shit out we've got each other to lean on and cry to. I don't care how many times you need to do it. I'm here for you. I wish I could take all your pain away. I hate seeing you like this."

"Why would he do this if he loves me?" she Shook her head as she cried. She got quiet and I could feel her body shaking as she started taking in a few deep, shaky breaths. "I wouldn't want you to. No one deserves to feel like this," she finally spoke again, wiping her face. "You're dealing with so much. I shouldn't even be adding my problems to it... And then on top of everything else, you've got the issues with Dan. I know I shouldn't say this, but you're so lucky... He loves you. That's such a rare thing to find.. That's what makes all of this so much harder, because when you love someone, you want to cling to those feelings but I know I need to figure out a way to let go. I just don't know how to.. I don't want to. I love him, Lydia. I just- I love him so much," she cried.

I was glad she couldn't see my face because I was breaking out with the ugly cry and managing to keep it pretty quiet. "I don't care if you add your problems to it," I managed to tell her through my crying. "This is part of what being sisters is about, right? Being there for each other no matter what. That's what's most important to me right now. And I am lucky."

I squeezed her harder and was basically clinging to her. It felt like I was actually in physical pain. I wanted so badly to be able to sort myself out right then and know for sure what to do. I needed to know what was right and not just for me but for Dan.

I also wanted to fix everything for Carmen and Phil. Something told me that I knew exactly why he had done what he did and if I was right, it could be fixed easily. I just needed to talk to him about it all.

There was no way that I was going to let my ship sink without a fight, dammit.


	15. CallmeBellaSwan

Carmen's POV

"Pleeeeease tell me?" Phil was laying on his side facing me, pulling his best pouty face.

I wasn't sure when he had arrived or what had started our conversation. I knew he hadn't been there long, though and that he had to go soon.

"I'm scared to."

"You know you can tell me anything, Carmen. I would never think anything but good of you."

"I know. I'm still scared though."

He wiggled closer and brushed my hair away from my face. "Would it help if I told you a secret first?"

"Yes."

I could also feel my heart starting to swell, warmness spreading through my chest and into my stomach; a certain comfort consuming me. I knew what he was about to say and I waited longingly to hear it.

His blue eyes studied my face as he inched in towards me. Soft lips lingered over mine, so close that I could feel their warmth and smell the familiar minitiness on his breath.

"I love you, Carmen."

* * *

He cupped my face, brushing his nose against mine. I knew he was about to kiss me and for some reason I felt like it was the first time.

Closing my eyes, I put my hand over his and whispered, "I love you, too, Phil."

* * *

My eyelids fluttered open and I smiled because he was smiling at me. But confusion slowly started to settle in because a heartbeat later, he was gone.  
My heart started to sink as I stared at where he had been laying. It wasn't that he was gone, but, that he had never been there at all.

_It was a dream._

* * *

**Phil Lester (amazingphil) Ive barely had any sleep and have tons of footage to edit. ugggh. **

**Phil Lester (amazingphil) time is suppose to help things get better. well, time needs to pass by faster**

**Phil Lester (amazingphil) the house is way too quiet these days...**

**Phil Lester (amazingphil) eating my feelings...again**

**Phil Lester (amazingphil) i should have just told you.**

I was laying on my couch nestled in the Totoro snuggie Phil had gotten me, holding my phone out as I scrolled through Phil's recent tweets.

It had been three weeks since we broke up and I still hadn't heard a word from him. I had resorted back to the days when we weren't friends, stalking his twitter, tumblr, and youtube, account trying to figure out what was going on in his life.

He hadn't made a video in almost a month, but apparently he'd finally started filming a new one. I wondered what it might have been about and my heart broke again because up until a couple of weeks ago, he would have been telling me all about his video ideas.

His tweets also broke my heart and confused me. I should have just told you? Was that directed at me? And if it was, what should he have told me? I didn't understand.

I hated the thought of him being upset, but I also found comfort in knowing I might not have been the only one who was heartbroken right now.

Why won't he just call me? Or text me? If he misses me like I miss him... Doesn't he know that I'd take him back in a heartbeat?

I went back to my homepage on twitter and started to compose a new tweet just as a new song started playing on my ipod.

I'd made 10 different pathetic playlists that I'd sat and listened to over and over again while I stuffed my face full of carbs and then cried.

That's all I had been doing. Eating and Crying.

The song I was listening to struck a nerve in me and I decided to tweet some of the lyrics, because they felt very fitting to my situation.

**Carmen Kensington (CallmeCarmen) I just want to tell you, it takes everything in me not to call you. And I wish I could just run to you, and I hope you know that every time I don't, I almost do. **

Yes. I had resorted to posting Taylor Swift lyrics on twitter. No, I am not ashamed.

I had also been reblogging the most pathetic things on tumblr. Loads of my followers were asking me what was wrong with me. I only answered one person and made it public that my "feels" had gotten ran over by a bus.

Other than that, though, I hadn't had any contact with anyone who watched my videos. I wasn't in the mood to talk to them. But I wasn't in the mood to talk to anyone.

The only person I wanted to speak to obviously didn't want to speak to me.

I'd even been quiet around Lydia, who hadn't left my side since Phil and I had broken up.

I just, I didn't know what to say to her, or to anyone.

I saw her walking around the couch from behind my phone so I pulled one of the earbuds away from my ear and sat my phone down incase she was going to try and talk to me. I mean, just because I didn't want to say anything didn't give me the right to ignore her.

She was going through a lot too; but honestly, she hadn't been too chatty either. She still wasn't sure what to do about Dan, and she still hadn't talked to him despite the fact that he did try to contact her.

I understood why, though.

"Hey sweetie," she said as she leaned over the back of the couch and hovered over me. "I'm going to head to the hotel to get some stuff. You wanna come with?" she asked as she shook her head so that her hair tickled my face.

I started laughing at her before I sighed and shook my head. "No. I just want to lay here and eat some more," I pointed towards the table where an assortment of food was sitting. From cookies, to crisps, to pizza, and two day old Chinese take out, to a pint of ice cream. "Thanks for the offer though."

"No problem," she smiled at me and didn't even judge me at all. "Do you want me to pick up anything while I'm out? I think we need more Mountain Dew and Dr Pepper and chips. I'll just go buy a bunch of shit," she laughed and leaned over the back of the couch again before kissing my forehead. "Call if you need me, sisterface."

"Same to you C-, Sis," I almost called her Carmen-Copy until I realized how fucking stupid that would have been. "Be careful out there. That place is scary," I laughed weakly at myself, referring to outside.

I don't even know what trees look like anymore.

"I know," she laughed as she walked towards the door. "I'm making sure to wear my shades because of that huge bright circle in the sky. Be back later!"

The door shut and it took a total of three seconds of being alone for my eyes to start burning.

I don't know why, even though we hadn't been saying a lot to each other, I didn't cry that much when she was around.

I cried the most when I laid in bed at night to go to sleep though. It was like a huge reminder that Phil was gone from my life and he wasn't coming back.

I felt like I was frozen in place while the rest of the world continued to go on around me... Like I was Bella bloody Swan in New Moon. I felt like a zombie and honestly I was probably starting to smell like one too.

I rolled onto my side and wiped the tears away from them just as Juneau came up to the couch. I reached out and started petting his head, still crying. "Why won't he just call me?" I asked him, and he tilted his head at me. "You would call me, wouldn't you?"

He jumped up on the couch with me and laid behind me and I sighed as I reached out to grab a bag of crisps off of the table.

I opened them up and proceeded to cram them into my mouth as I continued to sniffle and cry onto the bag. I knew I had to look just as pathetic as I felt.

I missed Phil like mad.

He was all I could think about.

He was all that I wanted to think about. I had rewatched all of his videos countless times; especially the one we had done together.

The first time we kissed, the first time we hung out together, giving him dance lessons, the time he listened to me cry for hours.. the first time we had sex.

I just wanted to go back and relive all of those moments with him.

I looked through all of the pictures we had taken together on my phone every single day and they always reduced me to tears. But I didn't have it in me to delete them.

I had brought his number up to call him at least a hundred times that day alone and just as I was doing it again my phone started ringing, rightly scaring the fuck out of me.

Dan's derpy looking face popped up on the screen and I debated whether or not I should answer it for a few seconds. I hadn't spoken a lot to him lately, nothing other than a random text here or there making sure that I was okay.

I wanted to ask him the same question, but I didn't feel like it was my place to, since he had never came to me telling me about Lydia.

It was weird not seeing or hearing from him though, because we were really good friends. I didn't want our relationships, or lack thereof, to complicate that. But I guess it already had.

"Hello?" I finally decided to answer the phone, trying my best to sound like I wasn't crying.

"Hey..." he responded. He sounded so weird. "What are you up to?"

"Oh you know, eating my weight in crisps," I laughed weakly. "What are you doing, stranger?"

He sighed. "Sitting in the flat, bored out of my bloody mind. I was actually calling to see if you wanted to hang out. I haven't seen you since- well, you know."

I suddenly felt like there was a car parked on my chest. "I don't know if that's a good idea.. I don't want to run into Phil, and I don't think he wants to see me either," I responded.

That was a massive lie. I wanted to see Phil more than I wanted anything else. But I would hate to put him in a position where he was forced to see me because I was at his house.

"I know.. He's not here right now. That's why I was asking.. Is Lydia with you?" he asked me.

"No, she just left..." I really wanted to ask him about the situation with her, but I knew that if he wanted to talk about it, he would bring it up.

"Oh," was all he said and the line got silent.

"Hello?" I spoke up.

"Sorry, I'm here, I was just-" he sighed. "Can you come over? I really need someone to talk to and I'm sure you could use the same.. Plus, Carmen, we're friends, and I know it's really odd for both of us right now but I don't want any of this shit to get in the way of that. Phil just left, and he won't be back for a while.. I promise you won't have to see him. I wouldn't do that to you."

"I know you wouldn't," I sighed. Even though I wished that he would. I wished that somehow we'd be forced to see each other so we could talk. Hell, just so I could see him. Even when we weren't friends I at least saw him. "Yeah, I'll come over. Just give me a little bit to get sorted, alright?"

"Of course. Take your time... I'll see you soon," he responded.

"Yeah," I pulled the phone away from my ear and sat it down on the table.

Again, it only took a few seconds before I started crying.

It seemed as though, if I didn't keep myself distracted, I couldn't keep myself from crying.

Dan would be a distraction. I guess it would beat sitting around here by myself.

I shot Lydia a text telling her that I was going out for a bit and that I would be home later. Thankfully I'd given her a spare key so I didn't have to worry about locking her out if she got home before I did.

Phil's POV

**Carmen Kensington (CallmeCarmen) At the rate I'm going, I'll be obese by this time next week. # cookiesandcrisps**

**Carmen Kensington (CallmeCarmen) Everything hurts. **

**Carmen Kensington (CallmeCarmen) No video this week either. I just don't feel like doing anything other than eating. **

**Carmen Kensington (CallmeCarmen) Changing all of my urls to CallmeBellaSwan # pathetic. **

**Carmen Kensington (CallmeCarmen) I have more in common with Taylor Swift than I am comfortable with. **

I made the mistake of Twitter stalking Carmen again while I sat on the tube. I tried to talk myself out of doing it repeatedly but I couldn't help myself. I missed her. I needed to see something from her and none of what I was seeing was good.

I found myself actually wishing that Finn would swoop in and save the day or something. He seemed to fancy her enough. He'd be much better for her anyway.

Bloody hell. This was never ending. Dan and I had basically been like zombies for days and days. It was quite pathetic to be honest. I wasn't much better off than Carmen. I just hadn't resorted to listening to any Taylor Swift songs to make me hate myself further.

The tube stopped and I stood up before slipping my phone into my hoody pocket and making my way off of it. Thankfully the walk wasn't far because it was horribly cold out and I was so exhausted from hardly sleeping in what felt like a year.

When I arrived Lydia was standing at her door grabbing a ton of bags from a chinese delivery place. I walked quickly to get over to her and help her as she walked back into the room.

"Good afternoon," she greeted me as she shut the door behind us.

"Still eating our feelings I see?" I said as I sat the bags down on the table in the room. I was fairly sure that Lydia had been eating more chinese food than anything lately. Every time I stopped by the hotel to hang out with her she ordered some.

"Yep," she said as she sat down on one of the chairs and began pulling food out. "I got some for you too so get your ass over here. What's been going on?"

I sighed as I walked over and sat down with her. It was bizarre hanging out with her now. I found myself staring at her and trying to get some comfort because she looked exactly like her sister.

Lydia was comforting because she was my best friend but I needed Carmen.

"Same stuff," I shrugged as I opened a container of egg rolls.

"Have you thought anymore about what we've been talking about?" she asked.

"Yes," I looked at her and tried not to look as annoyed as I was. "I'm just not sure it's the right thing to do."

"I am," she responded quickly. "You're not the one who has been watching her waste away for days."

"And what about you?" I asked.

"My fate is sealed, sir. Yours is not."

"That's not even fair," I replied even though I had a bite of food in my mouth. "How come you're allowed to tell me what to do in this but I can't tell you what to do in your situation?"

"Because it's completely different. I am a malfunctioning female. Your situation is much different than mine," she shrugged.

"You make it sound like you're a bloody robot," I laughed.

She laughed as well. "I feel like a bloody robot. One that needs to be medicated or something. I've been trying my best to keep a brave face to help Carmen out but it's getting harder to do."

"You can't just ignore how you feel or it's going to explode out of you and it'll be bad."

"You can't ignore what you're ignoring," she said while pointing at me with a fork. "I'm telling you. I know her and I know it's the right thing to do, Phil."

"I'm still thinking about it," I replied as I rubbed my hand down the side of my face. "You need to think about what you're doing as well. Dan really is lost without you. He hasn't even been using the flat iron on his hair."

She got wide eyed and stopped chewing. "He's just walking around with his hobbit hair all the time?"

"Yeah," I laughed.

"Ugh," she groaned as she leaned back in her chair. "Why can't there be some kind of book with all the answers of life in them?"

"If you're waiting for some sort of sign to appear that says CONGRATULATIONS, YOU'RE IN LOVE then you're screwed," I told her. "I can tell you right now that you love him. It's obvious. If you didn't you wouldn't be bothered by this at all."

"Really?" she asked, tilting her head to the side. "I don't know. I'm so scared of fucking everything up. Well, I've already done that so I guess I shouldn't be scared of it."

"You haven't fucked it up but if you keep waiting around like this and leaving him in the dark then you will."

"I could say the same about you, sir," she responded, looking quite smug.

I sighed and rolled my eyes. "How is she though? Does she talk about me?"

"To be honest we haven't talked a whole lot lately," she said before taking a sip of her drink. "She stays on the couch watching horrible reality television and eating junk food. I think she wants to be by herself a lot. She doesn't seem interested in conversation."

"Oh." That was my lame reply because thinking of her like that was horrible. I wanted her to be happy and lively like she normally was. But she wasn't and it was all because of me.

"How is Dan?" she asked hesitantly like she wasn't really ready for the answer.

"A lot like Carmen," I sighed. "He hasn't said very much. He stays in his room most of the time though."

She nodded in response and looked back down at her food which she was just poking at with her fork at this point.

"I miss him," she finally spoke up and looked as sad as I felt. "I miss him alot."

"I miss her too," I replied. "I can't get her out of my head. Like ever. It's horrible but great at the same time because at least she's with me somehow if I'm walking around obsessing all the time."

"If we'd both just grow a set of balls this could be solved easily, you know?"

I laughed. "I have a set of balls and they've not assisted me at all in this situation. Plus, I doubt she'd even want me back."

"Oh, she would."

"Not after everything," I shook my head. "She'd probably never trust me again. She would just be scared that I'm going to flip out out of nowhere."

"No, because if she knows what I know then that won't be an issue anymore," she replied as she closed the box of food she was eating.

"If she would even want me after she knew that."

"She would. She'll understand, I think," she replied. "You never know if you never try."

"I think you should probably take your own advice as well, Ms. Morrison," I smirked at her and she rolled her eyes.

"If only it were that easy."

Dan's POV 

**Lydia Morrison (LydiasBoobs) If anyone needs me I'll be living in this bed for the next forever**

**Lydia Morrison (LydiasBoobs) Overdosing on chinese might sound impossible but i will probably change that soon**

**Lydia Morrison (LydiasBoobs) I am a fucking idiot. Straight up. **

**Lydia Morrison (LydiasBoobs) I should probably shower sometime soon..**

**Lydia Morrison (LydiasBoobs) totally lost. **

I refreshed Lydia's twitter page for the - well, I'd lost count on how many times that day, but she still hadn't updated since the night before.

I was confused, to say the least, over what she had been posting. It seemed as though she was upset, and considering the timing of all of them, it kind of seemed like it might have been about me.

The reason that is so confusing is because I'd tried calling her after she left my flat that day, but she didn't answer.

She didn't answer the next day either.

Or the series of texts I sent the days following.

After a week of trying to contact her with no response, I just stopped trying. She didn't take the news of how I felt very lightly and I figured if I kept at it that it would only push her further away. If that was even possible.

I was thumbing the screen down on my phone to refresh her page again when I heard a knock at the front door. A hint of excitement hit me because I knew it was Carmen.

I definitely missed our friendship but a selfish part of me was excited because I knew she had been with Lydia this whole time and that she might have a little bit of insight into what's been going on with her.

When I opened the door, though, I wasn't fully prepared to look at her. It was weird, and it kind of hurt to see her, because she was a replica of Lydia.

Truth be told, I don't think she was fully prepared to be here. There was a look of discomfort on her face that I'd never seen before. "Hey," she smiled weakly, shifting her eyes around, like she was looking for someone who might have been behind me.

I stepped to the side so she could come in and closed the door behind her, turning to see that she was standing a few feet away with her hands in her jacket pockets, looking around the flat almost awkwardly.

"You can sit down you know," I told her as I moved over to the couch to resume my position on the cushion that my bum had molded itself into.

"Yeah, I know. It's just.. weird being here," she said as she moved around the lounge. She didn't go to the couch though, she just walked about, looking around as if she'd never been here before.

She stopped at the table and stared down at a coat that was thrown over the back of one of the chairs seated around it; it was Phil's. After a few seconds of eyeing it, she glanced over at me to see that I'd been watching her.

"How have you been, hmmm? It's been awhile," she asked, moving away from the table and finally towards where I was sat.

"I've been better," I shrugged. I wondered if Lydia had told her about what I'd confessed to her. I hadn't mentioned it to Carmen for a couple of reasons, but I felt like I needed to. I needed someone to talk to about this mess.

Phil kept saying the same things over again that were proving to be of no help to the situation.

_I'm sure she had a good reason. _  
_She's probably just overwhelmed. _  
_Give her some time. _

"I told Lydia I'm falling in love with her," I blurted out.

Carmen didn't look surprised, so I'm guessing that meant that she already knew.

She sat down on the couch beside me and nodded. "Yeah, she told me," she said looking a little more sad than before. "I was worried about how you were doing because of it, but I didn't want to just ask. Are you okay?"

I laughed and gestured to my body and then to the coffee table. "What do you think?"

I had horrible hobbit hair and I'd been wearing the same coffee stained shirt for the better part of three days. On the table there were endless amounts of Starbucks coffee cups, cupcake containers, Maltesers boxes, and an empty box of cereal - and that was only from today.

She started laughing too as she shook her head. "Okay, fine. That was a stupid question. But as your friend, I felt like I had to ask," she leaned back against the couch and sighed.

"Well, are you okay?" I asked as I folded my arms across my chest, tilting my head to look over at her.

"No," she said quietly. "Not at all. My coffee table actually looks a lot like yours. Minus the mass amounts of Maltesers. Food doesn't seem to be helping much though. But it's harder to cry when you've got half masticated crisps flopping around in your mouth," she laughed at herself.

I laughed too and raised my hand to rub the side of my face. "Bloody hell. What's wrong with us? I mean really? We take self pity to a new level."

"I know," she let out another laugh. "I just don't want to do anything though. Well, nothing that doesn't involve lounging around on my couch while stuffing my face. I don't know how Lydia has the will to leave our flat everyday, because this is the first time I've seen natural light in three weeks."

"She's been upset?" I asked, surprised.

Carmen shrugged. "She hasn't said a lot about it, but she doesn't have to. I can kind of tell, you know? She's been spending a lot of her time by herself, going out alone to shop and stuff. Not that she has much of a choice, because I refuse to go anywhere."

"Sounds like Phil," I blurted out without really thinking about it and immediately wanted to kick my own ass for it.

Her body visibly stiffened when I said his name. She stayed quiet for a few seconds, like she was having an internal debate. "How's he doing?" she asked quietly.

I knew that she didn't want to put me in the middle of their shit, but I also knew that she wanted to know more than that. I know that I wanted to know more than that about Lydia.

"We haven't really talked a lot, honestly. He's been relatively quiet, moping around like a lost puppy. I think he misses you. He hasn't said it outloud, but he doesn't have to," I shrugged.

"I miss him too," she looked down at her hands for a few seconds then looked back up at me. "I don't understand. If he misses me- why doesn't he just talk to me? I hate this."

"I wish I knew the answer to that, but I don't. It must be a part of the reason behind why he said he ended things with you," I told her as I ran my hand through my messy hair.

"He's been too busy to try and talk to me but not busy enough to do everything else he's been doing?" she responded, laughing dryly.

She had a point. The reason she had a point, though, was because, as busy as we might have been, that wasn't the reason Phil broke things off with her.

I sighed and sat up, turning my body around on the couch to face her. "Carmen, you're smart enough to know that's not why he did what he did... Look, I don't know the reason myself, but he did say he had one and it's not because he's been busy."

She looked a little confused but she didn't appear to be too shocked over what I'd said. I think she had the same thoughts, but I had just confirmed them. "And he didn't tell you what that reason was?"

I shook my head. "No.. He's been really vague about everything when it comes to you. Like when you two first started hanging out, I asked why he was suddenly being so nice, and he said that he had a reason why, but he couldn't tell me. Same for when he broke up with you. Whatever it is, he seems to think it would hurt you more than what he did to you."

I was telling her all of this because I felt like she had a right to know what was going on in his head, no matter how vague it was.

She opened her mouth to speak but was silenced when my phone started ringing from the coffee table.

I picked it up and looked at the screen and then glanced at Carmen. "It's Phil," I informed her before accepting the call.

"Hello?"

I could hear Phil talking but I couldn't quite make out what he was saying. There was another voice, a female voice and it only took a few seconds to recognize it.

I made a face and Carmen leaned in towards me. "What?" she whispered.

I pulled the phone away from my ear and put it on speaker so she could hear what I was hearing.

Phil's and Lydia's muffled voices echoed around the lounge as Carmen and I stared at each other with confused expressions.

It was very, very hard to understand what was being said between them.

"What the hell?" Carmen spoke quietly.

I shook my head at her and shrugged. We listened for a couple of minutes to see if we could actually make out any words but we couldn't.

Why were they together?

"Did she tell you she was going to hang out with him?" I asked as I hung the phone up.

"Uh, no," Carmen shook her head. "She just told me she was going to her hotel to get some clothes and then to the shop to get some things to eat. Maybe they ran into each other?"

"Phil didn't tell me where he was going either. And he actually left right before I called you. Didn't you say Lydia left then too?" I asked with my eyebrows raised.

"Yeah... Why?" Carmen looked confused. She obviously hadn't quite picked up on the notion that I had.

"Do you think they planned it? You said Lydia's left everyday to go to her hotel, and Phil has left everyday too..." I explained. "Doesn't that seem odd?"

"Yes, but- do you think they've just been hanging out behind our backs? Why wouldn't they tell us?" She asked and I gave her a slight tilt of my head and a look that said, "You're smarter than that."

"Oh," her mouth fell open, finally understanding.

Lydia's POV

**Dan Howell (danisnotonfire) fml **

**Dan Howell (danisnotonfire) Maltesers? Check. Self pity? Check. Overload of feels? Check. Just a typical Saturday night in Dan's life. **

**Dan Howell (danisnotonfire) What is my life? **

**Dan Howell (danisnotonfire) cold. I would appreciate someone to keep me warm. **

**Dan Howell (danisnotonfire) I'll just be over here, eating my feelings. #youdidnthavetogo **

Ugh. Fuck me twice. Why did I twitter stalk him again? Now I was on the tube headed back to Carmen's flat about to cry in front of a bunch of people.

I fished through my bag until I found my shades and quickly put them on before anyone noticed.

You didn't have to go.

That was enough to make me want to go to his flat instead of Carmen's. How much I wanted to be near him was something that had not changed at all. In fact it was more intense at that point.

But me figuring out what the fuck was going on with my feelings hadn't changed at all. I was so screwed up I just knew that if I decided to be with him without getting myself sorted out then I'd definitely hurt him.

So, wasn't it better to go ahead and walk away before things got more intense? I honestly wasn't sure anymore.

After hanging out with Phil I'd gone to get some groceries and while I was shopping I kept thinking over what Phil said about there not being some big sign or something informing me I was officially in love. If other people just knew wouldn't I?

I didn't know how to know though. My experiences in life with other people were pretty much based on having to socialize with them randomly and being disappointed by them as well. Thanks, parents.

Maybe I really did need therapy. I'm sure any of Dan's fans who were in my position would say I did. I mean not only is he an absolutely amazing, hilarious, wonderful guy, he's probably the sexiest guys I ever laid eyes on.

I knew one thing for sure without needing any therapy though. I missed him. I missed him a lot. I missed hearing his voice, feeling his arms around me, feeling his lips against mine, the way he smelled, everything.

Why couldn't I have met him before everything crazy happened? I mean, yeah, I didn't know what the hell being in love would feel like then either but at least I was a more stable person. Of course, we wouldn't have met then because we met through my sister.

Fuck. I just wished everything could be fixed and go back to the way it was. I wished Phil and I would stop being such waffly twats and do what we needed to do to just attempt to make things right. I felt like Phil had more of a chance than I did. I didn't really know how to go about getting past my problem. I wish I did because I would have certainly tried to fix everything by then.

He deserved better than what I was putting him through. I wished I would read his Twitter and see some happy tweet where he acted as though I didn't exist anymore.

Well, the selfish part of me didn't want that but the part of me that just wanted him to be completely happy, which was a very big part, wanted him to forget the girl who made him sad.

After getting off the tube I only had a couple of blocks to walk to get to Carmen's flat. I walked in with my bags from the store and peeked into the living room to see her sitting on the couch. She looked a bit better than she did when I left. She was actually sitting up this time at least.

"Hey lovey," I said as I walked in and headed towards the kitchen. "I got you more crisps and some Starbucks." I told her as I walked in to hand her her drink. "I'm making chicken spaghetti tonight. Sound good?" I paused and made a weird face. "I just said crisps instead of chips, didn't I?" I laughed.

She took the drink from my hands as she laughed and nodded at me. "You did," she said as she moved - oh my God, she was moving now? - and then stood up. Oh wow. She's standing too? "Chicken spaghetti sounds faptastic," she said as she moved into the kitchen and started sifting through the bags I'd brought in, pulling out the bag of crisps then cradling them against her chest as she took a sip from her cup. "Did you have fun out there?" she asked, motioning towards the door with her coffee.

"No," I answered quickly and honestly. "I kept seeing dudes that I thought were Dan and I nearly jumped into traffic a few times while I was headed to the tube," I admitted and realized it was the first time I'd said his name to her in days. "I got us a huge box of chocolates too," I told her as I pulled it out of the bag. "They're all truffles. Double chocolate. We can have that for dessert," I laughed as I held them up for her to see.

She tucked the crisps under her arm and reached out to take the box from me. "I'm just going to hold onto these for you," she told me as she flipped the box over, eyeing the backside of it before looking back up at me. "So you just went to the shop then?" she asked me, bringing her cup up to her lips and taking another sip of her macchiato.

"And my hotel," I told her as I put the chicken into the fridge. "My Mom had sent another letter there," I rolled my eyes. "I didn't read it though." I hadn't spoken to my Mom at all since Christmas day and Dan had basically begged me to call my parents then because he didn't want them to not hear from me. Why did he have to be so damn sweet? Was I ever going to stop thinking of him? Good Lord. Was it too early for a glass of wine?

"I don't blame you," she said, moving out from where we were standing and back into the living room, resuming her position on the couch. I heard the sound of the crisps bag opening followed by the sound of Carmen chewing before I heard her speak again. "I went and saw Dan today," she spoke up. "I went to his flat while you were gone. Phil wasn't there, but it was so weird being there after everything."

I was moving to put the block of cheese I'd bought into the fridge and as soon as I processed what she said I dropped it and spun to look at her. "You saw him?" I asked as I felt this odd little tinge of pain go through me. Like a physical pain that I knew stemmed from the emotional shit I was feeling.

"Yeah," she looked over the back of the couch at me as shoved another crisp into her mouth. "He called right after you left asking if I'd come hang out for a bit," she said as she chewed.

I chewed on my bottom lip as I bent down to pick up the cheese. I put it in the fridge before making my way over to the couch and sitting on the arm of it. "Well, I actually saw he who we do not speak of today too," I told her not knowing if I really should have. I didn't want to mention his name or that I'd been around him because I didn't want to upset her but I also didn't feel right not telling her.

I did, however, decide against informing her that I'd seen him more than once.

"I didn't want to mention seeing him and upset you or anything. I hope you're not mad."

For some reason, she didn't look surprised to hear that I'd seen him. Perhaps she was keeping her face in check so it wouldn't scrunch into an ugly cry grimace.

"I'm not mad," she shook her head. "Where did you see him at?" she asked before popping another chip into her mouth.

"My hotel," I said as I slid down onto the couch next to her. "He said he needed someone to talk to but I think he really just wanted to check up on you," I smiled at her. "I still ship you guys. I think everything will work itself out. I wasn't trying to like keep secrets from you or anything. I just really hate seeing you hurt so bad and if I ever hurt you like that it'd kill me."

"I don't think it will," she shrugged. "I hope that it will, but," she sighed. "After talking to Dan today... I don't know. He told me that Phil has this reason why he did it, and it's not because he's been busy.. but he wouldn't tell Dan what it is. I think it might be another girl or something." The look on her face when she said that was heartbreaking.

"Carmy," I said as I reached over for her hand and grabbed it. "It's not another girl. His feelings for you never changed. He's just being a total dumbass right now."

Fuck. I hated, hated, _hated_ this. I hated seeing her this way when it could be fixed so easily

"How about I go start on dinner and we can eat together and watch a horrible movie that doesn't involve any love at all?" I asked as I let go of her hand and ran my fingers through her hair.

I don't know why I felt the need to act like a Mom comforting her child around her or something. It must've been the sister thing.

"If his feelings never changed then I don't understand why he's doing this," she blew out a long breath then reached into the bag of chips and started eating more of them. "Do you want any help with dinner?" she asked, shifting her eyes from the bag on her lap and up at me.

"You can if you want to," I told her as I got up from the couch. "Or you can just sit in here with me and have a glass of wine while I do it," I grinned, wiggling my eyebrows like I was trying to lure her in.

She got up from the couch, laughing as she grabbed the crisps, her drink, and the box of chocolates she was _holding onto for me,_ then followed me into the kitchen. She sat down on the counter and sighed as she reached behind her to get two glasses out of the cabinet. "I feel like I've been PMSing for three weeks straight now," she commented as she turned her attention back to me. "Well, PMSing without the bitchiness. This fucking sucks."

"What's bad is I think we're actually about to start PMSing so we should be super pleasant very soon," I laughed as I opened the bottle of wine and handed it to her. "I'm just glad I have you. I don't even know what kind of shape I'd be in without you around. Even though we haven't been talking a whole lot I at least don't feel alone, ya know? Thanks for letting me stay with you."

"Definitely," she laughed as she began pouring wine into the glasses. Once she was finished she handed one of them to me. "I really appreciate you being here too. If you weren't, I probably would have gone mental by now. Also, I probably would have starved to death, since I couldn't be bothered to exist the last couple of weeks," she rolled her eyes at herself. "Thank you though.. I haven't been the best company, but I really couldn't imagine being completely alone through all of this."

"I love being here regardless of what mood you're in," I smiled at her before taking a sip of my wine. "Onto happier things. Have you ever had chicken spaghetti?" I asked as I started pulling ingredients out of the fridge. "One of the ladies who cooked for us back at my parents was from the south and she was the best cook, like holy shit. She started teaching me how to make things when I was pretty young."

"No, I haven't. It sounds good though," she told me as she watched me. "My Mum tried to teach me how to cook... It didn't really work out too well as I burn everything. Even water," she laughed then took a sip of her wine. "Before you came along, if I didn't eat at Dan and Phil's-" she stopped abruptly and cleared her throat, "I ate a lot of microwavable things, and lots of takeout."

I decided to just ignore her mentioning the guys and laughed. "Honestly, I eat a lot of microwavable things and takeout even though I know how to cook. Well, I did back home anyway. I was always too tired to put much effort into anything beyond pouring a glass of wine and the actual act of eating."

"Same," she laughed. "I like how we're both incredibly lazy. It's kind of crazy, isn't it? We didn't grow up together but have all of these really odd things in common. I guess nature is stronger than nurture in our case."

"It obviously is," I told her as I started grating up some cheese. "We have a ridiculous amount of similarities. There could probably be a damn book written about us because of how bizarre we are," I laughed.

We continued chatting while drinking wine and putting together the chicken spaghetti. I got Carmen to join in and help me in hopes she'd remember some of what I was doing in case she wanted to cook it some time and I wasn't around.

After we put it into the oven to get the cheese melted she excused herself to go to her room and call her Mom who had called her earlier. I took that as an opportunity and quickly pulled my phone out of my pocket before scrolling to Phil's name.

**You need to get your shit together ASAP and tell her what's up. She's got it in her head that youve found someone else**

I text him that quickly while watching the entrance to the kitchen. I got a reply pretty quickly.

**WTF where would she get that idea?! that's mental. **

I sighed and rolled my eyes.

**It's not mental when you break up with her with a lame excuse and Dan also informed her today that you had some reason for ending it that you weren't telling him**

Again, I got a reply rather quickly.

**Bloody hell.**

Bloody hell indeed.


	16. I am 1directionsdildo

Carmen's POV 

I was on my way over to Dan's to drop off a couple of movies I had borrowed from him the last time that I saw him, which was a few days ago. After that I was going to meet Lydia at a restaurant a few blocks down so we can have lunch then go shopping.

Yeah, she had finally talked me into leaving my flat. She deserves a medal or something. Seriously.

She didn't come with me for obvious reasons.

I didn't want to go for obvious reasons but Dan informed me that Phil wasn't there; you see, he couldn't just come by my flat because Lydia was there.

And well, Dan is lazy.

As soon as I stepped inside of their building my heart started to do crazy things inside of my chest. Going there made me feel weird. Like I shouldn't be there.

It also made me sad and nostalgic. I still missed Phil. Time had done nothing but made me miss him more, actually.

Everyone kept telling me that it gets worse before it gets better and that I would eventually get over it... Well, everyone but Lydia, who was convinced that Phil and I would fix things.

I wasn't so convinced of either, though. He had had weeks to call me, or text me, or stop by and see me and still yet, I hadn't heard a peep from him. And as far as getting over him was concerned? That didn't look like it was going to happen anytime soon.

What hurt the most, I think, was not ever hearing from him. You get used to being a part of someone's life, and when you find yourself suddenly removed from it, you miss the simplest things, like just knowing how they were doing.

You might think it would have been easy to resort back to not knowing, given how things were for so long. But it wasn't.

I stepped out of the lift and made my way to their door. I stared at it for a few seconds, hesitating to knock, but finally made myself do it.

"Just a second."

Was that -

Oh my God.

That was Phil.

My heart started to palpitate as nervousness coursed through my body.

_Run, CARMEN. RUN. _

I screamed at myself over and over again, but still yet I remained frozen in place in front of the door that was now starting to open.

It seemed like it was moving, revealing him in slow motion as I stared up at him.

Every feeling that had plagued me over the last month crashed down around me. There he was, standing right in front of me, looking as perfect as ever.

I had been wishing, hoping, dreaming for this bloody moment to come - and now that it had, I had absolutely no idea what to say to him, despite the fact that I had rehearsed it over and over again in my head.

When words escaped me, I did what I had been wanting to do so badly for so long. I closed the space between us and flung my arms around him, forcing a kiss against his lips.

I felt him tense up a second after I touched him and then he pushed away from me.

"Lydia?" he asked, looking at me with a very confused expression.

Lydia?!

Why would he think Lydia would-

My face fell and I suddenly felt like I was going to throw up. The excited feelings of seeing him were gone and had been replaced with anger.

So much anger.

I don't know what possessed me to do it. I'm not a mean or angry or violent person, but I reared my hand back and the sound of my palm meeting with his cheek echoed against the walls in the hallway.

There was a small red handprint on the side of his face and I didn't feel bad about it at all.

I actually wanted to add one to the other side.

"Carmen," I said lowly, angrily as I started to tug the bag of movies off of my shoulder.

His hand came up to touch the spot on his face and his eyes were wide with shock. "Oh my God, Carmen. I'm so sorry I-"

"You have a reason for thinking I'm Lydia, yeah I know," I shoved the bag at him as I rolled my eyes. "You could've just told me you broke up with me to fuck my twin sister. All of this would have been so much easier to deal with."

His eyes got even more wide and his hand dropped from his face as he stared at me in shock. "What the hell are you even on about? I am not fucking your sister!" He responded while looking at me like I was insane.

"What the hell?" I heard Dan's voice before I saw him coming up from behind Phil. "Oh God," he brought his hands to his face, looking over Phil's shoulder at me. "I didn't know he was back. What's even-"

"What else would hurt me so bloody bad?" I raised my voice so I could speak over Dan. "I should have known. You were such a dick to me over her. You never cared about me, you just didn't want her to leave!" I shook my head. "I knew it."

"I am not fucking Lydia!" Phil yelled, looking between the both of us. "I didn't expect Carmen to show up and when she kissed me I thought she was Lydia so I said Lydia's name. That's all," He explained to Dan. "My reason for ending things with you is not that I'm fucking Lydia. Jesus Christ. I can't believe you'd even think that."

I looked at him like he was stupid. My train of thought might have been a bit mental but he was making even more of an ass out of himself for not saying anything beyond defending that he wasn't screwing around with her. "I don't hear you offering anything else up for why you did it. You wouldn't even tell your best friend," I pointed at Dan. "You know what? I don't care. Take your bloody reason and cram it up your ass. I'm done." I snapped then turned and stomped away.

I had never been so pissed off in my entire life.

I couldn't even feel hurt over any of it. All I could feel was rage.

Dan followed me down the hall, into the lift, and out of his building, trying his best to calm me down.

He forced me into a pub a couple of buildings down from his where he then made me have a very stiff drink and had me explain exactly what had happened.

"I know you're really mad right now, but try to think about this. Do you think Lydia would do that to you?" Dan asked me.

I couldn't really process much, so thinking about what he said wasn't really an option. "Do you think Phil would do it to you?" I countered quickly.

He seemed to think about that for a couple of seconds before he took in a deep breath and responded. "No, I don't," he shook his head. "I know he's been cryptic, but he's still Phil. He's not a bad person, and neither are you."

Dan had a point but- why would he think I were Lydia. Ignore the obvious fact that we looked the same. Why would he think that she would lunge at him like that?

"That might be true but why would he even think I could be her? What would she be doing kissing him?" I said after taking a very generous gulp of whiskey.

"Maybe that's what he was asking," Dan responded.

It was like the rational side of my brain finally decided to start working again; I hadn't even thought about it like that at all.

"You said that he instantly pushed you away... He probably thought you were Lydia and was wondering why you came at him like that. Think about the situation a little. He never would have expected that you would show up and do that. He's convinced that you hate him for what he's done to you."

I felt like I'd been punched in the stomach.

Dan's explanation made so much sense.

"What the hell is wrong with me?" I sighed, pressing my palm against my face.

Who in the actual fuck accuses someone of doing something like that? And on top of that, who accuses their family of being able to stoop that low?

Ugh.

I found myself with my face pressed against the bar feeling like the world's biggest, most ridiculous bitch.

"Then what is he hiding?" I asked, tilting my head to the side to look up at Dan.

What was so horrible that he couldn't tell me? Hell, that he couldn't tell Dan for that matter?

"I have no idea," he shrugged. "But I really don't think it's what you thought it was back there. I know Phil and you know Lydia. I can't see either of them doing something like that."

We had a rational conversation that calmed me down a great deal. I felt like such a bitch. SUCH a bloody bitch for all of it and I started to accepting the fact that I'd probably just ruined Phil and I forever.

On top of that- when Lydia found out I'd thought that about her, would she forgive me?

I just wanted to cry.

Dan walked me to the restaurant where I was meeting Lydia and hugged me goodbye before I walked inside. I wanted to tell him to tell Phil that I was sorry, but I couldn't bring myself to.

I was just going to have to live with what I'd said and done.

I wouldn't be able to face him after that.

Crazy how he ripped my heart out of my chest and made me feel the worst emotional pain I'd ever had to deal with, and I could hardly stand the fact that I'd slapped him or yelled at him and been so harsh.

It's also crazy how I wasn't hungry at all, I felt sick, but the only thing I wanted to do was stuff my face and drink so much wine that I'd have to be carried home.

A host at the restaurant took me to Lydia's table and I noticed that our food was already on the table waiting for us, as well as a bottle of wine, but Lydia wasn't there.

I sat down and pulled my purse off of my shoulder without saying a word and promptly picked up my wineglass, throwing my head back, finishing it off in one motion before I looked down at my plate.

Chicken stir fry, don't fail me now.

"Hey!" Lydia's voice made me look up and she smiled as she sat down in front of me. "Sorry. I had to go to the bathroom. I love it when you go to the bathroom and the food is here when you get back," she laughed as she picked up her fork and then got a concerned look on her face. "What's wrong?"

I sighed loudly as I looked up at her from my plate. "I don't want to talk about it," I shook my head and picked up my fork and poked around at my food a bit before taking a bite of it.

I really didn't want to have to explain that mess to her. I just wanted to forget about it.

I guess she got the idea that I really did not want to be bothered over it and she took a bite of her food as well instead of pressing the subject any further. "Jack texted me today. He said they were going to be home from college this weekend if we'd like to hang out or anything," she told me before taking another bite of her food. "Holy balls this is really good," she said after chewing the bite.

"Yeah?" I responded, trying to make myself sound normal and not like I was on the verge of having an emotional breakdown. "That would be fun," I forced a grin before helping myself to another bite as well. "It is really, really good," I nodded. "I've had this from here before too. It tastes better than ever. My compliments to the chef," I said, holding my fork up.

She took a sip of her wine and picked up her phone to check it before sitting it down again. "Maybe it's because we've been having pizza the past few days," she laughed. We'd been on a pizza spree during our last few days of takeout food binging. "Thank God we have good metabolisms."

That actually made me laugh, and I really didn't see laughter in my distant future. "I know, right? We've been eating so much lately, not to mention the amount of wine we've been drinking," I said just before refilling my wineglass and taking a sip. "They have really great cheesecake here. I think I want some," I mused as I sat the glass back down and helped myself to another bite of stir fry.

"Bloody hell," I groaned as I raised my hand up to my chest. "This wool jumper is itching me to death out of nowhere," I said as I started scratching at myself through the fabric.

"Ugh. I hate when that happens. I love sweaters but they itch the hell out of me sometimes," she said before taking another bite of her food which was already almost gone. "I can't believe I've put away this much food already. I'm eating like a pregnant woman lately," she laughed before taking another sip of her wine.

I heard a vibrating down and looked down to see if it was my phone but her phone lighting up caught my attention instead. When she sat it down before she'd sat it upside down and I could see the screen.

**Phil:**  
**I need to see you. NOW. **

My throat got really tight and I nearly choked on the bite of food I was trying to swallow when I saw those words stretched across the screen of her cell phone.

"What the hell is that?" I blurted out hoarsely, anger coming back to me once more as I tossed my fork down on the table and glared at her.

Lydia looked at me with wide eyes but I didn't wait for her to respond but instead picked her phone up from the table to have a look for myself.

I couldn't believe my eyes when I saw the series of texts to her from Phil.

**Can I see you today? **

**You're amazing. **

**I miss you. **

**Can you sneak out yet? I need you. **

**You better not ever go. **

**Don't know what I'd do with myself without you. **

**I love you, too. **

I love you, too?

I just stopped reading them because I literally felt like I couldn't breathe.

I don't know what made me more mad. What was going on between her and Phil, or what she was doing to Dan.

"You fucking slut!" I tried to yell but it came out very high-pitched because my voice was so hoarse. "I can't believe you!" I finally looked up from the phone and-

Lydia's eyes were wide and her hand moved up to her throat as she gasped for air but more of a wheezing sort of sound happened than an actual gasp. She looked absolutely petrified. Her lips were starting to swell and I could see her neck was red and splotchy.

She reached over and grabbed her purse before dumping it out across the table, all the while gasping for air as she shoved the things she'd dumped out around.

Oh my God.

She was having an allergic reaction.

I don't know what really happened in those few seconds, but something clicked.

It didn't matter if she was with Phil. She could have him. This was my sister and I couldn't let her-

"No! No! No! No!" I grabbed my purse and started pulling things out of it as I stood up from my seat and hurried over to the other side of the table. "Someone call 911!" I tried to scream but it didn't come out as loud as I'd hoped it would have.

"Just stay calm," I panted, searching through my purse to find my epipen. I was throwing things every which way and I'd probably hit a few people with a tampon or two but I didn't give a fuck.

I finally grasped the long tube and pulled it out of my bag. I don't know how I knew what to do and how I did all of it without thinking at all.

I pulled the tab at the end of the epipen then crouched down beside her and jabbed it into the side of her thigh, holding it there until I was sure she got all of the medication.

I pulled the tube away from her and tossed it away without caring of where it landed and stood up on my knees and grabbed her hands. "You're going to be okay," I told her. I could feel wetness stream down my cheeks. "I promise," I cried, my vision blurring more and more by the second.

And then, everything started getting really dark and fuzzy and I could feel my body falling back onto the floor.

Phil's POV

Why the hell was Lydia not texting me back? This was horrible. So horrible. How on earth had I managed to fuck things up so badly?

Dan still wasn't back yet either so I didn't know what was going on with him. For all I knew he hated my guts and thought I was fucking the woman he loved as well.

I honestly didn't mean for me saying Lydia's name when Carmen kissed me to make it sound like it would be normal for Lydia to kiss me or whatever Carmen must have thought. I wish I would have gotten to explain.

No, I wished that I would have gone to her long ago and explained everything. We wouldn't be in this situation if I had.

I heard the front door opening and I looked up to see Dan walking in. I was relieved to see that he didn't look angry, more so confused and perhaps a little mind boggled. "I got her to calm down," he told me as he started to slip his jacket off of his arms. "But I have to ask. What's going on?" he asked then held his hand up defensively before continuing. "I'm not saying that I think what she said is true, but she and I both know you two have been hanging out without telling us."

I rubbed my hands down my face and sighed loudly. "It wasn't because we were being sneaky or shady. We just didn't want to make things awkward for you two. You and I have tried our hardest to not speak their names around each other so why would I walk in and tell you all about how I hung out with her? You and Carmen are all we talk about anyway," I sighed as I sat down on the couch. "I love Lydia but not like that. I would never do that to you or to Carmen." I laughed humorlessly. "I actually planned on going to Carmen and fixing everything today if I could. I guess I won't be doing that now."

"She feels bad, you know," Dan said quietly, like he didn't want to butt in, but he had to at least tell me that much. "I'm not saying she had a right to say those things, but, bloody hell, you weren't giving her an answer and she knew something was up... I'm sorry for telling her what you told me," he sighed and rubbed his fingers across his forehead. "I don't know. I've only been up for a couple of hours and I'm ready to go back to sleep."

"Don't be sorry. I shouldn't have been a coward and kept it from her in the first place. We wouldn't be in this mess if I hadn't," I sighed as I leaned back on the couch and closed my eyes. Going back to sleep did sound like a brilliant idea.

My phone started going off and I realized I left it in the kitchen. I nearly fell flat on my face trying to get off of the couch and get to it. It was Lydia calling.

"Thank God! I need to-"

"Phil!" Lydia said, no, she sobbed my name. "It's Carmen. She had a reaction at the restaurant and I did too and she used her pen on me and I didn't have mine and she passed out," she told me quickly sounding absolutely hysterical. "She passed out and her lips started turning blue and the ambulance came to get her. I'm at the hospital and I don't know what's going on. Please come."

It felt like someone punched me as hard as they could in the stomach. I was frozen for a second in horror. "I'll be there," I said quickly before hanging up the phone and turning to look at Dan. "Come on. We have to go. Now."

He looked up me, looking confused as he stood from the couch and grabbed his jacket. Apparently he could hear the urgency in my voice and didn't think it would be a good idea to stay glued to his seat. "Why? What's going on?"

"That was Lydia," I said as I opened the door. "Carmen had a reaction to something and passed out. Lydia's at the hospital with her right now and is completely hysterical."

"Is she alright?" He asked worriedly as we headed towards the lift, which thankfully only took a few seconds to open.

"She doesn't know what's going on yet," I answered him; beyond that, neither of us said another word.

It felt like it took forever for us to get to the bloody hospital but in all honesty it didn't take long at all. I was panicking the entire way. The most horrible thoughts were going through my mind. I kept focusing on how Lydia had said Carmen's lips turned blue which I knew meant she had no oxygen for a significant amount of time.

I honestly didn't know how I was going to deal at all if something horrible happened to her especially before she knew the truth.

We finally arrived and as soon as we walked into the waiting room of A&E I saw Lydia sitting against the wall alone and crying quietly as she looked down at her lap.

She looked up as we approached her as her eyes got wide when she saw Dan next to me. Without saying a word she stood up and quickly closed the space between them before throwing her arms around his neck and hugging him. I could hear her crying even though her face was pressed against his chest.

He wrapped his arms back around her and he buried his face against her neck as he rubbed her back. "Shhh, it's going to be okay," he whispered to her calmingly. "Everything is going to be okay." I couldn't help but notice how he seemed to be clinging to her; and despite everything that was happening, how relieved he seemed to be now that he was with her again after all of this time.

"Ms. Morrison?" Someone said her name and we all turned to look towards the doors the nurse had just stepped out of.

"Yes?" Lydia said as she pulled away from Dan and walked over to her.

"Your sister is fine," she smiled. "We gave her the medicine she needed and some oxygen. Her reaction was pretty severe but she's stable now. You can go see her if you'd like."

"Oh thank God," Lydia breathed as she put her hand over her chest. "Thank you so much."

"You're very welcome," the woman smiled. "She's in room 10A," she told us before walking away.

"Bloody hell," I sighed as I put my hand on my forehead. "I can't remember ever being that scared."

"Phil. You should go back before me," Lydia told me as she wiped her cheeks. "You need to tell her the truth. It's time."

I nodded as I took a deep breath. I had horrible butterflies. "I know. I'll be back," I told her before I walked towards the doors the nurse had come out of.

I didn't try to walk quickly to get to her room because I was trying to figure out what to say. I didn't know if she was going to attempt to throw an object at my head when I walked in or what. I was preparing for the worst though because my face was still stinging.

I got to her door and took a few deep breaths before knocking lightly and opening it. She was lying on the bed with an oxygen mask on and I could see an IV in her arm. She was so pale. I didn't like it at all. She didn't look like my Carmen.

I walked quietly over to the seat next to her bed and sat down next to her before slowly reaching for her hand and taking it into my own. I'd almost forgotten how soft her skin was. I raised her hand to my lips and kissed her knuckles softly.

I felt her fingers move against my palm and when I looked up at her face again I saw her eyelids fluttering before they opened completely. However she squeezed them shut and groaned as she raised her other arm off of the bed to shield her eyes from the bright light that was hanging over her.

Her eyes opened again and she looked around the room until her eyes lingered upon me. She lifted her head a little and squinted her eyes then let it rest against the pillow again, like she was trying to make sure she was seeing correctly. She said something, but it was muffled by the mask over her mouth, so she pulled it down off of it and I could see that her lips were still a little blue.

"Phil?" she breathed, looking at me in disbelief.

It was silent for several seconds as she stared at me looking as if she was on the verge of tears.

"I'm so sorry for everything," she sniffled and I could see her eyes were starting to get glossy. "It's okay if you love Lydia," she nodded, her voice very hoarse. "You're amazing and she deserves someone amazing... I just want you to be happy. That's all I've ever wanted for you."

"Carmen." I reached up and wiped a tear that started to trickle down her cheek. "You've got it all so wrong and it's all my fault," I shook my head. "I have kept something from you for a long time and what I kept from you is the reason I have always stayed so distant from you. It's also the reason I ended things. I've been scared you would hate me when I told you and even now I'm absolutely petrified. But I'm going to just hope that you understand me on this."

"I could never hate you," she shook her head and squeezed my hand as she wiped another tear from her face.

"I hope you're sure of that," I smiled at her. "Years ago I happened to walk in on my Mum and your Mum having a conversation about you. I overheard your Mum talking about you having a twin sister and I was really confused. So, I asked my Mum about it and she just sort of brushed it off but I kept bothering her about it because I thought you had a sister who died or something. That's when my Mum told me that you were adopted and had a twin sister you had never met and that you didn't know you were adopted. I got really upset because I thought that was unfair to you and I told my Mum I wanted to tell you the truth but she said if I did I could ruin your life and she made me swear to never say a word."

I rubbed the side of my face nervously before continuing. "Because of that I found myself terrified to be close to you because I knew that I had this horribly deep secret about your life. Then Lydia came into the picture and you found out you were adopted and it seemed like I could finally have my chance. Then it hit me that even though that were true, I had still kept that secret from you and you had the right to know. I should have never kept it from you but I felt like it wasn't my place to tell you. That's why Lydia and I have been talking so much. I told her everything and she's been begging me to tell you the truth. She finally started threatening to tell you herself but by that point I was going mad without you and I knew I just had to try and tell you just in case you didn't hate me for what I did."

I swallowed hard and brought her hand up to my heart before pressing her palm against it. "Carmen, I am so in love with you. I can't even begin to explain how hard it's been to be away from you and know that I hurt you. I just felt like with how hard you were taking everything at that time, if you found out about me keeping that secret then it would hurt you so badly. I shouldn't have assumed things because I hurt you anyway. I'm so, so sorry."

She had started crying and it sent a cold pain through my chest, that got worse the longer she sat looking at me with wide, confused eyes.

"You're in love with me?" was the first thing she said and she had the biggest smile on her face that was accompanied by fresh tears. She sat up on the bed a bit and tugged on my hands, urging me to join her.

Once I was, she wrapped her arms around me, hugging me, her face pressed against my neck. "I love you too," she whispered, squeezing me. "I've always loved you."

I hugged her back and found myself on the verge of tears just from having her in my arms again. Hearing her say she loved me too made my heart feel like it literally skipped a beat. I pulled back to look at her face. "You're not mad about what I just told you? You still love me even after that?"

"Of course I do," she nodded and moved one of her hands from around me to wipe her face. "I understand why you never told me. How were you supposed to tell me something like that?" she said hoarsely as she brought her hand up to my cheek. "I don't blame you for not telling me. It's okay. I promise, it is. Everything makes sense now.. I can't believe I-" she stopped and her face fell. "Oh my God... Lydia? Is she okay? Please tell me that she's okay. I yelled at her- because I didn't- I didn't know," she moved her hand from my cheek to her chest, looking at me like she was about to pass out. "Please tell me that she's okay. I can't imagine what I would do if-"

"Shhh. Calm down," I held her face in my hands. "Lydia is fine. She's in the waiting room with Dan. Don't worry." Up until then I'd completely forgotten that Lydia said she had a reaction first and then Carmen did but she'd used her epipen on Lydia. "Your reaction was worse than hers I guess."

A sigh of relief left her and she pressed her forehead against my chest. "Thank God," she said quietly. "I owe her the biggest apology. I can't believe I screamed at her and accused her of-" she stopped and sighed again. "What was I even thinking?" I could feel her shaking her head against my chest before she leaned back to look up at me. "She's with Dan?" she asked, like she'd only then realized I'd said that. "They're okay then?"

"Well, when we walked in she ran to him and immediately into his arms so I think they're at least on better terms. I really don't think she's holding anything against you. She was sobbing when she called me to come here. She was so worried about you. I was so worried about you. I don't know what I would've done if-" I couldn't even finish that sentence. I just looked down at her and into those beautiful eyes of hers I'd missed looking into before I leaned down and pressed my lips against hers. "I love you so much," I whispered against her lips before pulling back to look at her again.

Bloody hell. It felt so good to finally say that.

She reached up and put her hands on my face, stroking my cheeks as she tilted her head as she studied my eyes. "You have no idea how amazing it is to hear that," she smiled at me before pecking my lips again. "I love you too," she let one of her hands fall onto mine and laced our fingers together. "I missed you so much," she breathed, still stroking her thumb against my cheek. "I'm so glad everything is out in the open now.. and I am so sorry for everything I said to you earlier. I was mad, and scared. I know you would never do something like that to me."

"No. You don't have to be sorry for anything. I'm the one who is sorry for letting you hurt for so long over my stupidity. If I could take back every second of it I would but I can't. I can only treat you as amazingly as you deserve to be treated to make up for it." I turned my face and kissed the palm of her hand before looking at her again and smiling. "Would it be too soon to ask you to hang out with me whenever you get out of here?"

"Of course not," she responded. "I would be a little upset if you didn't," she laughed and let her hand fall from my cheek, scooting in towards me and wrapping her arms around me again as she leaned against my chest. "Would it be too soon to ask you not to leave?" she asked me as she breathed in deeply. "I just don't want to be away from you right now."

I sat on the edge of the bed and pulled her further into my arms as I rubbed her back. I'd almost forgotten how amazing she smelled and how good it felt to hold her. I felt like I was finally complete again.  
"I'm not going anywhere. I promise," I whispered as I turned my head to kiss her cheek. "Though, I'm sure your sister and Dan would like to see you. I'll text them and tell them to come back." I pulled back from her but kept one arm around her as I pulled my cell phone out of my jacket pocket and sent Dan a quick text telling him that he and Lydia could come to the room.

After putting my phone away I leaned in and pressed my lips against hers. It probably wasn't the time or place for it but I couldn't keep myself from giving her a real, deep kiss. My hand slipped into her hair as I kissed her softly and gently. I wanted her to feel everything I felt for her in that kiss.

There was a knock on the door and I pressed another quick kiss against her mouth before pulling away. "Come in," I called out just before the door opened and Lydia walked in with Dan behind her.

"Oh my God. I was so scared," Lydia said, starting to cry again as she walked quickly over to Carmen and wrapped her arms around her. "I can't believe you risked your own life to save me like that. I owe you so much."

Carmen hugged her back, squeezing her as she started to cry too. "You don't owe me anything," she told her, shaking her head as she leaned away from her so that she could see her face. "You're my sister and I love you. I couldn't imagine losing you. It wasn't even about risking my life.. I just had to make sure you were okay. I didn't even know I was having a reaction. I was too focused on you."

Lydia wiped her own cheeks and leaned in to kiss Carmen's forehead before pulling back and smiling at her. "I love you too. Thank you for what you did. I'm so glad you're okay. I don't think I've ever been that scared in my life."

"Neither have I," Carmen laughed, wiping her cheeks again. "It was so weird but everything just changed like that," she held her hand up and snapped her fingers. "I'm so sorry for what I said to you," she said being a little quieter. "Phil explained everything to me and I feel so horrible for even thinking that it could have been an option."

"It's okay," Lydia smiled at her. "None of that shit matters. I'm just so happy you're alright. I know how much you missed him and things must not have looked too great because you didn't know the whole story. I probably would've done the same thing."

"Well, she knows everything now and she still loves me so you were right," I grinned at her.

"Told you," Lydia stuck her tongue out at me and laughed. "I'm happy for you two. Yay for my ship floating again!"

Dan, who had kind of been lingering in the corner of the room watching all of us interact, cleared his throat and caught our attention. "Hey, incase you didn't notice my tall ass. I'm glad you're alright, Carmen," he grinned at her.

"Thanks, Dan," she smiled at him and raised her arm, motioning for him to join in with the rest of us. He walked over towards us and she held out her arms for a hug which he gave with a smile on his face. "Sit. We'll see how many people we can fit on this bed before one of us falls off or it breaks."

Dan sat down beside Lydia on the other side of Carmen and put his arm around her waist.

I must have not have been the only one who noticed, because Carmen and I were kind of looking at Dan, like we were waiting for him to say something.

"What about you two?" Carmen spoke up, shifting her eyes from Dan to Lydia. "Did you guys fix that dodgy sail on the Dania?"

Lydia looked up at Dan who smiled down at her before she looked back at Carmen. "Yeah. For some crazy reason he didn't give up on my dumbass," she laughed.

"That's how I was feeling," I laughed as well while squeezing Carmen's hand. "I guess we have you to thank for getting the foursome back together, Lydia. Thanks for having that reaction," I laughed. "Wait, no. Actually, we have me to thank if I really think about it."

"Why?" Lydia asked, tilting her head in confusion.

I started laughing before I could even say it. "I'm 1directionsdildo."

Her eyes got huge and she gasped. "No you're not!"

"Yes, I am," I laughed.

"Um..." Dan raised his hand into the air. "What in the actual fuck, are you guys even talking about?"

"My thoughts exactly," Carmen looked over at Lydia and then over at me. "You're a sex toy that belongs to 1direction?"

"Whose bum do you prefer to go inside? Liam? I bet it's Liam," Dan pointed at me, grinning.

"Ew! No!" I laughed, shaking my head.

"The reason I came to London in the first place was because I got this horribly spelled tweet from someone with the name 1directionsdildo telling me that I should go to London. I was debating on whether I should and that person made my mind up for me. I'd pretty much forgotten about them until Phil just mindfucked me with that information," Lydia laughed.

"1direction dildo inception," Dan held his hands up, looking mind fucked before he started laughing at himself.

"You're the one who did that?" Carmen looked up at me and smiled. "Aww. How could you even think I would ever be mad at you? You were pulling for me to find out all this time and I never even knew it!"

"Now do you see why I yelled at you the night you shunned Lydia?" I asked, smiling at her. "I felt like everything with you two was about to go down the drain and I was so hoping you two would manage to work things out and have the relationship that sisters deserve to have. And to make all of those years I spent loving you and never being able to tell you worth it."

She sighed and pressed her palm against her forehead and started shaking her head at herself. "Wow. Yeah, I do," she moved her hand to my cheek and gave me a kiss. "Thank you so much for everything," she told me, lingering there, then looked around at Dan and Lydia. "I feel a massive feel hitting me right now," she held her arms out, motioning for a hug from all of us.

"Feels," Dan made a derp face and wrapped his arm around Lydia's shoulders and reached his other arm out to wrap it around mine so we could engage in a group hug.

"Feelsplosion!" Lydia laughed as we all hugged each other.

"Mega feelsplosion," I replied laughing as well. "I wonder when they're going to release you," I said as we all pulled away. "How do you feel?" I asked Carmen as I tucked a strand of hair behind her ear.

"Last time this happened they kept me overnight, but I feel fine," she shrugged. "How do I look?" she brought her hand up to her face and started feeling her lips as she looked down at herself, pulling the gown out a bit to look at her chest. It was red and there were little bumps all over it. "I can't believe that even happened," she said, looking up at Lydia. "No wonder the bloody stir fry was so good this time."

"Yeah," Lydia rolled her eyes. "It was that peanuty deliciousness we never get to have," she laughed. She pulled the neck of her jumped forward and looked down at her chest before making a disgusted face. "I'm still all blotchy looking. Your face looks fine though. No more swelling. I think that they hooked you up with the good shit in that IV."

"Probably so. I think you look beautiful," I grinned at Carmen.

"Isn't having your tongue, lips and throat swell up so that you can't breathe enough? Why do you have to get an ugly rash too?" Carmen laughed then smiled at me before she shifted her eyes back over at Lydia. "If your parents find out about this they're going to sue the hell out of that restaurant. Hell, if mine find out they might sue them."

"Maybe they'll give you a lifetime supply of free meals," Dan rubbed his stomach. "That sounds like a fair trade for almost dying, getting an ugly rash, and then having the four of us reunited, yeah?"

"Perhaps they'd offer free meals which have been tested for absolutely no sort of nuts whatsoever," I laughed. "I can't say that I'd trust these two to eat there again. Ever."

"I don't want to eat there again, ever," Lydia laughed. "I told the waiter that neither of us could have anything with nuts in it or cooked with peanut oil and he assured me that we'd be safe. Obviously there was a slip up."

"I don't want to eat there again either and that is complete crap because they have really good cheesecake," Carmen whined. "They screwed up massively, though. How that even happens, I don't know. Maybe they've switched cooks or something?" she suggested.

"I do like how you're upset and mourning the loss of cheesecake right now," Dan laughed.

"Cheesecake is serious business," I defended, grinning because I just could not stop grinning. I felt like my face was going to explode with glitter and rainbows because I was so bloody happy that things were getting back to normal.


	17. Symphony No Ass

Lydia's POV

It was so weird, but not in a bad way, to be with Dan again after so long. We hadn't spoken much since we left the hospital but there hadn't been a moment where we weren't touching each other in some way. I felt like I couldn't possibly get close enough to him. I didn't realize how much I had missed him until I saw him walking into that hospital.

I honestly don't remember ever being so terrified in my life and to see him show up when I needed him most made me realize a lot of things. I probably should have been telling him what those things were but in the middle of a bunch of people on the tube didn't really feel like the right place for it.

Carmen was being kept at the hospital for a couple more hours for observation and of course Phil was staying with her. We wanted to give them some alone time and also get some alone time of our own so we decided to head back to Dan's flat without them.

The amount of relief I was feeling because of the fact that Carmen was okay and everything was suddenly okay between us and the guys was huge. I finally felt like I could really breathe again.

The tube came to our stop and we made our way out along with a bunch of other people. Dan's hand squeezed mine tightly as we walked to the apartment. We still hadn't said anything. I wasn't sure of what to say. But it wasn't an uncomfortable silence at all. I think we were just trying to absorb everything.

I bounced around in place outside their door as I waited for Dan to unlock it. It was so cold outside I felt like my face and fingers were going to fall off.

He finally got the door open and I quickly walked in behind him and shook snow out of my hair while I kicked off my boots. "Holy balls. So. Cold," I said through my chattering teeth.

"I know," Dan's teeth were chattering too as he hurried across the room to the radiator. After turning it up he made his way back towards where I was standing, still trying to sort my hair out from the wetness of the snow.

I felt his hands on my hips and when I looked up again I was very, very close to him and his arms were wrapped around me. I was going to speak but I didn't even have time to breathe before his lips were molded against mine, his tongue slipping past them and into my mouth.

I missed those lips and that tongue and I didn't even know how much until he was right there kissing me. He pulled away, leaving me breathless and wanting more to say, "I missed you," in a whisper before his mouth was on mine again, kissing my hungrily as his arms tightened around my back, which had been pushed up against the front door.

"I missed you too," I whispered back when we finally broke the kiss to catch a breath. Feeling his body against mine, tasting his lips again, even smelling his scent again sent my body on overload. I suddenly was not cold anymore at all. I wrapped my arms around his shoulders and dragged my tongue along his bottom lip before biting at his bottom lip. "I also missed this sexy bottom lip of yours," I laughed before kissing him again.

I arched my back to press myself closer to him. I'd never felt such an overwhelming urge to be closer to someone in my life. "I know we should probably be talking but can we please use this alone time for other activities?" I asked sounding very breathless.

I took his silence and continuing of our kiss as a yes, but was slightly confused when I felt his arms unwrap from my hips and his body pull back from mine. "I don't see why not," he panted as he unzipped his jacket. As he shrugged out of it his lips met mine again and I heard a loud thud against the floor; he'd knocked over the coat rack that was sitting by the door.

He tossed his jacket over by it and bent down, his hands slipping under my knees as he lifted me up off of the ground. I wrapped my legs around his waist as he stumbled across the room, not stopping until my back slammed up against the wall closest to the hall.

His hands roamed up my thighs and to the top of my pants as he started to undo them; but they didn't cease there, but continued onwards to my coat as his lips moved to the side of my neck.

Since I was pinned between him and the wall I helped him out by pulling my arms out of my coat. Of course I wasn't paying attention to what I was doing and I was in a hurry so my hand slapped the wall behind me and a picture frame slid down from where it was hanging, hit my shoulder, then hit the floor.

"OW!" I yelled while laughing at myself as I started pulling at Dan's shirt to try to get it off of him.

He pulled the fabric from my grasp and quickly tugged his shirt over his head, tossing it behind him before going back to kissing my neck. Since my jacket was gone, I was left in the button down I was wearing; thankfully the buttons snapped together and didn't actually button or he would have ruined it because he ripped it apart and yanked it down onto my arms. "I'll kiss it better," he told me, pulling my bra strap down before he started kissing the spot that the picture had hit.

His lips trailed down to my chest and his hand slipped back down between my legs where he started to grind his fingertips against me through my jeans.

I don't know why I did it, I guess because I wanted to try my hand at being in control, but I wiggled my hips enough to unpin myself and slowly slid down the wall until my feet hit the floor.

I stood on the tip of my toes and grabbed his sides, pushing him until his back hit what I thought was the wall opposite, but a loud crash against the floor let me know otherwise. One of their tall lamps was now on the floor with pieces of broken glass surrounding it- but it didn't stop either of us from doing what we were doing.

As I kissed him he got rid of my shirt and my bra and they were now somewhere in his living room.

His hands were as the top of my pants, which were unbuttoned, unzipped, and quickly being pushed off of my hips as he stepped out of his shoes.

By the time we made it to his bedroom, I was completely naked and Dan's boxer's were around his ankles.

He pushed me up against his piano and a loud shrill of music came out of it as I settled on as many keys as my ass would fit on. He reached around me and grabbed the box of condoms that he apparently still had in the same place from the last time we had done anything like this.

I was shaking from desire as he opened it and slid it on. He grabbed my knees and roughly pulled my legs further apart as he looked into my eyes- and with one very rough thrust, his dick slammed inside of me.

My scream probably could've been heard all over the apartment building. It had been a while since we had sex and even since I got myself off so not only was him thrusting into me like that just a bit painful but it felt fucking amazing. It was a good pain. Very good pain.

I reached behind myself and grabbed the top of the piano to keep myself steady as he started thrusting his hips hard and fast without any hesitation. He'd never been like that with me before. He had been careful since I hadn't been experienced with that sort of thing. But back then we hadn't just gone for days without speaking or seeing each other. I figured some of his aggression from the situation was coming out as well. He had the most intense look on his face and his eyes were locked on mine.

He was driving so deep into me and hitting my g-spot perfectly with each thrust. My body was shaking like crazy and my fingers were starting to hurt from me holding onto the piano so tightly. I couldn't keep myself from moaning each time he thrust forward. The sound of the piano keys under me along with our bodies meeting filled the room and I'm sure the rest of the apartment so I was very glad we were alone.

I couldn't remember ever feeling that kind of desire before. Or being that wet.

He moved one hand to my shoulder while keeping the other on my hip to help keep my still as he moved his hips fast against me. "You are so fucking hot," he breathed, still not taking his eyes off of mine.

His grasp on me was so tight that I might ended up with a couple of bruises after. But it wasn't in a bad or abusive way. I knew he was trying to keep me from moving and I think that it was another way for him to get everything he had been feeling over the last few weeks out.

I'm pretty sure that, had I been able to wrap my arms around him, he would have had claw marks going down his back, because I felt the same way that he did.

The speed of his movements picked up and he leaned his body in against mine and kissed me sloppily as my body bounced up and down against the keys. His lips slid from mine, down to my throat and he grazed his teeth across it before going down lower and grazing them across the side of my neck. He bit down on it, immediately closed his lips around it, giving me what was sure to be the largest hickey I'd ever gotten in my life.

Now that his body was so close to mine he didn't have to hold me as tightly and he slid his hand over my hip and down between our bodies, stopping once his fingertips were pressing against my clit; the movement against it was sloppy. Both of our bodies were shaking and bouncing very fast, but it still felt amazing.

I was and had been so close to cumming but I was trying my best to hold back because I wanted it to last. I wrapped one of my legs around him and pulled him towards me to drive him deeper inside of me. I wished that I could let go of the piano so I could touch him but I knew I'd slide right off of it because of how crazy our movements were.

My eyes drifted downward and I watched as his hand moved, his fingers rubbing my clit, while his dick moved fast and hard in and out of me. I could see how wet his shaft was each time he pulled back and for some reason that just turned me on even more.

I looked up at him again and I could feel myself getting closer and closer to being pushed over the edge. My body was starting to tense up and my pussy was tightening up more on his cock. "Cum with me, Dan," I whispered, raising my hips up a bit to meet his when he thrust into me.

He moved his hand from my pussy and wrapped his around my shoulder, holding me against his body, allowing me to move my arms and mold myself against him as I started to cum. His hips dug into mine a few more times and he was holding me so tight that he lifted me up off of the piano, only to slam me back down against it and nearly collapse on top of me, panting for air.

We probably stayed there like that for fifteen minutes trying to catch our breaths, both of our bodies shaking and cloaked with sweat.

"Did I mention how much I missed you?" he spoke up out of nowhere as he lifted his head off of my shoulder to look at me, moving my hair away from my face.

"I think you did," I answered, smiling up at him. "Somewhere between the door and hallway and a few broken items." I finally let my leg fall from around his hip and I placed a quick kiss against his lips. "Um. My ass is asleep and I think that I'll have a permanent imprint of piano keys on it if I don't get off of this now," I laughed.

He laughed with me and pressed his forehead against mine for a few seconds. "I'm sorry about that. I've just always wanted to do that on it," he raised his head up. "Thanks for allowing me to fulfill a fantasy."

He lifted me up off of the piano and lowered me until my feet touched the floor before letting go of me and moving away to throw the condom into the bin beside it.

He moved over to his wardrobe and pulled out a few things before going to his dresser and doing the same before meeting me by his bed.

He put his hand on my face and kissed me softly, lingering there before pulling away with a grin on his face. "I didn't hurt you did I? You've already almost fallen into one coma today," he laughed. "I can't believe I just made a joke out of that. It wasn't funny, it was terrifying," he shook his head as he offered me the shirt and sweatpants he had gotten for me before he started to dress himself in his own.

"I'll probably be sore after that, not gonna lie," I laughed as I slipped the shirt over my head. "But it'll be a good sore. Don't worry. I wouldn't have let you fuck me into a coma or anything." I slipped his sweatpants on which were entirely too long but I didn't care. I just loved wearing his clothes.

I grabbed his hand and pulled him along with me to his bed before crawling onto it. He laid down on his side next to me and facing me with his arm wrapped around my back. "I need to tell you how sorry I am for everything," I said as I reached up to run my fingers through the side of his hair. It was crazy how much longer it seemed to have gotten since I saw him last. "I wish I could've sorted everything out before today. I can't explain myself completely because I honestly don't understand it but seeing my sister almost die just seemed to throw everything into place in my mind for some reason. Strange how shit like that works out," I laughed. "I just know now that I don't ever want to be away from you."

As he listened to me speak he rubbed circles against the small of my back. "I would be lying if I said that I didn't wish the same thing, but... I understand," he shrugged. "I knew you weren't in a good place emotionally because of everything that had happened to you and a part of me knew telling you how I felt wasn't the best idea. But I had to. I am sorry though, that it came out of nowhere.. I never meant to screw things up for you.. I think that another part of me thought that if I told you, it might help you, you know? Just knowing you had someone who cares about you. My feelings haven't changed and it's still okay if you don't feel the same way. I'm just happy to have you back."

"Please, do not be sorry for telling me how you felt," I responded as I leaned in closer to him and kissed his lips before continuing what I was saying. "You had every right to and if you had said it to any normal girl then it probably would've worked out great," I laughed. "I knew I had intense feelings for you but I didn't exactly know what they meant. I've never felt real love, you know? Wow, that sounds emo everytime I say it. I swear. Anyway," I sighed and rolled my eyes at myself, "and on top of that I was so scared. The only people I've ever been close to in my life kept a huge secret from me. I was so scared that you or Carmen or even Phil would end up hurting me if I let myself get closer. I'm not sure what I was feeling. It's so hard to explain. But like, when I was sitting in that waiting room all I wanted was for someone to come tell me my sister would be okay and for you to be there with me. I realized when I looked up and saw you there and felt what I felt that I don't need to question myself anymore because I know how I feel about you."

Dan got the most adorable little grin on his face and moved his arm from around me to pick up one of my hands. "I understand," he said quietly as he laced our fingers together and moved our knotted hands to rest against his chest. "You were scared and had every reason to be... Love is scary, but, I can promise you, Lydia, I would never do anything to hurt you. Not intentionally, or in anyway that wasn't sexual," he added the latter with a laugh. "Really though, those last few weeks without you were horrible. The entire time was horrible but- whoever said time heals everything is full of it. Time made me miss you more... Don't feel bad for that either, please. I just wanted to tell you. My life wasn't the same without you, and that's so insane for me because... I haven't really had too many people come into my life and change it around that much."

"Wow, I do not know how the tits I got so lucky," I laughed as I pulled myself closer to him. "Most guys would have been like 'fuck this bitch and all her crazy' but you actually wanted me around even after I had a horrible breakdown in your living room. I think you deserve some kind of award for being like one of the best guys ever." I pressed my lips against his and lingered there bringing my hand up to the side of his face for a few seconds before pulling back to look at him again. "I was lost without you. I can't tell you how many times I almost just came over here because I couldn't handle being away from you anymore. It feels so good to just be able to be next to you again much less hear you say that your feelings haven't changed. I'm not going to flip out on you again. If I ever have any issues or whatever I'll make sure I talk to you calmly and rationally instead of running away like a crazy woman."

"I appreciate that very much, because when you left I was the most depressing person ever," he laughed at himself. "I had a schedule that consisted of lying on the couch eating, slurping down Starbucks coffee, and wallowing in self pity. It wasn't a very pretty sight," he laughed again. "I don't need any awards, though. I've got you. That's all I really care about."

"You're amazing," I replied, hoping to God I didn't start crying because I could feel it coming on. I was not a cryer but the day was filled with such emotional situations. I felt so overwhelmed. "Your schedule will have to change now, though. You'll have to share your Starbucks with me, lay in bed with me instead of on the couch, and have sex with me instead of wallowing in self pity. I hope that it doesn't hurt you too badly to rearrange things that way."

"I dunno... I was getting used to it," he pulled a face like he wasn't sure he could bear changing anything, but started laughing. "It would actually be my pleasure to do all of those things," he informed me, bringing our hands to his lips to kiss the back of mine. "Since we've got the sex covered, and we're already in bed, what do you say to a power nap followed by starbucks and food and then more sex? Hm?"

I threw my head back and let out a dramatic sigh. "Oh God. That sounds almost as orgasmic as that piano sex we just had." I snuggled up closer to him and smashed my face against his chest because he smelled so damn good. "Mmm. I forgot how good you smell," I mumbled against his chest.

He moved his arms, wrapping them around me and let his chin rest on top of my head. "Oh no," he laughed. "We'll have to try and make sure that doesn't happen again. Remembering my aroma is serious business."

"Your aroma," I repeated what he said with his accent and laughed. "Some things are just better when said with your accent," I told him while yawning.

Carmen's POV 

After a shot of steroids, three large doses of Benadryl, and a very long telephone conversation with my Mum, I was finally released from the hospital with a prescription for a new epipen.

Considering that I almost died, called my sister a slut and bitch-slapped my boyfriend after accusing him of sleeping with her, my day had turned around dramatically and all for the better, obviously.

I'm not sure if it was finding everything out about Phil, or all of the diphenhydramine, but I felt like I was on cloud 9.

Wow, finding out what Phil knew was so mind blowing, but honestly it made everything that had happened between us make perfect sense. I finally understood why he had acted the way he had for so long, why he got so upset when Lydia first came to town, and even more why he ended things between us.

Of course I wished that he hadn't, because I never would have been angry with him for not telling me that I was adopted and had a long lost twin sister out there somewhere. It wasn't his place to begin with, and how do you drop a bomb like that on someone you hardly speak to?

It didn't matter; the only thing I cared about was that we finally had all of that sorted and things were going to be normal again.

Not to mention things finally clicking with Lydia. It was so insane; I went from being so distant and angry with her to feeling like she was the only person in the world who mattered.

She finally felt the way I always imagined she should. And it seemed as though she and Dan had finally made up too, which added so much to my happiness. Lydia, Phil, and Dan meant the world to me; knowing that they were happy, well, it made me, happy.

I looked up at Phil from where I was walking beside him, my shoulders tucked under his arm as he held me as close to him as possible. "Hey," I spoke up but only to catch his attention. When he looked down at me I grabbed his face, standing up on the tip of my toes to kiss him before he could say anything back to me.

We were outside of his and Dan's building, thankfully, so I shuffled towards it as I kissed him until we were stopped by his back pressing up against the door. It was dark out, and snow was falling down around us, which made the fact that it was so cold not matter too much.

I don't know how long we stood there kissing but I know it had gotten intense really quickly. Phil didn't like PDA very much but apparently it wasn't an issue in that moment. When he finally broke the kiss we were both breathless and I knew the look I saw in his eyes when I opened mine to look up at him. I think my panties nearly shuffled off of me by themselves.

"Let's get you inside before you freeze," he whispered before pushing against the door with his hip to open it for me. I stepped inside ahead of him and he wrapped an arm around my waist as we walked together towards the lift.

The doors opened right before we stepped up to them and we walked in together. I noticed Phil peek out the doors before they started to close but I didn't think much of it.

We were between the 2nd and 3rd floor when he suddenly smacked his hand against the red button that stopped the elevator and it came to an abrupt halt.

Before I could ask him what the hell he was doing, I found myself pushed against the back wall of the elevator with his body pressed against mine, his hands sliding up my sides before his lips crashed against mine.

"I can't make it to the flat," he whispered against my lips as I felt his fingers starting to work at the button of my jeans.

He didn't have to tell me twice, I would have jumped him in the street.

I let my purse fall off of my arm before I unbuttoned my jacket and quickly shrugged out of it as I started kissing him again, my hands sliding down to his hips where I started to pull at his belt, I got it undone and moved my hands up onto his chest, finding the zipper on his coat to pull it down, backing him up against the other side of the compartment in the process.

Pushing it off of his shoulders, my mouth slid away from his and down to his neck as I moved my hands down his arms, forcing them around my waist as I pressed my body against his.

"Someone is obviously feeling better," he said just before a groan escaped his throat. "Holy hell, you drive me crazy." His hands gripped at my ass and he pulled me closer against him which let me feel exactly how crazy I was driving him. He was so hard already and just feeling him like that made me even more wet than I already was.

He grabbed the sides of my pants since they were already unbuttoned and unzipped and pulled them down quickly, letting me hold on to his shoulder to step out of them. His hand slipped between my legs and his fingers immediately found my clit as he started backing me towards the wall again.

"So wet for me?" he whispered in the sexiest tone I'd ever heard as he rubbed his fingertips in a circle over my clit. He bent down a bit and I felt his hands grip the backs of my thighs before he lifted me up.

I squealed because I wasn't expecting it at all and he laughed as I grabbed onto his shoulders. He leaned in and started kissing my lips again while his hand slipped between our bodies. I felt his hips back away from mine for a split second before I felt the tip of his dick pressing against my entrance.

He gave me no warning before pushing his hips forward and burying his length deep inside of me, a load moan leaving his lips when he'd pushed himself in as far as possible. He leaned his forehead against mine as he began moving his hips, driving into me with quick, hard thrusts.

"I missed being inside of you," he whispered before another moan escaped his lips.

I gripped the fabric on his shoulders and bit down on my the inside of my lip as his hips drilled against mine. He was being so rough and it was turning me on even more. It didn't even hurt after the first few thrusts; that's how badly I wanted him.

It was hard to believe that a few hours ago I was in this lift crying, and now I was in it moaning.

I arched my back, pushing my body forward so that his length would slid against my clit as it moved in and out of me. It felt better than I remembered, being with him in that way.

"Let me feel how much you missed me," I finally managed to form words through all of the panting and moaning that was filling the compact space. I moved my hand from his shoulder and into his hair, messing it up as I tugged on it while I bounced between his torso and the wall behind me.

One of his hands slipped away from my ass as his arm moved up to my back so he could keep holding me up. His hand smoothed over the side of my neck, his thumb slipping into my open mouth as he began driving harder into me. I closed my mouth and sucked his thumb into my mouth, keeping my eyes locked on his to see his reaction. He grinned and bit down on his bottom lip, moaning as he watched me.

Without warning he moved his hand away from my neck and between our grinding bodies, immediately finding my clit. "Can you feel how much I missed you?" he whispered, leaning forward and kissing the side of my neck. I wasn't able to answer him because I was too busy being in mind blowing pleasure.

I felt his teeth press against the spot below my ear and he thrusted hard into me. "Answer me," he practically growled against my skin.

"Fuck," my breath got caught in my throat and what I was going to say came out in a gasp as his movement jolted my body, causing it to smack against the wall behind me with a lot of force. "Yes," I whispered shakily.

Fuck! Apparently he remembered all of the things I had told him about wanting to be dominated. I wanted him to do that again. And again. And again.

I moved my hand from his hair and down our bodies until I found his so I could move it away from my pussy and up to the side of my neck. Putting mine on top of it, I gave it a squeeze so that it was wrapped around my neck just enough so that I could feel pressure against my throat as his body continued drilling mine.

"Oh fuck," he groaned under his breath and his hand squeezed my throat a bit tighter as his hips moved faster. He was thrusting so hard and so quickly into me that I could hear my back making a thudding noise each time he pushed me against the wall.

His fingers were moving fast and hard against my clit and I could feel him starting to shake against me. "Cum for me, Carmen," he whispered, his voice sounding hoarse before his lips found mine again. The kiss was sloppy and frantic and so fucking sexy because I just wanted more of him even though I was as close to him as I could possibly get.

It only took a few more thrusts after he told me to cum to push me over the edge. I screamed out, my voice echoing inside the lift as I started to cum so hard it was nearly painful. I pulled Phil's hair pretty hard but I was so lost in my orgasm I didn't even realize I was doing it.

I felt him pull out of me abruptly but he kept his hands on my hips which I was thankful for because I would've hit the floor as soon as my feet touched it if he hadn't. "Fuck!" he said quite loudly which made me open my eyes just as he started to cum as well. Thankfully he'd thought to pull out since we couldn't be bothered to worry over a condom.

"Oh my God," he gasped, his body pressing against mine while he let his head drop against my forehead. I wrapped my arms around his back and we both stood there for a few seconds trying to catch our breaths.

He pulled back slowly and looked down at me with a lazy smile on his face. He looked completely spent and thoroughly fucked because his hair was a mess. His hand moved up to my cheek and he cupped it before leaning in to kiss my lips softly. "I didn't hurt you did I? I don't know what came over me," he laughed.

I smiled at him and shook my head, "That was anything but painful," I informed him as I tried to sort out the mess I'd made of his hair. "I never knew you had such an aggressive side to you," I laughed and leaned in to give him a kiss. "Mmm," I sighed happily as I moved my nose against his then pulled away so that I could see his face.

"I love you," he said softly as he looked down at me. "From now on, I promise I'm going to do my best to give you everything you deserve. I've already wasted too much time being an idiot."

There was no stopping the smile on my face. "I love you too," I responded without hesitation, sounding just as happy as I was feeling. "You're not an idiot and I've got everything I've ever wanted. You don't have anything to make up for... Except maybe cuddles and sex," I joked as I grabbed his face to give him another kiss. "And kisses. I missed those a lot. A lot, a lot," I mumbled against his lips before kissing them again.

He laughed and kissed me again. "I can give you all of that and more," he told me before giving me one more kiss. "Okay, we better get dressed before someone reports that the lift isn't working and we get caught naked or something."

He stepped away from me and picked up my clothes before helping me step into my panties and pants and pulling them up for me. He quickly got his clothes back on while I finished getting dressed as well. We didn't bother with our coats since we were heading to the flat.

He fixed my hair for me before pressing the button for the lift to start moving again and I'm sure we looked perfectly normal and not like we'd just fucked each other senseless when we stepped into the hallway and walked to his door.

"I wonder what Dan and Lydia are up to. I'm starving," he said as he unlocked the door. We stepped into the flat and both stopped in our tracks. "Uhhh. What the hell?" Phil said as he looked around the room. There was glass all over the floor from a broken lamp, the coat rack was lying on the floor, and one of the photos in the hallway was lying on the floor there as well.

It looked like someone had broken in and started to trash the place or something. I kept my eyes on the floor as I stepped further across the lounge. "The door was locked, right?" I asked as I looked over my shoulder at him. "It looks like someone came in and threw your stuff all over the place."

He was standing there rubbing his chin as he looked around the room like he was a bloody detective or something. It was hilariously cute. "Or," he gestured towards the floor where I looked to see Dan and Lydia's coats lying near the coat hanger, "we weren't the only ones who had issues waiting?" He tilted his head as he looked towards the hallway. I followed his gaze to see that random articles of clothing were lying down it in a trail towards where Dan's bedroom was.

He shrugged out of his coat and laid it on the back of his couch as he walked past me, taking my hand in his to pull me along with him down the hallway. We stopped outside Dan's bedroom door and he placed his ear against it to listen for a few seconds before carefully turning the knob and pushing the door open. We both peeked our heads in to see Lydia and Dan lying in bed together, Dan's arms wrapped around her and her head lying on his chest. She was passed out but I could see that his eyes were open.

He turned his head and smiled when he saw us, raising his hand to give us a little wave.

"We thought someone broke into the place or something," Phil whispered, shaking his head.

Dan covered his mouth to keep from laughing loudly and shook his head. "Sorry. I'll clean it up," he whispered. I watched as he leaned down and kissed the top of Lydia's head before moving as slowly as possible out from under her. She mumbled something as he stood up but stayed asleep after he got up from the bed and walked towards us. "I think she was exhausted," he told us once he'd stepped out the door.

Without warning he pulled me into a hug and squeezed me tightly. "I'm glad you didn't die," he mumbled against the top of my head before kissing it and making his way down the hall.

"Well, someone is in a good mood," Phil laughed as he watched Dan walking away.

I looked from Dan to Phil and grinned. "I think they got things sorted," I said quietly. It seemed as though all of us had finally gotten things straightened out.

Well, everyone except Lydia and I, who only talked briefly while we were at the hospital earlier.

I glanced from Phil, to where Lydia was laying and back again. "I'm going to wait in here with her until she wakes up," I told him as I reached out to grab the front of his jumper and give him a kiss.

"Alright," he smiled down at me and kissed me back. "I'm going to go make us all some stir fry instead of ordering food for once," he told me before turning to walk down the hall towards the kitchen.

When I turned around to walk into Dan's room again Lydia was lying on her side looking over at me and smiling. "It's great to see the S.S. Pharmen has set sail again," she told me as she yawned and pulled the covers up over herself more. "How are you feeling?"

I grinned because it was impossible not to. "It feels great to be back on my ship," I laughed as I laid down on Dan's bed beside her. "I'm feeling so much better," I answered, though I think she was asking about how I was feeling after the reaction instead of how I was feeling about everything else. "How are you feeling?" I asked. "Dan seems to be in a very good mood. Did you two fix everything?"

"Well, we broke a few things I think," she laughed as she facepalmed herself. "I'm sure you saw that. But in the way you mean, yes we did and it feels absolutely amazing," she sighed happily as she snuggled her face against his pillow. "It's so weird. I feel nothing like I did while you and I were moping around your house. Everything is so clear to me all of the sudden, ya know? Like, why couldn't I have figured this out sooner?" she laughed.

"Yeah, I do know, actually," I smiled. I could relate pretty well to what she was saying, though it had less to do with Phil and more to do with her. "Sometimes I think it takes something horrible to really put things into perspective. The important thing is that you finally figured it out, yeah?" I offered another grin before sighing.

"Yeah," she nodded. "I mean, before today I felt like-" she paused as she adjusted herself a bit so she could see me better, "I felt like I'd lost whatever connection I had with you before and to be honest that connection felt more like a friendship to me. It's hard to explain. I figured it was just because I've been so emotionally faulty or something and that I just didn't know what having a sister really felt like. But today when I saw you like that. You weren't breathing and you were turning blue. I thought you were going to die." I could see her eyes getting teary and she cleared her throat. "That was the most scared I think I have ever felt in my life. I just kept thinking about how I could not lose you. I knew I wouldn't be able to handle it." She blinked and tears started running down her cheeks. "I realized when they told me you were okay that I finally felt it. You're my sister. You're my _twin_. We do have that connection. I just didn't realize it yet."

I wiped the wetness away from my eyes with my knuckle because I had started tearing up too. "Me too," I admitted with a sniffle. "At the restaurant, when I realized what was happening to you, it just clicked for me. Nothing else mattered but making sure that you were okay. It was the scariest feeling in the world, thinking that I might not have you anymore.. Like some switch had been flipped and I was finally able to feel what I knew I was supposed to feel all this time," I tried to explain myself, but I wasn't sure if any of it was making sense to her. "I'm so sorry for being so distant these last few weeks. I just felt like I was emotionally drained because of everything that had happened, and I'm especially sorry for what I said to you earlier. It was so stupid now that I think about it," I rolled my eyes. "I wish we could have had a normal life and grown up together. I think I would give just about anything to get all of those years we missed out on back," I told her as I wiped away another tear that fell from the corner of my eye. "I don't want you to leave me again."

She was crying the entire time I spoke and by the time I was done she was a mess. She wrapped an arm around me and cuddling up against me, burying her face against the side of my neck. "I don't want you to leave me either," she mumbled against my neck.

We laid like that for a while just crying together. I think we both needed to get a good cry out of our systems. She pulled back to look at me, sniffling and wiping her cheeks with her hand. "Don't be sorry about what you said. Everything has been so crazy. I don't even care about that shit anymore. I just want us to take advantage of the fact that we're finally able to actually be sisters."

I pulled my sleeves down over my hands so I could wipe my face off, because it was covered in tears. "So do I," I sniffled, moving my hands so I could see her again. "Will you stay here with me?" I asked. "I mean, stay forever. Like move in with me? I don't want you to go home. I _can't _let you go home. We were away from each other for too long and- please don't go."

Her eyes got wide and she looked stunned by what I'd said. I guess she wasn't expecting it. "You really want me to stay here?" she asked, starting to smile even though tears were streaming down her face. "Wow," she laughed. "I wasn't expecting that at all." She cleared her throat as she sat up on the bed and turned around to face me again. She looked around the room as she wiped her cheeks again and cleared her throat. It seemed like she was going over it in her mind and I wished I could figure out what she was thinking.

"Okay," she finally spoke, nodding as she looked at me again. "I'll do it. I'll stay."

"You will?" I asked, sounding just as surprised. I mean, this was a massive deal. Sure she'd been staying there with me anyways, but this was me asking her to leave everything else behind for _me. _Well, for, us.

I was sitting at that point and I threw myself at her, hugging her. "I'm so happy. Thank you so much, Lydia," I said before I pulled away to look at her again. "Let's go tell Dan and Phil that you're staying!" I nodded as I grabbed her hand and moved off of the bed.

She squealed as we literally ran towards the door together like we were 10 instead of in our 20s. "I'm so excited I might piss myself," she laughed as we walked out into the hallway. We were immediately hit by the orgasmic smell of the stir fry cooking.

The boys were both standing at the stove in the kitchen staring down at the pan that Phil was stirring the food in silently. "Do you think that staring at it like that will make it cook faster?" Lydia asked, laughing at them.

"Yes," they answered at the same time while looking over at us and smiling.

"We have a big surprise for you two," I spoke up as as I walked into the kitchen with them and sat down on the counter.

Dan looked over at me and then over at Lydia and smiled the biggest, most ridiculous, dimpled smile ever. "Well go on," he gestured towards her to continue. "What is it? Does it have chocolate in it?"

"Well," Lydia looked over at me and grinned. "I've got to go back to Cambridge-"

"What?!" Dan interrupted her in a very high pitched voice. "Why do you have to go back? How long are you staying for?"

Oh wow. Awww. The big smile on his face had fallen and been replaced with the most pitiful look of sadness. Even Phil had a look of disappointment on his face as he glanced between the two of them.

"Calm down," Lydia laughed. "You didn't let me finish. I'm going back there to get my stuff. Carmen asked me to move here so, I am. You guys are stuck with me," she grinned.

He let out a loud sigh of relief and wrapped his arms around her, hugging her. "Thank God," he spoke up. "I was literally about to embarrass myself and cry or something," he rolled his eyes. "I was like wow, that's the most fucked up surprise ever, thanks, guys."

"I'm not letting her go anywhere, don't worry," I told Dan before shifting my eyes over to Lydia and grinning. "We've got a lot of time to make up for."

"Well, I think this means we should celebrate," Phil said as he walked over and put his arm around my shoulder. "Everything went from shit to awesome in one day."

"I know right?" Lydia said as she and Dan pulled away from each other. "I'm kinda glad that restaurant fucked up now," she laughed. "As weird as that sounds."

"I know, I am too," I said as I rubbed Phil's back. "If it wouldn't have-" I paused, "-I don't even want to think about what would be happening right now."

"Me either," Lydia shook her head and sighed. "The food smells amazing, by the way. I'm starving."

"We have wine as well, of course," Phil told us as he walked over to to tend to the food again. "Since we're all reunited we should have some with our meal."

"I'll get it," Dan moved towards the cabinets by the stove. "Also, I think we should think up something for the four of us to do to celebrate," he said as he turned around, now holding a bottle of wine and four glasses. "Like some sort of holiday or something," he offered, sitting everything down and popping the cork on the bottle. "Phil and I have gotten a lot better with all of the radio stuff, so we don't have to spend as much time working on it. I think we'll be able to fit something in."

"Maybe we could all go somewhere?" Lydia suggested. "Like a weekend getaway somewhere."

"That sounds like a great idea, actually," Phil replied while walking over to the table with the pan of food to sit it on the table so we could serve ourselves. "Oh!" he clapped his hands and looked super excited. "How about Naples? I love Italy this time of year."

Lydia gasped and looked equally excited. "Holy balls. That would be so amazing."

"You just sounded like some posh twat," Dan laughed. "Oh, I love Italy in the winter, you peasants should go sometime," he laughed deeply, like he did in his video about being posh. "I am down for that though. It would be fun."

I sat down at the table with my glass, taking a drink before speaking up. "Anything we do would be fun. We're _us_," I laughed. "I haven't been to Italy since I was a kid... The only thing I remember was seeing this couple basically shagging on the middle of the pavement in front of loads of people."

"I guess we'll have to worry about everyone seeing us do that if any of us have a bit too much to drink while we're there," Lydia joked as she sat down at the table which already had our plates sitting on it. "I was a kid the last time I went as well. I just remember going into really fancy stores with my Mom and being bored out of my damn mind," she rolled her eyes.

"See, this is why it's good that you're moving here. You were doomed to a life of boredom. Now you have three random British people to save you from it," Phil told her as he sat down next to me. He turned towards me and kissed my cheek quickly before he started putting some food on his plate and my own.

"Actually, she has two British people and an American," I laughed. "I'm American, right? I mean.." I raised my hands out to my sides as I shrugged. "I was born there, and my biological family are Americans."

"I don't think that makes you American, Carmy," Dan spoke up before taking a bite of his food. "You've got an English accent, not an American one. You're one of the queen's people, not Obama's."

"She's both," Lydia grinned over at me. "That makes her extra special."

"I agree," Phil replied, nudging me with his elbow.

The four of us looked around at each other, smiling. It was one of those rare perfect moments that life gives you. "Well, I know there's one thing that I am, for sure," I spoke up and they watched me, waiting for me to continue. "Happy."


	18. Peasants and Pillow Fights

Dan's POV 

I rolled from my right side onto my left and draped my arm over the body in front of me. I pulled Lydia closer to my chest -apparently sometime during the course of the night she had rolled away from me- and snuggled against her, inhaling deeply.

I noticed two things.

Her hair smelled like Old Spice and Bacon.

"What the hell?" I mumbled, finally opening my eyes. "Ahh!" I shrieked, immediately rolling away and pulling my arm back because that wasn't Lydia I was cuddling.

It was Phil.

I'm sure you're wondering why I was in bed with Lydia _and _Phil- or why I would even be in bed with Phil at all.

I wasn't even in a bed, just so you know.

I was laying on a pallet of couch cushions, pillows, and blankets on Lydia's floor. We had flown to Boston the day before and gotten in quite late that evening. Being five hours ahead of our usual schedule, all of us had actually been beat at midnight and went to sleep.

We were here to help Lydia pack up her things. As I realize she didn't _need _all of us to do that, well, actually she did.

Since she and I had only fixed things a few days before, I wasn't about to just let her leave on her own. Carmen had more or less been attached to Lydia's hip since they had their reactions, so she wanted to come with her, and since Phil had finally come around and admitted everything to Carmen, he didn't quite like the idea of her being away from him, so he came too.

Phil hadn't budged at all even though I had screamed in his ear, however Carmen was sitting up on the other side of him, looking very unamused as she stared at me.

"Why in the actual fuck are you awake right now, Dan?" She asked, holding her phone up. "It's seven in the morning and-" she paused and sniffed the air, "-is that bacon that I smell?"

During the course of the last fifteen seconds I was finally awake and alert enough to pay attention to my surroundings. Over the sound of the tele I could hear the familiar sizzling of bacon cooking and more importantly I realized that Lydia wasn't laying on our makeshift bed.

"Yes, it's bacon you smell," I heard Lydia respond to Carmen and pulled myself up so that I was sitting on my knees so I could see over the back of her couch into the kitchen.

She was standing at the stove in her pajamas and there were random items lying all on the counter from where she was cooking breakfast. "Good morning sunshine," she grinned at me while waving with her spatula. "Gotta love being stuck on London time and waking up at 6 am."

"Why the hell are all of you talking?" Phil mumbled against his pillow sounding very agitated.

"Lydia is cooking breakfast," Carmen answered, knowing that food would make his sleep disruption more bearable. "Do you need any help with that?" Carmen asked as she stretched her arms over her head, looking at her over the couch like I was.

I pushed myself up into a standing position and, after bumping into a table and a wall, made my way into the kitchen.

I could see that there was a bowl of either pancake or waffle mix, biscuits, and sausage as well as the bacon she was making and my stomach growled as I leaned down to kiss her. "Good morning," I said against her lips before pecking them and pulling away.

"Mmm. Good morning," she replied before kissing me again. "Sorry for waking you guys up but I'm fucking starving and all I have are things that you have to actually put together and cook instead of fucking Lucky Charms which is what I really wanted." She turned her attention back to the food before answering Carmen. "No, you can relax. I love doing this stuff. It's fun to cook for more than just one person in this kitchen for once," she laughed.

"That food smells so good," Phil moaned out in a very dramatic sounding voice. "I need it in my belly."

"I'm not bothered that you woke us up," I told her, even though she hadn't woke me up, more so the fact that I was cuddling Phil. "And I can't say that I'm particularly upset that you're cooking all of that. I'm used to cereal or toast. This is like a feast."

"So many remotes!" I heard Carmen squeal. When I looked over towards the lounge I saw that she was standing up by coffee table holding four different ones. "Which one works the tele?" She asked as she started clicking the buttons on one of them. Apparently it was for the surround sound speakers because the volume went up so loudly that it caused me to jump. "Not that one apparently!"

Lydia and I both started laughing at how panicked Carmen looked. "The big silver one!" Lydia yelled at her over the loudness. It finally stopped and Carmen let out a loud sigh of relief as she sat back down and start flipping through the channels.

"There's coffee ready if you want some," Lydia informed me as she turned around from the oven and smiled up at me. "Have I ever told you how insanely cute you look when you've just woken up?" she laughed. "It's so precious!"

"Look at me!" Phil's head popped up over the couch and his hair was poking out in every direction possible like he'd flat ironed it that way.

"Gorgeous," Lydia laughed. "If you guys want some coffee while you're waiting for the food to finish then you can get some."

"Coffee, coffee, coffee," I started singing as I began opening random cabinets, not stopping until I found the cups. "Good God," I blurted out, looking from the cups and down at Lydia. "Your coffee drinking is serious business. These cups are massive," I laughed then looked back at them. I pulled four down because I already knew that all of us would want some and pulled the coffee pot out to start filling them up.

Carmen walked up beside me holding the remote and started laughing. "Jesus, these are huge," she commented as she picked one of them up. "I feel like we're too young to actually _need _this much coffee, but if I don't drink it, I literally feel like I cannot function."

"I love those damn cups," Lydia laughed. "I know they are so ridiculous but I would not have made it through so much law school without them. Although they are not handy for car trips. Those bitches do not fit in any cup holder in the world. Unless Shrek is real and has a car and drinks coffee."

"Shrek isn't real?!" Phil shrieked while looking absolutely devastated.

"Of course he is. Lydia just got confused," Carmen told him as she made her way back into the living room carrying two of the large cups.

I picked mine up and took a sip before handing Lydia's over to her. "So what's on the agenda for today?" I asked as I sat my cup down on the counter. "I know we've got loads of things to pack, but are we doing any fun Boston things?"

"I figured we could go to a few clubs tonight and meet up with my old drug dealers so we can get some crack and I can snort it off your cock," she responded with a completely serious expression before taking a sip of her coffee.

"I don't think I want to go to any clubs," Phil replied to her while yawning, completely ignoring the part about crack and my dick. Thankfully.

"I'll figure out something for us to do," she said as she walked over to the stove again. "The thought of packing kind of makes me wanna shank myself with a double sided dildo."

"But packing is a good thing!" Carmen replied from the living room. "You're coming to stay with me! I'm actually excited to start packing your stuff."

"Yeah, you get to stay with us," I grinned at Lydia. "I hate doing anything but this is going to be tolerable because there's a nice reward."

She pretended to flip her hair and sighed. "Yeah, I am a pretty awesome prize, aren't I?"

A few minutes later she was finally done with breakfast. We had pancakes, eggs, sausage, bacon and even bagels and cream cheese. We also opted against sitting at the dining room table and decided to sit on our comfortable pallet while we ate and watched tv.

"Oh mu gooooooooooof," Phil moaned loudly after we'd been silently eating for a few seconds.

"I'll take it you like the food?" Lydia laughed and Phil nodded with a big smile on his face.

Carmen and I were laughing at his little outburst too, so much that I nearly got choked on a piece of bacon. "It is really good," I coughed, hitting my fist against my chest.

"So good that he skipped chewing and went straight to swallowing it," Carmen teased before popping a bite into her mouth. She sat her fork down and picked up the remote that she had more or less claimed and gasped when she changed the channel. "Good morning America!" She looked over at Lydia looking so excited. "I've always wanted to see this and I have no bloody idea why. It's just the news, isn't it? It sounds so nice. Like an announcement to America."

Lydia started laughing and she nodded. "Yeah, it's the news and they interview celebrities and stuff. The Today Show on NBC is pretty much the same thing," she shrugged. "I used to cringe every time I heard either of them coming on because it reminds me of having to wake up early which I hate."

"I think you were supposed to be an owl or something," Phil replied.

"I was an owl in a past life," she informed him.

"Does that mean that I was an owl too, since we're twins?" Carmen asked before bringing her coffee cup up to her lips.

I opened my mouth to make a twisted comment to Carmen but something on the tele caught my attention and a rather loud, "What the fuck!" flew out of my mouth instead.

Lydia and Carmen were on the screen in mine and Phil's flat from when they'd filmed that video of them explaining to Carmen's viewers what had happened and how they found each other, while one of the news anchors talked over the video clip.

"In other news, a video on youtube, where a set of twins claim to have been separated at birth, has gone viral. According to the girls, one was adopted to a family in Britain, while the other resided in Boston and they accidentally found each other while skimming through youtube videos."

"Hi, my name is Lydia Morrison and I'm pretty sure you're freaking out right now because I look exactly like you." A clip of Lydia's video she made what felt like ages ago for Carmen played on the screen.

Out of nowhere Lydia spit her coffee all over the place, including my right arm. "Are you fucking serious?" she shrieked, pointing towards the tv while waving her arm. "Why the fuck...how the hell...what?"

The lady on the tele kept talking after more of Lydia's video to Carmen played, switching back to the video of the two of the together.

"I never even knew I was adopted until she literally showed up on my doorstep." A bit of Carmen speaking played before they panned back to the group of news people sitting side by side.

"There's still no evidence to how true that story is," one of them said. There was more conversation, but after that point, I stopped paying attention to what they were saying and focused more on the people I was actually with.

"Did you put something in this coffee or did that really just happen?" Carmen spoke up. I was surprised at how calmed she sounded. Perhaps she was in shock.

"That really just happened," Lydia nodded slowly while staring at the tv with a dazed expression.

"Carmen, your channel is going to explode," Phil laughed. "They showed your channel name like 10 bloody times."

"My parents are going to shoot me right in the face," Lydia groaned while rubbing her face. "Now I'm even more happy about moving to London. I hope I can escape their wrath before I leave."

I put my hand on Lydia's back and started rubbing it, wracking my brain for something to say, but what do you even say? Seriously? What the fuck just happened? "At least they don't know that you're in town," I offered. "And, if they have anything to say, maybe they shouldn't have kept it a secret. It wouldn't be all over the news if they hadn't."

"That's true. If they would have been honest about all of this then-" the sound of her phone going off took her attention away from what she was saying and she looked around where she was sitting until she found it. "What the hell is ABC?" She looked up from her phone and over at the t.v. "Is that-" she looked back down at her phone, going silent while the rest of us stared at her wondering what had just happened.

"The ABC staff have heard about your interesting story..." she went silent again, this time longer than the last time. "We wanted to verify that there is truth behind it and if so we would like to have you on Good Morning America for an interview?" She read the last bit very quickly and looked up at Lydia without saying anything else.

Lydia got that deer in headlights look that she so often made. "Oh wow. Wow. Wow," was all that she could manage to say.

"If you go on the show I hope that you can say more than that," Phil joked.

"Thanks, Phil," she laughed, rolling her eyes. "Do you think we should do it, Carmen?"

"Uh.." She blinked a few times looking just as clueless as Lydia. "I was going to ask you the same question. I don't know... Should we? I mean- yeah it's kind of a neat story to tell people but.." she trailed off and shrugged.

"I think you should," I decided to throw my opinion out there. "I would. It's an amazing story to tell for one thing, it'll piss your parents off for another," I shifted my eyes to Lydia. "And who doesn't want to be on t.v?"

"What if they end up wanting to make one of those Lifetime movies about you two?" Phil asked. "It sounds like a Lifetime movie plot anyway."

"You watch Lifetime movies, Phil?" Lydia asked, sounding very amused.

He laughed. "No, but I've heard about them."

Lydia was quiet for a few seconds while she sipped her coffee and stared up at the tv. "What if our biological parents see it and recognize us?" she asked, looking over at Carmen.

"I was thinking the same thing," Carmen responded. "Is that something you want? I mean, you know, the possibility that they could see us and maybe that we could.. meet them?"

Lydia rubbed her left temple with her fingertips. "I've thought about it but I mean, I don't know. I'm sort of scared of what we would find out. I don't know that we'd be satisfied with whatever we do find out but I feel like we should meet them at some point, ya know?"

"Yeah... me too. It's like, I have so many questions, but do I even want answers? Can I even _handle _the answers? I don't know," Carmen sighed and glanced from Lydia to her cell phone and back again.

I don't think, up until I heard their conversation, that I'd really thought about what it would be like to be in their situation. I mean, yeah, I'd pondered over the idea of not knowing who my _real _parents were had I been adopted but to hear them talk like this put a lot of what they were dealing with into perspective. How do you make that choice for yourself? To take a shot in the dark at meeting your _family. _

I put my hand on Lydia's shoulder and gave it a gentle squeeze before wrapping my arm around it and leaning in to kiss the side of her head. "I don't want either of you to have any regrets about this either way, so maybe you should take a little bit of time to think things through," I offered as I pulled away from her and brought my cup to my lips to take a sip of my coffee.

"I think he's right," Lydia responded as she wrapped an arm around my midsection. "This definitely isn't something we should rush into."

"And you both have time to think about it while we're packing today," Phil spoke up. "Whatever you two decide to do, we support you and we'll be by your sides for anything."

"Yeah," Carmen grinned at Phil and patted his cheek as she leaned in and popped a kiss against his lips. "Speaking of packing," she turned her attention to Lydia, "we should probably start on that."

They gazed at each other for a few seconds and stood up at the exact same time and proceeded to have a bit of a giggle fit over it. Carmen took Phil's plate from him while Lydia took mine from me and they both headed into the kitchen while Phil and I continued to sit on the floor watching them like a couple of creepy people.

I still had the remote in my hand and when I looked away from them I raised it to change the channel. "Let's enjoy American broadcasting until we're summoned to help."

While flipping through the channels I heard a weird noise during the few seconds of silence between the channel change and furrowed my brows together. "Did you hear that?" I asked after muting the tele, my attention turned to Phil.

Phil's eyes were wide and he was staring towards the front door. "Yeah, I did. Is someone about to come in here and kill us?" he asked without waiting for an answer. "Lydia! Someone is about to come in here and kill us!"

"What the balls?" I heard Lydia laughing and a few seconds later she and Carmen walked back into the living room together.

Phil pointed towards the door while shaking it around. "Noises!"

Just as he said that, the door creaked as someone pushed it open and we all stared at it like we were in some scary movie and waiting for the killer to emerge.

Instead a woman stepped out from behind the door. She was in a black business suit and looked really classy like one of those women you'd see in a jewelry store you know you can afford nothing in. Her eyes landed on me and she looked confused as she gazed at me.

I watched as she looked towards Lydia and the shock that went over her was priceless. She gasped and brought her hand up to her chest. It looked like someone had knocked the wind out of her. "Holy shit," she whispered and it seemed off because you wouldn't think a woman like that would say that word.

"Hi Mom," Lydia spoke up sounding like she was nervous. I glanced over at her to see her raising a hand to wave awkwardly.

"Bizarre," her Mum spoke again while still staring at them like a deer in headlights. "I wouldn't have known which one of you was you until you spoke."

Lydia glanced over at Carmen and they grinned at each other. I think they were amused by the fact that people couldn't tell them apart.

I felt a bit better about not being able to at times since Lydia's Mum couldn't even do it. Though, it's not like she'd spent as much time with her as normal Mums would as far as I understood.

"Oh, yeah. Mom, this is Carmen, obviously," Lydia told her, pointing at Carmen with her thumb. "That's Phil," she pointed towards Phil and he raised a hand to wave. "And that's Dan. My boyfriend," she introduced me and her Mom stared at me like I was an alien.

"Boyfriend?" she repeated the word like it was in a foreign language she didn't understand. "Well, this is the first I've heard of you, Dan. It's a pleasure to meet you."

"We haven't exactly been on the right terms for me to inform you of what's going on in my personal life," Lydia replied quickly, sounding agitated. "Why are you here? If you're going to lay into me over something then please get it over with because I've got a lot of work to do."

Her Mum sighed as she closed the door. "Can we speak in private, please?"

"Sure," Lydia replied, sounding exhausted by the whole situation already, and turned to walk back down the hall. Her Mum followed behind her leaving the three of us sitting in the living room alone.

"How did she know we were here?" Phil whispered, looking over at Carmen.  
"I don't think that she did," Carmen responded, still looking in the direction that Lydia and her Mum had disappeared. She tiptoed forward with her head tilted and her eyebrows pushed together. She looked like she might have been an overprotective mother waiting for a reason to storm down the hallway and protect her young.

I cleared my throat, "Carmen. Maybe you should come sit down, yeah?"

She looked over her shoulder at me then back at the hallway before she slowly walked back towards the pile of pillows me and Phil were sitting on.

The tele was muted and the three of us were being very quiet while trying to listen in on whatever was being said.

I looked down at saw that Phil was holding her hand and rubbing the back of it to calm her down. It was pretty crazy to see them together that way when I'd watched them barely acknowledge that the other existed for so long when Carmen and I hung out.

It was insane how much Lydia busting into the picture had changed everything.

"Because they make me happy!" I heard Lydia yell and all of us jumped. "Fuck that!"

"I'm so sick of you saying I wasn't a parent! I was!" We heard her Mum yell back. "Stop pretending like you were so mistreated!"

"OH yes, Mother. Because I'm the overdramatic kind of cunt who runs around lying about things like that. I must have made it up to get attention!"

"Lydia, this all has gone too far!"

"I am a grown ass woman and I never asked to be apart of this shit show you and Dad parade all over the country. I'm moving to England to be with my sister that YOU kept me from and that's that. Go adopt some other kid and ruin their life if you-"

The sound of a loud slapping noise made us all jump again and all of our heads turned quickly to look at each other. We knew what it was without even questioning it.

"Get the fuck out of my house!" I heard Lydia yell after what felt like a long silence. "And leave your key on the way out."

Her Mum's reply couldn't be heard but we all heard Lydia yell. "Now!" before a door creaked.

I fumbled to pick up the remote control and quickly turned the sound back on on the tv while the three of us pretending we hadn't just heard everything that happened.

"Carmen, no-" I heard Phil just before I saw a flash in front of my face that was apparently one of her legs.

Fucking hell.

I looked over my shoulder to see Lydia's Mum meet face to face with Carmen who was blocking the front door. "You look like a smart enough woman so you should have known that keeping us apart would eventually come back to bite you in your pretentious ass. But then again, looks are deceiving more often than not, aren't they? I mean, that nose job almost looks natural," Carmen gestured towards Lydia's Mum before folding her arms over her chest. "Don't worry about Lydia though," she paused and grinned, "we'll take much better care of her than you did."

Lydia's Mum glared at Carmen and looked like she didn't really know what to do with herself. "Well, it's nice to see that she's not alone with having such a lovely attitude. I don't expect any of you to understand what Lydia's father and I have done and honestly, I don't care if you do. But if any harm comes to my daughter while she's over there with you all, you'll regret it." She stepped around Carmen, nearly hitting her shoulder as she did and jerked the door open before walking out and slamming it.

I looked over at Phil and then back at Carmen. "Um. One of us needs to check on Lydia," Phil broke the silence.

I was on my feet before anyone had a chance to say anything. "I'll do it," I spoke up.

I was absolutely mind fucked over what had just happened. So much that I didn't know what to say, let alone how to feel about it. I mean, obviously it made me mad... I just-

Woah.

When I got to her door, I didn't expect to find her the way I had found her. She was yanking things out of her wardrobe and shoving them into a box, huffing loudly. Her face was red and not from being slapped either. She looked like a mental person who was rage packing without bothering to sort through anything she was grabbing.

After standing at the threshold I cleared my throat to catch her attention. "Uh.. d'you need some help?" I offered, not wanting to ask the world's stupidest question: Well hey there ma'am, y'alright?

She stopped abruptly and looked up at me with a shocked expression. She obviously hadn't noticed I was standing there. Her eyes closed and she sighed loudly as she ran her fingers through her hair to push some of it out of her face. "I know you heard all of that," she said as she dropped the t-shirt she was holding into a box.

I watched as she walked over to one of her drawers and literally pulled the entire top drawer out which looked to be filled entire with bras and panties before walking over and turning it upside down so that it'd all fall into the box. "I just want to pack this shit and go. Being in the same state as that woman just makes so-" she brought her hands up to her head and made her fingers look like claws before growling.

I had to clench my jaw to keep from laughing because it wasn't something that I should laugh at and I knew it. "I understand," I began as I walked towards where she was standing. "But you should maybe calm down a little, yeah?" I put my hands on her shoulders and slid them down to her upper arms. "I don't think she's coming back and if she does she's going to have to face the wrath of Carmen before she gets anywhere near you."

"I can't believe she actually slapped me," she laughed, shaking her head and rolling her eyes. "I mean, I've had it coming for years but still. It was shocking." She wrapped her arms around to my back and stepped up closer to me so that she could hug me and pressed her face against my neck. "It's so weird how this doesn't even feel like home anymore," she said quietly as we stood there together. "I'm so glad you came with me."

My arms wrapped around her, I rubbed her back soothingly. "She's the one who deserves to be slapped," I responded, resting my chin on her shoulder. "And I'd go anywhere with you, you know that," I turned my head and kissed her cheek. "You've got a new home now with your sister and me and Phil. Your Mum is just angry that it's come to a point where she can't control your life."

"You're right about that," she said as she leaned back to look up at me. "I'm just glad I got that inevitable fight over with. She knows I'm moving and there's nothing she can do about it. Thankfully all of my finances are in my name so they can't go psycho and freeze my account or something." She sighed loudly and leaned forward, hitting my chest with her forehead like she was banging it against a wall but not hard of course. "Oh and thank you," she said when she stopped. She was smiling up at me and the smile was real, thankfully. "I would go anywhere with you too. Also, did my sister flip out on Mom or something?"

"I did." Carmen's voice surprised us much that we jumped and both let out a little shriek. "Jesus on a boat, Carmen!" I laughed, looking over my shoulder at her.

She was standing by the door with her arms folded across her chest. "I didn't mean to scare you guys," she laughed and started to walk into Lydia's room. "You guys were being cute and I was admiring it," she grinned at me then at Lydia. "I called her out on her nose job and told her that she was pretentious. I wanted to slap her but she looks like someone who has the blue men on speed dial."

Lydia facepalmed herself as she started laughing quite hard. "Oh shit. I really, really wish I could have seen that." She walked over to Carmen and pulled her into a hug. "Thank you, lovely sister of mine. It means alot that you took up for me."

"It was brilliant," Phil bragged as he stepped up beside the girls. "I felt like Carmen went into Mama bear mode and was all like 'She is ours, peasant. Be gone!'."

"Oh God, Phil," Lydia laughed as she and Carmen pulled away from each other. "I think my Mom has been called several names in her life but peasant was not one until now."

"Aw, man. I wish I could have thought to call her that. That would have been brilliant. The look of confusion on her face would have been absolutely priceless," Carmen laughed.

"Peasant? How dare you, heathen!" I tried my best to imitate her Mum's accent but it was complete crap.

"She's such a twat. I'm so glad I'm rescuing you from that woman's clutches. You would end up going mental if you had to stay around her," Carmen told Lydia.

"Hey, we're rescuers too!" Phil replied, pointing between himself and me. "Kind of."

"Of course you are," Lydia laughed. "Okay, okay. Packing. I need to do this," she nodded. "The furniture and whatnot is going to be put into storage so we don't have to worry about that. I really just want all of my clothes, stuff in the bathroom, and some of my kitchen stuff."

Ten hours, 15 boxes, a nap, and two meals later, the four of us had successfully packed everything that Lydia wanted to take back to London with her.

All of the boxes were stacked around her lounge and the four of us were, once again, sat on the pile of cushions in front of the tele; only instead of coffee and breakfast foods, we had wine and take out from this Italian restaurant a few blocks down from where Lydia lived.

We had planned to go out before Lydia's Mum had stopped by that morning, but she pretty much ruined the vibe of doing anything like that. So instead we decided to stay in and drink wine until we passed out.

Carmen was sitting very close to the edge of the pile of cushions, appearing to be mesmerized by the tele as she flipped through the channels with the remote that she was hoarding, steadily taking sips of her wine.

I was paying a lot of attention to my phone because I kept getting alerts from my many social media accounts. Carmen's video being played on the news here in America had brought in a slew of new subscribers for both me and Phil (and Carmen of course), because of the videos we had done with her.

"Carmen, love, are you having fun?" Phil asked, sounding amused. "I think the amount of channels you have is making her quite happy," he told Lydia.

"I think you're right," she laughed before taking another sip of wine. "Carmen, you're going to damage your eyes sitting so close to that tele!" she pretended to scold her while speaking with our accent.

"Had you called me Calliope I would have thought you were my Mum," Carmen laughed, finally sitting the remote down as she looked back at us. She scooted back a bit and turned sideways so she could look at both us and the tele instead of sitting with her back towards us. "I dunno how you guys settle on one thing to watch. There are so many choices," she stated and I could see her hand inching for the remote again.

"Someone needs a cable intervention," I laughed, looking up from my phone. I locked the screen and sat it down to pick up my glass of wine. "Also, can you believe Playlist Live is only like three weeks away?"

"I forgot all about Playlist Live," Carmen spoke up. "Which is kind of shit on my part considering I'm going and all."

Lydia gasped and grabbed onto my thigh. "I want to go to Playlist Live! I've always wanted to go."

"Like we're all going to go and leave you behind," Phil laughed.

"You're coming with us," Carmen grinned at her. "We'll dress exactly alike and confuse everyone."

"Please don't," I said then pulled a pouty face.

"You can help me perfect my American accent and we can give away prizes to anyone who can guess who is who," she went on like she was excited about it. "It'll be fun!"

"For everyone but me!" I groaned.

"I'll make sure to grab your ass randomly or pet your package so you'll know who is who," Lydia laughed as she patted my cheek.

"I have always been able to see who is who! I don't understand why you can't," Phil said as she looked between them. "Carmen's facial expressions are completely different than Lydia's most of the time and she parts her hair on the left whilst Lydia parts hers on the right," he explained.

I shifted my eyes between Lydia and Carmen, only then noticing that they did indeed part their hair on different sides, and rolled my eyes. "Yeah but their faces look exactly the same all the time," I responded. "If I were you guys, I would be creeped out that he notices things like that," I said as I inched away from Phil and closer to Lydia, like I was scared.

"Well I wear glasses 100% of the time while Lydia only wears them when she can't be bothered to put contacts in," Carmen noted. "By the way, it's not creepy that he pays that much attention. I think it's quite sweet," she smiled as she looked over at him.

"Anyway, I do think we could fool everyone. It'd be hilarious to troll them for shits and giggles," Lydia laughed. "Plus, you'll all have someone to shoot your vlogs," she told us while pointing at herself. "I promise I won't zoom in on your asses...too often."

We all started laughing and then silence fell around us before Carmen spoke up. "So we never came to a decision about doing that show..." She said, glancing up at Lydia. "Another place emailed me too. The Today Show or something like that."

Lydia's eyes got huge. "The Today Show or something like- oh fuck. I keep forgetting you're british," she laughed. "I don't know. I mean, I guess it'd be cool. I'm definitely all for something that might help you out because I know your channel would probably fucking explode if we went on one of these shows."

"Yeah.. but that's not why I want to do it and I don't want you to do it unless you actually want to, you know?" Carmen sighed and picked up her wineglass. "I mean, they're playing the bloody video on the news so I don't think that going and doing one of the shows would hurt anything."

"That's pretty much how I see it," Lydia shrugged. "I think it'd be cool to do it. How many times in life can someone say they were on the Today Show? That shit is mega popular."

"I think I would have shanked myself if you said hella," Phil replied without looking away from the tele.

"I'll email them back," Carmen said as she picked up her phone. "This should be fun. I've never been to New York," she paused and started laughing. "Wait, I was born there. Duh," she rolled her eyes at her self, still looking down at her phone.

"When do you think they would want to have you guys come on?" I spoke up while wrapping an arm around Lydia's shoulders.

Out of nowhere she turned towards me before wrapping her arms around my midsection and snuggling up to me while mashing her face against the side of mine. "Can I keep you forever and ever?"

"Are you drunk?" Phil laughed, looking over at us like Lydia had gone mad.

"Yeah," I laughed too, pulling back so I could see her face. "Are you? You never attack me like that."

She pulled back, laughing at herself. "While I am a bit tipsy, I did it because I was staring at you like a creeper and your dimples were being all dimply and I had an overwhelming urge to attack you."

"Those dimples are like a weapon," Phil rolled his eyes. "Do I have a weapon, Carmen?"

"Those dimples make panties drop," Carmen looked up from her phone, laughing. Though about three seconds later she kind of froze.

We looked at each other and I swear to you, my heart stopped beating.

She composed herself and cleared her throat while looking up at Phil, grinning. "You have many weapons," she informed him before popping a kiss against his lips.

"Yeah, like your cock," Lydia blurted out and then cracked up laughing. Phil joined in as soon as he kept himself from spitting wine everywhere.

Mine and Carmen's gaze met again for a split second and I could tell we were both thinking the same thing.

Thank God no one noticed the looks on our faces.

"That's one of your weapons," Carmen told Phil, laughing with them. "Your lips are another and that bloody pouty face you pull sometimes," she said and then Phil made the face she was talking about. "Stop that! I'll cry! I cannot handle it."

"Dude, seriously. I can't even handle that," Lydia laughed, still latched onto me.

Phil stopped making his pouty face for long enough to lean in and steal a few kisses from Carmen.

Carmen turned into a monkey or something because she basically climbed Phil like a tree and latched onto him with her arms around his neck and her legs wrapped around his side, putting kisses anywhere they would land on his face. "I just love yooooou," she laughed, leaning against him until he toppled over.

He was laying on his side with her straddling his hip and she started jabbing her fingers into his ribs, tickling him. "Awww, my liddo Philip is ticklish."

Phil was literally screaming like a girl while trying to crawl out from under her. "Please. Stop. I can't. No!"

"Should we help him?" Lydia asked me.

"YES!" Phil screamed.

"Nah. I think he's okay," she shrugged before reaching over for her glass of wine. After taking a sip she sat it back onto the floor and leaned in closer to me. "Would you be opposed to skipping out on the living room sleep over and staying in my bed this evening?"

"Not at all," I responded, leaning back a little so I wouldn't get smacked in the face by one of the flailing limbs that belonged to Phil or Carmen.

Apparently she thought that after being tickled he also needed to be smacked around by one of the pillows on the floor. "Pillow fight!" She announced while playfully hitting him with it.

"Oh, you're going down," Phil informed her as he reached over to grab a pillow.

"I bet she is," Lydia giggled.

Of course Phil barely hit her because he was trying to be gentle. Not that I wouldn't be gentle or anything. But we weren't exactly with the girliest of girls.

"Please, for the love of Dave Matthews, do not spill the wine," Lydia stated while holding an arm out towards them.

I took her being distracted as an opportunity to lunge at her, knocking her backwards onto the pile of cushions near where Carmen had Phil pinned down.

I poked my fingers into her sides and started cracking up. I hadn't done anything like this in ages. "Weak. You are weak," I teased her while continuing to tickle her.

"Oh hell no! Lydia, you best do something about that," I heard Carmen laughing. I'm guessing she noticed the fact that we, or well, I was also behaving like a 5 year old.

"So not fair!" Lydia squealed while trying to wiggle away from me. Of course I wasn't letting her get away so easily. But then her legs wrapped around my hips and she latched onto me like a fucking crab person or something. "Don't make me dry hump you and give you a boner in front of them!"

"Please, do not let her do that!" Phil laughed breathlessly right before getting slapped on the side of the head by a pillow. He fell over dramatically like he'd been fatally injured.

"I've got your back!" I heard Carmen call out before I felt something smacking me in the face. I raised one of my hands to my eyes because they were burning and apparently that could have given Lydia a chance to escape.

"Gooooooooo!" Carmen shouted while I was being whacked in the back of the head again.

"What is this shit?" I laughed, shielding my face with my arm because I was being hit again.

"You don't fuck with twins!" Lydia declared in a sort of scary, man/God-like voice before she smacked my ass with a pillow.

"This is one of the highlights of my life." I heard Phil say from wherever in the room he was.

"Phil?" I called out, still covering my face. "Bloody hell. You are a shit best friend! They're both attacking me!"

"Actually that's just Lydia," Carmen laughed. "I've got Phil pinned. He can't even help himself. Can you, love?"

I moved my arm to see that Lydia had two pillows and she was flinging both of them at me at the same time. "Rubbish. Complete rubbish!" I grumbled, reaching out for a pillow to retaliate.

I hit her on the side of her hip, knocking her off balance so that she fell over beside me and I rolled onto my knees before laying down on top of her. "I got you right where I want you," I informed her before blowing a raspberry on the side of her neck, my fingers poking at her sides again.

"Daniel James Howell, get off of me!" she yelled at me through her laughter while slapping my ass repeatedly with both hands quite hard.

"Ask nicely," I responded, digging my fingers a little deeper into her ribs.

"No!" she giggled. "Take me to bed, you peasant."

I didn't say anything. Instead I leaned up, taking her along with me and pulled her over my shoulder. "See you guys in the morning," I said to Carmen and Phil, who were rolling around on the pillows fighting with each other.

When I got to Lydia's room I kicked the door shut and body slammed her against the bed, falling down on top of her, going right back to tickling her. "Say, Dan, I'm sorry for calling you a peasant," I instructed her trying to imitate her voice.

"Peasant, I'm sorry for calling you Dan," she replied through her giggles and then laughed loudly at herself.

"Wrong answer, turnip," I laughed, moving my hand to tickle the spot between her ass and thigh. "Let's try this again. Say, Dan, I am so sorry for calling you a peasant. I'll never do it again."

She let out a loud squeal and shook her head while laughing for a few seconds before calming down a bit even though she was still wiggling around beneath me. She reached up to grab my face. "Dan," she said my name and then paused, biting down on her bottom lip as her eyes searched my face for a second. "I love you."

I stopped tickling her without even thinking of doing it and stared at her for a few seconds in shock. I could feel myself starting to smile as I looked down at her and moved my hand up to her face, cupping her cheek before leaning in and giving her a soft kiss. "I love you, too, Lydia," I informed her once I had pulled back again so I could see her better.

I felt like my body was weightless or something and I was floating. Maybe this was that whole cloud 9 thing people talked about? I don't know, but hearing her say that along with the look on her face and in her eyes when she did made me feel so happy that no adjective could do it justice.

"I've been trying to get the balls to say it ever since you walked into the hospital that day," she said as she looked up at me. "But it felt right to say it just then so I did. I've not been sure of very many things in my life, especially in this department. But I'm sure about what I feel for you. I love everything about you."

"You just wanted a way to get me to stop tickling you," I teased before kissing her lips again. "Can you say it again?" I asked, tilting my head to the side while watching her.

"I love you," she told me again before kissing me. "I love you," she kissed me again. "I love you. Now can we please have sex?"

I started laughing, letting my forehead rest against hers. "Well how could I possibly say no to that?"


	19. Phan Flu

Phil's POV

Dan and I were sat on the end of the bed in mine and Carmen's hotel room. It was around 9:30 am in New York which meant that in our heads it was around 1 pm. That also meant that Dan was having serious issues with waking up.

"If you miss her on this show she will abuse you and I will not save your ass," I told him before taking a sip of my coffee. Apparently Lydia kept him up for most of the night because she was nervous about her and Carmen's appearance on the Today Show that morning.

I felt like I had a swarm of butterflies throwing a bloody fiesta in my intestines. I was so nervous and I wasn't even the one who was about to be on national television. I hated that Dan and I couldn't go with them. Obviously we couldn't control what would happen there but I still wanted to be with them.

Mainly I was afraid of how in depth the interviewer would try to go with them. People were so curious about their story so they would want to know all of the details. I felt like some of what was happening with the two of them was so sensitive.

For example, Carmen was still processing the fact that she was adopted and hadn't found out until Lydia showed up. That's not exactly something you just deal with in a couple of months.

"Up next, an exclusive interview with the identical twins who are the stars of a video that has gone viral and fascinated people around the world." I heard one of the show's hosts say that and nearly slapped the hell out of Dan because I didn't know what to do with my emotions when a tiny clip of the video popped up on the screen.

"Could you not," Dan groaned before something hit me in the face then fell and nearly knocked my coffee out of my hand.

Apparently he had slapped me in the face with a pillow. I wondered if he was having the same problem with not knowing what to do with his emotions.

"Seriously, I will karate chop you if you do that again," he said before taking a sip of his coffee.

"What the hell, Dan?" I laughed, scooting away from him. "You need a bloody pill or something. I didn't even touch you, psycho. How does Lydia deal with your evilness in the morning?" I regretted asking that question the second it left my lips.

"I'm not being evil," he rolled his eyes. "How does Carmen deal with how dramatic you are?" He asked, but didn't give me a chance to answer before going on. "I'm about to see my girlfriend on live television. I'm nervous for her."

"I am as well but I'm not being a dick with ears," I replied, looking at him like horns were about to sprout out of his insane bed hair.

Before he could say anything else we both heard the show coming back on and went silent while staring at the tv screen.

The hosts introduced themselves but I was too busy staring at Lydia and Carmen to be bothered to pay any attention to them. All I knew was that there was a man and a woman sitting side by side with mine and Dan's girlfriends sitting across from them.

Of course, they were dressed exactly alike. I could tell them apart though because I am creepy as Dan would say. Carmen was on the left and Lydia was on her right. I noticed for the first time that they even sat the same way. Both of them had their legs crossed and their hands folded on their laps while they swayed their leg back and forth. It was almost like they looked synchronized or something.

"These days it seems that a new video goes viral every week but sometimes there's one that stands out more than the others. Identical twins Carmen Kensington and Lydia Morrison had no idea that a video they made would be one of those."

The host went on to explain their story while clips of their video moved across the screen as well as clips of the video Lydia made to try to get Carmen's attention before she came to England.

"Quite a story you two have!" the host said as the cameras focused on them again. "So, Lydia... Wait, which one of you is Lydia?" the host asked, laughing.

Carmen and Lydia looked at each other and grinned before Lydia raised her hand. I was kind of surprised they didn't try to give the guy a hard time and pull some of their weird twin crap on him.

"So you've known your entire life you were adopted but from what I understand, you didn't know about your twin sister until you found a video of her on Youtube, correct?" He asked but went on before she could respond. "How did that make you feel, finding out about her after not knowing for 22 years?"

"Shocked. Actually, I don't think that word does it justice," she laughed. "I don't think there is a word that can do everything I was feeling justice. It was most definitely the most bizarre and life changing moment of my life so far apart from when we actually met. I mean, this sort of thing happens in movies, ya know? It's just been crazy."

"It does sound like something from a movie. I agree," he laughed. "Carmen, I can't even begin to imagine how you felt when you realized that some girl was looking for you saying she was your twin. But what I'd really love to know is how you are coping with things now."

"With wine," she laughed. "Not really. It's not been the easiest thing to deal with, obviously. But I've got a really great support system. I have Lydia and my friends and my amazing boyfriend. If it weren't for them I honestly don't know what I would do."

"We understand that you are a Youtuber and your boyfriends are as well. How have they handled this major change in your lives?"

"Well, this change is actually how I met my boyfriend and how Carmen ended up with hers," Lydia responded. "I hadn't met mine before I met Carmen. Our boyfriends are best friends so it works out quite well."

"Sounds like the perfect set-up for a romantic comedy," he laughed.

"Pretty much," Lydia responded, she and Carmen laughing their scary identical laugh.

"Have you two discussed the possibility of finding your biological parents yet or is that something you're at all interested in?"

Wow. This guy was going for the deep stuff.  
The girls glanced at each other. I'm pretty sure they'd expected to be asked about that.

"We've talked about it, what, once?" Carmen shrugged, looking from Lydia the the guy who was asking them all the questions. "I think anyone in our positions would be curious to know where they came from and have thoughts about their birth parents, but actually meeting them... it's just a huge deal. I'm interested in trying, but I'm not quite sure I'm ready. This entire situation is so new to me. I mean, I've only known Lydia for four or five months, and I only found out I was adopted when she showed up at my flat. I'm still trying to wrap my head around it."

The guy nodded at Carmen then looked over at Lydia. "Do you think you're more ready to approach the idea of meeting or trying to find your birth parents since you've had more time to accept knowing that you're adopted?"

"Yeah, I think so," Lydia replied. "I've wondered all my life about them but if I ever do find them it will be when Carmen is ready to as well. Right now I'm focused on the relationship she and I are building."

"How is that going? From your videos we've seen, you seem to get along. Was that an instant thing or did it take time? Or? Do you care to share how things have gone as far as building a relationship?"

"Well we got on just fine when we met but, for me, it took a little while until she actually felt like family," Carmen told him, gesturing towards Lydia. "I thought I was supposed to feel an instant connection or something, like on a movie and that didn't really happen. Things are great now, though," she grinned, glancing at her sister. "I'm very excited about making up for the last 22 years without her."

There were a few _awws _from the people seated around them before the man went on. "So, very quickly, about your biological parents, do either of you know any information about them for when you are ready to meet them?"

Carmen shook her head. "Our adoptions were closed, so we don't know anything about either of them. All we know is that we were born here, in New York City, on Halloween."

"You never know who might be watching this," the guy responded, offering them a smile. "Well, thank you both so much for coming in today. Your story is truly remarkable and we wish you both the best of luck."

"Thank you," the girls replied at the same time then laughed at the same time.

Dan and I stayed staring at the tv screen until they switched to commercial.

"I think that was great!" I said as I stood up to go get some more coffee. "They didn't look nervous at all."

"They both probably had a glass of wine before going live," Dan laughed, reaching out for his laptop. "It's crazy that just happened, though. Them being on national television like that..." he trailed off and I looked over at him to see him looking at me. "Do you think that'll help them? Find their biological parents?" He opened up his macbook. "I mean, obviously their story is a big news deal, but.. I dunno. I just wonder if it'll actually do anything for either of them in the grand scheme of things."

"I'm not sure. I mean, it's entirely possible that their birth parents or at least one of them could hear about them or see them. But we also have to keep in mind that they might not actually want to know anything about them. You never know," I shrugged. "I wonder how long it'll be before they make it back here."

"The Biebs is performing and I kinda think both of them are going to want to stick around for that," Dan said while laughing. "So it's probably going to be me and you for a while, amigo."

"Oh bloody hell," I laughed as I laid back on the bed. "Justin Bieber? Really? I can't believe they're choosing the Biebs over us. I'm a bit wounded."

"I can beliebe it," Dan responded while looking down at his computer. "Oh yeah, I'm a belieber," he snapped his fingers. "We may have to go and get some food before they get back. I'm starving."

"Sometimes I just wish I had a camera hooked to me somewhere to catch moments like you declaring that you are a Belieber. Though something tells me that no one would be shocked by it."

"I declared that I was full time internet homo. It can't get much worse than that," he laughed at himself as he closed his computer.

After sitting it down on the bed he moved to stand, groaning as if it were taking the life out of him.

"Need to feed is rising," he informed me as he started to step into his shoes. "I want tacos."

"Dan, it's 9 am," I laughed, standing up as well. "I'm not sure of where you're going to find tacos at this hour."

"Oh God. Is anything even open this early? I'm still on London time. It's time for lunch in my head," he went on while walking around the bed to the table where his bag was sat and fished through it until he pulled out his wallet. "I'll settle for a banana and some bloody nutella. I just want to eat something."

"I want hashbrowns and waffles," I told him as I pulled my phone out to see if Carmen had gotten a chance to text me yet. "And coffee. Lots and lots of coffee. I see a nap in my future as well."

"If I wasn't so hungry I'd just go back to sleep until they got here." Dan said, holding his phone out. "Jesus. There are literally 45 McDonalds in walking distance from here."

"What?" I literally squealed. "What is that magical magic? Let's go! I want all the foods." I walked past him flailing my arms around like a crazy person on my way to the door. I didn't even bother looking back to see if he was following when I walked out into the hall. I was on a mission for food. I'm pretty sure I was also delirious.

I heard the door shut and then a thud followed by a very loud "Goddammit, Phil!"

I looked over my shoulder as the door opened and Dan was walking out rubbing his forehead. "Thanks for letting me walk into the door." He was still holding his phone so I'm guessing he had been looking down at it and not paying any attention to where he was going.

I stopped by the lift and looked over to see him with his angry face in full force. "Hey, you're the one who can't leave your phone alone long enough to walk out of a door. I can't stand there and inform you of the objects you're about to walk into all the time, Dan. I guess I do need to teach Lydia how to at some point so you don't die when you're away from me or something."

"Ha ha ha ha," Dan pretended to laugh while also kicking me on the back of my knee, causing me to nearly topple over from losing my I balance. "I need to teach Lydia to do that."

Right as the doors opened I reached over and wrapped my fingers around Dan's throat just because I knew he hated for anyone to touch his neck. "I should teach Lydia to do that!"

Dan waited for the elevator doors to close before turning his back to me and letting loose on a very loud fart. "I should teach Carmen to do that," he managed to say before he started cracking up.

"Oh my God, Dan!" I yelled, immediately pulling my shirt up to cover my nose and mouth. "How the hell do you manage to make such foul smells come out of your ass? I feel so horrible for Lydia. What did you eat?"

"Maltesers," he grumbled, looking as if he was straining to poop before letting out another fart.

Thankfully the lift got to the lobby soon after and doors opened up.

I felt bad for the people who were about to step in as we stepped out.

We heard one of them make a comment as we walked away and once again Dan lost it and started laughing.

"You are just beyond horrible," I told him through my own laughter as we made our way out of the hotel. Straight ahead of us I saw a sign and gasped while holding my arm out to stop him. "IHop! They have an IHop!" I told him, trying to sound as dramatic as possible because we both fucking loved IHop.

"Oh my God! IHop!" Dan joined me in being dramatic. He pressed his hand against the left side of his chest and stopped on the middle of the pavement. "Step aside peasants. We've got pancakes to eat," he said rather loudly, causing quite a few people to look at us like we were mental as they walked by.

Dan lead the way to the restaurant, which was packed. Surprisingly, though, it didn't take very long for us to be seated.

We both ordered coffee and sipped on it until the waitress came back to take our orders. I got waffles, of course, and Dan ordered pancakes and bacon

"I'm going to rock a piss," I told Dan as I stood up from the table. I found my way to the bathroom, did my business, and was on my way back to the booth Dan and I were sat at when I happened to see something fall on the floor a few feet ahead of me.

I bent down to pick it up and saw that it was someone's debit card. The name on it was Dax Quick which had to have been one of the coolest names I'd ever seen.

I looked around to see who might have dropped it and saw a guy standing in front of me waiting next to the cash register.

"Um, sir. May I ask your name?"

I didn't want to just offer up the card in case someone lied to me to steal it or something.

The guy looked over at me and then looked around, like he was making sure I was speaking to him and not someone else. "Uh.. Dax Quick," he responded, his eyebrows furrowed. "Why?"

I held up the card to show it to him. "You dropped this. I just wanted to make sure you were you before I gave it to you. Cool name, by the way."

"Oh wow," his eyes widened as he reached for the card. "Thanks," he smiled, looking down at it before looking back at me. "You're obviously not from around here. Not many people would have given it back to me," he said while pulling his wallet out and stepping towards me to get out of other people's way. "And I'm pretty sure my wife would try and nail my balls to something if I lost one of these again."

I cracked up laughing. "No, I'm not from around here and I know I'd shit myself if I ever lost my card. I'm glad I was able to keep your balls from meeting any nails or walls."

He started laughing while ruffling his hand through his hair. "Me too. My wife is wonderful, really but she has a bit of a short fuse when it comes to me losing things. You would think after nearly 30 years together she'd be used to it," he rolled his eyes and tucked his wallet into his back pocket. "Are you here on vacation or are you studying abroad?"

"No, I'm actually here with my girlfriend and her sister. Her sister is moving to London so me and my best friend came along to help. I do love it here though. I wish I could visit more often." Don't ask me why I felt so comfortable talking to this man I literally just met seconds before but I did.

"Oh yeah?" He folded his arms across his chest. "I've been to London a few times. Great city. That's one hell of a move, though," he said while raising his hand and rubbing his scruff. "But that's coming from someone who has lived in the same city his entire life," he laughed. "I never had the opportunity to do something kind of crazy like that."

"Well, New York is a pretty cool place to live in for your entire life," I replied. "But yeah the moving thing has been pretty crazy. Well, the situation surrounding all of it has been crazy. She's been staying with us for the past few months anyway so it won't be a big culture shock. We're just here to gather her things, basically. I'm actually here with her boyfriend who is my best friend. We're waiting for them to get done with an interview they had with-"

I could see Dan coming towards us with his arms up, like he was wondering what I was doing. "I thought you'd fallen into the bloody toilet," he said, not aware of the fact that I was mid-conversation just before he'd showed up.

Dax started laughing and I watched as Dan looked over at him. From the look on his face I knew he was wondering why the guy was still standing there.

"Oh! Sorry," I laughed. "Dan, this is Dax. He dropped his debit card and I found it. We started talking and I got sidetracked."

"Oh. Sorry for interrupting but the food is at the table and Lydia finally text and said that her and Carmen ate at the studio and we can just meet up when we're done eating. They're going shopping or something." Dan explained.

"I won't keep you. It was nice meeting both of you. Have a good time in the city.. Oh and thanks again for giving me my card back."

"It was nice meeting you too, Dax," I told him while holding my hand out for him to shake. "And it was no problem whatsoever. Have a good day."

"You too," he shook my hand and patted my shoulder before smiling at Dan and walking away from us.

"I feel like I just watched you turn into a man or something," Dan commented. "Oh look at me. I'm Phil. I'm grown. I shake hands with guys in suits."

"What even goes on in your mind?" I laughed. "He was a cool guy. I'm not used to people who are all friendly like that." I got super excited when our table came into view because I saw our food was waiting for us. "Yesssss. Waffles for my face."  
Dan laughed as he stepped ahead of me to take his seat. "I'll give you that. I probably would have shook his hand too," Dan told me while picking up his fork. "Oh, by the way, Lydia and Carmen got to see the Biebs' ass hanging out of his pants from less than 10 feet away. I'm not sure about Carmen, but Lydia was well excited over it."

"Uh oh. Watch out, Dan. The Biebs might try to steal her from you," I replied as I sat down in front of my food which looked so delicious it made my stomach start to growl. "And we already know she must have a thing for guys who have their ass hanging out of their pants."

"I sag with class," Dan informed me while chewing his food. "I also swag with class because yolo," he picked up his coffee cup and took a drink, shifting his eyes around. "Btw there's a girl coming up behind you and I think she knows who we are."

I turned around to see a girl who looked like she couldn't have been more than 15 years old walking towards me with a huge smile on her face. She also happened to be wearing an AmazingPhil t-shirt which let me know immediately that she did know who we were.

Dan smiled up at her when she got to our table and her smile got a even bigger. "I really hate to bother you two because you're trying to eat but I was just leaving and noticed you and I had to come say hi. I mean, you don't just see two of your favorite Youtubers in the Ihop two blocks from your apartment every day."

"It's totally okay. You don't have to apologize," I replied, smiling at her. "We're always happy to talk to people. What's your name?"

"Kirsten."

"It's nice to meet you," Dan told her while bringing his coffee to his lips. "You aren't skipping school or anything are you?"

She laughed and shook her head. "No. I'm on spring break."

Dan looked at her like she was crazy. "Why are you up so early on spring break?"

"I'm a peasant," she laughed in response. "I gotta go to work in," she looked down at her wristwatch. "45 minutes."

"That is so not fun," I replied, shaking my head. "Sorry you have to work on spring break. I don't think you're a peasant though."

"Oh I am," she chuckled while looking down at her bag as she started to dig through it. She pulled out her cell phone but continued moving things around in her purse. "I always see people giving you guys stuff when they meet you but since it happened in a very non stalker kind of way for me, I'm not really prepared. I've got... a stick of gum and... oh a cough drop," she held them out, offering Dan the cough drop and me the gum.

"Oh brilliant," Dan took the cough drop from her, laughing again.

"Yeah. You never know when you're going to need one of those, so.." she shrugged like she was proud of her gift idea.

"That is true and we all have our bad breath moments," I told her as I put the piece of gum in my pocket. "Did you want to take a picture or anything?"

"Yeah, if you don't mind?" She held her phone up.

"Not at all," Dan waved for her to come stand by him. "Phil can get one of us and I can get one of you two."

Kirsten gave me her phone and I snapped a photo of them and she joined me so Dan could get one of us as well.

After hugging both of us she excused herself but didn't walk very far away from our table as she was looking down at her phone.

"She smelled good," Dan said before taking a bite of his food.

I watched Kirsten turn around and look at him like she was amused. "Thanks, Dan. So did you."

His eyes widened and he looked over his shoulder at her just before she turned to walk away.

"Well I feel like a fucking creep."

I started laughing. "She probably thought you smelled good as well, Dan. Don't worry about it." I took another bite of my orgasmic waffles and looked down at my phone to see what time it was. "I think it's awesome that she gave you a cough drop," I laughed.

While we were finishing up our meals I decided to check Twitter because I hadn't updated in a few days. One of the first things I happened to see tweeted to me was a tweet from Kirsten which had our photo attached to it. "Kirsten already posted the photo," I told Dan while I retweeted it thanking her for being awesome.

Dan picked his phone up off of the table and looked down at it. I'm guessing he was checking his twitter too. "Yup. She tweeted me ours too."

I refreshed the page to see Dan's tweet back to Kirsten before I started to scroll down to see what was happening in Twitter land.

I was interrupted by Dan, who started laughing rather loudly. "Did you see the photo Lydia posted?"

"No?" I looked at my phone again and scrolled down until I found Lydia's post which was a link to a photo with a heart next to it. I opened it and saw that it was a photo of her and Carmen kissing Justin Bieber's cheeks. "Oh bloody hell," I laughed, rolling my eyes.  
"I hope they didn't catch Bieber fever."

"I think Lydia already had it," Dan laughed, still looking down at his phone. "Can you tell who is who in that photo?"

I glanced down at it again. "Yes. Lydia is on the left and Carmen is on the right. Honestly, Dan, you should probably figure this out at some point," I laughed.

"It's not like I don't try to, Phil," He rolled his eyes at me. "Lydia's Mum couldn't even tell them apart. You're just weird."

"I know I am," I laughed. "It's just too much fun to pick on you since I can do it and you can't. The only reason I probably can is because I've been so pathetically obsessed with Carmen for so long."

"Which adds greatly to your weirdness," he smirked. "Are you about ready to go obsess a bit more? Lydia sent me the address to where they are and it's only a few blocks away from here."  
"Yep, I'm done," I replied while pulling my wallet out to put a tip on the table. There were a few bites of my waffles left but I was ready to see Carmen. She happened to be much better than waffles.

After paying we made our way out of the restaurant and began walking towards where Dan said the girls would be waiting for us. Of course it was rather busy where we were walking. It was sort of difficult to figure out where the hell we were but thankfully the GPS on Dan's phone got us there. He sent Lydia a text to let her know we arrived and we stood outside the building to wait for them.

Both of us were pretending to do things on our phones so we wouldn't look as odd standing outside of the building that people were coming in and out of.

After a few minutes of standing there I heard a very loud shriek from my left followed by "oh my God! It's Danisnotonfire and AmazingPhil."

Dan and I both looked at each other before looking forward and I'm pretty sure we were both shocked to see who was making such a big scene.

Lydia and Carmen were running towards us, screaming and a lot of people had stopped on the pavement to stare at us.

"Oh my God! Can I have your autograph?!" Carmen jumped up in down in front of me like she was really excited.

"What the hell are you doing?" I asked her, looking at her like she was crazy but still laughing.

"Holy shit, Dan. I love you so much. I write fan fiction about you being my lover and eating Malteser's off my naked body!" Lydia squealed while clinging onto the front of Dan's shirt.

"Security?" Dan said loudly, looking around where we were standing.

"No! You can't call security on us! We're your biggest fans!" Carmen started freaking out. "Please, we love you two so much! We just want a few minutes of your time and maybe some of your sperm in a cup if possible."

There was a blinding flash from a few feet away and I looked towards it to see two people standing side by side snapping pictures of us.

"You've got to be kidding me right now," Dan said quietly while Lydia and Carmen continued squealing and going on.

"Sweetheart," I put my hands on Carmen's shoulders to keep her from bouncing. "People are staring and taking photos."

They both turned around to look for whoever was taking the pictures and Lydia gasped. "Oh yay! We'll have pictures of us with our lovers. Shall you two take us to your rooms to have lots of loud sexual adventures now?"

"Oh bloody hell," I groaned, laughing as I facepalmed myself.

"Who the hell are these guys?" I heard one of the many people say.

"They're Danisnotonfire and AmazingPhil and they're perfect!" Carmen informed whoever asked, continuing to look and sound like a crazed fangirl. "Phil, will you sign my bum? Lydia! Take a picture of AmazingPhil signing my bum!" Carmen yelped while turning around and poking her ass out in my direction. She lifted the back of her shirt up and I was actually convinced that she was going to pull her pants down. "Hurry!"

"Carmen! Don't pull your pants down, please!" I laughed as I attempted to pull her shirt down and then to pull her away from the crowd. "Did you two get slipped some crack in your coffee this morning?"

"Oh God," Dan gasped while pulling Lydia away from the people who were still watching us. "It's Bieber Fever. We're too late. They can't be helped."

"Psh. No way," Lydia replied. "We have Phan flu. We only wanna fap to you two."

Carmen and Dan started laughing at Lydia's comment. "Phan flu. How does your brain even come up with that stuff?" Dan asked while looking down at her.

"I have no fucking clue," Lydia laughed. "I think I'm delirious. I'm so sleepy right now it's not even funny."  
"Me too," Dan laughed with her, wrapping his arm around her shoulders as we continued down the pavement. "Do you want to go get a nap in?"

"What?!" Carmen squawked, whipping her head to the side to look at them. "We're leaving tomorrow. We can't go nap! We have to go exploring."

"I've already explored New York," Dan responded. "We can go out later and do stuff. New York isn't going anywhere."

"Yeah, we won't sleep long. Plus you and Phil can get a chance to spend some time alone in the city. Be all cute and romantic and shit," Lydia suggested while wiggling her eyebrows suggestively.

"I like the sound of that," I responded, looking down at Carmen.

"Okay, you can go nap," Carmen smiled while wrapping her arm around my side. "Please text me when you get up, though. We have memories to make!" She said, reaching out to slap Lydia's bum.

Lydia let out a little squeal and laughed. "I'll set an alarm so we won't sleep for a long time. You two have fun!" She and Dan waved as they walked away together.

I looked down at Carmen and smiled, leaning down to kiss her lips quickly. "You looked beautiful on television this morning. You did great."

"I guess doing youtube videos paid off. I wasn't so nervous about being on camera as I was when we were informed we'd be meeting the Biebs. Although, Lydia was much more excited," she told me as we came to a stop at a crosswalk. "Did you and Dan have a good morning?"

"Yes, we did," I replied, taking her hand in mine and lacing our fingers together. "We met a fan while we were eating breakfast. She gave me a stick of gum and gave Dan a cough drop. It was awesome," I laughed.

"I gotta admit, you and Dan have some of the coolest subscribers," she chuckled, swinging our hands as we waited for the signal to go. "Oh, by the way. I have no idea where I want to go. The people at the studio kept naming off places we needed to visit. I wish we had more time here. I kinda like it."  
"Well, we could always just walk around and go wherever looks appealing to us," I suggested. "I like walking around and exploring like this. You get a chance to see lots of things.

"That's true. Plus, you always find really cool stuff when you aren't looking for it."

We walked around aimlessly for a good hour or two exploring whatever part of the city we were in. We both got loads of pictures of random things we'd spotted that either of us thought were cool.

Carmen seemed to be having a good time and was quite fascinated by the city, so I was pretty much going along with whatever she wanted...

Until I spotted a candy shop. I was basically being pulled towards the place like I was a piece of scrap metal and the doors were a giant magnet.

There was nothing quite like American sweets.

The shop smelled so good that my mouth started to water. It was one of those places that has the candy in the containers and you scoop out whatever you want into bags.

Oh yes. Shit was about to get real.

"Oh holy hell," I whispered, looking around the place. "I'm going to have to buy a new suitcase just to carry the amount of candy I am probably about to buy."

I pulled Carmen along with me to the section of the store that had the bags for us to put our candy in and I grabbed quite a few of them before walking towards one of the many aisles. "Why can't I have a room like this in my flat?"

"You probably could for like a day," Carmen laughed. "After that it'd all be gone," she said while rubbing my stomach. "You'd be so cute if you were chubby."

I leaned down and kissed the top of her head, laughing. "You are entirely too sweet, you know that? I'm glad to know that if I ever turn into a fluffy man that you'll still love me."

"There'd be even more to love and then you'd really be this big adorable bear-like person and I could just cuddle you and pet your beard... Apparently you'd have a beard if you were chubbier," she laughed at herself. "I'd love you no matter what, though."

"Can't you just go ahead and cuddle me and pet my face even though I'm not chubby and have no beard?" I asked, grinning at her. "I'd like that a lot."

"I do that all the time!" She responded, chuckling as she let go of my hand and basically clung to my side while reaching up to pet the side of my face. "Awww. You're just so precious. Must squeeze," she squeezed me. "Can I just fold you up and put you in my pocket and keep you?"

"That might hurt a little bit," I laughed, wrapping an arm around her back and pulled her closer my side. "But you are welcome to squeeze me and love on me and whatnot. That won't hurt me."

"Fair enough," she smiled, looking away from me and at the candy selection in front of us, which was chocolate anything and everything. "Why does all of this stuff have to have nuts in it? And why does it have to look so delicious? Why can't I just be normal?" Carmen said dramatically as she eyed the containers. "Oh! Chocolate covered raisins! Those won't asphyxiate me."

I couldn't help but laugh. "Awww, babe. We can find something that you can have. I'm sure they've got like a peanut free, gluten free, blah blah free section since so many people want things like that these days."

"I know. I was being silly," she laughed, letting go of me to grab a bag and start scooping in some of the raisins.

I started looking over the selection and found a few things that I wanted.

I was mid scoop when I got an odd feeling and looked to my left where Carmen was standing a couple of feet away looking down at the containers.

A few feet away from her was the guy Dax that I'd met earlier at IHop, more or less staring her down without even attempting to be subtle about it.

"Dax?" I said his name while walking towards where he and Carmen were standing. "How many times are we going to manage to see each other today?" I laughed.

It was very obvious that Dax hadn't even noticed me standing there, and that Carmen hadn't even noticed him looking at her, as she looked between the two of us, confused.

"I didn't even see you," Dax laughed looking from me to Carmen and back again. "It's weird running into you again."

Carmen looked away from Dax and up at me. "You made a new American friend?"

"I did," I told her, smiling down at her. "Carmen, this is Dax. I happened to find his debit card on the floor in IHop this morning and we ended up talking. He's pretty awesome." I gestured towards him. "Dax, this is my girlfriend Carmen."

"Oh," Carmen looked amused as she turned her attention to Dax. "It's nice to meet you, Dax," she reached her hand out to shake the one he was offering her. "Phil must think you're the coolest thing since toast to go as far to call you awesome."

"Phil, I never even caught your name earlier," Dax told me before looking down at Carmen, still shaking her hand. "It's nice to meet you too.. Your boyfriend might be the coolest thing since toast, since he's the one who returned my card to me."

He finally let go of her hand but he continued to stare at her.

It wasn't necessarily a creepy kind of stare and I didn't feel any sort of jealousy kick in but he could not stop looking at her.

"I try to be," I shrugged, smiling. "I actually managed to ramble on about you and Lydia instead of telling him my name. I guess we see where my priorities are," I laughed.

"Those aren't bad priorities," Dax patted my shoulder. "I was so crazy about my wife when we were dating that I didn't even know my name," he laughed. "Honestly, I talked to you about her more than anything else," he said while looking down at Carmen for a second. "I'm sorry, this is probably going to sound like I'm being weird, but you look a lot like she did when she was younger. My wife, I mean."

"Oh? That's.. interesting," she laughed. "You look like... absolutely no one I know, sorry," she shook her head, still chuckling.

"Your wife must be very beautiful then," I told him while looking at Carmen and grinning.

"She is," I heard Dax respond before looking at him to see him smiling.

"It's too bad we live in London. I feel like you two have really hit it off," Carmen grinned.

"Have you always lived in London?" Dax asked.

"No," Carmen shook her head. "I moved there a few years ago. I'm from the north, around Manchester. We grew up down the street from each other, actually," she motioned between us.

Dax smiled while looking between us. "So you two have basically been together since you were kids, right? High school sweethearts and all of that?"

Carmen laughed loudly and brought her hand to cover her mouth. "Sorry," she cleared her throat. "No. Not at all. We just got together this past Christmas, actually."

"Really?" He looked surprised. "I guess you two just look like you've been together for a long time."

"We should have been high school sweethearts but I was too much of a cowardly peasant to ask her out. But I have her now and I'm very, very happy," I replied. "What about you and your wife? Were you high school sweethearts?"

"Oh yeah," he nodded. "And middle school sweethearts. I've basically been in love with that woman since the first time I saw her. We've been together for almost 30 years, married for 20... We have five beautiful children together," he paused and grinned at me. "Before you know it, you'll be having this same conversation with someone, I'm certain of it."

"Wow. 5 kids? That's a lot," I laughed. "My parents stopped after me and I was the second one. I don't really blame them though. Poor people. That's really cool that you two have been together so long. It's nice to meet someone who can actually say that they're with their first love."

"We've been through a lot together. Lots of weathering of storms over the years. A lot of couples, or people in general tend to throw in the towel when there's a bump in the road. It's those bumps that make you stronger, though. I wish more people could see that," Dax said said then laughed. "I'm a hopeless romantic, though, and honestly, when you know you've found the right girl, you just know. I've never had the slightest desire to be with anyone else."

"Damn Dax. I don't know what you do for a living but you might want to look into writing a romance novel or something," I laughed. "I'm a hopeless romantic too. I've always just wanted her. Anyone I was with before her didn't work out because I compared them to her so, I think I'm pretty stuck on this one."

Was I seriously spilling all of this out to some random guy? What the hell?

He had a good laugh at that and folded his arms across his chest. "Writing isn't really my forte. I'm an architect," he informed us. "You know, you're making what I said earlier sound more likely to happen. 30 years from now you're going to find yourself talking to a kid your age about your wife," he motioned towards Carmen, "and your five children."

"I'm not so sure about the five children part," Carmen laughed. "But if I'm still with him 30 years from now I won't be complaining," she wrapped her arm around me and gave me a squeeze.

"Same here," I replied before kissing the top of her head. "I would be more than happy with spending my life with this lovely lady. That's really cool that you're an architect. That must be an interesting job."

"I love it," he answered without hesitation. "I get to travel a lot, which a nice perk. I've gone to London a few times on business, actually. My oldest son just started working with me after he graduated college this past fall. What is it that you two do?"

Carmen and I both looked at each other and I knew we were thinking the same thing.

How the hell do we explain Youtube?

"Our jobs are kinda hard to explain," Carmen laughed. "But Phil has his own radio show on BBC1."

"Wow," Dax responded, looking and sounding surprised. "Your own radio show? How did you end up with that?"

"Well, my best friend and I managed to get somewhat of a large following on Youtube with our videos and we were discovered by BBC1. We did a few small projects for them and they ended up offering us our own show. I still find it hard to believe myself."

"Congratulations! That's pretty damn cool and a nice accomplishment for someone so young," he told me then looked down at Carmen. "So you both do Youtube stuff?" He asked, but before she could answer, he laughed and went on. "My son is obsessed with that Pewdiecry person or something? He plays video games and screams like a 12 year old girl. I didn't really understand it, but he informed me that you can make pretty good money dicking around on the internet."

"Yeah," Carmen spoke up, amused. "I don't play video games, but I'm a Youtube partner. Phil is too. He's way more popular, though," she nudged me playfully. "Must be because he's British."

"Well, something tells me that you'll be getting a whole lot more popular very soon, babe," I told her. "Being able to make a living off of Youtube isn't the easiest thing but it's awesome if you can manage it," I continued, directing my attention back to Dax.

I'm not sure what it was that had me so drawn to him but Carmen and I ended up walking around talking to Dax for at least an hour while we all gathered up candy. Apparently he was awarding his children for making good grades on their report cards which made him seem even more cool. I had a totally non-homosexual boner for the dude. I hoped I would be that awesome when I got older.

Before we parted ways, he and I exchanged email addresses and Carmen and I invited him to let us know when he'd be in London next so we could all go out for drinks.


	20. Quickies

**Carmen's POV **

I walked out of the hotel bathroom and literally face planted onto the bed without even bothering to put on actual clothes. My wet hair fell down around my face as I laid there wrapped up in a towel, nestling against a pillow.

Lydia, Dan, Phil, and I were in Florida for playlist live and I was so exhausted from the time change and all of festivities the night before. It was the second day but I honestly felt like I'd been out partying for a week straight.

I could have easily fallen asleep again. Actually, I was already starting to doze off but the sound of the hotel door opening stirred me from it and I groaned like I was being tortured.

"Noooooo," I whined, grabbing a pillow to pull over my head. "Too early."

It was 9am and yes I realize that in my head it was actually later than that, but knowing that it was early, plus how late I'd gone to bed made me even more tired and whiny.

"Must sleep more," I mumbled.

Somehow through all of my acting like an annoying little kid I realized that whoever had just let himself into my room hadn't said anything. For all I knew someone could have been there from housekeeping getting a very nice shot of me very close to naked.

Somehow, I was too tired to care.

I didn't hear any footsteps or the sound of anything around the room moving and I could feel someone staring at me.

As tired as I might have been, I wasn't really in the mood to be chopped up and put into chili so I yanked the pillow off of my head and looked over my shoulder.

Phil was standing at the foot of the bed holding two cups of coffee and I sighed before smashing my face against the bed and putting the pillow back in its place over my head.

"Sleep. Need. More. Sleep," my voice was muffled by the covers as I rubbed my face against them. "Cannot can."

"Well, you have to can," I heard him say through his laughter while I felt his weight on the bed. I smelled coffee then felt the warmth of the cup against my ass through the towel where he apparently was sitting it. "We have to go do Playlist things in 2 hours. Up with your sexy self."

I whined again, fighting the urge to exert more energy by flailing around on the bed because I didn't want to spill the coffee that was apparently sitting on my bum. "Fine then," I said while reaching my hand behind myself to grab the cup from him. I tossed the pillow away and raised up to take a sip of coffee. "Have you seen Lydia yet this morning?"

He looked very amused by me until I mentioned Lydia and then he got a strange look on his face. "Well, she's definitely awake." He cleared his throat as he raised his coffee to take a sip. "I went to see if they wanted coffee and just as I raised my hand to knock on their door I heard a very loud moan. I might be damaged for life."

I cackled as I raised onto my elbows and took another drink from my cup. "That's a way to get your day started," I laughed, sitting my coffee down on the table next to the bed. I scooted over and looked up at him, grinning. "You're blurry and still adorable," I informed him before puckering my lips. "Kisses?"

He grinned that cute grin of his as he leaned down and pressed his lips against mine. "You're not blurry and gorgeous as always," he informed me as he moved his free hand to pet my crazy wet hair.

"I need my glasses," I yawned, rolling away from him to the other side of the bed to get up and grab them off of of the dresser. I put them on and looked at my reflection to see Phil looking at me in the mirror.

I tugged at the top of my towel and a second later it fell to my feet and I smiled at his reflection before walking to the other side of the room to grab my suitcase. "Do you have a meet up at 11?" I asked as I bent over to pick it up. "Mine is at 10:45, I think," I told him as I made my way back to the bed and sat my suitcase down on it to unzip it. "Anyways, if yours it at 11 then we could probably go get lunch at around 1 or so."

After a few seconds of silence I looked up to see him staring at me with his head tilted and an eyebrow raised. "Are you aware that you've just been saying things to me while completely naked? I haven't really heard a word of it. You're a bit of a distraction. Feel free to bend over again, please. I don't think my dick is hard enough."

I looked down at myself and laughed before looking up at him again. "Are you uncomfortable with my being naked?" I asked as I picked up the first thing that was laying inside of my suitcase then purposely dropped it on the ground. "Oops," I put my hand over my mouth before moving and bending over to pick it up, making sure to stay in that position for as long as possible. Once I had it in my hand I sat it down and then walked in front of him to grab my coffee, once again bending over, only this time right in front of him. "Thanks for the coffee, by the way," she grinned over my shoulder at him. "Are you okay? You look a little confused."

"Oh, I'm just fine," he replied as he leaned back so that he was resting against the headboard of the bed. "Just carry on," he waved towards me before raising the bottom of his t-shirt a bit to expose his stomach and then starting to unbutton and unzip his jeans. I wondered what the hell he was doing until I saw his hand slip into his boxers and he pulled his dick out.

Yes, he pulled his dick out with no warning whatsoever.

He grinned at me as he moved his hand very slowly down his length. "Since you're giving me a live show I figured I would take advantage."

I stood there staring at his hand moving against his dick for longer than I probably should have. I guess Phil could be just as evil as I could.

I cleared my throat, sat my coffee back down, and walked to the end of the bed once more.

I grabbed my suitcase and sat it on the floor before moving onto the bed, sitting on my knees.

I watched his hand move up his length again before looking up at his face to see him grinning at me like he was very proud of himself though the grin contorted into a look of pleasure and he bit down on his bottom lip.

Oh, fuck me.

Seriously. Fuck me. Now.

I grabbed the bottom of his shoes and pulled them off, not caring to look at where they landed as I flung them behind me before I tugged at the legs of his jeans, pulling them further off of his hips until they were gone completely.

I was terribly distracted by the fact that his hand was still slowly stroking at his cock as I crawled between his legs for a better view.

"Since you're giving me a live show I figured I should take advantage," I repeated him as my hand trailed down between my legs.

"Oh no, you are not gonna torture me like that again," he said as he leaned forward. He grabbed my arms and pulled me forward before grabbing my hips and lifting me slightly as he pulled me further up his body until I was straddling his thighs.

"Do you have any idea of how incredibly sexy you are?" he asked as his hands slid slowly up my sides. He wasn't looking up at my face. His eyes were fixated on my body as his hand moved from my sides, over my breasts, down my stomach and then down my thighs. One of his hands roamed around to my ass which he grabbed while the other hand slid up my inner thigh until I felt his fingertips against my pussy.

"Oh my. Someone is very wet," he commented as his fingertips pressed hard against my clit. "Seems perfect considering how hard I am," he whispered as he leaned forward and pressed his lips against my neck.

His hand that was still on my ass pushed me forward again and I felt his dick pressing against me. His fingers left my pussy and were quickly replaced by the head of his dick rubbing over my clit which caused him to moan against my neck. I felt his teeth press against my skin lightly. "I want to be inside you so badly."

I pulled away from him and looked down at him as I moved my hands to grip the bottom of his shirt, which I started pulling over his head.

I tossed it to the side and rocked my hips forward, causing his dick to rub against my clit again, teasing both of us as I leaned in to kiss him. I put my hands on his shoulders and slid them down his arms before I moved them to wrap them around me, once more pushing my hips against his.

I leaned in against him and adjusted myself up a little further, now on his lap instead of his thighs. I reached down between us and grabbed his shaft, gripping it tightly as I rubbed the head of his dick against my slit.

I moaned against his lips as I kissed him and arched my back, subtly grinding my pussy against his erection. My mouth trailed away from his, onto his neck, where I bit down against his skin before kissing it and moving upward to bite his earlobe. "I want you to fuck me," I informed him with a whisper, rocking against his dick as I continued to move it against my clit.

His arms wrapped around me and he pulled me against him before leaning forward so that I would fall back onto the bed. He kissed a trail from my collar bone down to the middle of my chest as he repositioned himself so that he was kneeling between my legs. "You want me to fuck you, yeah?" he asked, a bit of an evil looking grin on his face as his hands slid slowly down my sides. "Well, I'm never one to deny the woman I love what she wants."

His hands grabbed my hips and he pulled me forward quite roughly. I watched as he bit down hard on his bottom lip while he moved a hand away from my hip to wrap his fingers around the base of his cock and rub it over my slit, teasing me. His eyes focused on my face again just as I felt the head of his cock pressing at my entrance.

He moved his arms so that they were beneath my thighs and then grabbed my hips again, leaving my legs spread wide before he thrust hard into me causing himself to groan quite loudly.

He barely gave me anytime to adjust before he began moving inside of me. Instead of thrusting into me he held tightly onto my hips and moved me on his cock.

His fingers were digging into my skin as he pushed as deep inside of me as possible, hard and fast over and over again.

I gripped at the sheets and bit down on my bottom lip to keep myself from screaming like I wanted to. I didn't want everyone at the bloody Caribe Royale to know how good his sex was.

Quiet whimpers escaped my throat as he continued thrusting my body against his. I'm quite certain my hips were going to be bruised from high tight he was holding me and forcing our bodies together but it felt so good that I couldn't be bothered to care.

After a few minutes of _that_,he stopped and my disappointment was very obvious, however, he didn't give me a chance to say anything before he pulled me up and kissed me very sloppily.

I was on his lap for less than ten seconds when he started to force me off of it to sit on his knees and turn me around so that I was on mine too.

His hands gripped at my hips again, pulling me in towards him before I felt his dick slide inside of me again. He didn't hesitate to start pounding against me and I suddenly found it very hard to control not being vocal in this new position.

"Scream, baby," he told me while thrusting into me much harder on purpose. "Let everyone hear how good I make you feel."

The entire bed was shaking from how hard and fast our bodies' movements were. He was pulling me against him while thrusting at the same time and he was pushing deeper inside of me than I had ever felt him. I could hear our bodies contacting each time he thrust forward and loud groans along with random expletives were leaving his lips much more than usual.

"Cum for me. I want to feel you cumming on my cock," he managed to say through his heavy breathing while he sped up his movements in an attempt to push me closer to the edge.

I had managed to remain relatively quiet during all of this, but that last bit he said to me made a loud pleasured scream leave me much before I could stop it. From that point on, I couldn't hear anything over the sound of my moans with his heaving breathing and swearing as background noise to it.

The loudest moan of all had yet to leave me until I felt my walls tightening up around his cock as a very intense orgasm began to hit me. My entire body was shaking and I have no idea how I didn't just collapse against the bed once the best of it was over and done with.

I could hardly breathe as his hips continued to collide against my ass and I could feel another orgasm hitting me.

What the fuck. That had never happened before.

"Oh my God," I managed to say breathlessly just before moan hit me. "What are you doing to me?"

"Making you -uh fuck- cum repeatedly, apparently," he told me breathlessly as he continued to move. I could feel his grip on my hips getting tighter and feel him starting to shake so I knew that he was close.

"Fuck, I'm-" he started to say while he thrust harder into me than he had anytime before but instead of finishing what he was going to say he moaned loudly and then I felt him pulled out of me quickly.

"Holy fuck!" he practically yelled seconds later and I felt the weight on the bed shift. When I looked back he had fallen over onto his back and his mouth was open like he was in shock or something as he tried very hard to catch his breath. "I think I almost died from how intense that orgasm was."

I started laughing as I tried to crawl to the other end of the bed. I would have just collapsed on the spot but I saw the mess Phil had made of the sheets and I wasn't really interested in laying in a puddle of his sperm.

However, before I could even get a few inches away from where I had been, I toppled over sideways and fell off of the bed because my body was shaking so badly.

I continued to laugh from the floor, deciding to meet defeat and just lay there for a few minutes.

"I ship our orgasms so hard," I told him through my laughter. I seriously felt like I was high or something.

I saw Phil's head poke over the side of the bed while he cracked up laughing. "Babe, are you okay?" he asked as he sort of slid off of the bed like a sloth or something then crawled over to my side.

"I'm not sure," I responded, trying to calm down my giggle fit. I took in a few deep breaths before looking over at him again. "I think I'm better now," I informed him before pecking his lips. "Wow. I thought I couldn't can earlier. Now I cannot even thinking about canning."

Unfortunately, both of us had to can because both of us had things to do, so we were only able to lay on the floor cuddled up like that for about fifteen minutes.

I finally got dressed and fixed my hair then left the hotel room to stop by Dan's to get Lydia before the two of us headed down to meet everyone.

Phil and Dan were going to be joining us later. They had decided against the four of us strutting around together so that no one would even start to think anything was going on between any of us. I think we all had enough to deal with without adding in ruined ovaries and whatnot.

There were loads more people there to see Lydia and I than I had ever expected. I know a lot of it had to do with the videos of us being played on national television along with the interview we had done on the Today Show. Before all of that, most of them probably had no idea who I was unless they had seen a video I had done with some of the more popular Youtube people.

Several hours later Lydia and I were walking out of the convention center to get some fresh air and to wait for Phil and Dan to be done doing their thing so we could finally go eat.

Both of us had hit up the vending machines and gotten a couple of snacks to munch on while we waited for them.

I sat down on the curb and opened my bag of crisps while Lydia took a seat beside me opening up her own. There were quite a few people outside, but no one who seemed to be too interested in us.

Apart from this guy who I had caught staring at us on and off all bloody day, though he hadn't come up to either of us.

"Creeper alert at 2 o'clock," I mumbled as I chewed, nodding in the guy's direction.

"Dude!" Lydia replied, bits of crisps flying out of her mouth. "He's been lurking around us all day." She pulled her shades down the bridge of her nose and looked at him. "He's pretty cute. I wonder what his deal is."

"He is cute," I nodded, looking at him. "I have no idea, though. He's just been doing that all day," I glanced over at her before looking back at him. "Dan and Phil both noticed it too," I said as I crammed another crisp into my mouth. "Hopefully he'll be gone before they get out here and see him creeping again."

"Well, I mean, there's not much he can do. We're literally surrounded by people. A lot of them are fangirls. We know how powerful they can be in packs," she said before picking up her can of coke and taking a sip. "Hey dude!" she yelled out of nowhere while waving at the guy who looked more than shocked by her calling out to him. "Come here!" she instructed while waving her hand towards us.

"Lydia!" I whispered fiercely, looking at her. "What if he's on those Bath Salt things?! We're in Florida. What if he tries to eat us or some shit?" I asked before looking in his direction again to see him slowly walking towards us. "And here he comes."

She cracked up laughing. "Oh my God. You, Dan and Phil are so damn paranoid about Bath Salts people. I can ask him if he can give us the hook up on them so we can see what happens." She nudged me, still laughing before looking up at the guy who was only a few feet away now. "Hey!" she smiled up at him like there wasn't a possibility that he wanted to chop our heads off to mount on his wall as identical twin trophies. "We've been noticing you beboppin around here alone so we thought we'd say hey."

He ran his fingers through his hair and smiled what looked like nervously as he looked down at us. "Hi," he responded laughing. "Yeah.. sorry about that. I just-" he paused, "I just wasn't really sure how to approach either of you."

Aw. I don't know why, but I didn't get a bad vibe from him at all. He just looked really nervous, which was kind of funny because he looked like he might have been a little older than we were.

"Aw," I grinned up at him. "Don't be shy. Neither of us bite."

He laughed again and shifted his eyes around. "So you're Carmen," he pointed at me, "and you're Lydia, right?" he pointed at Lydia.

"I do love how a stranger can tell us a part and your boyfriend can't," I nudged Lydia.

She sighed and rolled her eyes. "He's a special man. Do you know us from Carmen's videos or something?"

"Uh..."

"So. HUNGRY!" I heard Dan's voice echo around where we were sitting and I looked over my shoulder to see that he had his arms flung out at his sides, flailing them as he made one of his classic derp faces.

I started laughing and looked back at the guy who was still standing in front of us. "Sorry about that. Dan is very dramatic," I told him, nodding towards Dan who was walking alongside Phil over to where we were.

"Carmen, someone gave me a little lady lion for you!" Phil said excitedly as they got closer. "Oh," he said once they were behind us. "Sorry to interrupt." I could tell by the look on his face that he was wondering why the guy we kept noticing all day was standing there talking to us.

"It's cool. We're just making friends with-" Lydia looked up at him. "Dude who's name I don't know yet," she laughed. She held her bag of crisps up so that Dan could grab them. "Here, titbag."

Dan took the bag from her without really looking away from the guy. "Thanks, babe," he responded.

I knew it was his way of saying back the fuck up, yeah, without actually saying that.

"My name is Silas," the guy introduced himself, looking at us, and completely ignoring the fact that Dan and Phil were both giving him a subtle evil eye. "About what you asked, if I watched Carmen's videos," he went on, looking between the two of us. "I've seen all of them now, but I first saw both of you on the Today Show."

"Cool!" Lydia replied. "Carmy has some kick ass videos." She looked over at me giving me a big smile.

"Listen, we're about to go grab some actual food before the evening hang out and we don't have much time so," Phil turned his body away from us like he was trying to say that we needed to leave.

"Real food?" Lydia gasped as she hopped up from the curb. "I'm so there, dude."

I looked up at the guy as I started to stand and I saw that he looked very disappointed at hearing this while also offering his hand to help me up. "Thanks," I smiled, taking it to pull myself up but quickly let go of it out of fear Phil would react badly to it.

I just felt bad for the guy, I guess. I don't know.

"I'm sorry we couldn't chat longer," I told him. "It was nice meeting you though, Silas. Also, that's a really cool name."

"It was our grandfather's name," he told me.

I furrowed my eyebrows at him because I definitely noticed how he said our instead of my, but I just assumed it was an accident because he looked more nervous than ever.

"Oh, cool!" I gave him a thumbs up. "Maybe we'll see you later?" I offered as I turned to start walking with Dan, Phil, and Lydia, while still looking at him.

"Please, just- can you wait?" He blurted out.

"Uh..." I looked over at my sister, boyfriend, and best friend, hoping for some backup.

Lydia was staring at him with the weirdest expression on her face. Phil had an arm wrapped protectively around me and Dan was cramming crisps into his face while giving Silas the evil eye.

"Is there something you needed?" Lydia asked as she took her sunglasses off and put them on top of her head.

"I just- I came a really long way to see you two," Silas said while looking between us. "I-"

"Look," Dan spoke up, mumbling because he was chewing. "I get it, I do, but we really gotta go. If you'll be here later you can continue this conversation."

"No, I need to have it now," Silas insisted, stepping towards us. "I came here because I think, no, I know, that... I'm your brother."

I think my heart stopped beating for a few seconds as I gawked at him, trying to process what he had just blurted out.

"I know you probably think that sounds insane but I promise, I wouldn't have come here all the way from New York if I wasn't convinced that you two are my sisters."

"What?!" Phil spoke up before anyone else.

I looked over at Lydia to see her staring at him with a confused and slightly scared expression. "Brother?" she managed to say the word before turning to look at me, wide eyed.

"Yes, brother," he nodded as he reached into his back pocket. He pulled out his wallet and flipped it open before flipping through it. "I have a picture of my- _our_ mother," he told us. "You two look so much like her," he pulled the picture out and handed it to me. "I know you can't believe that based on a picture but I have other proof. I just- I need to talk to you two and it's going to take more than a few minutes and I cannot wait."

I hardly heard a word he was saying because I was too busy looking down at the photo had given me.

It was obvious that the picture was old and that the woman in it, who looked about 18 had long since aged, but it was mind blowing how much Lydia and I favored her. She had full, pouty lips, a heart shaped face, and a smile that nearly matched mine.

It almost looked like she could have been mine and Lydia's triplet.

I honestly had no words.

"Oh my God." Well, no words other than those.

I had no idea that Lydia was standing next to me until I heard her gasp and turned to see her looking down at the photo with me. "This is not happening," she whispered, sounding like she was accidentally thinking out loud.

"Um, Carmen. I think you two might need to talk to him," I heard Phil behind me and felt his hand on my lower back. "Is it alright if we come along?" he asked, looking up at Silas. I think he still didn't trust us to be alone with him.

"Of course," Silas nodded at Phil before looking between Lydia and I. "That's if, you two will talk to me."

I immediately looked at my sister, trying to read her expression. I wasn't sure what we should do and I kind of think that she didn't know what we should do either.

"You know, you don't _have _to talk to him," Dan told her while putting his hands on her shoulders. "I'll be supportive either way but if this isn't something you want to mess with, you don't have to."

"I know," she nodded and smiled up at him. "I think we need to though. I mean, he really might be our brother."

"Why don't we just go up to the room and we can order some food and talk over all of this?" Phil spoke up, his hand rubbing my back in what I'm sure was an attempt to calm me down.

"That's completely fine with me," Silas agreed. "I need to go by my room and grab a few things, but I'll be right behind you guys."

"We're in room 1108," I informed him and he nodded before turning and rushing away from us.

I watched him walk away until he disappeared from view and continued staring in that direction for several seconds before glancing over at Lydia, who was just starting to look at me too.

I let out a sigh and ran my fingers through my hair. I couldn't even think of anything to say because I was too busy trying to wrap my head around what had just happened.

"Do you think he might be lying?" Dan broke the silence.

I realized I still had the picture he had showed us of... _our _mother? And I offered it to him. "You tell me."

He stared down at it and his eyes widened a little. Obviously he noticed how much she looked like Lydia and I. Or.. how much Lydia and I looked like her. Whatever.

"Hmmm," he looked up at me and Lydia and down at the photo a few times before handing to back to me. "It's just a photo. It doesn't prove anything."

"I think I'm gonna have a fucking anxiety attack or something," Lydia said while running her fingers through her hair. She sighed loudly and leaned against Dan. "Is life ever gonna get normal again?"

"I don't think you two are ever going to have a normal life," Phil laughed. "It'll be okay, babe. If he is your brother then maybe it'll be a good thing," he told me as he ran his fingers through my hair. I could tell by the way he was looking at me that he was just waiting for me to flip out or something.

"We should probably head up to our room," I said while reaching into my back pocket to get my room key out, just to have something to occupy my hands.

Surprisingly, we didn't run into anyone who might want to stop and talk to us for a few minutes, and the four of us walked in silence back to my hotel room.

When we got to my room I opened the door and everyone trailed in behind me. I tried to kick things out of the way to make it look a little more tidy than it was, and even started to pick random articles of clothing up from the floor just to busy myself.

Though, when I noticed that Dan was about to sit on the bed, I dropped everything in my arms and rushed towards it.

"Don't sit there," I told him, yanking at the sheet to pull it off.

"Why not?" He looked down at it then back at me with his eyebrows pushed together.

"Phil made a mess on the sheets," I responded, figuring that didn't need much more explanation.

Once I had the sheet off I wadded it up and tossed it into the corner of the room before going back to tidying things up.

Out of nowhere my sister started laughing and I looked over to see her sitting on the bed looking at me. "I just realized what kind of mess you meant," she said through her giggles.

"Hey!" Phil laughed. "You two probably made a mess of your own this morning. I heard you two well on your way to making one, actually."

"You heard correct," Dan winked at Phil. "Didn't he, babe."

"What do you guys want to eat?" I asked while zipping my suitcase. "Does this place have room service? I need some wine."

"He did hear right," Lydia laughed and then patted the bed in front of her. "What I want is for you to come sit down," she told me while giving me her stern Mum look. "You're freaking the fuck out and I think you need to come give me some love."

"I agree," Phil replied. "I'll order us some food and get you some wine." He walked over to me and leaned down to kiss my lips before grabbing my shoulders and directing me over to sit with Lydia.

I was tapping my foot against the floor very quickly, making the bed vibrate. Obviously Lydia was right. I was, very silently, freaking out. "The weather is so nice here," I told her, still tapping my foot. "We should come here more often."

"I feel like I should put a quarter in you, Carmen," Dan laughed from behind us, as he was sitting on the bed close to the headboard. I felt the mattress shifting and looked over my shoulder to see him crawling towards us. He squeezed his shoulders between us and leaned in towards Lydia to kiss her cheek. "I love you," he informed her, looking up at her while batting his eyelashes at her.

She started laughing and brought her hands up to hold his face before leaning in and kissing his lips then kissing each of his dimples. "You're so cute it makes me want to squeal sometimes," she grinned. "I love you too." She pet his head as he pulled away and scooted to sit next to her then she turned her attention back to me.

She reached out and grabbed my hand before squeezing it. "You're not dealing with this alone. I'm here. We're going to be okay no matter what we find out, alright? No matter what we've got each other and we don't have to do anything or meet anyone or what-the-hell-ever if we choose not to, okay?"

I squeezed her hand and nodded at her, grinning. "I know. It's just- I didn't think anything like this would actually happen." Of course I had kind of wanted it to, in the back of my mind. I know part of why I wanted to do the Today Show thing was because I wanted to know about my family but I wasn't ready.

I let out a bit of a sigh before I leaned closer to her and wrapped my arms around her, giving her a tight hug. "I love you."

"Aww," I heard Dan then felt the bed shift again before one of his giant hands nearly knocked my glasses off of my face as he leaned in to hug Lydia too. "It's love on Lydia day."

I felt and heard her laughing when Dan joined in on the hugging. "I love you too," she told me, squeezing me a bit harder. Something told me that if we were in that room alone she'd probably be freaking out a bit more. Or maybe she was holding it together for me. My spidey-twin senses were telling me that, I think.

I felt the bed move again and then felt more arms around us and looked up to see Phil had joined in as well. "I was left out of the hugging!" he said as he squeezed all of us. "You two have us to help you along too. We're not going to let anything happen to either of you and you know we'd both do anything for you two."

"Exactly," Dan agreed, pulling away, his giant hand once again nearly knocking my glasses off. "We got chu."

I smiled and started to adjust my glasses before turning my attention to Phil. "I love you," I said before pecking his lips.

"Oh God," I heard Dan laughing. "We're those disgusting couples that everyone hates. What's happened to us?"

"We are!" Lydia laughed. "I mean, I really never expected to be part of one of those couples. Me and my 'oh God what is love?' mess," she said while waving her hands in the air and rolling her eyes. "I look back on that now and I'm like mindblown."

"I look back on how I wouldn't even talk to Carmen yet I eyefucked her every time she was near me and stalked her Youtube daily and hated it when she even mentioned someone who had a penis and I'm pretty mindblown myself," Phil said while looking at me with a big smile.

"Imagine how mind blown I am," I laughed.

There was a knocked at the door and all four of us looked towards it before looking at each other.

"I'll get it," I offered, moving to stand up. I didn't realize it until then, but all four of us had been sitting side by side in the bed and for some reason it made me smile despite the fact that I knew who was on the other side of the door and was terrified of what he might have to say to me and Lydia.

I opened it and Silas stepped inside, a bag hanging off of his shoulder. "Sorry. It took me a little while longer than I thought it would... I also ordered some wine.. I don't know if you guys drink or not, so I hope that's okay."

Wow. Maybe he is related.

"It's fine and yeah, all of us appreciate a good glass of wine," I laughed, following behind him and over towards the bed.

Silas looked down at Lydia and offered her a grin while tugging at the strap of the bag on his arm.

I walked around him and pulled out a chair at the little table by the bed for him to sit at before pulling out another.

"Lydia, do you want to come sit over here with me?" I asked, glancing over at her.

I didn't want the four of us to be sitting side by side all gawking at Silas like he had a third eyeball or something. I'm sure this he was already uncomfortable enough.

"Sure," she said as she got up and made her way over to sit next to me. Dan and Phil were glancing from the two of us to him like tigers waiting to pounce or something. They were in protective mode.

"So, how old are you?" Lydia asked Silas.

"Yeah... You're not like our un-identical triplet, are you?" I asked seriously.

He laughed as he pulled his bag off of his shoulder and sat it down on the table in front of us. "No, definitely not your triplet. I'm 25," he told us, looking between us. "You two are 22, right? Turning 23 on Halloween?"

I glanced over at Lydia then back at him as I nodded slowly. "Yeah..."

"You're probably freaked out that I know that, aren't you?" he asked, laughing. "We always eat birthday cake on Halloween. Mom gets neapolitan because she doesn't know what your favorite flavors are," he told us, smiling. "I mean, we don't sing happy birthday or anything, but we all know why she makes it."

I found myself speechless for many different reasons as I looked at him. In that little bit, he had said so much.

If this guy was our brother, our mother was alive and he actually knew her.

"So... you weren't adopted out?" I asked, just to clarify because it sounded that way.

"No, I wasn't," he shook his head. "They-"

"Kept you and gave us away," Lydia finished his sentence.

He sighed and shrugged. "I guess there really isn't a very good way to put it, so yeah," he nodded.

"Why?" I blurted out. I'd gone from being uncomfortable to demanding in the blink of an eye.

"Mom was really young when she had me. I think she was like 15? And then she had you guys when she was 18..." he moved around in his seat. "She-"

A phone started ringing, interrupting him and he leaned back to reach into his pocket to pull his phone out. "Speaking of the devil," he laughed before going to answer it. "Hello?"

Oh fuck.

Oh fuck.

Was that-

It was so quiet in the room that we could all hear the woman on the other end of the telephone.

"Hey honey. I was calling to check in on you. You haven't been by in a couple of days and I was getting worried. I made your favorite for dinner if you want to come over. Dad's home too. I know he'd love to see you."

That was her? That was my birth Mum?

Wait wait wait. Her dad or his dad? Are they still together?

"Uh..." he froze up and glanced around the room. "Yeah, I've actually got plans. Sorry, mom. I'm gonna have to miss the burrito feast," he laughed. "Will dad be home tomorrow? Maybe I can come by then?"

"Yeah, he'll be here-" she was interrupted by a loud shriek from her end of the phone and Silas pulled his phone away from his ear. "Brody Quick! Stop farting on your sister's head! I don't care if she asked you to! That is disgusting! Honey, can you please get these fartknockers?! Thanks... Sorry, Brody was holding Sophie down and farting on her," she laughed.

"Sounds like a typical Saturday night," Silas laughed.

"I wouldn't have it any other way... I won't keep you, though. Have fun and be safe tonight."

"Alright Mom. Love you."

"Love you, honey. Bye."

Silas pulled the phone away again and sat it down on the table. "Sorry about that," he sighed. "She has no idea that I'm here."

Silence fell over the room and I looked around to see Phil staring at me, Dan staring at Lydia and Lydia looking like she was in a daze.

"Where's that wine?" she spoke up, clearing her throat as she stood up from her chair.

"Did she say fartknockers?" Phil asked, obviously trying not to laugh but then he lost it and cracked up. "I'm sorry but if it were based on that I would say that she's definitely your Mum. Lydia has called all 3 of us a fartknocker more times than I can count. She called me one this morning."

"That's true," I heard Dan say as he moved towards Lydia, I'm guessing so he could attempt to calm her down. "And I'm pretty sure Carmen could eat burritos everyday for the rest of her life and be fine," he said, putting his hands on her shoulders while leaning in towards her to whisper something into her ear.

"So you never explained why she gave us up," I spoke up. "And.. do we have the same dad or- because you never said anything about him."

"We do," he nodded. "We-"

"Are they still together?!" I asked, interrupting him.

Damn, I could interrogate someone if I needed to. It's like I had no control over my mouth and what was flying out of it. All of the questions that had been screwing with me ever since Lydia showed up were just spilling out of me.

"They're still together," he told me while grabbing the bag he had carried with him. "They've been-"

"So I'm guessing Brody and Sophie are our brother and sister?" I interrupted him again. "So out of five kids we're the two they gave away?" I laughed.

Yeah. I laughed. It wasn't funny at all, but I sat there looking and sounding as if it was the funniest thing I've ever heard.

"You never let me explain," he said while looking away from me and over at Lydia. "I can only imagine how this is making you guys feel, but you deserve to know your family."

Dan was pouring Lydia a rather large glass of wine and she was looking over at me like she was wishing she could say something to me but obviously couldn't. He handed her the glass and kissed her cheek before they walked back over and took their seats.

"So, what's the story?" Lydia asked before taking very long sip of her wine which resulted in the glass being only half full. "Could someone else drink, please? Feeling like an alchy over here," she laughed.

"I can," I responded, grabbing the wine glass out of her hand.

I leaned my head back, draining the other half in one motion.

Just as I was sitting the glass down I saw two arms flash in front of me and then two more wine glasses appeared as well as the bottle.

I looked up to see Phil pouring much less wine than Dan had poured for Lydia into the glasses before he pushed one towards each of us.

"Thank you," Lydia, Silas, and I all said at the same time and then looked around at each other.

"So you wanted to know the story... Alright. Our Mom was young when she had us... She and Dad were just starting college when she had you two. They struggled a lot with taking care of me... When she got pregnant with you two, they knew that they couldn't take care of all of us. I think they just wanted you two to have a shot at having a nice life. It wasn't something they could give one kid at the time, let alone three... So that's why they did what they did," he said while pulling something out of his bag. That something very obviously being a photoalbum. "Brody is 13 and Sophie is 9... They didn't just have two more kids a year after they had you two.. they waited a while."

I took a drink of my wine so I would have an excuse not to say anything for a few seconds.

So that was it? That was the story that I had been so obsessed with knowing for the last five months? Why didn't hearing all of that make me feel any better? I thought finally knowing, getting answers, would help me put all of this behind me so I could just get over it but I felt even more confused than before.

"I have some pictures of Mom and Dad and me with you guys when you were born, if you want to see them," he spoke up. "And some pictures of Brody and Sophie... and a few of me," he added the last with a bit of an awkward laugh.

"Have you always wondered about us?" Lydia asked out of nowhere. "Like, not to sound weird or anything but does it feel weird to be sitting here with us like this?"

"I have," he nodded. "I've also always been secretly terrified that I would end up with one of you as my girlfriend and not know it," he laughed at himself. "It is a little but.. it's a good kind of weird. I've always wanted to know who you two were and I never thought I'd get to. When I saw the videos of you guys on the news-" he trailed off and shook his head. "I was the biggest stalker on the planet and I'm kinda not even ashamed," he laughed again. "I was tempted to make a video being like- hey, I'm your brother... but I was worried you would think I was some asshole trying to mess with you.. So I just flew here when I found out about.. what is this thing? Playlist live?"

"You pulled a Lydia on us," I said then finished the rest of my wine. "You Lydia'd us bad."

Lydia, Phil and Dan started laughing. "Yeah, I have to say that he did. When I discovered Carmen I went into scary stalker mode. Like, she wouldn't listen to me so I just fuckin' flew to London." She looked over at me, grinning. "And here we are now after a lot of craziness." She looked at Silas and laughed. "This is probably the craziest thing so far though. You should get an award."

Would this guy ever feel as much like family as Lydia did? I mean she and I started out in this position and we've come a long way since then.

"Oh my God!" Lydia yelled out of nowhere while flailing her arms out in front of her like she was trying to escape something horrible. "Ew. Oh Jesus on a boat," she said as she facepalmed herself. "I totally checked out my brother!"

"You what?!" Dan squawked over everyone's laughter, sounding half amused and half offended.

"It's not like you knew that I was your brother," Silas offered. "Plus, your, I'm guessing, boyfriends, thought I was checking you two out all day."

"Not gonna lie, we noticed you lurking," Dan nodded, motioning between himself and Phil.

I wasn't going to admit to agreeing with Lydia when she'd said that our brother was cute. That's just embarrassing.

"Gross. I'm so gross," Lydia mumbled as she brought her glass of wine to her lips.

"You are gross," Phil agreed, laughing. "I'm kidding!" he said quickly, holding his hands up to shield himself when Lydia gave him an evil look.

"So, uh, has your or our Mom seen any of the interviews we've done on television or anything?" Lydia asked after drinking quite a bit of her wine.

"No. She rarely watches tv. She's more of a Netflix addict," Silas explained. "I haven't told her about them yet."

"Why not?" I asked, reaching for the bottle of wine to refill my glass.

Silas shrugged. "I'm not sure. I haven't told our dad either. I guess I kinda don't know how to."

"I think the same way you did with us would work. Just blurt it out at them. They'll be fine," I responded.

"Babe, you two are guzzling wine like fish. I don't think you're exactly fine," Phil replied. "I think they'll take it a lot differently. I mean, they've always known you two were out there somewhere."

Apparently my sarcasm wasn't obvious.

"That's true," Lydia nodded. "I can't imagine how they're going to feel. I mean, they might have already come to terms with the fact that they'll never see us. They might not even _want_ to see us." She laughed a bit out of nowhere and looked at Silas. "I remember being a little kid and wishing so badly that I had a big brother. I imagined him being my bodyguard or something. Sort of weird that I always had one and didn't know."

"That's really sad, actually," Phil replied, his pitiful face on full display but it was genuine instead of him using it to get something out of one of us.

"Yeah, and a little brother and a little sister too," I added. "That's so weird. I went 22 years thinking I was an only child to find out I have four brothers and sisters."

"There are a lot of us Quickies running around," Silas laughed.

"Quickies..." Dan repeated before cracking up.

"Quick. I can't believe that's your last name," I told Silas.

Carmen Quick.

Well, I probably wouldn't have been called Carmen had they kept me... but Quick is a pretty cool last name.

"Lydia Quick," Lydia spoke up and laughed. "Makes me want chocolate milk."

"How much longer are you here for, Silas?" Phil asked as he stood up to make his way over to me before picking up the bottle of wine and refilling my glass. He leaned down and kissed the top of my head before he refilled Silas' glass and Lydia's.

"I'm going home tomorrow," Silas told him as he took the glass of wine, helping himself to a drink. "I wish I could stay longer to get to know you guys, but I have to work on Monday. Maybe we can try to plan something."

"Maybe... It's not very often we visit America," I said before taking a sip of my wine.

"I'm not opposed to visiting England," he smiled. "I really want to try to get to know both of you. I know it's gotta be overwhelming for you though, so I won't push the subject. Just know if you're interested in doing the same, don't hesitate."

"I think I speak for both of us when I say that we definitely would like to get to know you. I can't imagine just leaving here knowing that you exist and pretending you don't," Lydia replied and then pointed to the photo album. "This is random but are there any photos of you with us?"

He smiled at her response and picked up the photo album. "There are, actually," he offered it to her. "Mom and dad had time with you before the families got you."

I scooted closer to Lydia when she started opening the album and leaned in so I could see the pictures too.

On the first page there was a photo of us in someone's arms, and then a couple of close up shots of us laying together. Of course I had no idea who was who.

Lydia turned the page and what I saw made me get chills. It was a photo of a woman who looked a lot like Lydia and I holding two little bundles of pink in her arms, a man standing beside her, looking down at Lydia and I, smiling.

"That's our parents?" I looked up at Silas to see him nodding at me.

I looked back down and stared at the photo. So these were the two people I'd spent so much of my time wondering about.

Wow.

"Well, we know where you two got the dark hair from," I heard Phil say and it wasn't until then that I realized he and Dan had gotten up and were standing behind us to see the photos.

Lydia moved her fingertips over a photo of the two of us lying next to each other that was much like the one her Mum showed us. "I can't imagine how sad that day was," she said softly as she stared at it. "

"The thing dad said he remembers most is how you two would flip out if you were separated. If you weren't touching, you both would just start crying. That's why there aren't any pictures of just one of you."

I had chill bumps all over me as I looked down at the pictures. "I wonder if our parents ever wanted to give us back because we'd never shut up," I laughed at myself. Uh oh. I was getting a buzz.

"Is that you? In the smurf costume?" Dan spoke up, leaning over Lydia's shoulder to point out the photo he was referring to.

"Yeah," Silas laughed. "It was halloween. Apparently we'd all been out trick or treating when you two decided to you wanted to show up."

"They probably sensed that chocolate would be near," Phil laughed and I felt his arms wrapping around me from behind before he rested his chin on my shoulder.

"You were ridiculously cute," Lydia giggled, referring to Silas. "Wow," she shook her head as she looked up at me. "I still can't even believe this is happening. I mean, I wondered if anyone would notice us but I never ever thought that anything like this would happen."

"Babe?" Phil spoke in my ear. "Dan and I have to go down to that gathering. Are you two okay for us to do that?"

"Yeah," I glanced over at Lydia. "We'll be alright," I said before looking back at Phil. "Go have fun. We'll join you later."

Dan leaned over and kissed Lydia's cheek. "You know where we'll be if you need anything," he told her before kissing her lips. "Love you."

"I love you too," she replied while reaching up to brush her fingers over his cheek.

"I love you. Text or call if you need me," Phil said before leaning in to kiss my lips.

We all stayed silent as the boys walked out but once the door was closed Lydia spoke up. "They're our boyfriends. I'm sure you gathered that by now," she laughed.

Silas laughed with her as he nodded. "Yeah, I picked up on that once they started giving me the stink eye earlier today," he told her while moving around in his seat. "Are they good to you guys?" He asked with an eyebrow raised.

"Very," I laughed. "They've gone through all of this with us. If it weren't for them.. I think Lydia and I would have drove each other mental already."

"Lydiar," he repeated me, laughing. "It's so insane how far apart you two ended up being from each other."

"Very insane. If I didn't have an unhealthy obsession with Youtube and Dan I would've never known she existed," Lydia told him. "At least I don't think I would've. Maybe my Mom would've finally broken down and told me one day but I doubt it."

"I never would have known I was adopted and I'd still be walking around pining over Phil. I don't think I'd be finding out anytime soon had you not showed up," I shrugged.

"If you guys don't mind, I'd love to hear more about you two meeting. All I've heard are what you guys said in those interviews."

After we told him that story we finally got to eat, and drink even more wine. The three of us ended up talking all night about anything and everything, getting to know each other.

When I got to Florida I really hadn't expected to leave knowing I had an older brother, a younger brother, and a little sister.

I guess there's one thing I was learning about my life.

It was full of surprises.


	21. A Kiss With a Fist

Lydia's POV

As I sat in front of my mirror on the floor of my bedroom in mine and Carmen's house, I came to the realization that there was no concealer created that could possibly cover the horrible dark circles under my eyes.

I'd lost just a bit of sleep and perhaps a few ounces of sanity over the past couple of weeks. So much shit was happening. Along with being noticed on the streets nearly every time we walked out the door together, Carmen and I were attempting to completely process the fact that we had a whole other family out there who we didn't know at all.

If I didn't have her, Dan, and Phil I'm fairly sure I would have been placed in some sort of mental facility during all of that madness.

In the reflection of the mirror I could see Dan sitting on my bed and he was watching me with his head tilted like he was confused or something. I turned my head to look at him and laughed. "I'm trying to make my face look alive and happy and shit," I told him.

We were getting ready to go to a party that Chris was having at his flat that night. Up until a couple of hours before we had no intentions of going just because so much was going on but then the guys suggested we go just to let loose and have a little fun. I honestly would have been more content lounging around on the couch in my pajamas and watching Keeping Up With the Kardashians on Netflix. (Don't you judge me)

He slid off of the bed and onto the floor and crawled over to where I was sitting. After placing a kiss on the side of my head he sat down beside me and picked up one of my make up brushes. "You look beautiful all the time," he informed me, rubbing the bristles against my nose. "I'm just worried about you. I know you're going through a lot right now."

I think I melted into the carpet right there. He was so damn sweet. Everyday that I had with him since we fixed everything I found myself wondering how the hell I got so lucky.

"I would lie and say I'm okay but you know better," I told him as I reached up and ran my fingers through the front of his hair. "But you make everything feel better just by being here with me all the time. I don't know what I would do without you."

He gave me one of his cute crooked grins before leaning in and giving me a kiss. "Well if you need to talk about what's happening, or vent, or whatever, you know you can," he said while brushing my hair back.

"I know," I nodded, smiling at him. "But right now I'd rather go to this party and get white girl wasted before coming home and having drunk, sloppy sex with you. Then I'd like to sleep in tomorrow and wake up and eat food that's really bad for me. That's my current therapy plan," I laughed.

"That sounds like a very good one," he laughed. "I think I can make all of that happen." He leaned in and brushed his lips against mine before standing up from the floor and checking his appearance in the mirror. It was actually hilarious because he basically had to squat to be able to see himself properly. "Does my hair look sexy pushed back?"

"Your hair looks sexy pushed back," I replied, looking up at him and laughing. "Have I told you today that I'm pretty much sickeningly in love with you?"

It was true. I'd gone from being a person who was clueless as to what a fucking real emotion was to realizing that I was so in love with him it was almost gross. My life was quite interesting to say the least.

He looked down at me while he was sorting his hair out. Damn, that smile. "No, but I'm pretty much sickeningly in love with you too," he replied, squatting further down. He wrapped his arms around me from behind and hugged me tightly. "We're never going to get ready to go," he laughed. Which was pretty accurate considering we'd both been trying to get dressed for the better part of an hour, but couldn't stop with all of the cute, cuddly shit that would usually make me want to gag.

"I know," I laughed. "I still haven't even figured out what to wear." I sighed as I leaned my head back against his chest. I couldn't ever remember feeling as happy as I did when I was in his arms. "Okay, I better get up. Phil and Carmen are gonna be ready and waiting on us forever if I don't," I told him as I reluctantly pulled away from him to stand up. My hair and make up were finished. I just needed to change out of his t-shirt and into normal clothes.

While I was looking through my wardrobe, there was a knock at the door. "Come in," Dan and I said at the same time and I looked over to see Phil peeking his head in.

"I was just seeing if you two were ready yet," he said as he stepped in still wearing his pajamas. Obviously we weren't the only ones procrastinating.

"Not quite," I laughed, looking down at myself.

"Carmen is getting dressed now," he replied. "She said to ask you to come help her get dressed whenever you get a chance."

Since I was having no luck finding an outfit myself, I decided to go ahead and help her. "Yes sir," I smiled while saluting him as I walked towards the door.

I could hear Carmen singing as I made my way down the hall and when I got into her room I discovered her standing by her wardrobe turning up a glass of wine.

"Pregaming without me?" I asked as I walked over to her desk and picked up the bottle of wine she was drinking from.

"Of course not," she responded, stepping towards me. She moved a couple of things around on her desk until she found a wine glass hidden under a t-shirt. She sat her glass down, took the bottle from me, and poured me a rather large glass before refilling her own. "I know you need this just as much as I do. Cheers, darling sister," she clinked her glass against mine and turned her glass up before moving back to her wardrobe. "I have no idea what to wear. I don't even want to go. I want to lay on my side and eat."

"Thanks babe," I replied as I took the glass from her. "Cheers, my british twin," I laughed. The wine was delicious and I knew it was a bad idea for her to give me any of it as soon as I tasted it. "I am in the same boat with you, sister," I sighed, leaning against the wall by her wardrobe. "I'm sure we do need a bit of fun though. If we aren't into it we can always just come back home and lay on the couch while stuffing our faces."

"That's what Phil said," she told me while dancing around in place, sifting through the clothes in front of her. "I'm pretty sure he's right... Oh!" She pulled something out of her wardrobe and held it up. "This would look good on you," she looked over at me and started laughing. "Is it bad that sometimes I actually forget that we look exactly alike?"

I cracked up laughing. "Is it bad that sometimes I look at your butt in jeans or your boobs in a shirt and wonder if mine look like that? Cause I totally do." I reached out to take the black sweater dress she was holding up. "I really like this. I could wear it with some leggings and boots. Then Dan will wanna pounce me all night cause he loves it when I wear boots." I wiggled my eyebrows at her as I took a large sip of wine. "Dude what the hell kind of wine is this? I'm already buzzed," I laughed.

"Oh God." I turned around to see Phil walking in. "She broke out the magic wine, didn't she?"

"Magic wine?" I asked, looking between the two of them. Carmen was just grinning from ear to ear as she happily sipped her from her glass.

"Her parents gave her a ton of expensive wine they got from Italy and it's stronger than most wine you can get here. Be careful with that," he laughed. He walked over to Carmen and kissed the side of her neck before whispering something in her ear and then making his way into the bathroom.

"You two totally have like kink nasty freaky sex don't you?" I asked as I peeked into her wardrobe to see if I could see anything that would be good for her to wear since she wasn't having any luck yet.

She started laughing as she walked around me and over to her bed to sit down. "Pretty much," she admitted while making herself comfortable. "He only looks sweet and innocent... Or maybe he used to be before I put all of the thoughts into his head about tying me up and choking me," she shrugged and took another sip of her wine. "I'm going to be a sloppy mess tonight. I can already tell."

"Maybe you'll end up being a choked and tied up sloppy mess though," I told her as I walked over to her and handed her my glass of wine. I slipped Dan's shirt over my head and of course as soon as I was standing there in my bra and panties, Phil walked out of the bathroom.

I turned to look at him and he was standing there with his toothbrush hanging out of his mouth staring at me like he was going to be in trouble or something. "Phil, I have the same body as your girlfriend. Seeing my like this is not a big deal," I laughed as I pulled the sweater dress over my head.

"You two really do way too much alike," he managed to say with his mouth full of toothpaste and his toothbrush as he walked back into the bathroom.

I cracked up laughing. "Awww. Did you see how bad he was blushing? Poor thing. I mean, I feel like Dan seeing you like that wouldn't be a big deal either because we're all best friends and they've both seen us naked and we look the same naked and oh my God I think I am drunk," I rambled as I took my glass back from her right before she almost started to take a sip of it. She was definitely on a mission to get shitfaced.

"It wouldn't be a big deal at all," she mumbled and stood up. With a sigh she walked back to her wardrobe and rubbed her hand down her face. "I'm just gonna make this easy on myself."

She closed her eyes and reached into her wardrobe and pulled out a pair of pants, flung them over her shoulder, then reached in again and pulled out a shirt. "Voila. I have something to wear now."

She moved over to her desk, sat her empty glass down and started to strip, accidentally flinging her shirt at my face in the process.

"Damn, babe. Nice ass." I looked over to see Dan standing by Carmen's door, eyeing her. "Where did you get those panties?"

Carmen looked over her shoulder at him and started laughing. "Phil," she responded, obviously too buzzed to care that he was looking at her.

"Oh," he shifted his eyes over to me and shook his head. "I'm sorry. I didn't know. I thought-" he cleared his throat, looking nervous while putting a hand up to shield Carmen from his vision.

I nearly spit out my wine laughing. "Baby, it's not a big deal. Phil just walked in and saw me in my undies. I mean, we look exactly alike," I gestured between Carmen and I with my glass of wine, "it's not a big deal. Right, Carmy?"

"Right," she agreed while jumping up and tugging at the top of her pants. "It's not like you saw something you've never seen before," she laughed.

Dan raised an eyebrow at her. "Are you drunk, Carmen?"

"Almost," she smiled, reaching up to pat his cheek. "Would you like a glass of my magic wine?"

"No thanks," he shifted his eyes between us. He looked kind of off, but I was a bit buzzed so I figured that was probably why.

"Oh shit. I forgot to put on my leggings," I said as I stood up from the bed. "Brb, sexy sexuals," I called out as I walked out of the room.

It took me awhile to search through the abyss that is my wardrobe and find my leggings but I finally did and then put on my favorite pair of knee high black boots. After putting on some earrings and touching up my make up, I was ready to go.

By the time I walked out of my room, everyone else was walking into the living room dressed and ready to go.

"You all look really hot," I commented as I looked them over.

"I know Carmen definitely does," Phil said as he wrapped an arm around her waist and kissed her cheek.

"Oh, you," Carmen grinned at him while wrapping her arms around his side, hugging him.

Dan's eyes traveled from my feet and up my body, a crooked grin on his lips. "If we weren't all ready to go, I would suggest skipping the party," he told me while stepping closer to me. He leaned down, pecked my lips, then put his arm around my shoulder.

The four of us left mine and Carmen's apartment. I decided that it would probably be best for Carmen and I not to have to walk long distances, so I got us a taxi that took us to Chris' flat.

When we arrived there were already loads of people there. I had met quite a few of them already at Dan and Phil's ugly Christmas jumper party so it wasn't completely awkward socializing with any of them. Though, it wouldn't have been even if I didn't know them because I had a pretty great buzz going on from Carmen's magic wine.

Chris had his place fixed up well for the party. There were lots of different kinds of lights all over his living room but it was still pretty dark, especially in places that didn't have some sort of black light or string of Christmas lights close by.

The first people Carmen and I were greeted by were Jack and Finn, who we hadn't seen since we made the video with them. Of course they insisted that the four of us do a couple of shots together and they went on about how we needed to make another video together and how I needed to start my own Youtube channel.

Dan and Phil were off somewhere. I have no idea as to where. I know Carmen and I would see them every so often and steal a kiss but the four of us were kind of doing our own thing. I think they were both happy knowing that we weren't wallowing in our misery.

Instead, we were drowning it. But whatever.

I'm not sure how much either of us had to drink but I couldn't feel my face and I'm fairly sure my eyeballs were floating because I had to pee so badly.

"We need to do a video together," Carmen nudged Chris with her elbow. "It will be fucking fantastic. Your videos are hilarious!"

Chris was obviously amused by her enthusiasm as she went on and on about the two of them needing to collaborate. "Lydia can join us too. We can come up with something great.. like... Well, I don't know what but it'll be- woah! I'm sorry!" In the midst of her excitement she had staggered around and nearly tripped over her feet and spilled quite a bit of whatever she was drinking on Chris' floor.

"Good thing I don't have carpet," he laughed. "We'll definitely figure something out, don't worry. But I'm gonna find something to clean this up with."

While watching my sister be hilariously drunk, my bladder decided it was time to give me that horrible feeling of threatening to fucking explode. I realized I had no idea where the bathroom was so I turned around to look for someone to ask and literally nearly ran into Phil who was approaching me.

"Phil!" I put my drink down on the counter and grabbed his shoulders. "I need the bathroom now or I'm gonna piss on the floor," I laughed.

"Oh God," he laughed as he took my hands off of his shoulders then grabbed my right hand before starting to pull me through all of the people. I was doing the 'I gotta pee' dance the entire way through the flat and thankfully no one was in the bathroom.

"Don't leave me. I'll be right back," I told him as I closed the door. Don't get me wrong, all of their friends were super nice but I wasn't comfortable enough to just walk around all of them alone just yet so I was being a baby and didn't want Phil to leave me to have to walk out of the bathroom alone.

After finally relieving myself and checking out my appearance in the mirror, I made my way out and thankfully Phil was leaning against the wall next to the door waiting for me like the good guy he was. "Aww, you're such a good bff," I told him as I reached up and patted the top of his head.

"I know," he sighed, grinning at me. "Come on. Let's go find Dan and Carmen. I feel like I've barely seen any of you since we got here."

He held his arm out for me to link arms with him and we started walking together through the flat.

There were quite a few people around and it was rather dark so it wasn't very easy to find them. I just started looking for Dan's head since he was taller than most everyone there.

"I hope Carmen didn't wander off into the wilderness. She's so wasted I'm a little-"

My sentence was cut off when Phil stopped abruptly and I ran into his back. "Ow! Your elbow hit my tit," I whined while rubbing my boob. When he still didn't say anything I looked up at his face to see that he had a look of complete shock and it looked like the color had just been drained from his face.

I followed his line of vision until I saw what the cause of that look was and I swear I think my heart literally stopped beating for a second.

We found Dan and we also found Carmen.

I watched as his hands moved from her lower back down to her ass before he pushed her against the wall. Her arms were wrapped around his shoulders as they were pretty much raping each other's faces in one of the dark corners of Chris' flat.

I didn't know what to think. I couldn't even process what I was seeing. But before I could put much more thought into it, the sight of them was blocked by someone's shoulders.

"What the fuck are you doing?" Phil's voice sounded out above the music and I literally jumped when I heard him. It was like someone flipped a light switch and the gravity of the situation actually hit me.

My boyfriend was kissing my sister.

My sister was kissing my boyfriend.

I felt like I was going to puke.

I couldn't move. I'm not sure that I was even breathing. All I could do was stare at what was happening in front of me.

I watched as Phil grabbed Dan's arm and jerked him away from Carmen. I had never, ever seen Phil like that and never thought I would.

Dan yanked his arm out of Phil's grasp and staggered back a little while giving him a dirty look. "What the fuck are you on about, Phil?"

"The fact that you're over here kissing my fucking girlfriend, Dan. That's what I'm on about!" he yelled while pointing towards Carmen.

"And why the hell were you kissing him?" he asked Carmen, looking over at her.

In case you're wondering, I still hadn't moved.

"I can't believe you two," Phil shook his head as he looked between the two of them. "So fucking disgusting."

"I didn't know it was Carmen, fuck. Take a fucking Xanax or something," Dan responded.

"Fuck you, Dan! What the fuck would you do if you walked up and saw me kissing Lydia like that?" Phil asked before looking over at Carmen. "And seeing as though I look nothing like Dan, I'm not sure what the hell your excuse is."

"I-"

"You seriously need to calm the fuck down, Phil," Dan yelled back at him. "I grabbed her and kissed her. It's not her fault and it's not like this is the first time we've fucking kissed. Been there, done that. So shut the fuck up and stop yelling like an idiot."

All I know is that it felt like someone punched the air out of me when I heard that and as if that wasn't bad enough, I watched and heard Phil's fist connect with the side of Dan's face.

Of course at that point people had gathered around and Chris and PJ jumped in before pulling Phil away. He jerked his arms away from them and turned to look at me before looking over at Dan who was looking at Phil like he was insane as he wiped blood off of his bottom lip.

"Since you're so interested in Carmen, you can go stay with her tonight and I'll take Lydia to my place. Something tells me she doesn't care to be with either of you tonight," Phil told him before walking back over to me. He grabbed my hand and pulled me along behind him so quickly I nearly tripped over my feet.

I think I had slipped into some other dimension. I couldn't even form a clear thought or words as Phil dragged me through the house along behind him.

I could hear Carmen yelling as we approached the door, though I couldn't make out what she was saying over the sound of my heart pounding in my ears. She was silenced with a slam of the door before Phil grabbed my arm again and started dragging me towards the lift.

As soon as the door opened he dragged me inside and as the doors closed I could see Dan and Carmen coming towards them. Phil put his hands on my shoulders and turned me around to look at him, his eyes searching my face.

"Are you okay? I'm so sorry you saw me act like that. I just snapped," he explained.

I swallowed hard and shook my head. "I don't know. I have no idea of-" I paused because I was literally at a loss for words. "I just don't think I can deal with this right now," I admitted, shaking my head as I ran my fingers through my hair. "Too much shit is happening."

"I know. I know. I'm so sorry," he replied just as the lift doors were opening. We walked out together but since he had calmed down he wasn't dragging me along behind him. He did hold my hand to make sure I didn't fall or anything once we got outside since I was drunk and wearing boots.

**Dan's POV **

I jabbed my finger against the down arrow by the lift over and over again even though, through my rage and drunken stupor, I knew it wasn't going to make the lift come back up any quicker.

I think I just needed some sort of way to vent my anger, because I was completely pissed.

"Come the fuck on," I groaned, hitting the side of my fist against the buttons.

"Dan, please, stop," Carmen grabbed my wrist and pulled my hand away from the wall.

The music from the party got a little louder before it started to muffle and I heard a door shut from down the hallway.

I looked over to see Chris walking towards us carrying our jackets with one hand, the other raking through his hair.

"I figured you two were leaving," he said while offering us our coats. "Are you alr-"

"Do I look alright to you?" I blurted out, not meaning to throw my anger at him but it was very hard to control at that point. I let out a sigh as I took my coat and shook my head. "No, I'm not."

"I'm so sorry about that," Carmen shook her head. "I know it looks so bad but-"

Chris held his hand up, silencing her as she sloppily started putting on her jacket. "It's fine. I know you guys well enough to know shit like this isn't something that happens often. You don't have to explain yourselves to me. Just get home and sober up. Everything will be fine."

Oh, I was getting home alright and Phil was getting an ear full.

Chris excused himself from us just before the lift opened and Carmen and I stepped inside of it.

"Why the hell did you tell them what we did, Dan?" Carmen asked as she slumped against the wall of the lift.

I looked over at her and it looked like she was close to the point of passing out or something. It was obvious that she'd had way too much to drink.

I rolled my eyes at myself and let out a loud sigh.

I had no idea why I blurted it out. I guess it seemed like a good idea at the time. "I don't know," I shook my head. "Phil was being a complete idiot and overreacting and it just slipped out."

"He's going to break up with me and Lydia is going to move back to America and I'm going to be alone because we made out ages ago," with every word she said she hit the back of her head against the wall. "I don't know if he was overreacting, I mean we were making out but I didn't know it was you. I wouldn't snog you," she made a disgusted face. "That's like incest."

Oh yes, she was very much pissed. She was taking this all too lightly not to have been.

"I might puke so I'm sorry if I puke on you," she informed me.

Luckily the lift stopped and we stepped out of it before she could throw up on me.

"He isn't going to break up with you," I told her as we made our way down the steps and onto the pavement.

Carmen nearly toppled over so I wrapped my arm around her shoulders to keep her steady. "He loves you."

"I love him too," she responded, sounding pouty. Like a true emotional drunk. "Like really, really love him. I love Lydia too. I don't want her to hate me for this. And I love you and I don't want them to hate you for this either."

"He has no right to hate anyone over anything, and Lydia will understand," I responded.

In the midst of everything I hadn't really stopped to acknowledge the fact that Lydia could very well be just as angry as Phil.

I couldn't believe that he actually punched me, though. I couldn't even believe that he talked to either of us the way that he had. It wasn't like him at all.

While I understand that I had been kissing his girlfriend and that would make anyone unhappy, I still think that he over reacted.

"What if she doesn't? What if she-" Carmen stopped abruptly and I heard a very loud, very inhuman sound come out of her before puke splattered all over the pavement.

That alone added another five minutes to our trip back to my flat, as I had to try to keep her from falling while also trying to keep her from puking on herself or me. Then, I stopped by a Starbucks which happened to still be open and got both of us a coffee.

She needed something to try and sober her up because she was all over the place.

Now they were probably going to think we stopped and had a shag before coming home because the trip from Chris' took much longer than it should have.

Carmen ended crying at one point. I'm not sure why and couldn't really understand anything she was mumbling to herself between coffee sips.

When we got back to my flat I unlocked the door and started to push it open.

"What if he yells at me again?" Carmen asked, grabbing my arm to keep me from opening the door any further.

"Then I'll punch him in the face."

"No!" She shook her head. "Please don't."

I sighed and closed the door before leaning down to look at her. "This isn't your fault, just remember that, alright? If he can't wrap his head around it then-" I trailed off. "He's probably calmed down a lot. I'm going to explain to him what happened. It's going to be fine."

That seemed to do it for her and she let go of me and I opened to apartment door to walk inside.

The lights were off and by the time that I got to the switch to turn them on, Carmen had already stumbled into a chair and knocked it over.

"I'm sorry," she whispered from the ground, her cup of coffee spilled all over the floor around her.

"Don't worry about it. I'll clean it up later."

"Technically I can't say anything about you being here but really, Dan? After what just happened you thought it would be a good idea to come home and bring her?" he motioned towards Carmen then looked back up at me, his arms folded over his chest. I'm not quite sure that I had ever seen him the way he'd been acting that night.

"Yeah, I did," I responded, sitting my coffee down on the table before reaching down to help Carmen up since apparently Phil was still going to be a massive twat about all of this. "You didn't give anyone a chance to explain, you just started screaming and acting like a complete drunken idiot."

"Oh, and I'm sure that if you saw your best friend with his tongue down Lydia's throat that you would be incredibly cool, calm and collected. Remove your head from your ass, Dan. Really think about that and also think about what you've done to her. As if that girl wasn't already completely fucked in the head," he replied.

I let out a laugh as I glanced down at Carmen. I couldn't believe Phil was really going to go _there _right now.

"Yeah, well, you know she's not really the only one who is in that particular situation, you idiot. At least I can say that I have not ever and would never ever treat Lydia the way that you're treating Carmen right now," I picked up my coffee and took a drink while walking into the kitchen to grab the mop and some paper towels so I could clean up the mess on the floor.

He started laughing. "Oh, yes Dan. You're so much better than me in that department. Kissing your girlfriend's twin sister and then not even bothering to ask where she might be when you get here and she's not visible shows some great boyfriend skills." He held up his hands and gave me two thumbs up. "Great job."

I wanted to whack him upside the head with the mop but I somehow managed to keep my cool as I walked back over to where the coffee was spilled. Carmen picked her feet up off of the floor so I could start cleaning it and kept her gaze in Phil's direction with her head on the table.

"You're obviously man of the year," I rolled my eyes while laughing. "I've explained myself to you once and I'm not going to do it again," I informed him while turning to look at him. "Not that you would probably even give me a chance to since you're so quick to resort to punching people. Amazing social skills you've got there. Bravo."

"Dan," Carmen mumbled. "Please, just-" she sighed and rubbed her hand down her face. "Phil are you going to break up with me? Because I got a feeling that you are and I love you and I don't want that," she slurred while shaking her head. "Can you please say something to me?"

"I could give two flying shits about my bloody social skills right now. Until you are in a situation where you see your best fucking friend kissing the woman you've been in love with for half your bloody life and then you find out that it's apparently happened before then you have no right to tell me anything about how I reacted," he told me, looking more upset now than angry. In fact, he nearly sounded like he was about to cry.

He looked away from me and at Carmen and his expression softened completely. "We'll talk when you're sober. You need to sleep."

"It was one bloody time," I threw my hands up. "Back in Manchester when we were at Uni together," I motioned towards Carmen. "Back when you couldn't be bothered to notice her let alone speak to her. It's not something we get up to once a week and I sure as hell didn't do it so you could punch me in the face for it several years later."

"He's telling you the truth," Carmen said then burped. "Even though you probably trust me about as much as a policeman trusts a convict, it only happened one time and it was alcohol induced. Why do you think I always slept on the couch when I would come over?" She rambled. "I only want to kiss you. I'm in love with you."

Phil rubbed his hand over his face and sighed loudly. "Like I said, I'll talk to you tomorrow when you're sober. I'd like for you to remember what we say to each other," he told her before directing his attention to me again. "I'm done standing here explaining why I did what I did. I don't know why the fuck I was expected to have just reacted like a bloody dumbass who doesn't care about who his girlfriend is kissing. Maybe you should share Lydia with someone and see how it feels." He turned to walk down the hallway. "Speaking of, you might want to check on her and act like you give a shit since you've been too busy trying to make me seem like the bad guy for reacting the way I did."

"No one expects you to act that way but we might expect you to behave like you know and trust us enough to know that we'd never do anything that fucking shady," I told him while shaking my head. "Whatever, there's no getting through to you. I'm done trying. You can only see this one way," I rolled my eyes and glanced over at Carmen who was looking at us with heavy eyes. "I'll walk you back to your flat and if it's okay with you, I'll stay there tonight," I offered and she nodded.

I looked back at Phil who was still standing in the hallway and started towards him. There was so much bad tension in there that I just wanted to get the hell out as quickly as possible.

I brushed by him and went to my room.

I flipped the light switch on and was quite shocked to see Lydia curled up in my bed with her arms wrapped around one of my pillows. She was awake and I kind of froze up.

I knew I needed to talk to her, but if she was going to act anything like Phil was acting I'm not sure that it was a conversation I needed to have that night.

"Are you as pissed off as Phil?" I asked as I walked towards my bed, folding my arms across my chest. "I know we need to talk but I can't do it if you are. My face hurts, my head hurts, and I feel like shit. Like a piece of actual shit."

She looked up at me and I could see her eyes were filling with tears and her chin was starting to tremble. "You don't have to talk to me if you don't want to," she responded, sounding nothing at all like her normal self.

"I didn't say that," I said softly as I sat down on the edge of the bed. I reached out and wiped away the tears that had already fallen. I was thankful I was still half lit or else I would have probably started crying too. The sight of her in tears was devastating. "I'm just not in the mood to argue anymore, that's all."

"I wasn't going to argue," she whispered as she wrapped her arms tighter around my pillow she was holding onto. "I mean, it hurt to see what I saw but I know you can't tell us apart and there's nothing I can do to change it." She sniffled and reached up to wipe the tears from her face. "I'm just so sick of all this stuff happening. I just want to be happy and I feel like every time I am it just gets ripped out from under me. I can't take this shit anymore," she told me, barely able to get the words out because of how she was crying while talking. It reminded me too much of the night she flipped out on me when I told her I loved her for the first time.

"Nothing is getting ripped out from under you," I shook my head and scooted closer to her. I reached out and started brushing her hair away from her face before moving my hand to wipe her cheeks. "What happened tonight was an accident and it was _my _fault. It's my fault that I don't even know my own ass from a hole in the ground and it's my fault for blurting out what I know you had no idea about and I'm so sorry for that. I never meant to hurt you like this."

"I know you didn't," she said as she rolled over so that she was lying on her back and she reached up to wipe under her eyes again. "It's just a fucked up situation. Carmen had to have known it was you and she went along with it and now I know about what happened before." She took a deep shaky breath as she covered her eyes with one hand and I saw her face sort of scrunch up like it did when she was about to cry hard. "I don't even know how to feel. It just hurts really bad and I hate it."

"I really don't think that she knew," I responded after falling quiet for a few minutes.

I was actually quite certain that she had no idea of who I was when I kissed her because if she knew, she wouldn't have responded the way that she did.

"She would never do that to you and she wouldn't do it to Phil... She was really drunk," I let out a sigh. "I know you don't want to hear about what happened in the past but it really wasn't anything. We drank way too much wine one night years ago and I can assure that it didn't mean anything to either of us. She and I are really close and I feel kind of conflicted because I don't want you to think that I'm only saying this because of that. She loves you, though, Lydia and I know she wouldn't hurt you like this on purpose."

"I know Phil and I don't have the same face but in a dark room after one too many drinks..." I trailed off and shrugged. "It's not like she came at me either. I grabbed her from behind. We'd literally only been kissing for five seconds when Phil grabbed me.. I know you probably don't want to hear about it but I feel like you deserve to know what actually happened instead of assuming the worst."

She sat up and ran her fingers through her hair but was silent for a few seconds after I said all of that. Her eyes were bloodshot from crying and she honestly looked completely drained. "Thank you for telling me," she replied. "Is she okay?"

"I think she's too drunk to really comprehend what happened," I told her while reaching out for one of her hands. "Phil wouldn't even talk to her about anything because of that."

When I took her hand she looked down at our hands together but she didn't really move for a few seconds. But then out of nowhere she pulled herself up so that she was on her knees and wrapped her arms around my shoulders, burying her face against my neck. "Could you just hold me for a few minutes," she whispered against my neck while basically clinging to me like it was the last time she'd ever see me.

"Of course," I whispered back to her, wrapping my arms around her to pull her onto my lap. "I love you, Lydia," I said while running my fingers through her hair. I wanted to stay like this for as long as possible but in the back of my mind I knew that I had to go. Even though all of us needed to have a serious chat, it would be best if we all had time to cool down from everything that had happened.

"I love you too," she whispered, her fingers running through my hair as well. A couple of minutes later she pulled back even though I could tell she didn't want to. "I'll let you go. I know you're not staying."

"Are you okay with me staying at hers?" I asked after placing a kiss against her forehead.

She shrugged and looked up at me with that damn look on her face that would make anyone turn to an emotional pile of mush. "I don't want you to leave me but I know she needs you more right now. It's okay."

"It's probably best that Phil and I don't sleep under the same roof tonight too," I leaned in and pecked her lips before I moved to stand. "I'll call you in the morning," I told her as I pulled the covers back on my bed to cover her up with them. "Just try and get some sleep, alright?"

"Okay," she said quietly as she crawled up the bed and then slipped under the covers and curled up on her side, wrapping her arms around my pillow again and pressing her face against it so that I couldn't see her.

I let out a quiet sigh as I turned on my little lamp and then walked towards my door. I looked at my bed for several seconds, watching her, before I flipped the light off and closed the door behind me as I stepped out of my room.

I walked down the hallway and looked into the kitchen to see Carmen sitting at the counter with her face pressed against it and Phil was standing next to her running his fingers through her hair as he looked down at her.

I felt tension just from seeing him and it was increased when he noticed that I was there.

Again, I couldn't believe that we'd actually argued and even more so, I was still shocked by the fact that I was now sporting even fatter safari lips because he had punched me.

I felt like I needed to say something to him about all of it so we could just get over it and this awkward tension would be done with but I knew it wouldn't do either of us any good. At least not until we both had time to get over what the other had done.

He cleared his throat and moved to walk around her when he saw me walk in. "I called a cab so you could get her home safely," he told me as he walked towards the living room without even looking at me. He sat down on the couch and turned on the tele without saying another word.

I leaned down and grabbed Carmen's shoulders, trying to wake her up. "Carmy, come on, get up."

"Phil?" She mumbled in response without moving. "I just want to sleep."

"It's Dan," I corrected her while trying to get her to stand. "You can sleep as soon as we're in the cab. I'm going to take you home."

She swayed around when she was finally standing and I had to put my hands on her shoulders to keep her from toppling over as we walked into the lounge.

I felt like Phil might throw something at me for even touching her and I was just waiting to feel the tv remote hit the side of my face.

"Where's Phil?" She mumbled again as she slowly staggered across the floor. "He was just talking to me."

She was completely oblivious to everything, obviously, because he was only a few feet away. "He's on the couch. He's going to stay here tonight. He'll come see you in the morning," I informed her.

She looked over at him and immediately tried to go towards the couch to him. "I love you. I don't want to leave," she mumbled. Of course her balance was nonexistent so she nearly fell and face planted on our coffee table, but I caught her before she could.

How the hell was someone so small so bloody heavy?

Phil got up from the couch immediately and walked over to help me with her. "I love you too. You'll see me in the morning or whenever you wake up," he told her as he wrapped one of her arms around his shoulders so that he could hold her up.

He helped me with her down to the lobby and out to the taxi with her mumbling things I don't think either of us could understand the entire way. He got her into the cab and kissed the top of her head before turning and walking past me without saying a word.

What an immature twat.

Just as he was walking by me I let out the loudest fart imaginable and started fanning it in his direction.

He turned and looked over his shoulder at me, a disgusted look on his face.

I smiled at him and turned to get into the cab behind Carmen. "Have fun smellin' my poops, bitches."


	22. That Wasn't Very Beyonce of You

Phil's POV

I was lying in bed scrolling through tweets on my phone instead of doing what I really needed to be doing. Staying in my room closed off from reality just seemed a lot more appealing than getting up and having to deal with the madness that was the night before.

The flat was entirely too quiet. It was so quiet it was almost creepy. Normally I could hear music coming from some room in the house because it was almost guaranteed that Dan left on the tele or left his laptop on when he fell asleep.

I literally rolled my eyes at the thought of him. He'd gone from being my best friend to being the asshole who was kissing my girlfriend.

The thought of that nearly made me want to vomit and also reminded me of why I had to get out of bed. I needed to go talk to Carmen. I didn't know how she was even going to react to me after I hit Dan the night before. Had she kissed him because she didn't really want to be with me anymore? I wanted to just believe her drunken rambling about loving me but I would rather hear her say that sober.

I also was reminded that there was someone else in the flat with me that I needed to check on. It took at least an hour for Lydia to calm down enough to fall asleep the night before. Although she tried to literally push me off the bed so I wouldn't see her cry 'like a total vagina' as she so gracefully put it, I stayed with her until she fell asleep. If I was confused and hurting I knew she had to be.

I wished so badly that we all would have decided to just stay in and be lazy like we all wanted. Sometimes being lazy really is a good thing. I wish it could've been a good thing right then.

But obviously it wasn't so I finally pulled myself out of bed and put my glasses on before walking out of my room. I peeked into Dan's room and could see Lydia still in bed. I didn't want to wake her so I decided against letting her know I was getting ready to go anywhere.

I couldn't be bothered to shower or do anything normal beyond brush my teeth and put on deodorant before I threw some clothes on to go over to Carmen's. I left Lydia a note in the kitchen before I headed out.

I contemplated texting Carmen to let her know I was on my way but I was scared she wouldn't want me to show up. Yes, she was the one who was kissing Dan but I was the one who acted like the Hulk or at least a tall, skinny british version of him.

Normally, the ride there would take forever but of course on the day when I was nervous and not wanting to face all the shit I had to face the ride seemed to take 5 minutes.

When I got to her house I'm pretty sure I stood outside the door staring at the doorbell for a long enough amount of time to get frost bites on all of my exposed body parts.

Okay, maybe not. But I was out there for awhile before I got the balls to knock on her door, which opened almost immediately.

Carmen was standing in front of me wearing the same clothes she had been wearing the night before, her hair piled up top of her head like some sort of chaotic mess. Her eyes were red and swollen and she had what I'm guessing is some sort of chocolate on the side of her face because she was probably eating her feelings like she always did.

I'd always been good at picking up on or reading her emotions and I could tell that she was nervous and obviously upset. She didn't say anything, but stepped away so that I could walk in before she moved to shut the door behind me.

The first thing I saw when I looked around her lounge was the back of Dan's giant square head.

I had to seriously force myself to not groan in agitation. "I'll come back when he's gone," I told her while pointing towards Dan with my thumb.

I heard Dan laughing and from the corner of my eye I could see him looking at me. "Wow. Phil knows how to be an adult," he continued laughing and it was obvious that it was sarcastic laughter. "You should have known I would be here since I wasn't _allowed _to stay at home last night."

"I'm sorry, I can't be bothered to care that you couldn't stay there last night. I'm running on very little sleep from imagining you sucking my girlfriend's face into your esophagus and also comforting your girlfriend while she cried herself to sleep." Okay, that was a low blow but I was pissed.

I obviously wasn't really thinking about what I was saying and I heard a quiet sniffle come from my left and looked down to see Carmen turning away from me and walking into the kitchen.

"You should be given an award. You're such a wonderful friend," Dan spoke up as he walked towards me. "I'll let myself out since you're choosing to behave like a child instead of a 26 year old man."

"Awesome!" I acted excited. "Maybe when I get my award I'll let you hold on to it for a second and you can ram it down your bloody throat."

"Yeah, then maybe you can throw it at my face!" Dan said, sounding just as excited as he clapped his hands together. "Then get all passive aggressive and go on like you did nothing wrong. That sounds pretty accurate to me."

"Are you really that thick?" I asked him, completely serious. "You think that I am the one who did something wrong when you are the one who was snogging my girlfriend? Why is it that in this situation you get to be the innocent one and I don't? I'm not the one that created this situation. Yes, hitting you wasn't the way to deal with it but I'm sure you would've done the same if you felt how fucking horrible I felt in that moment. You need to own up to your part in this. I am not the only reason there's one girl crying in that kitchen and another who is sleeping in your bed clutching your bloody pillow like it's her link to life or something."

"Yeah, because I _meant _to snog _your _girlfriend," he rolled his eyes, "because I would purposely do that to you, Lydia, and Carmen, because I'm such a shit person," he laughed and brushed by me, hitting his shoulder against mine. "Gah, I'm such a cunt. I mean, really. Just a massive twat."

"Finally, I agree with you on something this morning," I said as I pulled off my jacket and turned to walk into the kitchen but I saw Carmen walking towards us...crying and holding a pudding cup.

"Could you guys just stop?" She mumbled, her mouth full of chocolate pudding, tears streaming down her cheeks. "Please? We all know that Dan and I kissed. We all know that it was messed up. We all know you shouldn't have punched him and we all know that Lydia probably hates all of us so could you just not talk about it like this? And for the love of the Queen, could you two stop acting like a couple of females?!"

I just stared at her because I couldn't think of anything to say. I also found it beyond devastating that she was crying. I hated seeing her cry and I regretted bothering to argue with Dan instead of going to comfort her sooner.

A tiny part of me also wanted to laugh because she was yelling at us with a mouth full of pudding.

"He started it," Dan pointed at me. "You know I was going to try and solve all of this with him but he's the one who keeps going on like a five year old," he turned his attention to me. "I hope the mice in our flat eat all of your chargers then shit in them out in your curry."

I raised an eyebrow and looked at him like he'd gone mental. "And I'm the five year old? You literally farted on me, Dan. I thought you were leaving."

Carmen groaned loudly before turning around and stomping down the hall, disappearing.

Dan was laughing and I couldn't tell if he was amused or if he was close to snapping. "I am," he shook his head, reaching for his coat. "If it's alright with you, I'm going to my flat to check on the girlfriend you can't stop rubbing in my face."

"Yeah, well, at least I wasn't rubbing any other part of her," I replied as I headed towards the hallway to go after Carmen.

"Stop it!" Carmen shrieked as she stormed towards me, a small box in her hands now instead of the pudding cup.

I backed up because the rage I saw flash over her was frightening.

"You have every right to be pissed off but I am so tired of hearing about Dan kissing me. I have to think about it enough without you going on about it," she yelled, pulling something out of the box and chucking it at my face. I realized very quickly that it was a tampon. "He didn't rub me," she threw another one at me. "He didn't fondle me," the next one she threw at me knocked my glasses off of one ear, making them hang off of my face, lopsided. "And he didn't do it on purpose!" She finished up with throwing a handful of tampons at me before turning her attention to Dan.

"And you," she chucked one at his face. "Stop acting like you didn't do anything wrong!" She threw another as she stomped closer to him. "You kissed ME. That is wrong, Dan," she flung a purple one at his mouth. "Stop pretending that you wouldn't have been pissed off had it happened to you, because you would," she reached in for another, this time it was yellow, and tossed it at him. "To be honest, I want to punch you for telling him what we did in Manchester ages ago," I guess her grand finale was her throwing the entire box at him. "He probably wouldn't have done anything had you not went on about that!"

By the time she was done Dan and I were standing there staring at her in the middle of a floor littered with a rainbow of tampons.

"You're both acting like a couple of women who are gushing blood out of your giant vaginas, so take those tampons and some fucking midol," she stomped over to the table and picked up a small plastic bottle and threw it at the floor. "And shut the hell up!" With that, she stormed back into the kitchen and I could see her getting another pudding cup out of the fridge.

I turned to look at Dan to see him making a quick exit out the door. Part of me wanted to follow him but part of me also still wanted to slap him so I decided to risk having feminine hygiene products launched at me instead.

I adjusted my glasses and walked into the kitchen just as Carmen was taking a bite of her pudding. "I'm sorry you had to see all of that. I didn't have any intentions of fighting with him when I came over here," I told her as I leaned against the counter across from her.

"I probably deserve it," she told me before shoveling another big bite of pudding into her mouth. Her face scrunched up a little and she wiped the back of her wrist against her eyes while smacking her lips together. "I understand why both of you are mad but you can't fight like this with each other. Fight with me, yell at me, it's more my fault than his. You two are best friends."

"I'm not going to yell at you. Please don't cry. I really, really hate seeing you cry." I closed the space between us and pried the pudding cup and spoon out of her hands before reaching up and wiping her tears away with my thumb. "I'm the one who deserves all of this happening after everything I put you through before we got together."

"No you don't," she shook her head at me and ducked down to walk under my arm and away from me, picking her pudding cup up along the way. "No one deserves this, especially not you," I heard her mumble as she walked into the lounge. "I can't believe this is even happening."

"Carmen," I followed along behind her as she went into the lounge and literally fell onto her couch. "I treated you like complete shit. I pretty much do deserve it." I sat down next to her and sighed. "But, I mean, did you do what you did because you don't want me or-?"

"Are you mental?" She blurted out, pudding spilling out of her mouth and down her chin. "Why would you even think that?" She tried to wipe the chocolate away but it just smeared onto her face. "I'm so in love with you. I would never do that to you," her face started to scrunch up again but she managed to keep herself from crying very hard. "I thought he was you, that's the only reason I didn't punch him myself. I don't want Dan. I don't want anyone but you."

I sort of just gawked at her for a few seconds because I wasn't expecting to hear that from her. I'd been sitting around convincing myself that the reason she kissed Dan was because she didn't really want to be with me anymore. I hadn't really thought about the possibility of me being wrong about that.

"Carmen, sweetheart, please calm down," I told her as I reached out to wipe the chocolate off of her face. "You're going to be completely covered in pudding before we end this conversation." I laughed, hoping to lighten the mood a bit. "I don't want you to be upset. I don't want any of this to be happening. I still love you. Nothing has or could ever change that." I leaned in and kissed her forehead before leaning back a bit to look into her eyes. I hated seeing her eyes filling with tears and all red and bloodshot because she was upset over something that I was involved in regardless of what happened. "I can't stand seeing you cry."

"I can't help it," she said while wiping her eyes again. "This is my fault. Because I have shit coping abilities, I ruined every good relationship I have in my life, not to mention other people's relationships," she sniffled and sat the pudding cup down. "Lydia will probably never speak to me again, Dan probably thinks I've gone mad, you two can't even look at each other. I can't even believe you're here talking to me. I thought you would hate me for what happened and then Dan had to go and tell you about Manchester and- and I feel like I'm having a mental breakdown," she rubbed her hands down her face. "I'm so sorry about last night." Shaking her head she moved her hands and looked up at me. "I really am. I hope that you believe me when I say that I had no bloody idea what I was doing and I never thought Dan would bring up what happened so long ago."

I rubbed the side of my face as well and fought the urge to press into my eyeball until I stabbed my own brain when my fingers moved over my eyes. I hated the thought of her with any guy but with my best friend? That was the absolute hardest to deal with.

"I don't hate you. Like I just said, I love you and nothing can change that. I don't like what happened and last night I was incredibly angry. But I didn't know why you did what you did yet. I wanted to talk to you when you were sober." I sighed as I took her hand into mine and laced our fingers together. "I don't like the thought of you and Dan together before either but neither of us can change our pasts. I refuse to let this ruin us though. I could easily let that happen but I'm not going to because I love you way too much to let you go over a mistake like this."

She was crying again and I almost felt the need to go back to the idea of jabbing my nails into my eyes because I really could not stand to see her like that. However, she pulled her hand away from mine and more or less lunged herself at me. She wrapped her arms around my neck and pressed her face against the side of it while she squeezed me. "I love you so much," she whispered, her fingers moving through the back of my hair.

It got very quiet between us as she stayed in my arms, the two of us holding each other tightly. It wasn't an uncomfortable silence, rather something I think both of us needed. Just a little while to just be together.

"But maybe you _should_ let me go," her words came out quiet and shaky, her arms latching tighter around me. "I've brought so much chaos into your life. You shouldn't have to deal with this."

Even hearing her say that made my stomach go into knots. "I don't feel like you have," I replied, being totally honest. "I just want you. I don't care about what I have to deal with."

"I care, though," she said and I could feel moisture on on the side of my neck. "If it weren't for you, I would have lost my mind months ago. You've helped me through all of this. You shouldn't have to take on my problems especially when I go and add more because I can't deal with the ones I already have..."

She fell quiet again, though not as long as last time, and finally started to pull her arms away from my neck. She wiped the wetness away from her eyes and looked down at me. "I love you but I think that taking a break would be good for both of us," she said while reaching her hand out and cupping the side of my face.

I think I knew she was about to say something along those lines but hearing it still felt like a punch to the stomach. I stared at her, completely motionless, for more than a few seconds I think. "You can't be serious," I finally spoke. "I'm telling you that I don't care about any of the bullshit chaos or whatever. I just want you. I love you. Why can't we just be together?"

"I want you and I love you too, Phil. More than you know, but-" she sighed and shook her head, tears building up in her eyes again. "I need to sort my life out. I'm not dealing with anything that's happened. I'm just- ignoring it. That's all I've been doing this entire time. You make everything so much better. When I'm with you, it's so easy to forget my problems... but they're still there and when I'm not with you, or when I've had a little while to stop and think, they pile up on me, so I find some other way to forget them. Wine, chocolate, stupid tv shows, stress shopping... I need to face them so I can get over them."

Once again I found myself just staring at her blankly because I was having a very hard time processing what was happening and how I felt. The whole thing felt horrible and completely wrong.

"So, I get left behind even though I love you, would do anything for you, and have stuck beside you through every bit of this because I wanted to?" I asked, not really waiting for an answer after I said it. "I'm sorry but that's just bullshit."

I moved away from her and scooted off of the couch, shaking my head as I turned to look at her. "I knew. I knew when I saw you with him last night that something wasn't right. Any idiot would be able to see that but I guess I've just been hoping that you saying you've loved me all these years would be enough. Does having me not give you what you thought you wanted?" My voice was getting louder which is not like me but I had somehow gone from really hurt to quite angry in a matter of seconds. "You know what? I don't even care. Do what you need to do. I'm out of it."

I walked out of the room and towards the dining room where I'd dropped my jacket so I could get the hell out of there as soon as possible.

I saw her stumble to her feet and decided to focus my attention on the buttons of my jacket as she came towards me.

"You're taking this the wrong way. I don't know what you mean when you say that you knew, and that you saw something. The only thing you saw was me malfunctioning. You saw me, yet again, get so drunk that I didn't know which way was up and make a stupid mistake. If you really don't believe that I love you, then- you're absolutely ridiculous. I love you so much that I don't want to be selfish and continue to drag you through all of this. I don't want to not be with you, but I can't keep doing this. Please, try to understand. I don't want it to be like this forever. I just want to fix my problems."

"All I have done is understand!" I yelled, not even bothering to try to hold back. I was letting the fact that she was breaking my heart come out as anger instead of me being the sobbing mess I knew I was very close to being. "I'm expected to just be alright with this situation. I'm expected to believe that you kissing my best friend the day before dumping me was just you being too drunk. I mean, honestly? I can't believe this is even happening right now. I cannot believe that I have literally contemplated how I would propose to you before. What a fucking idiot I am, yeah?" I walked past her and towards the door, grabbing the handle before turning to look at her. "Good luck fixing your problems but don't expect for me to wait around being a miserable dumbass hoping that somehow you'll realize we should be together because that's not going to happen. You don't just turn your back on someone you love, someone who is more than willing to lend their support, just to fix your problems." I slammed the door behind myself and immediately reached into my pocket as I walked away to turn off my phone.

**Carmen's POV **

To say that I was pissed off would have been the understatement of the century. Because I was beyond pissed off.

I'm rational enough to understand why he might have been upset over me asking for a break, but I wasn't brainwashed enough to think that, even for a second, he had any right to speak to me the way that he had.

I went from feeling guilt and pain to the most intense anger I'd ever experienced. Part of me wanted to storm out of my apartment and slap him in the face. I'm actually surprised that part didn't win the war that was raging in my mind. I mean, it wouldn't be the first time that I slapped him and he definitely deserved it this time around.

Instead of following behind him, I stormed into my bedroom and grabbed a change of clothes before stomping into the bathroom.

Raging out in the shower probably wasn't the smartest idea. I was being quite hostile to myself while shaving, muttering swear words under my breath as I relived everything he just said to me. Of course that was when all of the good comebacks hit him and it made me even more angry because I couldn't say anything to him.

Well, I could have blown his phone up but that's psychotic girl territory, and as mental as I felt, I wasn't quite that bad off.

Once I was out of the shower I pulled out my suitcase from under my bed and started packing.

I had built a plan up in my head over the last couple of weeks but never thought I'd actually end up going through with it. It was something I'd put together over the times I'd had too much time alone to think- and now that Phil wasn't there to take my mind elsewhere, I was more than ready to commit to it.

And I mean, hey, if our relationship was ruined, I should at least make it worth it.

It didn't take long to have my bags packed. It wasn't the tidiest it could have been, but it was done. The only thing I needed to do that involved that plan was to call and book a train ticket and a flight.

The phone call took ages and I ended up snapping at the man on the line a few times, once because he simply said 'excuse me' to a bit of the information I had given him.

Once I had all of that taken care of, I got dressed and collected all of my things and sat them by the front door before I grabbed a banana out of the kitchen.

Juneau was sat by the front door waiting by the special bag I had packed for him. He was probably really confused and I was probably really pathetic for considering my dog's emotions.

I had my duffle bag thrown over my shoulder along with my purse and Juju's bag, his leash in one hand and the handle of my suitcase in the other.

What I was about to do was probably stupid, but I was going over to Dan's because I knew that's where Lydia was. I had to make things right with her before I could do anything else.

I took a cab to their flat because I didn't want to have to walk with all of my stuff. Juju got really excited when he saw their building and a part of me hoped that he would pee on their couch when we got inside.

I knocked on the door and waited around for someone to answer it.

"Oh you've got to be fucking kidding me," I heard Phil groan from the other side before the door opened revealing his very agitated looking face. "What do you want?"

I laughed as I looked up at him, shaking my head. "Not you," I said before stepping under his arm and letting myself inside. "I'm here to talk to my sister. If you could point me in her direction that would be great."

"No," he shook his head, shrugging before turning and walking away. I watched as he turned to go into his room and then slammed the door quite loudly.

"Feel free to chew on his shoes," I told Juneau as I unhooked his leash from his collar. I sat my bags down on the floor and started down the hallway, giving Phil's door the stink eye as I went by it.

"Asshole," I grumbled, rolling my eyes. I never knew someone I loved so much could make me so angry.

However, I had to focus on the task at hand, and that was making things right between Lydia and I.

I knocked on Dan's door and there was a long pause of silence.

"Phil?" I heard Dan ask.

"No.. It's Carmen," I responded, leaning in towards the door.

Again, there was another pause of silence, this one lasting longer than the first.

"Come in," Dan finally spoke up and I walked in to see Dan cuddled close to Lydia.

The anger towards Phil was gone as soon as I saw her and the guilt hit me all over again. Not having Phil was one thing, but the thought of not having her was something else. Something much worse.

"Hi," I swallowed the lump in my throat, looking only at Lydia now. "I was wanting to talk to you..."

Dan moved away from her before leaning down to kiss her lips and then made his way out of the room leaving us alone. Lydia sat up on the bed and patted the spot in front of her while giving me a small smile. "Come sit."

I took in a deep breath and stiffly walked towards Dan's bed and took the spot she had patted.

"I really don't know what to say, or how to begin to tell you how sorry I am over what happened. I promise, I didn't know what I was doing. I would never do that to you. Please believe me," I shook my head, tears burning at my eyes again. I think what made it a little more painful was the fact that Phil didn't believe me, and I was so worried that she wouldn't either. "I would never do anything to hurt you."

She nodded, tears filling her eyes as well. "I know you wouldn't," she said as she reached out and took my hand in hers. "It's okay. I just want to put it behind us."

"Me too," I nodded, my tears blurring my vision. "Everything is so screwed up right now and I feel like it's my fault. I'm going to do anything that I can to try and fix it though," I let go of one of her hands so I could wipe my eyes. "I was so afraid that you wouldn't want to speak to me," I sniffled, looking at her again. "I don't deserve you at all. I've screwed up so many times but I never thought I would do something to hurt the people that I care about the most.. I can't lose you again, though. I just-" By the time I got to what I was going to say next I just broke down and grabbed her shoulders, forcing her into a hug.

"Whoa, Carmen," she spoke sounding surprised as she pulled me closer to herself. "Calm down, sweetie. You're not going to lose me, ever. I promise you that. You're my sister. I already can't imagine life without you." She sniffled, rubbing my back as she held onto me. "Please don't cry," she said through her own tears.

"I'm trying not to," I definitely didn't sound like I was trying not to cry even though I was. "Everything is just crumbling down around me, though. Everything," I cried, squeezing her. "I know you're going through it too, I know I'm not alone in any of this but it feels like I have the weight of the world on my shoulders and I just keep doing things to screw it up even more."

"People fuck up, Carmy," she said as she pulled back to look at me. She reached out and wiped my cheeks off for me. "People tend to fuck up even more when shit is going crazy in their lives. I think that we qualify as people who have crazy shit going on in their lives. We're basically having a whole new reality created for us. We can't be expected to cope with it perfectly."

"I know," I nodded, rubbing my hand down the side of my face. "But the fact of the matter is that I haven't been coping with anything. I've steadily been ignoring everything that has been bothering me," I shook my head and let my hand fall to my lap. "I didn't see a problem with how I'd been handling things until I woke up this morning and realized what I had done..," I told her before I took in a deep shaky breath. "I'm going to leave for a little while. I have to sort my problems out before I mess anything else up."

"Wait, what?" she asked, her eyes wide as she stared at me with a scared expression on her face. "You're leaving? No. You can't just leave me here, Carmen." She started to cry again while she was speaking. "I can't do all of this without you," she continued, flailing her arms around referring to all of the craziness that was happening to us.

"I don't want to leave you, trust me. I don't, but there are things I need to do for myself, Lydia... I know how selfish that sounds. I want you to come but I feel like it would be so much more selfish to ask you to do something like this when you might not be ready for it, or want to deal with it," I told her, crying again. "We're so similar, but we're so much different at the same time. You're stronger than I am but you can only hold both of us up for so long before you start to fall too."

"I think I'm pretty much already at that point," she laughed humorlessly as she brought her hands up to wipe her cheeks. "Everything just keeps being so fucked up. I'm just tired of it. I'm actually just tired." She shook her head and looked down at her hands for a few moments leaving us in silence other than our sniffling. She finally looked up at me and tears were still in her eyes but she'd managed to control her crying a bit somehow. "Be safe and keep in touch, okay?"

"Of course," I nodded at her, leaning in to hug her again. I wrapped my arms around her shoulders and kissed the top of her head before pulling back. "Keep an eye on them for me?" I nodded towards the door. "They've been at it since last night."

"I'll see what I can do," she replied, rolling her eyes and laughing lightly. "I'm sure they'll get over it at some point."

"Probably. Dan seems more interested in making up, so Phil might be the one who needs a bit of a push, shockingly," I laughed, rolling my eyes as well.

Honestly, after what had happened between us earlier, it wasn't very shocking.

"I think they need to stop acting like 2 year olds but that's just me," she laughed. "It will all work out. That's what I keep saying to myself over and over to keep some sanity anyway."

"Right?" I laughed again as I moved to stand up. "Do you care to do me a huge favor? I need someone to watch Juju for me. I figured you'd be staying here more than at ours, so I brought him and some of his things. You have a key if he needs anymore food or anything."

She smiled and nodded. "Yeah, of course I will. No problem at all."

"Thanks," I smiled back at her. "I guess I'll go say bye to Dan and get over to the station to wait for my train. I'll call you though."

"Okay. Please, be careful and keep me updated. I love you," she said as she laid back down on Dan's bed and cuddled up to his pillow.

"Love you," I responded before turning and leaving Dan's room, shutting the door behind me.

I gave Phil's door the evil eye again as I walked by it, swearing at it under my breath even after I was in the lounge.

I saw Dan sitting on the couch and he looked up at me and tilted his head. "Well? Did you two work things out?"

"I think so," I nodded, offering him as much of a smile as I could muster. "She said she just wants to put the entire situation behind her. I want the same. I think we'll be okay."

He smiled at me and then moved to stand. "That's brilliant."

"Hey, I'm sorry for freaking out earlier and throwing tampons at you.. I just had a moment," I laughed weakly at myself.

"I figured as much," Dan laughed, walking towards me. "Don't worry about it. I would probably go bananas if people were fighting like that around me," he reached his arms out and I stepped into them to hug him.

"I'm glad you understand then," I said before letting go of him. "Take care of Lydia for me, alright?"

"So you're leaving then? I saw your luggage and assumed you were. Where are you going?" He asked, his eyebrows furrowed together.

"Home," I answered with a shrug. "Wherever that is."

He looked quite confused as he looked down at me, folding his arms. "Is Phil going with you?"

I laughed without really meaning to. "No. I don't see him going anywhere with me again," I shrugged. "I'd rather not talk about it," I said before he could say anything. "I'll be fine, though. Just look after my sister until I get back, okay?"

"Okay," he agreed, nodding at me. "Do you want me to help you with your things?" He asked, motioning towards my bags.

"No, I've got them. Just go take care of your girlfriend," I smiled before turning away and walking to pick up my things.

Dan opened the front door for me and a few seconds later I walked out of their flat.

I made it to the elevator before I started crying and suddenly I was very aware of how many times I'd cried while standing in that exact spot.

The doors opened and I stopped inside, my wet eyes focused on the wall outside until it disappeared.

At that point I was very aware of something else.

I was completely alone.


	23. That was Quick

**Dan's POV **

You know, fighting with one of your best friends sucks.

Fighting with your best friend who also happens to be your flatmate sucks even more.

But what takes the cake on the chart of suck is fighting with your best friend that you just so happen to work with.

Phil and I literally had not said a word to each other since our fight at Carmen's over a week ago.

There was so much tension and hostility between the two of us that we were hardly able to be in the same room for more than a few seconds, which had me a bit worried, as we were thirty minutes away from doing our radioshow.

How were we supposed to go on acting chummy when we didn't even want to breathe in the same air?

You see, by now with any other fight I would be to the point of not being able to be bothered over being mad anymore- but Phil just made it oh so easy to be pissed off at him.

Despite the fact that we hadn't exchanged a word, he was walking around being a complete twat.

I mean, going out of his way to be a twat.

Like now, for example, with him walking a good five meters ahead of me pretending that I'm not even behind him and he'd done this ever since we left our flat.

Honestly, everything that I had done and said to him aside- this was not normal behavior for Phil.

He didn't get angry, and even on the rare occasion that he did, he never stayed that way for long.

I was a bit worried about him, though I was more annoyed with him than anything else.

We arrived at the station and of course I was still trailing behind him.

When I walked through the doors I saw him stepping inside of a lift and I hurried towards it, expecting him to hold it for me.

He didn't.

Instead, he smiled at me as the doors shut in my face.

You see what I mean with calling him a twat?

The only person Phil wasn't being a twat to was Lydia, which wasn't too surprising but even she thought he was acting unlike himself.

Lydia had been putting on a pretty strong face but with everything that was happening, I knew things were really bothering her.

On top of the family stuff she had to deal with, she also had the fact that Phil and I were fighting, plus the fact that Carmen had gone MIA.

Seriously. None of us had heard a word from her since she left. Lydia got pretty worried after the first couple of days with no contact from her and ended up calling Carmen's parents to see if they had seen her.

Which they had.

They didn't say much about where she was or what she was doing, but let her know that she was fine and would be back to London soon.

I'm pretty sure Lydia was going a bit mental without her, even though she pretended like she was completely fine.

When the next lift came down, I stepped inside and pulled my phone out of my pocket, composing a text to Lydia.

**Gotta turn my phone off. I'll text you when I'm on my way home. Wish me luck! **

I was definitely going to need luck, or some strong drugs or alcohol to be able to do the next two hours.

I watched the screen on my phone turn black before putting it back into my pocket and a few seconds later the lift opened at the floor I needed.

I walked around the corner to where the receptionist was and saw Phil leaned over the counter, smiling down at the girl behind it.

I think I nearly wet myself from shock when he didn't instantly move away as I approached the desk to sign in.

"We should go out for some coffee sometime, yeah?" I overheard him speaking to her and my eyes probably bugged out of my head. Thankfully I was still looking down so she couldn't see my reaction to him.

"Oh, I'd love that!" she replied, giggling all flirty-like.

What the actual fuck was going on? I knew that he and Carmen definitely were not on good terms but it had only been a fucking week since she left. If Lydia left I would probably still be in bed trying to overdose on Maltesers or something.

Instead of listening in on the conversation I made my way into the studio where I greeted everyone as usual. I was checking out the plan for the day's show on our computer when Phil finally walked in. I didn't bother looking up at because I felt like if I did then I would have word vomit and ask him what the flying fuck was up with him hitting on some random girl like that. It was totally out of character even for single Phil.

"Alright, look," he spoke up. "We're going to have to just suck it up and try to act like everything is fine during this show because we can't fuck our jobs up. Is that possible for you?"

I started laughing.

_Is that possible for you? _

Are you fucking kidding me?

I looked up at him after opening up a tab for twitter and shrugged. I knew that this was one of those times where you can either take the high road or the low road.

"I'm not the one who's been walking around acting like a twat, so you should probably reflect and ask yourself that question."

Obviously, you can see which one I went with.

He took a deep breath and pinched the bridge of his nose for a second before stepping around me. "You are the most impossible person in the fucking world, I swear."

"Guys? You go on in 60 seconds." Our producer peeked his head in and I looked up at him to see that he was obviously noticing the tension in the room.

I nodded at the producer and moved away from Phil to pick up my headphones.

He stayed by the door watching us and I looked over at Phil as he approached my side.

"By the way," I began, sliding my headphones over one of my ears. "You're mistaking me with yourself. You're impossible. You're also shady."

"30 seconds," one of the tech guys informed us from the other side of the room.

"How the hell am I shady?" he asked, raising his voice since we both had our headphones on. "Not speaking to you does not equal me being shady. That's me avoiding having to interact with an arrogant ass."

I rolled my eyes. "I was actually referring to the fact that you asked some random girl out," I said while gesturing towards the door. "You avoiding me would make you my hero if you weren't such a cunt, so don't worry about that."

"Why the fuck is that any of your business, Dan? I mean, honestly. Are you that bored with your own life? Last I checked, my girlfriend left me after kissing you so I can ask out anyone I damn well please. I'm not going to lay around crying over someone who doesn't want me."

I looked up to see that the producer was shaking his head and waving his arms around like a crazy person.

"And also if I'm such a cunt then maybe you should think about packing your shit and getting out of the flat, yeah?"

The bright **On-air **sign was blinking and I knew that hundreds of thousands of people had just heard the last few things Phil had said.

The only thing I wanted to do more than scream at him was keep my job; knowing that I would most likely lose it if I responded the way I wanted to kept me from doing so.

I looked at Phil like he was nuts before looking at the camera and forcing myself to smile. "Woah. Someone is raging," I then forced myself to laugh. "Phil is having a bad reaction to the steroids he's on, and as you can tell, he's a bit angry with me because I _still _don't want to keep the mice that have infested our flat."

Phil looked like a deer in headlights and was suddenly much more pale than usual. He cleared his throat. "Sorry everyone. I had a bit of a Hulk moment. I just care too deeply for our furry little friends," he laughed.

"Much too deeply," I agreed. "He obviously values the little rodents more than our friendship," I looked over at him and shook my head. "Shame on you, Phil."

I glanced over at our producer and he had his arms folded across his chest, glaring back at us.

I had a feeling shit was about to hit the fan.

"How about we punish him with a little bit of Jedward?" I offered, reaching down to mess with one of the buttons. "While also rewarding him with an awesome video sent in by one of you guys."

There was a few seconds delay before music started playing and I slowly slid my headphones off.

"Oh, bloody hell. He's gonna kill me," I heard Phil groan right as the door to our studio flew open.

"What the actual fuck was all that about?" Our producer asked and I tried very hard not to laugh because he was trying not to look angry since we were on camera but he sounded incredibly pissed. "Phil, I've barely heard you utter the word fuck and you randomly say cunt on air?"

"I know. I'm so sorry. I wasn't paying attention and it'll never happen again," Phil explained.

"Let's hope not. I don't know what the hell is going on between the two of you but I suggest you figure out a way to keep it out of this building from now on," he told us before walking out, slamming the door behind himself.

I literally couldn't stop the laughter that started coming out of me as I looked over at Phil, who looked like he might have been close to pissing himself.

I knew I shouldn't have been laughing. His behavior directly affected both of us. But with how he'd been acting lately, I got a lot of joy out of seeing someone put him back in his place.

"Oh God. I'm going to end up murdering myself before this radio show is over with," Phil sighed, leaning down to check twitter on his laptop.

"Maybe you can do it on air," I continued laughing as I brushed by him to pick up the whiteboard and scribble something on it about going and requesting a song with the BBC radio 1 hashtag. "Also, I do like how your first solution to our problem is me packing up and moving out. Screw the last four years of our friendship, because you accidently snogged my girlfriend, but let's just ignore the fact that I punched you because I'm Phil and I'm a wanker."

"Shall I go kiss your girlfriend, mention fondling her or whatever, and then expect you to throw a ball of cotton candy and happiness at my face?" he asked. "Why on earth can you not understand how that made me feel? I don't care if it was a mistake. It does not change how it affected me, Dan. I'm not going to apologize for reacting the way I did. I just hope you never have to feel that way. I wouldn't wish that on anyone."

I sighed loudly and held a finger up. "Okay, first, I didn't fondle anyone. No idea where you even got that shit from. Second, though I will admit that I probably shouldn't have yelled out the fact that I kissed her years ago, you were acting like an idiot. You know that I can't tell them apart. I nearly snogged Carmen at the Christmas jumper party and you didn't try to bash my bloody face in then, so when you went batshit crazy at Chris', I reacted and I would have apologized a hundred times already had you actually let me. But no, you're walking around like you've literally got your head inserted into your own ass."

"I wouldn't let you apologize? Are you kidding me? You live in the same flat as me. You've been able to throw fucking insults at me and fight with me when we were interacting but you weren't able to apologize? All I've seen you doing is making up excuses and trying to make it out like my actions were uncalled for when you have no idea if they were because you don't have a clue of how badly I was hurt by what I saw. Ever since that night you've acted like you didn't have to apologize for what you did just because it was a mistake. When it's a mistake like that, you fucking apologize, Dan. I mean, honestly, I hope you haven't treated the situation like this around Lydia because there's some serious fucked up-ness going on in that deal if she's still with you after that."

"I'm acting like I don't have to apologize?" I said, looking at him like he was an idiot. "You punched me in the face and you're justifying it by going on about how hurt you were. Apparently having your feelings hurt makes it okay to go around acting like some lanky British version of the incredible Hulk," I laughed, throwing my arms out.

The next couple of words that came out were probably some of the lowest blows I could have given him.

"As far as Lydia goes, clearly I'm doing something right. I mean, Carmen skipped town after she talked to you. Perhaps she realized how much of a selfish cow you are and got out before you could bloody her face up."

I knew they were the lowest blows when I saw the look on his face go from anger to complete shock and then to what looked like devastation. "That was low, Dan. Even for you," he responded quietly as he slipped his headphones back on effectively ending the conversation.

**Lydia's POV**

Dan and Phil's radio show had been over for about 20 minutes but I was still sitting on the couch with the laptop on the table in front of me. The bottle of wine sitting next to it was nearly half gone and let me just mention that I didn't even open it until Phil managed to yell the word cunt within the first 10 seconds of them being on air.

I literally had to give myself a hefty buzz to handle the awkward train wreck that was the radio show that night. Bless them, they tried so hard after that slip up to act normal but I could practically hear the rage wanting to fly out of their faces at each other as they spoke. I hoped that I was the only one who noticed but I knew it wasn't very likely.

I wished more than anything that I wasn't alone in the apartment right then. I wanted Carmen to be there so we could be waiting to flip out on them together and have some sort of intervention but that wasn't the case. Hell, she wasn't even speaking to me.

Everything felt so fucked up. Well, everything apart from Dan and I and Phil and I. It seemed I somehow ended up being Switzerland in the middle of all of the madness going on in what was once our peaceful little world.

I missed all of us being together. I missed our movie nights and cooking together and drinking together.

Above all, I missed my sister.

I found it odd how you could go from not knowing someone existed for 22 years to not knowing how to function without them around you.

While trying to adjust to so many things including the fact that I knew I had a whole other family out there, I was also trying to adjust to living without the family I'd always known. I hadn't spoken to my adoptive Mom and Dad in...well, I honestly couldn't remember how long it had been.

I found myself feeling that odd feeling of not knowing where the hell I belonged anymore. My sister's apartment was too depressing because it reminded me of her and Dan and Phil's apartment felt like a fucking battlefield.

It looked like it might be a good idea for me to try to find a place of my own.

My phone ringing brought me out of my thoughts and I picked it up without looking at the caller ID because I fully expected it to be Dan letting me know he was on his way home.

"Yes sir?" I answered, taking a sip of my wine right after.

"Umm... Lydia?"

It wasn't Dan's, but I knew that voice.

It was my mom.

It took me a second to keep myself from spitting my wine everywhere. "Mom," I spoke up, sounding shocked. "Uh..Hi." Please, place the awkward crown on my head now.

I heard her sigh before the line went silent and for a few seconds I thought she had hung up. However the sound of what I knew to be her sniffling let me know that she hadn't.

"I know you aren't very happy with me right now, but I need to talk to you, Lydia," she began, speaking quietly and slowly. "Will you please hear me out?"

Could my brain handle hearing her out? Well, seeing as though it was probably floating in wine I supposed that it could. "Yes, go on," I said as I leaned over and picked up the bottle of wine to pour myself another glass. Something told me I was going to need it.

"I don't even know where to start," my Mom laughed. Something told me she may have had a bit of wine herself. "I'm so, so sorry about how I treated you the last time I saw you. I think back on it and I am so disgusted with myself. But I was so scared, Lydia," she sniffled. "I felt like I was losing you to them... She's your _real _family and I was jealous of that.. and that she's better for you than I am," she sniffled again. "Right now is a time that I need to be supportive of you, and it took so much for me to realize it... You didn't need me to scream at you and tell you not to go. I should have encouraged you to explore your relationship with Carmen... I should have congratulated you on your relationship with Dan instead of turning my nose up to him... I should have been there for you. There's so much that I wish that I could undo right now, but I know all I can do is ask for your forgiveness... I'm happy for you. So happy. You're living the life that you deserve, and the life that you want, and the only thing that matters to me is your happiness."

The room had gone blurry and it took a few seconds for me to realize that it was because tears were streaming down my cheeks. I guess I'd managed to push away the fact that even though everything was so screwed up with my parents and I, I missed them. Hearing her saying things that I honestly thought I would never, ever hear pulled that all out of the repression box, I guess.

"Thank you," I responded, my voice cracking as I wiped tears away from my cheeks. "I didn't even realize how badly I needed to hear all of that until you said it." I took a deep breath to get a grip on my emotions. For a brief moment I thought about the fact that I used to be a girl who never cried but over the past few months I was crying at the drop of a hat. "I am sorry for treating you and Dad the way I did. I was hurt and I've been going through so much. I let my anger get the best of me. I haven't known what to do with myself. Somedays I don't even think I know who I am anymore."

"The only reason you were hurt was because of us. I promise you, what you did and what you said- we drove you to it. Please, don't feel bad over it, okay?" It was very obvious that she was crying as she listened to me speak. "I understand... You know, you're lucky, though. You have a sister who knows you better than you know yourself. She knows what you need better than you do."

I thought about what she said which left me silent for a bit. The only interaction she had with Carmen was when we were all back at my old apartment and the big fight happened. So, how would my Mom know that my sister knew me so well?

"Wait, how do you know that she knows me so well, Mom?"

"The way she talks about you... The way she defended you both times I saw her," my Mom laughed weakly. "She knew that you needed to know that you have mine and your father's support. She literally showed up out of the blue to let us know just how much... It's a funny story, really. Blake let her in because she was pretending to be you. I thought she was you until she started at me. She can be quite frightening."

Of course they brought on a whole new batch of tears. "She came there?" I asked, not really needing to. I knew my Mom wouldn't lie about that. I was just shocked. "Wow. I can't believe she did that," I laughed even though I was crying. "I'm thankful that you talked to her. She's quite amazing, isn't she?"

"She didn't tell you she was coming?" She asked, sounding surprised. "She told me she'd be planning to for a while... I'm very thankful she stopped by and she's very amazing. She loves you a lot," she said, and from the tone of her voice I could almost see her smile.

The line went silent for a few seconds before she cleared her throat. "She told me about your brother... your family. I can't imagine what you're going through with that. Just know that you have my support no matter what you decide to do, and that I'm here for you if you need me in any way."

"Thanks, Mom," I responded, smiling. "You have no idea of how much that means to me. It's very weird. All of it is just so bizarre to me. I wish you could've seen the look on our faces when he told us he thought he was our brother. I never expected that to actually happen, ya know? When did my life decide to become a massive Lifetime movie?" I laughed.

"I'm trying to imagine your faces and I'm quite amused, actually," she laughed with me. "I know it's weird and scary, but most good things are, at first. I'm sure that with time and support from all of us who love you, you'll be in a better place with all of it. Just look at how far you and Carmen have come," Mom laughed again. "You went from freaking out over barging into her life to being the best thing to ever happen to each other."

"I know," I replied, nodding even though she couldn't see me. "I wish she wouldn't have left though. I understand why she did but ever since she left here I have felt completely lost. I mean, I know it's not smart to depend on anyone like that anyway but it's different with her. She's my sister, my twin. I feel like she's part of me and now she's gone and she won't answer my calls. I don't know how she is or anything." I was rambling through tears and I knew I probably looked like a snotty mess but for some reason I was finally comfortable enough to let all of my feelings fly out. I didn't want to burden Dan with any of it but I knew that despite our past, my Mom would be able to handle it.

"I'm so sorry," she sighed. "I can't imagine how much you're missing her right now... She seemed okay to me when she came by this morning, though. Well, after she stopped screaming at me," she laughed. "But keep in mind that she is in a different country, honey. She probably doesn't have cell service and her plane probably hasn't landed in New York yet, either."

I took a deep breath to calm myself down. Knowing that my Mom saw her and she was okay enough to cuss my Mom out made me feel way better. "Thanks for telling me that, Mom. Actually, thanks for calling and everything. I feel a lot better after talking to you. This at least takes some of the crazy out of my head, ya know?" I sighed before taking another sip of my wine. "I have missed you, believe it or not. How is Dad doing?"

"Thanks for listening," she responded. "I miss you so, so much. So does your Dad. We want to come visit you and your sister, sometime. If it's okay with you, of course. I'd also love to have a proper conversation with your boyfriend... Your Dad is okay.. preparing for his campaign..." She trailed off and I could hear glass clinking in the background. "I got you something. I can't mail it to you until tomorrow, but I think you'll like it."

"Mom, are you making a drink?" I laughed, knowing that it was either her or Dad. "And you know you don't have to send me things. But I know it's pointless to tell you that. I think it'd be great if you two came to visit. Or even just you if Dad can't make it. I would like for you to get to know Dan and see how amazing he is." I started laughing again. "I sound like one of those girly girls. Jesus on a boat."

"Jesus on a what?" My Mom laughed at me. "You don't sound like a girly girl.. You just sound happy. He must be something special, because no man has ever caught your attention, much less your heart. He was very cute, by the way," she sipped on whatever she was drinking before continuing. "Also, if Dad can't make it, I'll come alone. I don't mind traveling by myself and I just want to see you. It's been far too long since I have."

"He is incredibly cute, isn't he?" I giggled my drunk giggle which then made me straight up laugh at myself. "I've always had a thing for those british boys. I guess that's why all the lawyer types weren't appealing. Anyway, I hope you really will come. I think it'd be a good chance for us to sort of get to know each other all over again. Start fresh, you know? There's plenty we can do in London together and Dan could cook dinner for you one night. He's really great in the kitchen."

_And everywhere else._

"I would really love that, thanks. Maybe in the next few weeks we can pick a time that's good for all of you and I can come see you.. I must warn you, though. I might not want to leave. I've always loved London, and since you're living there now, well, it would feel more like home. " she started laughing again. "Oh, I just remembered... Now I don't want you to worry over this because you have enough to deal with, but Harvard sent you a letter. I didn't open it, but I believe they were kicking you out of their program. I called them and told them to kiss my ass in the kindest way possible, because you have so much going on."

"Wow, Mom. What the hell has happened to you?" I laughed. I was truly shocked. My Mom was someone who would never be able to fake the way she was being towards me during that conversation. She never felt as though she needed to be fake. She sort of demanded to be accepted as she was and that's how things were. So I knew that she was being sincere and it was mind boggling but also incredible. "I'm sure that's what the letter was about but, ya know, I'm not sure if I was ever cut out for that kind of work. Maybe I was before all of this happened but now I feel like a totally different person. I'm not sure what I want to do. I'll figure it out though."

"You'll find your place, sweetheart, when the time is right. Right now, though, you just need to keep doing what you're doing and focus on yourself. You deserve it. You've worked hard your entire life and I couldn't be anymore proud to be your mother."

Of course hearing her say that made me start crying again. "You have no idea of how much that means to me," I told her through my tears. "And I hope you know that no matter what's going on with me finding out about my biological family and regardless of what kind of relationship we've had in the past, you're my Mom and nothing can change that. No one can replace you."

"You know, I needed to hear that," she was crying. I could hear it in her voice. "Thank you. I know I've not been the best parent for you, so hearing that just- thanks," she sniffled. "I love you, Lydia."

"The past is the past and neither of us are perfect so let's not worry about it, okay? We're starting over. Let's just focus on that. Everything will be the way it should be."

I heard what sounded like Dan or Phil unlocking the front door and quickly wiped my cheeks even though I was sure it'd probably be obvious I was crying.

"Hey Mom, I think Dan just got home. Could we talk tomorrow or something?"

"Of course. Don't let me keep you. I love you, honey."

I was just sitting my phone down on Dan's bed when his door started to open.

"Hey," he said, smiling, however, after about two seconds of looking at me his smile fell and he paused in the middle of his room, wide eyed. "What's wrong? Did something happen?" He asked before starting towards his bed to sit down beside me, looking quite worried.

"Nothing bad happened," I told him quickly as I wiped beneath my eyes. "The exact opposite, actually. My Mom called me. Apparently Carmen went to see her and talked, or yelled, some sense into her. I swear it was like I was talking to a whole new person. She's completely supportive of everything I'm doing now." I laughed. "It's bizarre now that I really think of it."

Dan let out a loud sigh or relief as I explained myself and he went from looking worried to looking shocked. "Wait, what?" He tilted his head to the side. "I don't know what I'm more confused about right now. The fact that your Mum called or the fact that Carmen is the reason behind it. Did I miss the apocalypse too while I was doing the radio show?"

"Yes. We're the only ones left and we have to repopulate the world," I responded, rolling my eyes and laughing. "Apparently Carmen went to my parents' house before flying to New York. Mom said she seemed okay so that does make me feel better. She still isn't answering my calls or anything though. But I guess I need to give her time." I shrugged and turned to face him. "Could your radio show have been anymore awkward? I mean, wow. That was painful, babe."

"Ughhhhh," he groaned and rolled his eyes. "It was horrific, from start to bloody finish. Talking to him was so uncomfortable because between the talking parts of the show where we were pretending to be chummy, we were arguing."

"I really hate seeing you two like this," I replied while reaching out and taking his hand in mine. "But, I have to admit that I cracked up laughing when I heard Phil yell cunt. I couldn't help it." I started laughing again remembering it. "Do you think I should tell him that I know where Carmen is or should I leave that alone?"

"Well..." Dan tilted his head, lacing our fingers together while looking down at our hands before letting his gaze meet mine. "About that. I overheard him asking this girl who works at the station out for coffee. So, I really don't know."

"What?" I pretty much shrieked. "You have got to be kidding me right now. She's only been gone like a week!"

"That's exactly what I thought, but no, I'm being completely serious," he told me, shaking his head like he couldn't believe his own words. "I don't know what to tell you do. I don't even know what I'm going to do. I can't keep doing this, you know? And he seems so stuck on the way he's seeing what happened. He won't listen to anything I try to say."

"Maybe he just needs more time. I think he's just seriously fucked up over losing Carmen and seeing her with you the way he did. I'm not saying he's justified in acting the way he has but I'm just trying my best to see it from everyone's point of view so I can help this be resolved if I can." who

He sighed and fell back on the bed with his head on my lap. "Maybe," he shrugged. "I know I'm not helping the situation at all but he expects me to take the role of the bad guy here and I'm not going to. I know everything I did was wrong but-" he groaned. "I'm just going to get myself worked up and pissed off of I keep talking about it, so I'm done."

He raised his hands up to my face and pulled me towards him until our lips touched. After giving me a kiss he let go of my cheeks and smiled. "I love you."

I kissed him back, smiling against his lips. "That's something I'll never get tired of hearing, just so you know. I love you too. Everything will be okay...I hope..eventually."

He started laughing. "You sound so sure of it," he told me, rolling his eyes playfully. "Until then, I've got you to help keep me sane."

"Yes you do," I grinned. "And I've got you to keep me sane as well. Thankfully. I think I'd be in a loony bin without you."

"No idea where I'd be right now without you," Dan responded, shaking his head. "But I'm thankful I have you, because I like where I am right now."

"I happen to like where you are too." I leaned down and kissed his lips again. "I could just trap your head between my thighs if I wanted to," I laughed.

"Oh! Please do," Dan wiggled his head around, "I wanna eat that pusssssaaaaaaay."

Phil's POV

_3 days later_

I was sat on the tube on my way home feeling like a total douche bag which was pretty damn stupid because it wasn't like I was even with Carmen anymore. I highly doubted she would even care if she found out I'd just gone out for coffee with another girl.

But, I still felt completely wrong.

The girl was incredibly nice, gorgeous, and smart. But she had one major flaw and that was the fact that she was not Carmen.

Everything in my life felt completely fucked up which was because it was completely fucked up. The only woman I ever loved was gone and my best friend couldn't stand the sight of me. Lydia hadn't managed to find a reason to hate me yet but it was hard to spend much time with her because she was with Dan all the time and also it's sort of difficult to be around someone who looks exactly like someone you miss so much.

For some reason I thought that going to coffee with the new girl would help me get past everything. I guess I hoped that by some random miracle I would find someone else who would take the pain that was making me feel like a pathetic twat away. I hadn't realized how stupid that was until I was on the way home though. I just hoped I didn't manage to lead the other girl on.

When I got home I walked into the living room to see Lydia sitting on the couch doing something on the laptop. I was relieved to see that she was alone.

"Hey!" she smiled up at me. "I was wondering where you ran off to."

"Oh, nowhere," I replied as I slipped my jacket off. I'm sure she knew about me asking someone out for coffee but I wasn't comfortable telling her about it just yet. I didn't want to give her a reason to hate me.

"Come sit. I've been bored. I was hoping you'd be around today." She closed the laptop and patted the spot next to her on the couch. I slipped my shoes off and walked over to take a seat next to her.

"So, how are you doing?" she asked. "And I want the truth."

The truth? I laughed. "I don't even know that I know what the truth is when it comes to that," I shook my head. "I'm just sort of here, I suppose. Nothing really feels right these days."

"That's understandable," she nodded, sighing. "I've sort of felt the same way but I feel like I've had the advantage since I do have Dan. I wish I could just fix everything for all of you."

"You can't do that," I replied, smiling at her. "We all have to fix things for ourselves, I suppose. But I have no bloody idea of how to do that."

"Well, I think that attempting to fix what's going on with you and Dan would be a great start."

"I knew you were going to say that," I laughed. "But you know it's not that easy."

"Because both of you are so fucking stubborn. I swear. It's worse than two chicks fighting," she rolled her eyes, laughing.

"We are stubborn," I laughed. "I just don't think he gets where I'm coming from."

"You might be right. Like I told him, I'm not taking sides here. I'm trying to see this from your point of view as well as his so I can try to help. But I think you might be letting your anger and pain over the whole thing sort of control how you've been dealing with the situation with Dan, ya know? I mean, yeah, he kissed your girlfriend and it fucking sucked. But I think we both know it was really a mistake and everything going on right now is much bigger than what happened at Chris' party so you need his friendship more than ever, ya know?"

"Damn, Lydz. You should think about being a therapist or something," I laughed.

"I'm serious, Phil," she laughed as well. "You should really think about all of that. None of this is worth losing such a strong friendship over."

I knew she was right. Everything she said was right. But just fixing things was so much easier said than done.

"I've wanted to fix things with him several times but it seems like everytime I want to he manages to say something that makes me just wanna slap the hell out of him."

She laughed. "I'm not shocked by that. But I think you're just going to have to try to ignore whatever sass he throws at you. He does that because he's not good with talking about feelings and all that shit. I know this because I tend to be the same way."

"You're probably right," I nodded. "Thanks for

trying to help out. I know you've got a lot of shit going on in your own world."

"You're my best friend, Phil. I don't care what I've got going on. I've always got time for your shit too," she nudged me playfully but then her facial expression got more serious and she ran her fingers through her hair like she did when she got nervous. She turned towards me on the couch before speaking again. "I didn't know for sure if I needed to tell you this but I feel like I should."

That's never a good way to open something up.

"My Mom called me the other night and that was pretty shocking as I'm sure you know. But what was more shocking was when she told me that Carmen was the reason she called me."

"What?" I asked, completely confused.

"Carmen went to my parents house and talked to my Mom. I guess she didn't want me and my parents to be on bad terms. Anyway, Mom said that she seemed okay and she was on her way to New York."

I didn't really know what to say to that. It was a big relief to know that she was okay because I knew Lydia hadn't heard anything from her but it also stung a little. Okay, it stung a lot. It made me think of the last time she was in New York because she was with me and it had been such an amazing trip. I would've given anything to get that back.

"Thank you for telling me," I replied, forcing a smile. "You don't have to be scared to talk about her around me. I can handle it. I know you miss her too."

"I do," she sighed. "But, I don't want to make things harder for you. I know that being in a flat with someone who looks exactly like her can't be the easiest thing for you."

"Well, not exactly like her. I am the one who can tell you two apart, remember?"

"Good point," she laughed. "Seriously though, think about fixing things with Dan and hopefully everything with Carmen will work itself out very soon. I think she just has so much more to sort out in her head because of how much her life has changed. I know she would never have hurt you intentionally."

"Right," I nodded, clearing my throat. "Well, how about we get some food? I'm starving."

**Carmen's POV **

_Phil, _

_Today is the big day. I'm finally going to find out if Silas really is my brother. I feel like I already know that he is, though. _

_This afternoon he's going to take me to visit where he lived when he was little and I guess where I kind of lived too. _

_I miss you a lot today and I wish you were here. _

_I'll be home soon. I love you. _

I folded the piece of hotel paper up and looked around on the bed for my purse, which was hidden somewhere under a mess of clothes, wires, camera things and bedding.

Since I was already trying to sort so much of my life out, I should probably try to do the same with my organizational skills at some point too.

I mean really, my hotel room was a mess.

Finding my purse under my laptop, I opened it up and pulled out a pretty big make up bag and started to unzip it.

It didn't have any makeup in it, instead a bunch of folded pieces of paper which were all little notes I'd been writing to Phil since I'd left almost two weeks ago.

I think it made me feel like I was communicating with him even though I wasn't. I wasn't communicating with anyone.

Well, no one I should have been communicating with, apart from Silas.

I missed my sister so much. When I left London I didn't realize how much I actually wanted and _needed_ her around now.

But I guess I was trying to protect her? I'm not sure. I just felt like she had enough things to deal with, even though most of what I had been off doing involved her in some way.

I felt a little guilty, going behind her back.. but again, I was just doing what I thought was right. Like going and visiting her parents.

No matter how badly they might have treated her, she needed their love and support. Just like I needed love and support from my Mum and Dad.

Seeing my parents helped me deal with so much and I was finally to the point of no longer being angry at them for keeping so much from me for so long. So I knew that if Lydia's parents just tried to make things right with her, it would help her too.

What I was doing now, though, well, I guess I was doing it for myself.

I'd been in New York for about a week and a half and I'd spent everyday with Silas.

The first few days consisted of him giving me a proper tour of the city and the two of us just hanging out, getting to know each other without involving all of the serious stuff that I came to face.

Of course that couldn't last forever and I had to actually start to deal with everything and focus on why I'd come there to begin with.

All of that started off with a nice DNA test.

I mean, we probably should have thought of getting actual proof from the beginning, but who had time to think like a rational person? I for one, was too busy freaking out.

Our search for concrete evidence didn't stop there, though. We tried going to the adoption agency my parents had gone to but since the adoption was closed, they couldn't tell us anything.

I did however get my birth certificate from my mum, which had the name of the hospital I was born at on it.

Silas and I went there... Honestly, I have no idea why. It was my idea to go, but I didn't go looking for any answers to anything. I just went.

I probably looked like a baby snatcher when I stood outside of the nursery. I didn't really see any of the babies that were there. I was actually trying to imagine Lydia and I laying in there together.

For whatever reason, it helped, being there.

I felt like little pieces of my life were finally starting to come together for me, and I could feel the tiniest bit of relief.

However, there was one massive piece missing, and that piece was Phil.

I wanted him there with me so badly, and I felt like such a fool for what I had asked for.

A break.

What was I even thinking?

Well, I knew what I was thinking. I was thinking the two of us not being together was for the best. I mean, the things he was saying to Dan about what had happened, how disgusted he looked and sounded... He had to have felt that way about me too. I thought it would give him a chance to get over it...

Truthfully, I didn't know if he was over it. I left London with the intention of not caring because of how he had talked to me the last time I saw him.

But all of my anger had been exhausted and now I just felt miserable.

I wanted to talk to him, but with how bad things had gotten between us, I knew that if I did, I needed to be there with him.

I just hoped that he hadn't meant what he said about not waiting around for me.

After zipping my bag and putting it away I went on the _lets find my cell phone in all of this mess_ adventure, because I could hear it beeping from wherever it was hiding.

I swatted the covers back with no avail then started throwing clothes around. By the time everything that had been on my bad was on the floor I realized that my phone was in my bloody pocket.

I unlocked the screen to see new Twitter notifications, one of which was a DM from Silas. I read over it to see that he had sent me a quick message letting me know what time to meet him to find out the DNA results. Since I had some time to burn I started picking up the massive mess I'd managed to make before taking a shower.

A couple of hours later I was walking down a busy street, holding my camera up because I was filming my trip.

Literally, the whole thing. I guess I was trying to do a poorly made documentary. I'm not quite sure, but I'd been filming everything since I left London. I'd even filmed meeting up with Lydia's parents, which was probably going to be the highlight of it all for anyone who might watch it one day.

"Now I'm on my way to meet Silas to get the DNA results... I'm a little nervous, a little excited, and really missing Lydia right now. I feel like she should be a part of this," I talked to my camera.

The place that I was meeting Silas at was only a few blocks from the hotel I was staying at; I'm not going to lie, I thought about ditching him more than once but before I could talk myself into it I was standing out of the building.

I took in a deep breath and looked from my camera, to the doors, and back again. "Here goes nothing," I said before turning my camera around and heading inside.

I met up with Silas, who was waiting for me inside of the office we had gone to earlier that week, looking just as nervous as I felt.

"Hey," he greeted me with a smile, standing up to hug me. "I was worried you weren't going to show."

"Me too," I laughed, hugging him back. "But I'm here and I'm ready," I said, turning the camera on him.

"You're still filming?"

"You just said filming," I laughed.

"You're rubbing off on me," he grinned, taking a seat.

I sat down beside him and moved my camera around, getting a view of the room. I stopped on the desk across the room where the girl behind it was watching us, grinning.

She stood up from her chair and I saw that she was holding a pretty big envelope as she looked between us. "Silas Quick and Carmen Kensington?"

Silas and I looked at each other then at the lady and slowly started to stand and walk towards her. I tried holding my camera still but my hands were shaking.

"Whew," I sighed. "My heart feels like it's trying to make an escape via my ass."

Both Silas and the woman started laughing. "Mine too, I think," Silas smiled. "Are you ready?"

I nodded. "I am ready."

We both looked at the woman who was still looking between us. "Who should I give it too?" She asked, moving the envelope around.

We glanced at each other.

"You take it," I motioned towards the envelope of destiny. "I'll read them after you."

"Why do I have to read them first?" he asked, laughing.

"Because... I can't," I replied, shaking my head.

Silas sighed and gave me a look before reaching out for the envelope.

The woman handed it over and my nervousness increased ten-fold.

He stared down at it then over at me and took in a deep breath. "Moment of truth."

I watched over the top of my camera as he opened it up and pulled out a single piece of paper.

He looked down at it blankly; his only reaction was a nod before looking at me and offering me the paper.

My heart felt like it was sinking. I knew from the look in his eyes... I didn't even need to see the results to know the truth.

He wasn't my brother.

All of this was a bust.

It took a lot to look away from him and down at the paper in my hand but when I finally did-

"Oh my God," I gasped. "It's true then..." I looked up at him. "You're really my brother. Oh my God."

I could feel my eyes start to burn and I knew I was very close to tears. "You knob! You looked like you were disappointed!" I shoved him and started laughing.

"Hey! I didn't wanna give it away. I wanted you to be surprised," he laughed, putting his arm around my shoulder.

"Oh, I was surprised alright," I rolled my eyes, wrapping an arm around him to hug him again. "I can't believe this. Well, I mean, I can believe it, but I just- we know for sure now. This is huge."

"I know!" He agreed. "Do you want to go celebrate what I hope is good news?"

"This is great news," I told him, pulling away to look back down at the paper. Honestly, the only thing I wanted to do was call Lydia. She needed to know this, but I still hadn't figured out how I was going to tell her that I was here doing all of this to begin with, so it was going to have to wait.

We stayed and talked to the woman who had given us the results for quite a bit, explaining our story to her and how Silas and I had met.

It felt so surreal, all of it. I mean, honestly, deep down I already knew he was my family, but knowing for sure was just... wow.

We decided to go have lunch and a bit of wine before continuing on with our plans for the day, which was Silas taking me to the flat he lived in as a child.

We were about a block away from the restaurant that Silas had picked out for us when his phone had started ringing.

"Hello?" He answered, glancing down at me. "Yeah... Why? Oh, I don't see you? I thought you were still out of town." He looked around as we walked. "No, really that's not a good idea, I'm busy."

I was really confused about the conversation he was having but what caused my concern was the look on his face as he stared straight ahead of where we were walking.

My gaze followed and fell upon a man that looked very familiar very fast.

Was that-

"Dad, hey," Silas greeted him.

Dad.

Dad?

_DAD_?

"Dax?" I blurted out, staring up at him with wide eyes.

He didn't notice me until then because I had been trailing behind Silas, but he looked down at me, confused. "Carmen?" He glanced up at Silas and then back down at me. "I didn't know that you knew my son. How odd. I thought you would be back in London by now."

"You two know each other?" Silas looked between us, confused.

"We met a couple of months ago. What I'm curious about is how you two know each other," Dax laughed.

Silas and I just kind of gawked at each other for a few seconds.

"We just met," I lied. "Well, earlier this week. I'm back in town.. filming a few things for my Youtube channel. Your son offered to show me around a little after I got lost on the tube."

"Oh, well that was nice of you Silas," he said, raising an eyebrow at him before looking at me. "Where's Phil?"

"Uh... he's back in London," I replied. "He has a lot going on so he couldn't come with me."

"Well, tell him I said hello when you speak to him," Dax smiled. "I won't keep you two. I was just heading home from getting take out," he explained, holding up a paper bag. "Silas, behave yourself," he gave him a stern look before grinning and patting his shoulder. "Carmen, enjoy your stay."

"I will, Dax."

I mean, _Dad_.

I watched Dax walk away and continued to stare in that direction.

I'd met my biological father. Twice.

Are you fucking kidding me?


End file.
